Rattlesnakes warn, gorillas impact, spiders surprise, pigeons love gatherings, and plankton feed everyone. Let’s hop right to the last bits of the Hall!
Black
To finish the Hall, we use Torment’s favorite color: black. Odyssey block has had considerable impact on this part of the Hall; what didn’t make the titles often made a”similar card.”
The poetry form for this color was so obvious, I’m not even going to explain it.
30. BRAIDS, CABAL MINION
2BB, 2/2 Creature (Legend). During each player’s upkeep, that player sacrifices a creature, artifact, or land.
Similar cards: Innocent Blood forces a one-off, single-creature sack for the board.
Rattlesnake: Very low
Gorilla: Medium
Spider: Medium-low
Pigeon: Medium
Plankton: Low
While I’ve tried Braids out in my Chainer deck (as an early target and method to get creatures in graveyards), I think she will look better in my (currently mono-green) Reincarnation deck.
How long to keep Braids out is a strategic question, especially in multiplayer when you sense that one or two players are still keeping up with lands. The question is easier to answer if you have Tangle Wire on the board as well, and/or a supply of permanents to sack (via Breeding Pit, Sengir Autocrat, or Verdant Force).
Here lies Braids, a Cabal Minion,
Worked too hard, in my opinion.
29. ASCENDANT EVINCAR
4BB, 3/3 Creature (Legend). Flying. All other black creatures get +1/+1. All non-black creatures get -1/-1.
Similar cards: Part of the Evincar’s abilities are based on Bad Moon.
Rattlesnake: Low
Gorilla: Medium-high
Spider: Low
Pigeon: Medium-low
Plankton: Medium-low
A beautiful answer to the green mage who thrives on Saproling or squirrel tokens, the”new” Crovax can also be the source of silly tricks ranging from Darkest Hour (which, yes, helps everyone) to Death Pit Offering (which you’ll play the turn before the Evincar comes out). As a continuing presence that changes the battlefield considerably, this creature is an excellent choice for mono-black decks, especially ones with Breeding Pit.
Here lies Crovax, still ablaze,
Far brighter than his Stronghold days.
28. TRAVELING PLAGUE
At the beginning of each player’s upkeep, put a plague counter on this. Enchanted creature gets -1/-1 for each plague counter on this. When enchanted creature leaves play, that creature’s controller returns this from its owner’s graveyard to play.
Similar cards: This bad rare is based on the”superstar” Takklemaggot.
Rattlesnake: Medium
Gorilla: Medium-low
Spider: Very low
Pigeon: Medium-high
Plankton: Medium
I always told myself that I’d find a reason to take Takklemaggot off this list – and if I have to do it by listing a similarly bad card instead, so be it! The Traveling Plague still has”good yucks” potential. Given its potential symmetry, I’m not sure it would have killed Wizards, or the tournament scene, to make this cost 2BB or even (flip out!) 1BB.
Play in a creatureless deck for best results, or use untargetables…
Here lies the last annoying kid
Who tried enchanting my Zephid.
27. SHAMBLING SWARM
1BBB, 3/3 Creature. When Shambling Swarm is put into a graveyard from play, distribute three -1/-1 counters among one, two, or three target creatures. Remove those counters at end of turn.
Similar cards: Plague Dogs give all creatures -2/-2 when they die.
Rattlesnake: Medium-high
Gorilla: Medium
Spider: Low
Pigeon: Medium-low
Plankton: Low
This is fast becoming a favorite card of mine, though I have yet to find enough to use in a deck. The trick, of course, is to make sure there are enough opponents’ creatures out there to make the Swarm optimally effective. You don’t want the Swarm to die, if you can help it – 3/3 bodies are nice, and it’s far better to have one, and also have your opponents’ Stalking Assassins, Arc Mages, and other creatures working for you.
But hey, if it’s gotta die, it’s gotta die. Let the Swarm, er, swarm.
Here lies the swarm – right over here…
and over there, and over there, and over there…
26. DESOLATION ANGEL
3BB, 5/4 Creature. Kicker WW. Flying. When this comes into play, destroy all lands you control. If you paid the kicker cost, destroy all lands in play instead.
Rattlesnake: Medium-low
Gorilla: High
Spider: Very low
Pigeon: Low
Plankton: Negligible
Only playable in a B/W deck (unless you have some freakish B-W-R trick involving Acidic Soil), the Angel is a mana-denial card that you should use with caution. Unlike most mana-denial cards, however, this comes out late, and leaves a creature on the board capable of finishing the game so your opponents can quickly scoop, reshuffle, and set about beating the tar out of you the next time around.
Here lie all the lands I had –
A topdecked Swords would make me glad.
25. TOMBSTONE STAIRWELL
2BB Enchantment. Cumulative upkeep 1B. During each upkeep, each player puts into play a Tombspawn token for each summon card in his or her graveyard. Treat these tokens as 2/2 black creatures that are unaffected by summoning sickness and count as Zombies. At end of any turn or if Tombstone Stairwell leaves play, bury all of these tokens.
Rattlesnake: Medium
Gorilla: Medium-high
Spider: Low
Pigeon: Medium-low
Plankton: Medium-high
I had this higher in past editions; but really, the Stairwell is just a combo card, albeit a darn good one. Anything that triggers off of creatures coming into play (Tainted Aether) or leaving play (Dingus Staff), as well as anything that rewards you for sacking your own creatures (Goblin Bombardment), will work.
You can also just play this for the fun of watching everyone count up their graveyard every turn to figure out just how many zombie tokens they get for all of five seconds.
Like most combo strategies, Stairwell falls heavily to mana denial and countermagic.
Here lies Bruno, goblin bomb;
Whose zombie shadow seems less calm.
24. EXTINCTION
4B Sorcery. Destroy all creatures of the creature type of your choice.
Similar cards: Engineered Plague sinks offense and defense of a particular creature type.
Rattlesnake: Low
Gorilla: Medium
Spider: Medium
Pigeon: Medium-high
Plankton: Medium-high
No commentary necessary here; the epitaph should do it:
Here lies every f***ing sliver
Terminate would not deliver.
23. UNNERVE
3B Sorcery. Each of your opponents chooses and discards two cards.
Similar cards: Mind Swords makes everyone (including you) remove two cards in your hand from the game.
Rattlesnake: Low
Gorilla: Medium
Spider: Medium-high
Pigeon: High
Plankton: Low
A staple of multiplayer discard decks, Unnerve feels a bit more powerful in team play, when you can really take heart in the card advantage you get (and your teammates are there to bail you out of your ill-advised group discard strategy).
Here lies Maude, who lost her guts,
Her bombs in hand are now cold cuts.
22. DEATH PITS OF RATH
3BB Enchantment. Whenever a creature is dealt damage, destroy it. It can’t be regenerated.
Similar cards: The Pits are a global enchantment version of the instant Fatal Blow.
Rattlesnake: Medium-high
Gorilla: High
Spider: Low
Pigeon: Medium
Plankton: Medium-low
And the meek shall inherit the earth! Watch Multani run screaming away from the Eager Cadet. As good as little bits of damage are with this spell (Prodigal Sorcerer, Tremor), a simple Bubble Matrix will absolutely wreck you.
Here lies John, who felt a prick
And ended up an oil slick.
21. PHYREXIAN INFILTRATOR
2B, 2/2 Creature. 2UU: Exchange control of this and target creature.
Rattlesnake: High
Gorilla: Medium-low
Spider: Medium-low
Pigeon: Medium-high
Plankton: Low
Black’s second”splash” card in the Hall, dating back to Invasion days. You want to wait until turn seven to play this – because in group, you need to threaten with it immediately.
The two best tricks with Infiltrator are: (1) block a large creature with it, wait for damage to go on the stack, and then exchange creatures so that you get the fattie and he gets a corpse; and (2) with 4UUUU, exchange control of Infiltrator and another one of your (poorer) creatures… And while that’s on the stack, exchange control of the Infiltrator and the creature you really want. You’ll end up with the Infiltrator back, and the better creature. Your opponent will have your chaff… Unless she has 2UU to spare, in which case she can mess up the whole thing after the first piece resolves.
Here lies dear Hank – wait, that’s a traitor!
Well…here lies Hank’s Impersonator.
20. UNDERWORLD DREAMS
BBB Enchantment. Whenever an opponent draws a card, this deals one damage to him or her.
Rattlesnake: Medium
Gorilla: High
Spider: Medium-low
Pigeon: Medium
Plankton: Medium-low
I just had this as #1 in the Hall last time… See how fickle I am? This card is promising along a few dimensions, and I might raise it again in the future. There are, without any doubt, several combinations that can absolutely wreck your opponents – Prosperity, Windfall, Wheel of Fortune, and so on – but since every one of these cards involves giving your opponents a better and better chance to find the solution to your combination, decks that use Dreams as a path to victory do work against themselves.
That said, how cool is it to sport a card that penalizes people for the very act of drawing? I won an Italian one at a local tournament once, and I love it dearly.
Here lies a guy who dreamed too much,
He used Compulsion as a crutch.
19. SPREADING PLAGUE
4B Enchantment. Whenever a creature comes into play, destroy all other creatures that share a color with it. They can’t be regenerated.
Rattlesnake: Medium
Gorilla: Medium
Spider: Low
Pigeon: High
Plankton: Medium-high
Never has the flavor text”don’t laugh…it works” been more appropriate. (That’s from Armadillo Cloak, but it fits here too.) There are three ways to use this card: The reckless route (Sliver Queen, Cromat, and Atogatog all kill all non-artifact creatures, but also die to any non-artifact creature), the creatureless route (passive but highly enjoyable), and the artifact route (which is too clever by half, but gives you the chance to play Illusion/Reality as a game-breaking card). You can also use creatures of shifting colors (Shyft, Rainbow Crow, Spiritmonger) to keep the advantage yours.
Here lies twelve knights, with no survival,
Killed by a page boy’s late arrival.
18. KHABAL GHOUL
2B, 1/1 Creature. At the end of turn, put a +1/+1 counter on this for each creature put into a graveyard from play this turn.
Rattlesnake: Low
Gorilla: Low
Spider: Medium
Pigeon: Very high
Plankton: Low
Long before the Cabal, there was the Khabal! This guy probably works with the good patriarch’s sport of Mortal Combat… But let’s not push our luck. Why not be happy with Tombstone Stairwell (four players, three creatures each, gives you and 87/87 by the time you play the Stairwell’s second upkeep), or just Wrath of God, since you can play the Ghoul after resolution and still get the benefit?
I think this card costs, like, $2,000. No, not really; but it’s expensive, and even long-time veterans typically only have one copy. ($18.00 on Star City, actually – less than a Call of the Herd… – The Ferrett) Don’t feel bad if you’re finding many of the cards on this list out of your price range; we’re coming up on a few easier finds before we hit the Top Ten…
Here lies what’s left of Susie Lu,
She’s been transformed into sinew.
17. CHAINER DEMENTIA MASTER
3BB, 3/3 Creature (Legend). All Nightmares get +1/+1. BBB, Pay 3 life: Put target creature card from a graveyard into play under your control. That creature is black and is a Nightmare in addition to its creature types. When Chainer, Dementia Master leaves play, remove all Nightmares from the game.
Rattlesnake: Medium
Gorilla: Medium
Spider: Low
Pigeon: Very high
Plankton: Very low
Extremely fragile with a potentially huge downside (your entire army can disappear with a single Lightning Bolt), Chainer makes this list with no difficulty at all, since you can pull the creatures from any graveyard.
A beautiful protective trick with Chainer came from Sheldon Menery“Ask the Judge” a few weeks ago. This works best before Chainer has much of an army up, and requires you to have a Faceless Butcher in (any) graveyard. In response to said Lightning Bolt, call up the Butcher. The ungrateful Butcher should target Chainer. Chainer leaves play. Whoops, says the Butcher, that was silly of me, and out of the game the Butcher goes. Hey, the Butcher left play: Chainer comes back in, but this new copy has no memory of the old – and more importantly, neither does the Lightning Bolt. It is countered, since its target is gone upon resolution.
Of course, you just lost three life, so the Bolt sorta did its job; but if Chainer is that important to you, the trick is good for a chuckle.
The card example below is not really recommended; but”here” has surprisingly few rhymes that apply to Magic cards.
Uktabi should be lying here,
But left to nail a Wooden Sphere.
16. NO MERCY
2BB Enchantment. Whenever a creature deals combat damage to you, destroy it.
Rattlesnake: Very high
Gorilla: Medium-low
Spider: Low
Pigeon: Medium
Plankton: Low
Black’s version of Propaganda.
Here lies a plucky beast,
Did damage, now deceased.
15. MEGRIM
2B Enchantment. Whenever an opponent discards a card, this deals two damage to him or her.
Rattlesnake: High
Gorilla: High
Spider: Low
Pigeon: Medium
Plankton: Very low
This is the linchpin of most group discard decks. Hymn to Tourach or Windfall with a Megrim out is just plain mean.
Here lie ten cards, each loss a wound;
Can discard work in group? Stay tuned!
14. EXHUME
1B Sorcery. Each player returns a creature card in his or her graveyard to play.
Similar cards: Twilight’s Call is a very expensive sorcery, playable at instant speed, that returns all creatures from all graveyards to play.
Rattlesnake: Medium-low
Gorilla: Medium
Spider: Medium-high
Pigeon: High
Plankton: Very high
Black doesn’t do”plankton” very often, but this certainly qualifies. In the age of Odyssey and Torment, this card may be even better than it was before. I think I can skip one version of the Hall where I list all of the possibilities! It’s still one of the best artworks, ever (thanks again, Carl Critchlow).
Here lies Christine – hmmm, that’s quite strange:
Seems Christine saw her fortunes change!
13. BOTTOMLESS PIT
1BB Enchantment. During each player’s upkeep, that player discards a card at random.
Rattlesnake: High
Gorilla: High
Spider: Medium-high
Pigeon: Medium
Plankton: Very low
With Megrim, its fellow Stronghold uncommon, the Pit is a staple of multiplayer discard. The Pit also has some new applications, given threshold and flashback – as well as cards like Painbringer and Screams of the Damned.
Here will lie a card unknown,
I hope it ain’t my precious Clone!
12. CONTAMINATION
2B Enchantment. During your upkeep, sacrifice a creature or sacrifice this. Whenever a land is tapped for mana, it produces B instead of its normal type and amount.
Rattlesnake: Medium-high
Gorilla: Very high
Spider: Medium
Pigeon: Very low
Plankton: Negligible
This card’s”rattlesnake” rating is high in the sense of many white cards – there’s not much players can do about you once it’s out. It’s an immediate stomp on about two-thirds of any given board, though it’s probably less useful until Judgment comes out and players use less black.
Bear in mind this is mana denial, and your comrades won’t be happy to see it. Heaven help you if you don’t have a good creature defense, and/or if they have artifact mana available to them. A single red mana is all the guy holding Fireball needs.
Here lies the hopes of every guy,
Who can’t use black in large supply.
11. THE ABYSS
3B Enchant World. During each player’s upkeep, that player buries one target non-artifact creature he or she controls.
Rattlesnake: Medium
Gorilla: Very high
Spider: Medium-low
Pigeon: Medium-high
Plankton: Medium
This works a little slowly by today’s standards, but it’s still a top-notch card for any deck that can afford it.
Of course, if artifact creatures are big in your group, and/or some players are producing creatures too quickly, you will need to find alternate methods of creature kill…
Here lies Karn, survived Abyss,
But died to Terminate’s foul kiss.
10. MUTILATE
2BB Sorcery. All creatures get -1/-1 until end of turn for each swamp you control.
Similar cards: Massacre has a free cost (but limited effect) if an opponent controls a plains; Forced March also kills the weaker more easily than the stronger; Wave of Terror is a slower-acting agent; and Sickening Dreams is a more recent sorcery-speed universal kill effect.
Rattlesnake: Low
Gorilla: Very high
Spider: High
Pigeon: Low
Plankton: Medium-low
One of the chase rares of Torment, Mutilate opens up black’s Top Ten with perhaps the most efficient mass kill spell black has ever gotten.”Protection from black” means less and less with spells like this out there… And that, to me, is a good thing.
Here lies Betty, in this place
with fingers folded in her face.
9. MINDSLICER
2BB, 4/3 Creature. When this is put into a graveyard from play, each player discards his or her hand.
Rattlesnake: Very high
Gorilla: Medium
Spider: Low
Pigeon: High
Plankton: Medium-low
So simple, so elegant, so brutal. It’s efficient even without its ability. You don’t even have to be playing a discard deck for this thing to work; you just have to be ready to retrieve your own cards, or take advantage of a larger graveyard. (You think black can handle that?)
This does look nice with a Megrim out, though.
Here lies a thing with quite sharp teeth,
That dragged each mage’s spells beneath.
8. MORTIVORE
2BB, */* Creature. * equals the number of creature cards across all graveyards. B: regenerate this.
Rattlesnake: Medium
Gorilla: High
Spider: Medium-low
Pigeon: Very high
Plankton: Low
What Lhurgoyf should have been, from the very start. The fact that this is now in a color that can both grow it and recur it more easily is just gravy.
Here rises something from the graves –
It hits like gravitation waves.
7. AVATAR OF WOE
6BB, 6/5 Creature. If there are ten or more creature cards total in all graveyards, this costs 6 less to play. This can’t be blocked except by artifact or black creatures. Tap: destroy target creature. That creature can’t be regenerated.
Rattlesnake: Very high
Gorilla: High
Spider: Medium-low
Pigeon: High
Plankton: Low
This is where me being late with this part of the Hall really helps out – I had somehow deleted this off of an early draft, and only with a few seconds to go before sending it to The Ferrett, I realized my mistake. (As a result, one of his favorites, Wall of Souls, got bumped. This only makes me happier.)
The Avatar is a machine, plain and simple.
Here lie ten friends – quick, Coffin Purge!
Before that killer can emerge.
6. THRASHING WUMPUS
3BB, 3/3 Creature. B: this deals one damage to all creatures and players.
Similar cards: The Wumpus is based on Pestilence, which has many variants, most recently Screams of the Damned but also including Crypt Rats, Plague Spitter, and Infected Vermin.
Rattlesnake: Very high
Gorilla: Very high
Spider: Medium-low
Pigeon: Low
Plankton: Medium-low
Anyone else notice we’ve had four straight creatures in black’s Top Ten? Odyssey (not Torment!) really pushed two strong black multiplayer creatures. Neither can top the Avatar of Woe or the lovable Wumpus, which simply rates too high along the two most important aspects: It threatens massive destruction.
You can enhance the Wumpus with non-creature creatures like Chimeric Idol, stupid life gain like Spirit Link, damage prevention like Lashknife Barrier, and so on.
Here lies Drusilla, my pet wumpus,
Her sudden violence did stump us.
5. LAST LAUGH
2BB Enchantment. Whenever a permanent other than Last Laugh is put into a graveyard from play, Last Laugh deals 1 damage to each creature and each player. When no creatures are in play, sacrifice Last Laugh.
Rattlesnake: Very high
Gorilla: High
Spider: Medium-low
Pigeon: Medium-high
Plankton: Medium-high
A very distinct and interesting variant on Pestilence, Last Laugh starts off with high marks in my book, but may go down in the future, depending on how tough it is to build a deck that works with it. The fact that Last Laugh keys off of land destruction, not just creature destruction, has me hopeful.
Keeping this enchantment on the board is another challenge – if it does its job too well, you don’t get to hang onto it. Cheesy protection from black creatures may be in order, as well as high-toughness regenerables such as Rhox.
Here lies a man who’s quite amused
You think the bomb has been defused.
4. SUBVERSION
3BB Enchantment. During your upkeep, each of your opponents loses one life. Gain one life for each one life lost this way.
Similar cards: Syphon Soul is a favorite of readers (and me!).
Rattlesnake: Negligible
Gorilla: Medium
Spider: Medium-low
Pigeon: Ultimate
Plankton: Low
Too often, black’s path to victory (Subversion, Underworld Dreams) is separate from its creature control (Mutilate, The Abyss). While Pestilence and its kin are a clear exception, I think of the painful rule every time I look at Subversion.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have a card that sucks life away from opponents and fights off creatures? Perhaps a creature with a Subversion-style effect. That would be swell.
In any case, don’t play Subversion too early. I double-Ritualed it out on the first turn once, knowing what a bad idea it was but unable to help myself. Horrible pain followed.
Here lies Grace, early subverter
The rush came back around to hurt her.
3. PLAGUE WIND
7BB Sorcery. Destroy all creatures you do not control. They cannot be regenerated.
Rattlesnake: Low
Gorilla: Ultimate
Spider: Medium
Pigeon: Very high
Plankton: Low
Only Reins of Power can really stop this high-powered creature kill spell.
Here lies every other creature that could hurt me,
So who cares if this damn poem rhymes or keeps meter?
2. GRAVE PACT
1BBB Enchantment. Whenever a creature you control is put into a graveyard from play, each other player sacrifices a creature.
Rattlesnake: Ultimate
Gorilla: Very high
Spider: Low
Pigeon: Medium-high
Plankton: Medium-low
The original inspiration behind the Hall of Fame, Grave Pact allows for some of the most nefarious synergies out there (“nefarious synergies”!…goodness, we do like our long words, don’t we?!?), without really opening the door to sick combos. Your options range from simple notions like Abyssal Gatekeeper and Spike Feeder to Mindslicer and Attrition.
This gatekeeper’s most timely death
Left every army out of breath.
1. LIVING DEATH
3BB Sorcery. Set aside all creature cards in all graveyards. Then, put each creature that is in play into its owner’s graveyard. Then, put each creature card set aside in this way into play under its owner’s control.
Rattlesnake: Medium-low
Gorilla: Very high
Spider: Ultimate
Pigeon: Medium-high
Plankton: Ultimate
While I’ve rated this card lower in the past, citing its potential for disaster, in reality there has been no card – before or since – that captures the essence of black like this one.
It kills everything, and raises everything. It risks all, and risks nothing. It loves having lots of opponents, and hates it too. It’s like a damn Tale of Two Cities in the form of a black card. (I loathe Charles Dickens, and hated him worse when I was forced to read him in high school; but I like this card anyway.)
Living Death is also a card that means different things to different people – it’s a tourney-ready card for the serious player, a fun crapshoot for the casual player, and wealth of possibilities for the creative deck-builder. Perhaps best of all, you can get one easily (as well as three other solid multiplayer rares), if you don’t care about black borders, simply by getting the Battle Royale card set, so I don’t want to hear any whining about how I always pick hard-to-get cards.
Breaking the symmetry of the card is fairly simple, and probably best done with Repopulate, though there are other options. (No, Gravegouger doesn’t work.) Some of the most intriguing combinations are in (surprise!) white, with Parallax Wave and Liberate saving those portions of your army you don’t want to lose.
Here lies my friend, and next conscript,
As soon as I find Tormod’s Crypt.
Thank you all for your sticking with the Hall though a fairly extended period of time, and a few timing errors. I’ll be back next Friday with a regular column.
Peace,
Anthony Alongi
[email protected]
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