It was a drunken flight met by highest heights, but little did I know the freaky fight that would engulf my dark night.
My buddy Mike needed a ride home to Canyon Lake since his car broke down earlier in the day. After we were done with the Tuesday night Fast Eddies pool league, we made the fifty-minute trek to his humble lake house.
Sirloin steaks, bacon-wrapped fillets, tranquil highs, Family Guy, and Crazy Chicken highlights filled our lives as time passed by.
Meanwhile a silent visitor crept inside my Dad’s ’89 Lumina through a cracked window on the passenger side. I was recently in a car accident that totaled my ’05 Explorer, so I was stuck in the ol’ Luminator for the evening. Normally I’d stay ‘til dawn, but I had to have my game face on for a morning meeting with Ace Bolt & Screw. I bid Mike adieu around one thirty or two, a quick skip home and I’d be sleeping on my throne. Or so I thought… fate had charted a different course for me on this voyage.
Fifteen minutes into the drive and I had an eerie feeling that I wasn’t alone. My lights were the only on the dark country road, and when I checked my rear view mirror, a mysterious circular shape with long appendages poked out from behind my mirror. Instantly my fears were confirmed; it was the biggest bug I’d seen in my life. No time to think, I pulled off into the dirt, leapt out of the car, and opened both doors.
My weapon of choice was a 1/8th filled bottle of Ozarka’s finest, but my first nervous flail fell short, completely missing the enormous creature.
My next swing hit dead on, knocking the creature with wings onto the passenger side floor. His wing was damaged as an irritated buzzing sound emanated from his crippled flappers.
Knowing I’d injured the beast, I followed through with a flurry of bottle swings, but the zealous insect darted around my car, making a very hard target, jumping up on my dashboard, skittering the length of it before dashing to the darkness of the floor for safety.
It crept beneath my drink holder, finding what it thought to be a safe place. I ripped the drink holder out, scattering change throughout the cushion of the plush sedan.
The creature jumped on my right Air Force One and used its monstrous sickle teeth to peel away at the leather bound basketball shoe. My only instinct was to kick, which was thwarted by the steering wheel that collided with my knee, causing a surge of pain that forced me to drop my weapon to cradle the injured joint.
I couldn’t tell what happened next, but I saw a blur run to the left out the driver side door, and suddenly the commotion had come to an end. The large insect vanished, and I was left with a swollen knee and dented pride that I let a creature the size of my hand get the better of me, but we all have those moments when we act like scared little girls in the face of something we don’t quite understand.
…
My PTQ was absolutely miserable. I didn’t end up playing the Cascade LD deck, though a version similar to mine managed to claim third place; more on that later. I brewed up a very solid Jund Cascade list that was testing extremely well for me, and I even managed to solve the Faerie problem by going 14-6 post board against the little pest. Two of those losses were to mana problems, while the other four were the Bitterblossom into Clique on the play draws with Cryptic Commands on tap.
Creatures (22)
- 2 Chameleon Colossus
- 4 Boggart Ram-Gang
- 3 Sygg, River Cutthroat
- 1 Broodmate Dragon
- 4 Putrid Leech
- 4 Bloodbraid Elf
- 4 Anathemancer
Lands (25)
Spells (13)
Sideboard
For this tournament, I wanted to play with solid mana and all good spells to outmaneuver my opponents, while leaving myself in a position to steal games out of nowhere if necessary on the back of Anathemancer and Bloodbraid Elf. This deck clearly delivers on those three fronts. However, my only losses with the deck (in the finals of FNM and Rounds 2 and 4 of the PTQ) I was stuck with Ram-Gangs in hand with BOTH Swamps in play, or no Red mana to cast my Jund Charm. This was a problem that I noticed could happen, but I figured I could lean on the filter lands to fix the Swamp and double Swamp draws… Apparently not.
Chameleon Colossus, Primal Command, and Broodmate Dragon make up my five-slot answer to the midrange mirrors. I’ve always been a fan of light packages that mix things up enough to make the opponent sideboard differently, and with Colossus and Broodmate alternatives and Primal to back them up I have some clunky cards to board out against control/combo decks into the discard suite to catch them off guard.
The 3 Blightning / 3 Thoughtseize discard suite in the sideboard is extremely potent. The best answer to Bloodbraid Elf, Mistbind Clique, and Seismic Assault is probably Thoughtseize right now, which is one of the reasons I believe Elves to be a strong metagame choice. A good curve backed up by Thoughtseize and some other form of disruption is a very good strategy, given how little card draw is being played. B/W Tokens has none, Faeries has little, 5CB relies primarily on Bloodbraid Elf, and Reveillark is nearly nonexistent.
Thought Hemorrhage is my answer to other Anathemancers, while doubling in utility against the more controlling Five-Color Control lists, Sanity Grinding, and that annoying Fog deck.
Magma Spray is kind of random, and I’m honestly not sold on it since it’s not that powerful a sideboard card. It was a product of peer pressure on Friday night, thanks to how efficient it is against Finks, the Bant deck, Leech, and occasionally Anathemancer. In hindsight I’d probably replace this with a fourth Hemorrhage (for Ana mirrors), and possibly a couple Liliana Vess.
Fallout is for Faeries and tokens, obviously. Primal Command is there as life gain opposite Red decks, while giving me another shot at getting Broodmate Dragon for the slower matchups where it wins the game shortly after it resolves.
Upon arriving at the venue just north of downtown Austin, I noticed a parking lot packed full of Harley motorcycles. Apparently there was some kind of rally going on, which crammed a bunch of sweaty geeky kids next to unshaven road hogs in cutoff shirts, ripped jeans, leather jackets, with plenty of blonde big bosomed bimbos in the same hotel. Quite the shard convergence.
The PTQ was enormous, one of the biggest I’ve ever played in outside of a Grand Prix Day 2. Two hundred and sixty six Magicians showed up to sling spells that Saturday, but the room only had a fire hazard clearance of 78 per door, and with two doors standing between us and dying, I didn’t feel too comfortable squeezing into such cramped quarters. On top of that, as per the usual, there was no A/C, turning the steaming mass of Magicians into liquid fountains of sweat.
I feel like I’m in moderate shape, and I was drenched like I had been jogging thirty minutes by the time I was shuffling for game 2. On top of that, round.2 didn’t start until 12:40, which is torture for those who had to endure the nine rounds of swiss.
Round 1, I played against Five-Color Control. Double Bloodbraid Elf sealed game 1, while Sygg plus two Blightnings won game 2.
Round 2, I received a game loss because I had 61 cards registered. I had mistakenly written down Karplusan Forest as my 26th land. I had been thinking about swapping that second Swamp for a Karp Forest after my loss in FNM the night before, and the early morning yawns must have got to me. It’s still not as bad as when I didn’t register any Future Sight cards in the second draft at Grand Prix: Toronto.
I played against BW Tokens, and he beat me in game 3 with the Spectral Procession plus Ajani Goldmane draw. I had two Jund Charms, a Volcanic Fallout, and a Blightning to completely demolish him, but no Red mana to facilitate.
Round 3, after a delicious Whataburger lunch break, I wasn’t even on the pairings. I went to the TO and asked her what was up. She checked my match slip, and there was no indication of a drop, so she gave me the bye. Ding! That’s the first time I’ve ever heard of having a bye at 1-1.
Round 4 rolls around, and my name still has three points next to it. I consult the TO again, and she says she’ll take care of it at the end of the round, and I’ll just be down paired for this one.
So now I’m playing against a player who isn’t in contention, and my motto in tournaments like this has always been to give the win to the person across from you if they’re in contention and you aren’t. However, I can’t exactly expect my opponent to concede to me this round just because I’m wrongfully in the loser’s bracket.
Of course, I drew double Swamp on the crucial game 3 and died a sweaty miserable death.
This was by far the worst PTQ I have ever played in. That hot stench was nigh unbearable. I noticed a portion of the ceiling was leaking as though it were raining outside, and I heard a story that, later in the day, the tile in the ceiling broke and water from the broken A/C drenched a player, ruining all his cards. After I exited the PTQ, I took my shirt off and twisted it to get the moisture out.
I still feel the deck is quite potent and a PTQ envelope contender so I’m going to make the 9 hour drive to Little Rock, Arkansas this weekend to play in the last PTQ that I can put damage on the stack.
Some good options I’ve been debating…
Sprouting Thrinax — Despite Path to Exile being popular, this guy is one of the best answers to opposing Kitchen Finks, Boggart Ram-Gangs, and Bloodbraid Elf that we have to play with. It doesn’t have the same kind of imposing threat that the above three have, but it is well suited to combat those, and it survives the Pyroclasm effects while triggering Sygg.
Loxodon Warhammer — Mark Hendrickson from Dallas was playing a remarkably similar version to mine. However, instead of having Chameleon Colossus, Primal Command, and Broodmate Dragon to solve the midrange mirrors, he relied of Warhammer to do the dirty. This makes a lot of sense and I’ve been craving some life gain in this version after being spoiled by Kitchen Finks and Captured Sunlight in my previous builds. Given the high amount of midrange mirrors happening these days, and Anathemancer, life gain has become a critical component in turning the race in your favor.
Incinerate — Mark also had Incinerate in his version to keep the curve tight, while having more Instant speed options and answers to opposing Putrid Leech, Ram-Gangs, Scion of Oona, and Cloudgoat Ranger.
Quiron Dryad / Taurean Mauler — Both of these have serious room for improvement given how popular Cascading has come to be. The Mauler was primarily there to facilitate Wren’s Run Vanquisher, much like Sam Black list from a few weeks ago. But why bother with Vanquisher and Mauler when Dryad fills the 2-slot and doesn’t clutter the 3-slot? Mauler can survive a Pyroclasm effect the turn it comes down, whereas Dryad doesn’t have the size to stand up to them. In the end, I think this format is too fast to rely on such conditional beaters.
Liliana Vess — This is one I’ve been thinking about for awhile. Controlling your Cascade is one benefit from Lily, but the real motivation to get her on the team is that she’s like a gas station that constantly refills the tank. Very few decks can survive if you tutor up a couple Anathemancers or Bloodbraid Elves, although she certainly feels like a win-more card. I mentioned earlier how little actual card draw there is in Standard, which makes room for slow attrition cards like her to see a reasonable amount of play.
Doran, the Siege-Tower — I’ve also been throwing together some Doran decks with Sygg and Putrid Leech. The real motive is to find a deck that can cast Thoughtseize along with having sizable threats. Turn 2 Sygg into Doran is attractive, but I’d still like to have Anathemancer and Thought Hemorrhage in the mix, and at that point I’d want to include Bloodbraid Elf and Ram-Gang, ending up in a collage of awkward mana aggressive dudes. Murmuring Bosk helps the mana a ton; however, I’m not sure Bloodbraid is worth it in there. Perhaps Captured Sunlight would make a good replacement. I could break down and play a four color Ancient Ziggurat deck, but I hate making Maelstrom Pulse a five-drop when I have the double Ziggy draw.
I really find myself getting lost in this format sometimes. There are so many options and ways to attack the format that every new idea I have feels like it’s more powerful than the last. This leads me to jump from deck to deck to deck, thinking I’m improving in power on each iteration, whereas I might just be making things more complicated. I’m sure I’m not the only one that has this problem.
I went on a basic land binge about a week ago where I couldn’t build any decks that didn’t have 10 basics in it. I had a Five-Color Control deck with Reveillark and Civic Wayfinder, a U/W Merfolk list with Reveillark, and a U/R Swans deck with Double Negative to answer Bloodbraid Elf while Boomerang gave me a jump start. All of them were reasonably successful and had tons of angles to outplay the opponents in both deck building and play options, but every time I feel myself drift away from Bloodbraid Elf I find myself losing to the powerful 3/2, or his partner-in-crime Anathemancer. It’s for that reason that I can’t fathom playing anything but those Reborn All-Stars.
Here’s that LD deck…
Creatures (19)
- 4 Mulldrifter
- 2 Shriekmaw
- 4 Fulminator Mage
- 1 Broodmate Dragon
- 1 Lord of Extinction
- 3 Enlisted Wurm
- 4 Bloodbraid Elf
Lands (25)
Spells (16)
Sideboard
Derrick Steele piloted this little gem to 3rd place at PTQ Austin, a prime example of how an LD deck can succeed in this format. He chose a much greedier approach than I, using Enlisted Wurm to its full potential by getting a free Tidings or Mulldrifter off it a fair portion of the time. Card draw in the LD deck is a great way to keep the lands falling, and lets you cheat a bit on the mana. In a deck like this I’d want to have 26 or 27 lands, but Mulldrifter is a great alternative on turn 3 whenever LD doesn’t show up.
He has a small Reveillark package after board, although I’m not sure how exciting Siege-Gang Commander is. It’s certainly amazing off an Enlisted Wurm, but what isn’t? I think this deck could afford to play Grixis Charm over Shriekmaw, and the deck from my experience definitely doesn’t need to cast Cruel Ultimatum, but otherwise a very solid looking list that has proven that LD has a shot at greatness this season. I’d probably adopt a Primal Command package in here also, since it lowers to amount of clunky big finisher creatures while not lowering the land disruption count.
I just started doing that Twitter nonsense, so look for me next weekend since I plan on doing some light tournament coverage from the Little Rock PTQ.
Thanks for reading!
Kyle
…
The rest of the drive home was filled with oldie rocks and the comfortable removing of my Air Force Ones to spread the toes in my socks.
Twenty minutes after I dispelled the beast, and I was still having itching sensations all over my body. My curls dangling in the wind from the rolled-down windows felt like giant cicadas nesting in my hair, and whenever a curl brushed inside my ear, I felt like the animal was laying eggs inside my head. When I fell asleep, its larva would devour my brain.
I tried to rid such horrid thoughts from my mind, but I had envisioned the critter creeping up my seatbelt to make a lunge toward my face, ripping, slashing, and disfiguring my moneymaker like a sickle-armed zombie reaping my flesh.
That creature had dramatically affected my drive home, and I wasn’t positive that I had rid myself of the fiend. Another itching sensation on my arm, and I mustered the strength to disregard it as a figment of my agitated imagination.
The itching became unbearable, and when I looked down to my left arm, the same creature from before was nestled there, no doubt sucking the blood from my cephalic vein.
I was now on a major highway with police aplenty, and in my mildly inebriated state I had no such dirt road to safely pull onto without attracting immediate suspicion.
I had to endure. Endure and think of a better solution.
While brainstorming, the enormous six-legged beast started to creep up my arm and on to the seatbelt, preparing for the lunge to my face I had envisioned earlier.
It was Go Time, so I rolled the windows back down and took the wheel with my left hand, while using my right to unclick the seatbelt. Using the right I extended the seatbelt outwards, putting more room between the vicious creature and my unprotected face.
Just as it was about to make its move, I threw the seatbelt out of the window.
I heard the clang of the metal against the back window as it dangled in the wind. I pulled the seatbelt back in, this time without a giant cicada.
A feeling of relief and comfort filled my body, as I was able to escape an ancient killer that had me in its sights. It was like battling a Murderous Redcap with an Ajani Goldmane in play. I feel truly blessed to have the wit and cunning needed to take down such a worthy and persistent foe.
Here’s what it looked like…
Except it was kinda green…
