Don’t Forget The Kiddies!

It all started with a scene from the Simpsons. A huge elephant. The family outside, gawking. Marge: Homer, it looks like it could gore. Homer: Hehe, it does look like Al Gore. Bart: I think I’m going to call him Stampy. Little kids love those fatties. There aren’t any elephants in Stampy, anymore, though. Just…

It all started with a scene from the Simpsons. A huge elephant. The family outside, gawking.

Marge: Homer, it looks like it could gore.
Homer: Hehe, it does look like Al Gore.

Bart: I think I’m going to call him Stampy.

Little kids love those fatties.

There aren’t any elephants in Stampy, anymore, though. Just a bunch of dogs, cats, snakes and trolls.

And the beasts. Hunt-ed. Wump-us.

Ohh… if it were black, you’d better believe it’d be capitalized. But, it isn’t black. So, it’s just hyphenated.

Here’s a list:

4x Pouncing Jaguar
4x Wild Dogs
1x Llanowar Elves
4x Elvish Lyrist
4x River Boa
4x Albino Troll
4x Uktabi Orangutan
4x Vine Dryad
3x Hunt-ed Wump-us
4x Rancor
4x Invigorate
4x Treetop Village
4x Gaea’s Cradle
12x Forest

Key plays:

Hunt-ed Wump-us. He’s 6/6 for four. He’s a beast.‘nuff said.

If you know your opponent is playing Rebels (either they play first turn Plains or you’ve got good scouts), lay the turn one Cradle and skip your first turn, if you have to (sometimes, you can play normally– just cast a Vine Dryad free, then play a Wild Dogs).

Turn zero (opponent’s end step)/turn one Vine Dryad/Rancor against green/blue. Wow. This is almost RITUAL/NEGATOR against blue. Since blue has such a tough time in the green matchup, as is, this HUGE turn one threat is often a clincher. Against green, it’s a seven turn clock, which you’ll have plenty of chances to shorten. Realistically, it’s a win. You should be able to match their non-forestwalking force– so if they attack, you’ll return fire (plus three damage).

Turn one/two Elvish Lyrist. Yawgmoth’s Something or Other hates this card. When it’s sitting there, with it’s friend the Forest, Yawgmoth is just spending his time chanting“PERISH, PERISH, PERISH.” They hate that. It won’t always win the game, but it certainly will hamper combo, especially alongside the heaps of damage you should be ladling out.

Uktabi Orangutan: more than just a monkey, a friend. One of the best cards ever printed. I remember it from Back In The Day.

Me (staring down army of Man O’ Wars, Nekrataals, Cursed Scrolls and Shadow Guildmage): [Draw Disk, breathe sigh of relief.] I tap out to cast Disk. Ha, Ha! Next turn, your mighty army will be in the graveyard, where it belongs! And, on top of that, since you’re playing with Bad Card Cursed Scroll, you don’t have a hand with which to recover from my mighty Disk! See my hand– look at it! All Counterspells, Mana Leaks and Forbids. Your spell-casting days are about to end, friend.

Opponent: Cast Uktabi Orangutan. Destroy your Disk. Attack for nine.

Me: No, my best laid plans! Now, not only have I lost my solution to Problem At Hand, there’s this freaking monkey to kill, too. Oh! Oh! If only Masticore was in Weatherlight! You’d be sorry, friend!

You know how Accelerated Blue beats Stampy? There are three cards:

Grim Monolith
Powder Keg

They all have something in common: monkeys break them. You should be able to break the Masticore, too, in any winnable game. Stampy puts so much early pressure onto its opponent that, in order to beat it, blue has to have a turn four Masticore (and the land to power it– so Thwart isn’t an answer to Monkey, either).

Invigorate. Have you ever cast Reverent Mantra in response to a Wildfire? Your opponent’s response is always“whatever. Stupid pitch cards.” Same thing here. Invigorate is so amazingly flexible that it’s amazing. There are few better adjectives to describe it. Think of Invigorate as a Counterspell or a Might of Oaks– whichever you need. Bonus points for beating someone with it, in response to Vendetta.

Speaking of Invigoration, I picked up Star Wars, Episode I the other day. There are only two things about the movie that REALLY bother me.

1) Darth Maul. Come on, this guy! With the exception of the awesomest Star Wars guy ever (that being Darth Vader, natch), Maul is the best fighting type guy. Who knows? Maybe he could even have taken Vader. The Emperor is definitely the best villain. Machiavelli, anyone? How come this guy, Lord Maul, who sold more merchandise than any other character, is the smallest character in the movie? He’s got, what, six lines? Then he gets chopped up by [s]Obi-Wan. And in the pansiest way, too. I mean, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were just barely keeping up with him. He kills Qui-Gon and then Obi-Wan kills him? I don’t buy it. And he’s an evil Jedi! He can find a spaceship light years away, but he can’t figure out that Obi-Wan is going to jump up there, grab the other lightsaber and whack him?

That’s why my friends and I call him Darth One Episode. Boo!

2) Who uses the Force? In the middle of that awesome lightsaber duel, with the awesome cinematography and phenomenal music, there’s one thing that always bugs me. Darth Maul kicks Obi-Wan– he goes flying off the edge, lightsaber falling right in front of him. Qui-Gon backhands Maul– he goes flying. Qui-Gon jumps down and the two of them keep fighting. Obi-Wan pulls himself off the edge, bends down, picks up his lightsaber, jumps thirty feet in the air and continues the chase.

That’s right. He BENDS DOWN. Mad crazy Jedi guy he is, he BENDS DOWN and picks up his handmade MAGIC ENERGY SWORD and goes on to fight. Now, I don’t know about you, but if I invested my life in becoming a Jedi, could jump thirty feet in the air, see the future, hold my breath indefinitely, use my mind to trick people, and still had to bend down to pick up my lightsaber, I’d ask for a freaking refund. Luke never bent down to pick up a lightsaber, and he was a chumpy Jedi wannabe. But whatever. I’m not here to find fault with everything.

I’m here to tell you that Stampy is good stuff.

And it is.

take care.

Omeed Dariani.
[email protected]
Eic – www.starcitygames.com
Contributing Editor, Scrye Magazine

“I can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and I can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and I can do you all three concurrent or consecutive, but I can’t do you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory– they’re all blood, you see.

Rosencrantz and Guldenstern Are Dead, Tom Stoppard”

-Should have been the flavor text on Blood Oath.