A few hours ago, I was browsing some website and I thought,”wouldn’t it be keen if someone looked at each new Champions of Kamigawa card MagicTheGathering.com rolled out on a daily basis and wrote about his or her gut reaction about that card for the entire world to read and if that person was me?” Someone later informed me that in fact that would not be keen, but by then I was good and drunk.
“Wait just a minute, Pugg,” you’re probably saying.”That sounds suspiciously like one of those blog things all those weird folks seem to incessantly churn out these days.”
“No, it doesn’t,” I’d probably reply.”I hate blogs.”
But I do love Magic! (Shame I’m rather lukewarm on segues.) And I love to write. Mostly dirty limericks, but I’ve been told I might have a knack for writing about Magic as well. Since I’m still compiling data for my Tournament Report de Grace (“I 0-2 Dropped the Fifth Dawn Prerelease and all I Got Was This Lousy Pack of Fifth Dawn!”), I figured I might as well capitalize on all the Kamigawa hype somehow. And while I do look pretty good in a schoolgirl outfit, this series is the next best thing!
So, a little about me. I’m a fictional character trapped in the body of a twenty-five-year-old jobless malcontent. I like to use big words. I can’t seem to write a sentence without making a joke. This bothers some people. (You might think I just went three sentences without making a joke, but you’d be wrong.) I also like stamp collecting. See? That wasn’t very funny.
Now, since I can’t preview a card yet, I suppose I should some time to describe what I’ve got planned for the next three weeks. I think I’ll do a FAQ! I hear FAQs are useful tools for conveying important information.
—The Official Champions of Kamigawa UnBlog FAQ—
Q. So this isn’t a blog?
A. Of course not.
Q. But you put the word blog in the name!
A. You call that a question?
Q. Okay, how exactly isn’t this a blog?
A. I’m not sure. I guess I don’t even know what a blog is!
Q. It’s like a journal or diary, except people are supposed to read it?
A. [expletives deleted]
Q. Why would anyone want to read your boring war stories masquerading as card analyses when we can pretty much get the same thing for free in the Mtgnews rumor mill and Mtg.com’s forums?
A. Ah, but then you wouldn’t be getting my opinions an entire day after the card was previewed. The kids need to get used to delayed gratification. Also, I put a little bit of myself in every word I write. Find my bicuspid and win!
Q. I like to see the latest Type Two decklists, read about current Block Constructed tech and find out what the most powerful draft archetypes are. My question is, are you a pro? Do you even know any pros?
A. No, but I do know a few cons! Seriously though, while I don’t technically know any pros, at least not by Webter’s strict standards of denotation, I wouldn’t be surprised if one makes a special guest appearance in this series at some point! *wink* And maybe my good friend and hull Ted Knutson will say something sarcastic right here. [Then again, maybe he won’t. – Knut, happy Pugg is writing again, but afraid to show it.]
Q. So is this all a big joke, or are you actually going to talk about Magic?
A. Yes and yes.
Q. FAQ stands for Frequently Asked Questions, but it’s painfully obvious you made these all up. What gives?
—FAQ abruptly ends here—
The three weeks of fun and to a lesser extent excitement begin tomorrow! I just can’t wait to see Rosewater’s card. You know what they say:”If it’s a Maro, it’s gotta be good!” Unless Scott Wills winds up doing a preview card, in which case they say”If there’s a Wills, there’s still no way I’m reading Pugg’s crappy article.”
Puggles Fuggles
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*wink* Actually, I’d be astounded.