As I mentioned previously, today (Tuesday the 19th) is Lisa’s birthday (that’s Lisa my wife, although I suspect there are other people named Lisa who have birthdays today). If you have the opportunity, please drop her an email at [email protected] wishing her a happy birthday. Trust me, she’ll appreciate it. Ask her how she likes her digital camera. If you’d like to see a picture of her, you can hop over to our web site (web.acsalaska.net/~juggernt) and click on the castle to see the inhabitants of the Estate. The Magic section of the page doesn’t really have much on it for you non-Alaskans, but feel free to wander around anyway.
Too many of you to mention by name got the answer to last week’s quiz correct, so I’ll assume that either a) these damn columns are working or b) you already knew what you were talking about anyway. The Realist has to come into play to get the penalty from the Dread of Night; ergo, its ability must go on the stack. It looks like this:
1. Realist comes into play as a 0/0 creature.
2. Its ability triggers.
3. Just before waiting triggers go on the stack and the active player gets priority, there’s a check for State-Based Effects.
4. Realist gets put in the graveyard.
5. Realist trigger goes on the stack.
6. Active player gets priority (and assuming both players pass…)
7. Realist trigger destroys Dread of Night.
Brave, dead Realist.
As the year closes, we’re going to start with "Year in Review" stuff and whatnot. Before we get that far, however, I need to let you folks know what I want on the Yuletide. If it’s in your power, please arrange for me to have any or all of the things below:
10. Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men (and Women and Children). I ask for it every year, and it just never seems to arrive. I’m still blaming the Post Office.
9. A kick-butt Standalone Expansion, with big fat dragons and major game-altering spells. Oh, wait. Never mind.
8. Professional Magic players, professional Judges. If it’s possible for an elite few to make a living as players, then the same should be possible for Judges. Note to Jeff Donais/James Lee: I’m available as of June, 2004.
7. Someone, anyone, to get the stuff after "Five Gold Rings" right (and whether it’s "go-old" or "golden"). I’ve heard so many versions, I don’t know if it’s ten Lords or twelve (and perhaps an explanation of WHY they’re leaping, please?); the number of Ladies Dancing is quite important, too. We need a standards committee. Maybe the IEEE people will take this one on.
6. For Michelle Bush to stop getting hate mail. She has purple shoes, for chrissake! How can you send hate mail to someone with purple shoes?!?
5. To not ever again have to read online the word "prolly." Maybe I should just wish for a complete overhaul to the American education system, one that produces something other than functional illiterates. This, however, is a Wish List, not a Completely Out of the Realm of Realistic Friggin’ Possibilities, So Why Bother? List.*
4. A Dress Code at the Pro Tour. I’m not talking about tuxedos, but at least shirts with collars and pants. Imagine Jack Nicklaus showing up for a tournament in shorts, Birkenstocks and an unwashed "Firemen Have Bent Hoses" t-shirt?
3. A moratorium on Christmas specials. Leave "Rudolph" and "The Grinch" (and that one with the Heat Miser-I LOVE that one!), but get rid of "A Special Honky Tonk Holiday" and "The Nabisco Honda Jamie Farr Christmas Classic from Maui." I’m just sick. And tired. Email me at [email protected] with your most hated, trite TV Christmas extravaganza. Cross-post it to alt.flame.insipid.television. Mail it to the major networks. Demand that if they do have Christmas specials, they must star Neve Campbell and Denise Richards (but most definitely NOT Matt Dillon).
2. Someone, anyone from The Charm School to win a Pro Tour. Barring that, Matt Vienneau, dressed as someone from The Charm School, to win a Pro Tour. It doesn’t really have to be Matt. It could be any random Canadian (have you noticed that few of the Pro Tour Canadians say "eh" very often? What’s up with that?), though I just shudder at the image of Gary Wise in a sundress and sensible shoes (but it would fit into the dress code!).
1. That each of my readers gets just what they asked for this year. Hell, I’m in a gracious mood, so I’ll extend that to Alongi’s readers as well – but you can forget it, Boydell’s readers! As long as you still eat goose and that nasty Christmas pudding, you can forget it! Let your readers suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous, um… stuff! And we’re not apologizing for the Tea Incident, either, so go back to your Port and Stilton, chief, while we have a proper friggin’ Christmas!**
Please be safe during the holidays. If you drive, don’t drink. If you drink, don’t drive. I want all of you coming back afterward, safe and healthy, sending me all the great emails, ideas and encouragement you did during this past year. The happiest of holidays to all.
And that’s my Final Judgement.
– Sheldon Menery
* – I have succumbed and channeled Rizzo. I am complete.
** – Oh, dear. I seem to have channeled Rizzo again, much to my own lament. I apologize to Mr. Boydell specifically and all Englishmen in general. I quite like Stilton, a good pint of Bitter and folk from the Isle of the Mighty, to include Paul Barclay. But we’re not forgiving them Cliff Richard or Gerri Halliwell.