Hallelujah! I have seen the light!
All these years I’ve been going about things the wrong way.
For too long I’ve been obsessed with thoughts of carnage and chaos and how to better inflict pain on my fellow man. I just didn’t see the big picture. When I think of all the years I’ve wasted on top-secret labs, genetically engineered killer rabbits, indestructible rampaging robots, and virulently explosive viruses I feel the urge to hang my head in shame.
So much potential, wasted. So much intellect, thrown away in the pursuit of implausible endeavors. So much… inefficiency.
My heart weeps.
If only I’d seen the light earlier.
To think I’d written off the do-gooders and agents of law as a bunch of namby-pamby weaklings. I just hadn’t seen the… potential.
I mean, posting envelopes filled with genetically altered carnivorous carpet mites to people you don’t like has a certain attraction, I won’t deny that. But it’s so… meh… small scale when I think of what I could do.
I mean, look at the good guys. They get to beat people up all the time, and people thank them for it. They don’t have to worry about the law. They are the law! Why did it take so long for me to see this?
It’s time to put away the killer clockwork gnomes and exploding moles. From now on I will be the good guy. From this day on I will be a model citizen. I will be a paragon of virtue. A higher calling shall guide me. I will be the pillar on which society can rest. People will trust me and come to me with their problems. People will respect my wisdom. People will respect my authority.
You will respect my authority.
Because if you don’t, then I’m going to send my men to your home, drag you out of bed in the middle of the night, and then lock you in a small concrete box until no one even remembers you ever existed. I’ll invade your country, take all your stuff, kill all your children… and the beauty of it all is I am on the side of Right. How do I know? Because I say I am.
Ah, the beauty of it all. If only I’d realised earlier I could inflict more destruction and mayhem on the side of Good, and with greater efficiency, I would have switched sides ages ago. Oh Tony and George, if only I could be just like you. The fun I would have!
You. Will. Respect. My. Auth-orit-ah!
Oh yes, it’s good to be the White guy!
It’s time to complete my lengthy pre-examination of the Constructed possibilities of Planar Chaos. Today I get to embrace my caring, sharing, jackboot-wearing fascistic side, and go through the White cards.
Like Green, White suffers a little from the “boring” tag. Quite why this is when the color contains officially the most popular creature ever printed in Magic (Akroma, Angel of more abilities than a reasonably sized collective of slivers) I don’t know.
Anyway, White’s current role in Standard seems to be focused on either providing the efficient early beaters (of which White has many) for aggressive Boros style decks, or the best way to flatten fast little beaters in the form of Wrath of God.
After visiting Karsten’s deck-o-pedia we have these examples of current White decks:
Creatures (10)
Lands (19)
Spells (31)
- 1 Sacred Mesa
- 4 Wrath of God
- 1 Plains
- 3 Island
- 3 Boros Signet
- 4 Compulsive Research
- 4 Lightning Helix
- 4 Remand
- 3 Azorius Signet
- 4 Demonfire
Sideboard
Creatures (4)
Lands (23)
Spells (33)
Creatures (6)
Lands (24)
Spells (30)
- 1 Sacred Mesa
- 4 Wrath of God
- 1 Persecute
- 2 Diabolic Tutor
- 2 Story Circle
- 4 Phyrexian Arena
- 2 Faith's Fetters
- 4 Castigate
- 4 Orzhov Signet
- 1 Demonfire
- 4
- 1 Proclamation of Rebirth
Sideboard
The one thing that these decks all share in common is the use of Wrath of God to act as emergency sweeper against their opponent’s creatures. One of the biggest changes ushered in with Planar Chaos is that this monopoly of efficient board removal will be broken with Black getting a Wrath of God of its own in Damnation. I’m not sure this will leave White being abandoned completely, as Wrath isn’t always enough and White still has very good defensive cards like Lightning Helix, Faith’s Fetters, and Condemn.
On the aggressive front, we already know about Boros:
Creatures (23)
- 4 Savannah Lions
- 4 Soltari Priest
- 4 Icatian Javelineers
- 4 Giant Solifuge
- 3 Scorched Rusalka
- 4 Knight of the Holy Nimbus
Lands (16)
Spells (21)
Sideboard
When it comes to the two-drop, White already has a terrific amount of redundancy. Any bear in Planar Chaos will have to be fairly spectacular to survive in a world where Leonin Skyhunter, Mistral Charger, White Shield Crusader, Benalish Cavalry, Kjeldoran Outrider, Veteran Armorer, Veteran Cavalier, and Serra Avenger don’t even make it off the bench.
So now it’s time to take a look at what goodies Planar Chaos has in store for us.
Rare
Benalish Commander
Crovax, Ascendant Hero
Dust Elemental
Heroes Remembered
Magus of the Tabernacle
Mesa Enchantress
Porphyry Nodes
Retether
Voidstone Gargoyle
Uncommon
Calciderm
Malach of the Dawn
Mantle of Leadership
Mycologist
Rebuff the Wicked
Riftmarked Knight
Saltblast
Serra’s Boon
Stonecloaker
Stormfront Riders
Common
Aven Riftwatcher
Dawn Charm
Ghost Tactician
Mana Tithe
Pallid Mycoderm
Poultice Sliver
Revered Dead
Saltfield Recluse
Shade of Trokair
Sinew Sliver
Sunlance
Whitemane Lion
Straight off, we can dismiss the stupid big life gain card. White (or Green) seems to get one of these every few sets or so, which is part of the reason why people always complain about why both White and Green always seem to get the shaft. Off to the hamster cage with you, Heroes Remembered. I’m not even going to bother trying to work you into a crazy suspend deck.
Next target for my ire is Mesa Enchantress. Why oh why can’t they have plane-shifted Argothian Enchantress? Is it so hard? Come on, is she really that broken? Every time I see a new core set come out I wonder why the hell they haven’t shipped out that old hag Verduran Enchantress in favour of her sexy younger sister. I mean, with all the other broken-ness and chaos taking place you’d have thought they’d have at least thrown a bone to the casual Enchantress decks. There are two different types of Wrath out there, for god’s sake! And about twice the number of Pyroclasms! How dangerous can an untargetable 0/1 be?
Instead we get the clunky shift of a card no one plays anyway. If you don’t understand why I’m so unhappy, then contrast these two situations.
Me: Cast Argothian Enchantress.
Opponent:…
Me: Cast enchantments, draw cards, do fun stuff.
Me: Cast Mesa Enchantress (a turn later)
Opponent: Kill Mesa Enchantress with Shock / Assault / Lightning Helix / Last Gasp / Sudden Death / … / Dead /Thornscape Battlemage / Erratic Mutation / … / Lightning Axe / etc / you get the idea / we could be here some time if you really want me to list every single reason why Mesa Enchantress is considerable worse than Argothian Enchantress…
Me: *sad face*
After all that, here’s an Enchantress deck anyway:
Creatures (11)
Lands (14)
Spells (35)
Now imagine how much more playable this would have been if they’d Planeshifted Argothian Enchantress instead. Although to be really honest we’d see too many lists that went:
Yawn.
I wish I’d paid more attention to Claws of Gix coming back earlier, as it combos very nicely with Hatching Plans. Throw in Reality Acid and there might actually be the beginnings of something a little more competitive than this goofy Enchantress deck. I wouldn’t be surprised if I return to some configuration of these cards at a later date (plus I love tormenting people in the casual room with Curio decks).
If Curio / Acid shenanigans is not to your fancy, then the deck could just as easily be played with Confiscates and Dream Leash with a side order of another Planar Chaos rare: Retether.
I think it’s a real shame that Retether only allows auras to be attached to creatures, but I suppose it’s a safety measure to prevent any nonsense such as stealing all your opponent’s lands with Annexes, Confiscates, Dream Leashes, and the like. Unfortunately the Standard environment as a whole is fairly unfriendly to Retether. Other than stealing an opponent’s creatures (if they have them), there isn’t a lot else other than loading up Silhana Ledgewalker to unfeasibly large proportions.
Creatures (16)
Lands (15)
Spells (29)
Yes, it’s probably rubbish, but you might want to keep Retether at the back of your mind just in case an Animate Dead or aura that gives haste appears before it slides out of the Standard environment. Until then I can’t see it doing much, sadly.
While we’re keeping with the Enchantment theme, I may as well move onto Porphyry Nodes. Porphyry either refers to a hard igneous rock, ice leaving outside valleys especially at near naval exits, or a system of astrological house division (according to Wikipedia). I pity the artist given the brief to draw a card based on that title. The actual art is lines and lines of graves, as far as I can make out, and seems in keeping with what the card does.
Porphyry Nodes is a white Drop of Honey, although Drop of Honey is worded a lot differently now to its wild and wacky Arabian Nights debut. I remember being bent over a rail by a very nasty Drop of Honey deck that featured a bunch of untargettable Green men to turn it into a permanent one-sided Abyss. Judging by the current wording I don’t think that trick works any more, thankfully. A lot of talk is how Damnation will leave White redundant as a control color. I don’t think this is the case, as White still has good support cards like Lightning Helix (albeit with Red), Faith’s Fetters, Condemn (still kills most attacking monsters stone dead, last I looked), and now Porphyry Nodes.
Creatures (5)
Lands (18)
Spells (37)
Yes, Porphyry Nodes will go away once they have no creatures, but that means they have no creatures, which is kind of what you want, right? There is a question mark about whether waiting until your upkeep is too slow, and you’ll be painfully conscious of this when you top deck Nodes while facing down a horde of monsters. But early on this is going to be brutal. Even if it just snags a single Bird of Paradise it’s done its job. Imagine if your opponent opens with a Bird of Paradise and you follow up with this. What is your opponent going to do? If he’s an aggressive deck he either has the choice of turning all his creatures into mini-Ball Lightnings or wasting the whole of his second turn while the Nodes eats his Birds and then goes away. In this case the delayed effect creates a nightmare situation for an opponent.
Continuing the theme of creature hate I’ll move onto Magus of the Tabernacle. While most people are still weighing up the merits of the other Magi, the applications of this card are fairly obvious. You know how Kataki beats Affinity up practically single-handed? Well, this is Kataki for creatures, with a butt the size of a planet. Six toughness is a hell of a wall to bash down for most decks, and while he’s out any creature-based deck will have most of their mana tied up with trying to keep their creatures around. Green decks with lots of Birds and Elves are just going to cry whenever they see this guy. Throw in Boom / Bust and we have some serious ouch factor.
Creatures (12)
Lands (17)
Spells (31)
There are probably too many Diamonds and not enough card advantage in this list. I think it may want to move into Black for Phyrexian Arena, in which case it will probably look like the Black/White/Red Firemane control decks that never quite made it, but working out the exact composition of those decks – especially the manabases – requires more time than I actually have for these “theoretical” deck-building articles.
Moving on, I come to Voidstone Gargoyle, a.k.a. the walking Pithing Needle. Five mana is a lot, even with a 3/3 flier attached. I don’t want to rule him out entirely, but he’s the kind of card that answers a certain type of metagame, so I don’t know where he’s going at the moment. In theory I suppose he gives the Angelfire decks a more robust sideboard card against Dragonstorm, in that the Dragonstorm deck needs to get rid of it before it can go off. Unfortunately Dragonstorm can always kill you before you cast it, or Remand it then kill you when you’re tapped out, or Repeal it then kill you when you’re tapped out, or just drop a Bogardan Hellkite on it. But aside from these minor drawbacks it’s probably a perfect answer to Dragonstorm (sigh).
Right, now it’s time for some fun:
Creatures (32)
- 4 Infantry Veteran
- 4 Icatian Javelineers
- 1 Squire
- 4 Boros Recruit
- 2 Loxodon Gatekeeper
- 1 Darien, King of Kjeldor
- 4 Field Marshal
- 3 Kjeldoran Outrider
- 4 Benalish Commander
- 2 Crovax, Ascendant Hero
- 3 Stormfront Riders
Lands (24)
Spells (4)
Yep, it’s a soldier theme deck. Yes, there is also a Squire in the list. Do you have any idea of the psychological trauma that can inflicted on a player should you actually manage to kill them with a Squire? This is career-ending trauma. No one can come back from being beaten by Squire. The embarrassment is just too great.
Benalish Commandeer is an uncounterable way of getting a steady stream of soldiers, and is more than likely a complete house when he finally arrives. Crovax also fits in, as both an Elf / Birds killer and a walking Glorious Anthem. This deck list is probably about as good as it gets for our Commander, but I suspect Crovax will move onto better things. For starters he dodges Wrath (not bad in the new Eight-Wrath World), which means he’s probably a fairly robust win condition. His ability will destroy some decks, but rather frustratingly be a liability against others. I suspect his popularity will probably be dependant on the metagame around him.
This just leaves us with one rare to look at, and this is a monster with some very serious stats. A 6/6 for four mana, that can be played as an instant and has both flying and fear, is not a creature to be dismissed lightly. Unfortunately the downside is also fairly considerable. You need to return three other creatures just to get Dust Elemental to stay in play. I really like the card as it gives rise to a lot of tactical considerations, both in deck construction and playing. For starters, it’s enormous. Bird, Wall, Elf and then this on turn 3 is going to scare the hell out of some decks. But you’ll need to also be very careful when you play it. A well-timed Shock is going to mean the Dust Elemental ends up Evacuating you, and against some decks there may be a problem in actually getting three creatures to stay around long enough to be bounced by the Dust Elemental.
Personally I think the card is a far more interesting tool than an undercosted dragon that might just wreck your board if you’re not careful. In case you haven’t noticed, Black got a new Wrath of God, meaning it’s harsh times for all the little guys out there. But never fear, Dust Elemental is here to save the day! (Or rather your two best guys). And of course, if those guys also have come into play effects then its just gravy.
Creatures (35)
- 4 Llanowar Elves
- 4 Birds of Paradise
- 4 Wall of Roots
- 3 Loxodon Hierarch
- 4 Coiling Oracle
- 4 Court Hussar
- 2 Indrik Stomphowler
- 4 Yavimaya Dryad
- 4 Dust Elemental
- 2 Stormfront Riders
Lands (19)
Spells (6)
Against some decks you regard Dust Elemental as a very fast fatty with evasion that can end the game very quickly. Against more controlling decks running either Wrath or Damnation, then the Dust Elemental can shift roles to a responsive card that saves your two best creatures. Hats off to R & D on this one for supplying a card with such versatility.
It appears I’m running over time again, so it’s time for another hasty run through the uncommons and commons. Actually, I’m just as surprised as you on this, as I initially thought White would be another Blue with limited Constructed applications. This might actually turn out to be the case anyway, but at least a lot of the cards seem to have a potential use.
The fungus lovers out there get a couple of theme cards, Mycologist and Pallid Mycoderm, to put into their Thallid decks. Unfortunately, Thallid decks always used to have a strong allergy to Wrath of God, and now there’s a second one to worry about. Just submit this for the next “you make the card,” and maybe the mushroom men might have a chance:
Big Daddy Fungus
GW
Creature – Thallid
Whenever a spell or ability an opponent controls causes two or more of your creatures to be put into your graveyard from play, return those creatures to play.
1/1
(Rules gurus cringe everywhere at my lousy templating – which I admittedly stole from Sacred Ground)
I feel like I should mention Calciderm, as it’s Blastoderm and therefore should probably be quite good somewhere, so I will:
Calciderm, like Blastoderm but White. Probably quite good somewhere.
(Hey, didn’t White get some “rescue” creatures or something… hint hint.)
I think the other rescue creatures, Whitemane Lion and Stonecloaker, are probably worthy of a look. Either might have a role in BlinkRiders, although that deck feels fairly optimal as it is, and someone in the forums has already pointed out Whitemane Lion is probably ridiculous with Wild Pair.
The card you should also be really aware of is Mana Tithe. I suspect this will make an appearance in Standard somewhere. Having your Damnation countered by Mana Tithe is going to be painful, to say the least. The problem with Force Spike is that once your opponent is aware of it, you can be stranded with a dead card in hand (unless you are as good as Antoine Ruel). Mana Tithe is possibly more dangerous than Force Spike, in that it is in a color that can apply a lot of pressure early. Waiting an extra turn to safely resolve that Damnation is not a luxury most decks will have against a fast White Weenie deck.
I’ve already mentioned white has about a billion quality bears… well, it’s got another one in Sinew Sliver, and this shifted form of Muscle Sliver will definitely beat all the others off the bench in the right deck. Time is up again, so I’ll just leave you with a dinky little combo sliver deck.
Creatures (26)
- 4 Essence Sliver
- 4 Basal Sliver
- 4 Mindlash Sliver
- 4 Nether Traitor
- 2 Pulmonic Sliver
- 4 Necrotic Sliver
- 4 Sinew Sliver
Lands (20)
Spells (10)
With the right combination of cards you can leave your opponent with no cards in hand and no permanents in play. Yes, I do know it’s really hard to pull off. What do you want? Good decks?
There is a simpler combo within the same colors that does the same thing, but I’ll leave it to you guys to find. Feel free to post it in the forums.
Thanks for reading
Prof