Magic at Tulane University kept growing through late 1994 and early 1995. We took over the chess and gaming club at the school, and basically remade it the Magic club. We had easily three dozen people who came and went to play in group games, which was the format of choice. For anyone who has ever played a group game, you’ll know that house rules are a great cause of contention. This was no exception for our little clan – in fact, I think that sometimes we got together just so we could argue about the rules!
The biggest stumbling block to group games was the banned list. It was decided that all color hosers would be banned, as they were no fun. What was a color hoser? Cards like Gloom, Flashfires, and Deathgrip certainly qualified, as did Karma, Blue Elemental Blast, and Spinal Villain. We always had contention about less obvious hosers, such as creatures with protection from a color (White Knight) and creatures with landwalk (Shanodin Dryads) or both (Mountain Yeti). Anthony Dinatale always argued that protection from creatures were fair play, since they were not designed to screw over a specific color. By the time his twin brother Chris arrived at Tulane that summer, their voices were eightfold – both were really loud Italians who loved to argue, even when they were wrong. So protection from creatures were in, but cards which granted protection from a color (such as Black Ward) were not allowed.
The most colorful addition to our playgroup was Bob Brubaker. Bob was in his forties at the time, and was fried from a life of substance abuse. He was clean by the time he found Magic, and was using the game as a”safe” addiction while he turned his life around with his daughter and wife. We loved having Bob around, because he was one hell of a character. I think that Steve Curry was the first to really bring Bob around to play games, because Bob had gone out and literally dropped thousands of dollars on cards immediately. This allowed Steve to make completely lopsided trades which essentially stole cards from Bob. When I put an end to this, Steve more or less stopped being my teammate in competitive play, while Bob held me fast as a true friend.
Everyone had their pet decks and pet enemies in those early days, but no two players in our group were as opposed as Jeff Thacker and Bob Brubaker. Bob loved playing with all of his expensive and restricted cards, but had absolutely no idea how to play the game of Magic with any consistency. I don’t mean that he couldn’t play the game well – I mean he would literally forget how to play the game mid-stream. At least three times a day we’d have this exchange:
Anthony:”Okay Bob, I’m going to Disenchant your Icy Manipulator.”
Bob:”Oh No You Don’t! (Bob liked to shout a lot) In response to that, I tap your Plains!”
Me:”Bob, you can’t Icy a land to stop him from casting a spell.”
Bob: (taking offense)”Who the hell says I can’t?”
Jeff:”Bob, we’ve been over this a million times. Removing the source of an effect doesn’t remove the effect itself.”
Bob:”I’m not removing anything, I’m just tapping it.”
Jeff:”You’re trying to remove it, Bob.”
Bob:”I’ll try to remove you, fat boy!”
Jeff was a large boy – but he had an absolute heart of gold. Jeff was total Alabama, and loved Anime and Heavy Metal music – but he also loved Magic and would go on to live with Anthony and Chris for a year in their house in 1996. This was 1994 though, and Jeff was just that rules-knowing punk who kept getting in Bob’s craw. Jeff was also the guy who made the absolute worst theme decks on the planet.
Jeff:”Hey guys! I have a new theme deck, who wants to play?”
Anthony:”I have to go.”
Khaled:”I don’t have a deck (hides deck).”
Bob:”I’m not playing you, fat boy! (Bob loved calling Jeff”Fat Boy”)
Me:”Jeff, is this deck really bad?”
Jeff:”No! I swear, it’s a good theme deck.”
Whenever Jeff said that phrase, that he had a good deck, his eyes would like up like a satanic Lite-Brite machine, his nostrils flaring in self-defense. Inevitably I’d be drawn in to play Jeff and his theme decks, and inevitably they’d be absolutely awful. I remember fondly the worst theme deck he ever foisted on poor ol’ me.
Jeff:”Ok, turn 3, I’ll play Pit Scorpion. Did you guess the theme yet?”
Me:”Is it a poison deck?”
Jeff:”No!”
Me:”I have no clue. Turn 3, Hypnotic Specter, go.”
Jeff:”Turn 4, Fireball your Specter, attack for one and a poison counter.”
Me;”Okay”
Jeff:”Did you guess the deck yet?”
Me:”No, not yet! Turn 4, land, go.”
Jeff:”Turn 5, Bayou, play Lure on Pit Scorpion, attack for one and a poison counter.”
Me:”Jeff, what the F*** theme deck is this?”
Jeff:”I’m not telling.”
Me:”I quit. Tell me what this deck is.”
Jeff:”It’s my Mortal Kombat (eyes flaring) deck!”
Me:”Huh?”
Jeff:”Pit Scorpion is like Scorpion. Fireball is Kano rolling into a ball. Lure is Scorpion saying”Get Over Here!”
I swear this is true.
At our grand melees, Bob would always go after Jeff. It didn’t matter where they were at the table, how far over people could attack, or what their relative board positions were – Bob made it a point to try to see Jeff out of the game first.
Bob:”I’m coming for you, fat boy!”
Anthony:”Bob! His name is Jeff.”
Bob:”He’s just a fat boy.”
Jeff:”Now Bob, what did I ever do to you?”
Bob:”You killed me the last three games!”
Jeff:”I killed you because you went after me all three times.”
Bob:”Bull****! I know you’re after me. Lightning Bolt you!”
Jeff:”I’m gonna have to Counterspell that Bob.”
Bob:”No you don’t! In response, I tap your Island with my Icy”
I think the absolute epitome of Bob came during one particularly heated session. Bob had just acquired four Mana Drain and threw them into his five-color mess of a deck. The game was progressing normally, until this play:
Jeff:”Bob, are you tapped out?”
Bob:”I’m not telling you.”
Anthony:”Bob! You have to tell Jeff if you’re tapped out.”
Bob:”Why should I?”
Everyone:”BOB! Just do it!”
Bob:”Oksy fine, I’m tapped out.”
Jeff:”I’m gonna have to Fireball your Serra Angel then, Bob.”
Bob:”Not so fast! As an interrupt, I play Black Lotus, sacrifice it, and Mana Drain your Fireball!”
Jeff:”Bob, you can’t do that?”
Bob:”Like hell I can’t! It says right here in the card, this card can be played as an interrupt!”
Anthony:”Bob, you can’t play it whenever you want though. It has to be on the board.”
Bob:”Oh, so now you’re on fat boy’s side?”
Me:”Bob, he’s just following the rules. You really can’t do that.”
Bob:”So now everyone’s against me? It says right here on the card, play as an interrupt!”
Jeff:”It has to already be in play!”
Bob:”F*** this, I’m leaving.”
He was back, of course, by the next time we played. He had forgotten all about this incident, and was back to his normal Jeff hating, Icy tapping ways. Jeff had a plan though. When Bob left to go to the bathroom between games, Jeff quickly gathered everyone around. His plan was brilliant revenge, and we all agreed to put it into action.
Bob:”Oh, are you guys ready for another game?”
Jeff:”Yes Bob.”
Bob:”Oh, do you have something planned?”
Jeff:”No, no. You can go first this time, Bob.”
Bob:”Damn right! Island, go.”
Khaled:”Mountain, Bolt you Bob.”
Bob:”What the hell?”
Me:”Mountain, Bolt you Bob.”
Bob:”Oh, this is bull****.”
Anthony:”Bob, guess what?”
Bob:”What?”
Anthony:”Mountain, and I’m gonna have to Bolt you Bob. You’re way too angry!”
Bob:”This is complete horse****.”
Steve Curry:”Mountain, Three to Bob.”
Phil:”Bolt Bob.”
Alan:”Three to Bob.”
Jeff:”Bob, what’s your life total?”
Bob:”Oh, I bet you set this whole thing up. I bet you think you’re pretty smart?”
Jeff:”Are you at two Bob?”
Bob:”I’m not telling you!”
Jeff:”You’re at two, right?”
Me:”He’s at two.”
Jeff:”Mountain…”
Bob:”F***k this, I’m leaving!”
And though Bob left yet again, he’d be back many more times to play with us. And in time, Bob Brubaker became not only a guy we played Magic with, but he became so much more in my life. But that’s a story for another day.