As a parent, one of my biggest worries centres around my children being brainwashed by watching too much television (that and committing me to a "Care Facility" where the walls are smeared with poo and eight-foot tall ‘Native Americans’ keep destroying lavatory fittings); more specifically: how it affects their capability for social interaction, the definition of their moral compass, physical issues such as eye care and overall fitness, and the psychological effects of passive reception of such intense multimedia.
Very real problems that need addressing, I think you’ll agree.
Still, it keeps ’em quiet when you want to nip upstairs for a ‘quick one’ with the missus, eh ?
Anyway, as the wellspring of my muse is currently being disinfected (after the appearance of a journalistic dead cat), here is yet another foray into the world of Pun aboard the good ship Wordplay (Captain Chortle at the wheel):
Celluloid Magic: The Re-Birth (or If Disney Owned Wizards of the Coast)
Snow White Knight and the Seven Dwarven Miners
(featuring the classic songs: ‘Some Day My Legends Membership Will Come’ and ‘Whistle While You Workhorse’)
Mind Bambi
Beauty and the Beast of Burden
Aladdin – Prince of Thieves’ Auction (featuring the classic song: ‘A Whole New Enchant World’)
Pokemontas
The Little Merfolk (featuring the classic songs: ‘Part Water Of Your World’, and ‘Poor Unfortunate Soul Warden’)
The Fox and the Ghost Hound
The Rescue-ers
Scent of Cinderella (Rated NC-17)
The Arrestocats
The Jungle Book of Rass
The Lady and the Trample
P-Tarpan
Mulani, Maro Sorcerer
Steamblast Waylay
A C.Buggs Life
Jackal Puppins
Robin Hoodwink
The Love Bog Imp
Herbie Rides Again-2-life-for-each-creature-in-play
Herbie Goes To Marton Stromgald
…and if other Animators bought part-shares
Volrath’s Laboratory
Ren & Stompy
Stop The Carrier Pigeon
Johnny Bravado
Tap Cat (featuring Boss Catastrophe, Burnie, Officer Beeble, and Spook Weaver)
Wacky Namless Races, featuring: Discardly & Unstable Muttley (in The Vodalian War Machine), The Giant Slug Brothers (in The Rebuilder Mobile), The Foolstome Twosome (in The Creepy Scoupe), Professor Tap Pendelhaven (in Conversion-a-Car), The Red Mox (in the Crimson Waylayer), Penelope Untapstep (in The Pink Gravepact), Aegis of the Meekley & Power Sarge (in the Army of Allah Surplus Special), The Fire Ant Hill Angry Mob (in The Bullet-proof Mind Bomb), Spined Fluke & Blubber Grizzly Bear (in the Arkansas Goblin War Chug-a-Buggy), Peter Perfect-Openinghand (in the Turbo-Zvi Terrific), and Rufus Snuffout and Sawtooth Ogre (in the Primordial Oozewagon)
Scrubby Doo, featuring Scrapheap Doo, COP: Fred, Brushwraggy, paVEL MAliki (!), and Seraphne.
Walking Spongebob Squirepants
…and, finally, here are some miscellaneous children’s programmes:
Postman Tap, featuring Ted Gloom, Peater Bog, Granny Dryspell, Mrs. Foggins, and his Black and White Cataclysm.
High Seasame Street, featuring Coral ‘Elmo, Baki Monster, Afiya Grover, Big Bird Maiden, Okkcar the Grouch, Snuffie (Out!), Merieke Re Bert and Ernham, T’Allay Monster, and Kermit the Whiptongue Frog
Medicine Bagpuss / Ivor The Damping Engine / Poggle’s Woodripper / The Perishers / Mr Bann / The Magic Turnabout
Camberwick Mono-Green / Trampleton
And now, with your indulgence kind reader, I’d like to end today’s lesson with a song (to the tune of The Street Where You Live from My Fair Lady, with apologies to Lerner and Leowe):
(*cue flourishing Orchestral strings punctuated by melodic brass parps and whistles*)
I have often played many decks before,
But my ranking points were always kept in check before
All at once am I climbing e’er so high,
Knowing I’ve got a deck from the web
People scoop and moan, they don’t bother me
Coz there’s not a deck around that I would rather play
See enchantments pour, and attack for more
Knowing I’ve got a deck from the weeeeeeb
And ohhhhhhhhhhh the towering feeling
Just to knooooow that vict’ry is near
As I attune my opponent is squealing
As he is reeling I might shed a happy tear !
I just sit and stare at my opening hand
Have I got the spells I need, and have I got some land ?
Just as long as you are not not play-ing blue
I will win with this deck from the web!
(*squeeeap squawwwk fweep-deep*)
(police sirens approach – sounds of a scuffle – police sirens recede)
God Bless,