Hello everybody, and welcome to another edition of the Magic Show. This week’s show is a very special occasion—we’re dedicating the entire running time to Wizards of the Coast’s own Aaron Forsythe. Yes, the man, the myth, the legend himself, Aaron is King Crap of Turd Mountain in the Magic world, and it’s time he got his due.
This show was a very special collaboration between myself and our own Ben Bleiweiss. So with no further adieu, let’s get this party started.
[The following is a transcript of the show.]
[This video is interspersed with special live segments where I play Aaron Forsythe. Big thanks to Landon for being the off-camera interviewer this week, and Joe Al-Khazraji for the idea.]
The First Bi-Annual Forsythee Awards
By Ben Bleiweiss for The Magic Show
Everybody loves an awards show, right? I know that whenever there’s an Emmys, Academy Awards, Golden Globes, Grammys, or ESPYS on television, I tune right in to the internet the next day to see who won, so I don’t have to waste three hours of my life watching an industry giving itself the finest of self-loving.
However, unless you count the yearly Hall of Fame inductions or the Invitational, Magic does not have its own night of celebration. And we at the Magic Show do not like this one bit! That’s why we’ve decided to grab the bull by the horns and create the first bi-annual base edition send-off bash!
With much love to all of Wizards R&D, we are happy to present the inaugural Forsythee [pronounced Four-Sigh-Thee] awards show! And guess what? We’ve even come up with a nifty song and dance routine for this occasion!
[There is no song and dance routine.]
Bravo, Bravo! [Clapping] I never knew rodents could pilot an F-14 so convincingly. Sorry about the house, Utah! And now, for our first award.
Award #1: The “No More Monkeying Around” Forsythee
Not only did poor Kird Ape lose the “Selecting 10th Edition” vote to Mogg Fanatic, but every single ape and monkey in 9th Edition was put down by mean ol’ Wizards of the Coast. Ancient Silverback? Gone. Tree Monkey and Zodiac Monkey? Gigged. Why were our poo-flinging ancestors yanked en-masse from the base set? Only Aaron could say — and since he’s not the one giving out the awards, we present our first prize to creature type Ape.
Award #2: The “Let it GO already, Man!” Forsythee
For our second award, we’d like to commemorate two cards that were dragging out of retirement for several editions, mostly on the strength of being pet cards of certain R&D members. We’re talking about Groundskeeper and Zur’s Weirding. Look guys, we know you love these cards. We know you really, really, reallllllllly want people to play with your personal picks. But come on Aaron, you have to admit — If Groundskeeper couldn’t make it after coexisting with dredge mechanic for two years, fetch just ain’t happening. And Mark: some Pro at some tournament putting a single copy of Zur’s Weirding in their sideboard as an Enlightened Tutor target years ago does not mean you have to keep bringing it back over [picture of 5th Edition Zur’s Weirding] and over [picture of 6th Edition Zur’s Weirding] and over [picture of 8th Edition Zur’s Weirding] and over [picture of 9th edition Zur’s Weirding] and over [picture of 11th Edition Zur’s Weirding] again.
Oops folks, we weren’t supposed to show you that one — my bad!
Award #3: The “Memorial 9th Edition Release Tournament Foil” Forsythee
Moving on. Remember when the Force of Nature foil was given out for the 9th Edition release tournament? Remember how the Force signaled the return of trample to the base set? Remember how Wizards used it as the giant-sized card in 9th fat pack boxes, as the packaging for the 9th Edition Theme Deck display and as the marquee Green fatty for the base set? Yeah, it’s gone now. Next!
Award #4: The “See You in 16th Edition” Forsythee
Jade Statue first appeared in Alpha, moved onto Beta and Unlimited like all good Alpha cards, and then promptly disappeared for the better part of a decade. Seven base sets later, it reappeared — I knew it weren’t no ordinary hunk o’ rock! Nobody played it, nobody liked it, and nobody kept it in 10th Edition. Astrologers predict that the next reoccurrence of Jade Statue will happen around 2019 when 16th Edition is released. See you then, good buddy!
Award #5: The “Nobody saw THAT coming” Forsythee
When Incinerate was announced in 10th Edition, did anybody think that Volcanic Hammer’s days were anything less than numbered? Unless Wizards was going to print 25 Red damage spells in one set [picture of Arcane Teachings, Beacon of Destruction, Blaze, Bloodfire Colossus, Bogardan Firefiend, Cone of Flame, Cryoclasm, Flamewave Invoker, Guerrilla Tactics, Incinerate, Kamahl Pit Fighter, Lava Axe, Lavaborn Muse, Manabarbs, Mogg Fanatic, Orcish Artillery, Prodigal Pryomancer, Pyroclasm, Seismic Assault, Shivan Hellkite, Shock, Siege-Gang Commander, Soulblast, Spitting Earth, and Sudden Impact as a collage.], Volcanic Hammer was a sure goner. On the flip side:
Award #6: The “NOBODY saw that coming!” Forstyhee
Did anyone think that Stone Rain was going to get the heave-ho? I’m sure that Wizards has some new three-mana Red Land Destruction spell just around the corner, but it’s going to be a long, lonely two years without the most printed non-basic land card in Magic’s history. We’re running low on time, so let’s give out the remaining awards over a musical montage.
Award #7: The “How Did That Even End up in 9th” Forsythee (Kami of Old Stone)
Award #8: The “Wait, Magic Wasn’t Ruined?” Forsythee (Hypnotic Specter)
Award #9: The “Seriously — You Mean it Wasn’t Necro Winter the Past Two Years?” Forsythee (Hypnotic Specter)
Award #10: The “Wait, This Was in 9th?” Forsythee: (Final Punishment)
And that concludes the first bi-annual Forsythee awards. We laughed, we cried, and it was much, much better than Cats.
Okay everybody, that was another Magic Show. I hope everyone took their ribbing today in stride, and rumor has it I may be up for an invitational vote soon. So if you see my name, you know what to do.
Thank you for watching. Until next time, this is Evan Erwin, tapping the cards so you don’t have to.
[Outtakes follow the show]
Evan “misterorange” Erwin
dubya dubya dubya dot misterorange dot com
eerwin +at+ gmail +dot+ com
Music credits:
Title — “Bad Day” by Daniel Powter
Awards Show — “Starz” by The Smashing Pumpkins
Montage — “Nature of the Experiment” by Tokyo Police Club