Insert Column Name Here — Damnation, Where’s My Akroma?

Let us discuss, briefly, the nature of being a writer first and a player second.

Some folks (including the guest staying at my house that weekend) were surprised that I went with W/U/g over a R/U/G pool for last week’s deck. And that’s actually a pretty valid complaint with the build; after all, going with R/U/G gets you a dragon, whereas the W/U/g version does not. And the Red was arguably stronger than the White, featuring both reusable removal, actual removal, and a couple of Brute Forces.

But there’s a reason why I went with a heavy White. And I’m not sure if it’s a good one.

See, I’m two separate players.

Player #1 is Tournament Guy: You know him. He’s probably you. You go to PTQs, you play seriously, and hopefully at the end of the day you wind up with a winning record. You value each card in terms of how it will win you the game.

Player #2, which most of you do not contain, is Writer Guy. And Writer Guy doesn’t mind losing.

See, Writer Guy’s whole job is not necessarily to win, which is nice but not necessary, but to evaluate. It’s kind of like Mike Turian once said in a long-ago article called “Rare X”:

“[A rare] can be a very powerful spell or one that does virtually nothing… But how many times have you had the opportunity to play it? How many times has it been cast against you? How good do you think it is?

“It is very difficult to rate a card like Harsh Mercy. There are a hundred and fifteen rares in Onslaught, so you will only see a Harsh Mercy in your draft about once every ten times. Since it will often not be maindeck playable, you may have to draft twenty or thirty times before you have a chance to play against it, let alone with it….

“If you have the opportunity to draft a rare or a common in a fun or practice draft, often taking the rare is better – even if it might be a worse pick. Taking and playing a weird card like Force Bubble will at least be a learning experience, and potentially it will win you a game.”

Note what Mike is saying here. If you’re going through a new set, it’s often better to risk losing a game or two because in the act of exploring, there must be experimentation. Otherwise, you may wind up ahead on wins, but behind on knowledge, and who knows how much that will cost you in the long run?

The tiebreaker for what color combination I’ll go for when I’m Tournament Guy is, hands-down, power. If I’m not playing with a single new card, good. I want familiar things, rares with power, and a good curve. That’s all.

The tiebreaker for Writer Guy?

Newness.

Yeah, I know that Calciderm is probably good, but how good? Do I like Whitemane Lion as much as I thought I did? Yeah, Shaper Parasite’s insane, but how insane can I make it?

My goal is to have something new to say about a set of cards, which is often at odds with winning. And this week, when I looked at last week’s cards with PTQ eyes, the choice was entirely clear. And different.

I’m not sure which one is actually best for writing, though. Perhaps it’d be better to mold my cards more in the form of victory and have less to say here, which would probably be a truer exercise in deckbuilding. But then I wouldn’t know the cards nearly as well, which would make this much less exciting.

I’m torn. And really, I probably should decide. Or just build two separate decks. Fortunately, this week, my stars aligned so that both halves came together to agree…. With one exception.

Here’s my pool:

Sealed Deck Pool

Ferrett Steinmetz

Test deck on 03-18-2007

Time Spiral Limited

Creatures (59)

Lands (1)

1 Terramorphic Expanse

Spells (23)

White
Solid Playables: Akroma, Angel of Wrath, Amrou Scout, Amrou Seekers, Aven Riftwatcher, Celestial Crusader, Griffin Guide, Pallid Mycoderm, Sunlance, Saltfield Recluse, Temporal Isolation, Whitemane Lion

What is it with me and strong white? Right here, in this pool, we have:

Akroma.
A small Rebel chain consisting of Amrou Seekers, Saltfield Recluse, and Amrou Seekers, all fetchable with Amrou Scout.
Akroma.
Celestial Crusader, who given the strong White here will probably help me more than it will my opponents.
Akroma.
Griffin Guide, which turns anything into a flier with card advantage built-in, as you could probably have doped out yourself if you had, you know, read the card.
Akroma.
Pallid Mycoderm, which is a kind-of solid playable; it’s one of those cards that, depending on space, I can take out, but I’ll always sideboard it in against any aggressive Red or Green-based deck where my four-drop will most likely be able to stave off theirs.
F**cking Akroma.

Okay, perhaps the multiplayer, stupidly-likes-to-play-with-big-creatures part of me is coming out. But I have heard tell through the grapevine that Akroma is kind of a win condition, assuming you can get to eight mana, which hopefully I should be able to do here. So unless two of the other colors here are better, which is doubtful, Akroma – I mean White – is going to make the maindeck.

Blue
Solid Playables: Careful Consideration, Crookclaw Transmuter, Errant Ephemeron, Ovinize, Shaper Parasite (check that – two Shaper Parasite), Temporal Eddy, Veiling Oddity

Let’s discuss some of the also-rans here:

While I really like Wistful Thinking, I realize that it can be kind of a substandard card. This is debated a little right now; I’ve heard some arguments that this is super-strong in Two-Headed Giant Limited, where card advantage is the play of the day, but I don’t know about that. I know I like it, but that does not make it good.

I also don’t think that Merfolk Thaumaturgist is solidly playable, though he’s definitely nice with Saltfield Recluse… Or so I hear. I’ve had this purported mini-combo in not one, but two decks now, and in over fifteen matches I have yet to see the two of them turn up together and go to work. They seem to despise each other; I imagine them in my deck:

“The Recluse just went on-deck, Phil.”

“Oh, for God’s sakes… Do I have to get up there with him? He’s a recluse. He never showers. He smells like body odor and salt.”

“You smell like salty fish, Phil. You’re a goddamned merman.”

“Yeah, but on me it works. Listen, I know I’m supposed to be drawn next, but would you mind going ahead of me? I just hate working with that guy.”

“Oh, all right.” {clambers up} “Okay, by the time he draws you, the game will be over. Sleep well, little buddy.”

Incidentally, Ovinize is every bit as crazy-good as it looks. Generally, barring combat tricks after you cast it, it reads “Trump target trick: you win this combat.” It also, in a pinch, shuts down some triggered effect you don’t want to see happen (usually making sure that a creature isn’t going to do something nutty on the way to the graveyard).

Oh yeah – two Shaper Parasites make a strong case for this in Blue. Plus, we have a Slipstream Serpent to make sure that our opponents won’t target every morph they see (and yes, that is foreshadowing). So with incredible power in Blue and White, can the other colors compete?

Red
Solid Playables: Empty the Warrens, Flowstone Channeler, Grapeshot, Magus of the Arena, Mogg War Marshal, Stingscourger, Subterranean Shambler, Word of Seizing

Hmm. Is Word of Seizing a bomb? I’m pretty sure I read that somewhere, and Internet columnists are never wrong. That said, I know I like the ability to steal someone’s best toy and have them be able to do nothing about it; that’s nice.

So, too, is the Magus of the Arena, which I’ve seen clean up quite a few matches on its own. It’s slightly pricey, but that lovely 5/5 body can swing a lot of times in the pit to take out smaller men and then charge itself. Card advantage is good.

And, of course, we have Storm-o-Riffic cards. But are they as good as Akroma and double-Shaper Parasite?

I dunno, man. It’s good. But not that good. It’s not “double-Stingscourger” good, which is a scary, scary deck. (Thank God this is just the prerelease week.)

Note to Self: Is Fury Charm solidly playable? The head says no, since only one of the modes is always useful. But I must play more.

Black
Solid Playables: Deathspore Thallid, Evil Eye of Urborg, Midnight Charm, Trespasser il-Vec

A lot of cards ridin’ the fence here. Spitting Sliver isn’t terrible, and Nightshade Assassin’s good if I have a lot of Black, and even Blightspeaker can be good to fetch Rathi Trappers. But none of them quite fit the definition of, “If I’m in that color, I’ll almost always be playing them.”

On the bright side, my love of Midnight Charm knows no bounds. It kills little guys! Futzes with combat! In a worst-case scenario, it staves off your impending doom for a turn! The fact that it offs little guys makes it more fun for me than Dawn Charm, even if I think Dawn Charm’s crazy gooder than the Black Charm.

Green
Solid Playables: Citanul Woodreaders, Durkwood Tracker, Essence Warden, Herd Gnarr, Mire Boa, Pouncing Wurm, Uktabi Drake

I’m not sure whether Keen Sense is any good. It looks good, but it involves being on a creature, which is always a drawback (especially in a color that’s not particularly good at being sneaky). Is that a solid playable?

Evolution Charm. Doesn’t really affect the board all that much, but it can thin your deck and recur bad guys, and occasionally cause your dudes to leap into the air on freshly-spun wings for the kill. Is that a solid playable?

Utopia Vow. It neutralizes your opponent’s biggest dude, but fixes his mana. That’s usually good, but sometimes it can backfire, especially when he’s had problems making his splash. Is that a solid playable?

Magus of the Candelabra. It causes a lot of lands to untap. Is that a solid playable?

I honestly don’t know, except for the Magus, which I’m reasonably sure sucks unless you have something crazy like an Arena or something.

Essence Warden, in case you have not gotten the memo, is very good, routinely getting you lots of life – I’ve seen as much as fifteen in an extended game, and of course the game is extended because your Warden is making you harder to kill. It’s especially nutzz0r in Two-Headed Giant. And who wants to waste their spells on it?

The Rest
Solid Playables: Oros, the Avenger, Terramorphic Expanse

Wow. That’s a big dragon. And a nice one, too. Too bad it’s only in one of our two solid colors thus far. But we do have a Terramorphic Expanse….

And here is where my Writer Guy and my Tournament Guy match up.

Writer Guy: “You know, one of the things that you’re supposed to do in Sealed Deck is to go for power over consistency. Sometimes you have a sucktastic mana base, but when you win you win big. We should try that!”

Tournament Guy: “God, the mana on this will be awful, and we’ll lose some games to that, but I just can’t pass up a dragon with that kind of power – especially when White guys are the bulk of the deck.”

But then Writer Guy and Tournament Guy butt heads.

Writer Guy: “Word of Seizing. That’s supposed to be really good. You’ve had it played against you, so why not play it with the Red splash?”

Tournament Guy: “My mana base sucks hard enough. Wedging in a two-Red mana spell on the splash is not recommended.”

Writer Guy: “But weren’t you just saying that you should go for power over consistency?”

Tournament Guy: “Um, no. That was you.”

Writer Guy: “So it was! But don’t you think you should cram in the maximum power?”

Tournament Guy: “At the cost of losing to this mana base even more?”

Writer Guy: “Aw, come on! Be a sport! What other Red spells are worth splashing?”

Tournament Guy: “Magus.”

Writer Guy: “So you want to splash two double-Red spells?”

Tournament Guy: “I want to. I didn’t say it was a good idea.”

Writer Guy: “Just splash the one. You’ll be fine. And even if you’re not, you’ll know, right?”

Yeah, so I went with it.

Realistically, I probably should have dropped the Word of Seizing for either a second Red spell (in a rotating sideboard slot, like Hammerheim Deadeye or Subterranean Shambler), or just thrown in the Pallid Mycoderm for defense. But I wanted to see, and what I saw was that for every time I cast it, I had two times where I got it stuck in my hand and couldn’t get it out.

That said, I want the Grapeshot; it kills some guys dead when you need them, and aside from the Sunlance we don’t have a lot of direct removal. I can triumph in combat, but a Rathi Trapper’s something I’m helpless against.

So how’d it do? Well, that’s ugly.

For one thing, there was some ugly luck: Literally. In five of the matches-that-count, I drew Akroma once. And then I had to discard her because the Careful Consideration wasn’t giving me the stuff to play her (two Shaper Parasites, Akroma, Temporal Isolation), and then I never saw her the rest of the games.

That kind of hurt.

Still, I won the first match handily on the back of some crazy double-Parasite action, then lost the next one to – you guessed it – manascrew in consecutive games, wherein I got land-light draws after a mulligan to five and then just had the wrong mana for everything I drew in the second game. (There’s a case here to be made for going to eighteen lands, which may have been the right call, but I felt that with the Careful Consideration and the abundance of removal to stall the game, I could get to it.)

The third match was a surprisingly long game – it was against a heavy U/B/r deck that killed a lot of my stuff, but I eventually managed to get my Oros down (and keep him down after he got bounced twice, stealing a lot of my tempo), and then blew his side of the board out when I finally got through. That one got won.

The next match was a long game against a B/R deck. I was winning, ahead on life and creatures in the third game (after dying to Manascrew in the second), and when he was down to five and facing certain death in three turns, he unflipped….

Akroma. The other Akroma. That one that has protection from, well, pretty much everything in my deck. And she killed me in two turns. Bleah.

The fifth match, I was ready to go against. It was another G/R deck, and I got down my Mycoderm to block in the third game (he double-Stingscourgered me, if I recall correctly, in the second), and just as I was about to take control he unmorphed…

Yeah, you know the drill. Akroma #2. My own Akroma was on a smoke break, but the other Akromae? Oh, they were just showing up all over the damn place. And so I lost again, without even the chance to sideboard.

From now on, I’m just gonna kill all the morphs I see. Just shoot ‘em. Because you know, they could be Akromas.

The Weekly Plug Bug:
Tanner is trapped in the bathroom, drunk and helpless as his ex-girlfriend Ann demands to have revenge sex with him. And poor Tanner has just had a revelation about his life… But he’s not strong enough to resist his ex-girlfriend, not yet. But help comes from unexpected sources in this week’s Home on the Strange….

Signing off,
The Ferrett
TheFerrett@StarCityGames.com
The Here Edits This Here Site Here Guy