{From Right Field is a column for Magic players on a budget or players who don’t want to play netdecks. The decks are designed to let the budget-conscious player be competitive in local, Saturday tournaments. They are not decks that will qualify a player for The Pro Tour. As such, the decks written about in this column are, almost by necessity, rogue decks. They contain, at most, eight to twelve rares. When they do contain rares, those cards will either be cheap rares or staples of which new players should be trying to collect a set of four, such as Wildfire, Llanowar Wastes, or Birds of Paradise. The decks are also tested by the author, who isn’t very good at playing Magic. His playtest partners, however, are excellent. He will never claim that a deck has an 85% winning percentage against the entire field. He will also let you know when the decks are just plain lousy. Readers should never consider these decks “set in stone” or “done.” If you think you can change some cards to make them better, well, you probably can, and the author encourages you to do so.}
This particular week – as I write this, the week before a big tournament – is a very tough one for a writer. I’d love to make some States predictions, but what would be the point? The thing will be published after the tourneys are over. If I’m right, it’ll just look like I waited to see what happened. If I’m wrong, I look like a d00fus. Or, rather, more of a d00fus than I normally appear to be.
Of course, I could throw out some decks. If they’re any good, I get a bunch of fanboys and hangers on screaming that I’m a “steaming pile of Labrador doo! If you had this great deck before States, why not let us, your paying fans, in on it? Oh, and stop wearing sunglasses and baseball caps when you’re out to dinner with the hot MILF you’re married to. We deserve to be able to bug you and ask for your autograph, you ungrateful little piece of dung.” If I throw our deck ideas and they’re not any good, I get heckled for shooting my entire wad in three pieces before States.
FrigginRizzo < ——– Never wants to imagine Romeo shooting his entire wad
FrigginRizzo < ——– especially in three pieces
I do have some rather out there ideas, but I don’t think I’m allowed to talk about them yet. I can probably say something on October 31st, but I have to check. Guess you can probably figure out why, but I can neither confirm nor deny your suspicions. I can only state without equivocation that Gloria Velez is hot hot hot.
All of this leaves me in a bit of a mood, a tither, a snit, if you will. By that, I mean, if you’re a matriarch in Jane Austen novel. Speaking of which, Keira Knightley is going to be in a new version of Pride and Prejudice, and yet she doesn’t understand why people think of her as such a “sweet” girl. Gee, let’s see. Bustier-wearing heroine in a G-rated Disney pirate flick. Soccer playing tomboy in “the feel-good film of the year!” Reprising Julie Christie’s role in a BBC/PBS version of Doctor Zhivago. And now, a Jane Austen flick. Sorry, hot thang, but Domino and a few cheesecake shots in Esquire, even one with a nip showing, aren’t enough to dull that shine. Now, if you’re really serious about changing your image, might I suggest a soft-core p0rn flick a la Shannon Tweed? It may take more than one, but I’m willing to sit through a couple of those.
I know that I’m rambling like I was born in the back seat of a Greyhound bus (that’s the only Allman Brothers references you get today), but I’m feeling a bit rudderless lately. I found that, because of family obligations, I couldn’t go to States. Yes, I was very bummed. Then, there’s the fact that there’s no place around Knoxville that I can play tournament Magic. Sure, there’s the place in the mall. They have Friday Night Magic, but it starts at 6 PM. I don’t get off of work until 6, and the mall is a 35-minute drive away. Since my Star Trek transporter unit isn’t working, that’s out. Sure, they play on Saturdays. Sometimes. When they do, the tourneys start too late to be good for the adults that want to play. I don’t know about your group, but the Magic-playing adults in my area don’t want to spend all evening on a Saturday playing Magic. We have women to do. I mean, things, we have things to do. We don’t want to start a tournament at 2 PM, play six rounds, all of which go to time, then cut to a Top 8. We’d be playing until 10 PM. Now, if we could find some place that would start tournaments promptly at Noon…
Actually, there was a store that was well-placed. Then, they moved to a shopping center that’s near nothing and has no anchor store. In addition, they do zero advertising, hoping, I guess that simple word of mouth will draw people there. I give them about four months before they close for good.
I used to be able to get a decent casual game going. My brother, Jonathan, is in Iceland, though, and won’t be back until June 2006 at the earliest. My other two main casual foes, Jason and John, have gone on to other things. Jason’s heavy into his band again, which is fantastic. He’s an extremely talented musician, playing bass and keyboards. John is just gone. Some of the other casual folks like Josh and Jeff – does everyone I know have a name that starts with J? – have moved away.
This leaves me in an uncomfortable position. I love the game of Magic. I think anyone who knows me or who reads this drivel that I spew out every week understands that. I may not be good at designing decks, playing, drafting, or any other aspect of the game aside from naming decks, but – like Tara Reid loves her new b00bs, I love the game.
I can’t keep putting money into Magic if I’m not playing. Why buy paper cards if there’s no one to play against? It’s so bad that I’ve only opened four packs of Ravnica. (I got a Firemane Angel in my first pack. Apropos, no?) I have thirty-two packs waiting to be opened, and I have no desire to do so. That, my friends, is sad.
I could just hope against hope that someone will give us a place to play in West Knoxville. Not North, South, or East Knoxville, but West Knoxville. (We’ve tried the other areas, but the turnout just never happens.) If you’re out there, understand that I know thirty-two people who will show up every Friday night to play Magic and buy your cards, chips, and sodas. You just need to stay open until after midnight.
Where this leaves me is like a ship without a home port, a sort of Black Swan, if you will. I have two choices. I can give up the game, a la Jamie Wakefield, or I can spend my time and money on MTGO.
Kind of a tough choice for me. On the one hand, I want to play but have no one to play with until someone steps up to the plate and opens a store where people want to play. On the other hand, I don’t like paying for fake cards, but I can always find a game online.
Looks like I’ll be playing exclusively online then. What choice do I have?
Besides, I have some serious deck testing to do, and I can get in twenty games in a night on MTGO. I’m not going to talk about any more serious stuff this week, though. You just got finished with States. You don’t want to see another deck with Jitte or any more flying White Weenies, Red/White burn spells, or opponents who take eight minutes to search for four cards with different names. You want some light-and-fluffy Magic stuff. That’s what you’re getting from me now.
“Do you ever give us any other kind?”
Shaddup!
Combo and Son
I need to warn you right now, these things I’m throwing out right now are the most casual of casual, meant for fun around the kitchen table. If some idea just happens to inspire you to make a real deck that works in tourneys, well, that’s just super, thanks for asking.
The first Ravnica card that I saw that just leapt out at me was Bloodbond March. In fact, I remember it well. I was walking down our hallway – we have this long thin hallway that leads from our foyer to our living room – when aaaaaiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeee there it was! I was so scared. But it was just teasing.
Given the fact that the March is Green and Black and Green and Black have all of those Dredge cards, I figured it was golden. Turned out not to be that great. Here’s what I ended up with for version one:
Hup Two Three Four
24 Lands
4 Llanowar Wastes
11 Forest
7 Swamp
2 Svogthos, the Restless Tomb
24 Creatures
4 Birds of Paradise
4 Sakura-Tribe Elder
4 Shambling Shell
4 Golgari Brownscale
4 Carven Caryatid
4 Golgari Rotwurm
12 Other Spells
4 Bloodbond March
4 Putrefy
4 Loxodon Warhammer
The idea worked well except for one thing: my opponents could bring stuff back, too. Don’t get me wrong. It’s fun. I was Dredging up a storm (not to be confused with Storming up a Dredge). Sometimes, though, they were dumping stuff into the ‘yard as fast as I was. Not good.
“Ah-ha!” I screamed. “I’ll drop the Stinkweed Imps for Nezumi Graverobbers!” Feh. He died ASAP, and I didn’t have enough Black mana to really hurt anything. If I did a version that was less balanced color-wise, one that was more B/g, I’m sure the Graverobber would be bombastic.
Then, I hit on this idea. Okay, it’s Extended, but it’s fun, dad gum it. I mean, laugh-out-loud-at-Seinfeld fun.
24 Lands
4 Llanowar Wastes
11 Forest
7 Swamp
2 Svogthos, the Restless Tomb
24 Creatures
4 Birds of Paradise
4 Sakura-Tribe Elder
16 Relentless Rats
12 Other Spells
4 Bloodbond March
4 Putrefy
4 Kiku’s Shadow
Yes, that’s right. The key to breaking the symmetry is to make sure your deck is, um, more symmetrical than the other guy’s. My favorite game was against a guy playing Ravager Affinity. I just kept dumping Rats in front of his guys. I had six guys in the ‘yard. I drew my March, played it, cast a Rats, and he conceded. Yes, really.
Stupid Legendary Dragon Spirit Tricks
Ponder on this, Skippy:
Three Kokushos in the Graveyard + One Bloodbond March on the Board + One Kokusho in Hand = Kick Him in the Nutsack
Now, if I could only find a way for a Black deck to get cards into the ‘yard…
Department of Redundancy Department
Of course, a lot of creatures have nice comes-into-play abilities. Any of those would be fine with Bloodbond March. Heck, one version of this had Kavu Climber. Yes, he’s a tad expensive as a 3/3 for five mana, but he draws a card. When he can bring two friends and their two cards with him for free, that’s really good. Of course, Carven Caryatid costs two less for arguably better combat stats and the same draw-me-a-card-Judy effect. It can’t attack, though, because it’s a Wall.
What’s that?
It’s not a Wall? It just has “Defender”? What’s that mean?
It means that it can’t attack? Then, it’s a Wall, as far as I’m concerned. You say “tomato,” I say “clamato.”
By the way, Go White Sox!
Funny Story from Work Interlude
I try not to bore people outside of work with my work stories. Why? Because so many people bore me with theirs. Really and for true, folks, unless your job involved strippers and you’re talking to a bunch of straight men or crooked women, no one cares about your job stories unless they’re very, very cool, very, very funny, or very, very sick. No one wants to hear about George from accounting burping during the meeting. No one has any idea why your boss asking for the third-quarter numbers from 1986 (instead of 1968) is supposed to be humorous. I think this one’s pretty funny, though.
I could be wrong.
An older woman called me to ask about her policy. When she heard my voice, she said “It’s so nice to hear someone who sounds like me! Usually, when I call places now, I get Baghdad, and I can’t understand them, and they can’t understand me!”
Yes, those U.S. companies who think that India and Pakistan are too expensive for farming out call centers are apparently now set up in Baghdad, in the heart of Iraq. I imagine this call:
“Hello, this is John. How can I help you?”
“John, I have a question about my bill.”
“Unfortunately, sir, our computers are down right now. So are our restrooms. Really, the whole country is down right now.”
“When do you expect things to be up and running again?”
“Two-thousand-fourteen. Thanks for calling.”
Other Four-Mana Enchantments (Non-Aura Category)
By the way, if you don’t read the boards – and if you don’t, you are a sad, little person, aren’t you? – the suggestion came up that Seedborn Muse was better with Glare of Subdual than Patron of the Orochi is. Well, duh. Yeah, it is. The Patron’s more aggressive, but the Muse gets more done. If you’re going to play the Glare deck seriously, use Seedborn Muse.
Combos: Now Filled With Fewer Woodshavings!
I also came across this combo-riffic little thang. It’s using more rares (sorry, Candi) and more G/B cards, but it’s another one that will have the girls saying “You’re so cool, Brewster!”
Vulturous Zombie + Glimpse the Unthinkable = 13 points of flying damage
Let me try to break this down for you Flores-Mowshowitz style.
Vulturous Zombie is a 3/3 flier for five mana. While it’s no Copper-Leaf Angel, the card on whose back my best friend Manuel Transmission rode to the finals of Pro Tour – Nockahoma, The Flying Plant, as my friends who are all Pro Tour Playas call it, has a big upside. All an opponent has to do is get a card into their graveyard from “anywhere,” and it gets bigger. Right on the card, it says it: “from anywhere.” It could be discarded. It could be a permanent that gets destroyed. It could get “milled” away (from the classic artifact, Millstone that helped me win Grand Prix – Fashizzle). It could get there because their mother is really mad that he isn’t trying to do anything with his life and instead spends all day playing World of Warcraft and all night playing Magic while eating her out of house and home and sleeping in her basement so she’s gonna show him a thing or two and throws them away. However it happens, Vulturous Zombie gets bigger. And what’s the quickest way to get cards into your opponent’s graveyard right now? Glimpse of the Unthinkable. That’s ten cards. That means ten +1/+1 counters. With my Ph.D. in quantum physics, I know that means +10/+10 total. With the original 3/3, that’s 13/13! That’s one big piece of fungus, man!
Yes, I’m talking about three colors. Wah. It’s not like Green can’t fix that.
“That’s a two-card combo, Chris. How can I survive long enough to make it work?”
I dunno. Does Green have any good, fat-azzed creatures that are cheap? Like maybe a Wall-like creature that I mentioned a few paragraphs ago? Or maybe it could team up with Black for some sort of kill spell or something. I’m just runnin’ the panties up the flagpole, see who salutes. Knowhadayemean?
Random Thoughts That Aren’t About a Combo but Someday Could be if You’re Lucky, I Mean, Fortunate
Sunforger is just wrong. You get to play a Red or White instant for free as long as it costs four mana or less? Gee, are there any good ones of those?
Lightning Helix
Devouring Light
Char
Shock
Blind with Anger
Glacial Ray
Smash
Reciprocate
Bathe in Light
Otherworldly Journey
I’m Tired of Searching Gatherer Now
So, no, no there’s nothing to play that’s worth it.
Okay, that’s all I’m good for now. You all keep up the good work. I’ll be back in a week. With something more cohesive. Or not. It just depends. Heh. I said “depends.”
Chris Romeo
CBRomeo-at-Travelers-dot-com