The Combat Phase – Chrome Mox, How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways

“Thank you for doing the dishes but weren’t you excited to get writing?”

“Everything needs to be right before I can write.”

The dishes have been staring at me since last night, and I’ve been avoiding their gaze. I know it needs to be
done, but there are some things I let slide until suddenly –

“It’s time! Standing in the corner to my right in the blue
trunks…”

I’ve been avoiding organizing my closet, going shopping, calling the IRS, giving the dog (Thor) a bath, laundry,
playing Magic, paying bills, writing a new article, and most of all… visiting the Magic stores in Madrid. Actually, that hasn’t been so
much avoidance as a conflict of schedules. Wendy and I get up, we have coffee, read the interwebs, go to work in our own separate ways, go for a run in
the early afternoon, shower, “Hey, want to visit the Magic stores today?”

“Sure.”

“Oh wait, it’s two o’clock; they just closed.”

Work some more, be exhausted, Magic shops open up again right about the time we open a bottle of wine or start dinner or
both.

Yesterday I did everything on the above list except go shopping. This morning I had some coffee, read some email, and
got dressed.

“Where are you going?”

“Shopping.”

“Oh, do you want me to come with you to finally hit the Magic shops?”

“Not right now. I don’t want to show up to a shop with a grocery cart. I also need to do some work on cards
before we go.” (Our grocery cart is a thick green cloth bag on two wheels that you drag behind you. It’s a rectangle about three feet
high by one foot on the other sides.)

Wendy is perplexed by this.

Living in the city is far different from our little town in Vermont where we drive to the store, shop, load the car,
carry groceries in two bags at a time up five whole steps.

In Madrid I drag the cart a half mile up the streets to our closest grocery store. Beer, wine, bread, eggs, milk, Diet
Coke, butter, Ziploc bags, sugar-free lemon pops, bacon, BBQ sauce, check the list, yup, that’s it. Load everything into the green bag, roll
it down the hill then carry the sixty pound cart (I weighed it) of groceries up four flights of steps. At 45, I’m too old for this sh*t.

Okay, to work.

I drag the lone big box of cards I brought from Vermont out from under the bed, covered in dust. In the living room, I
crack it open and look for trade-stock so I can get some store credit and buy some Scars of Mirrodin. I quickly fall upon some old favorites that I
don’t think I’ll ever play again. I quickly fall upon some cards I had set in piles of four, all at the front of my artifact section.

Sigh

Chrome Mox– how I love thee? Let me count the ways…

Umezawa’s Jitte– This card is like the pit bull you raised from a puppy that knows you better than your best
friend. Too bad he keeps eating babies. Or the girlfriend you have the most mind-blowing sex with but is so dumb you’re afraid to introduce her to
your friends. How else do you define this card? It was the ultimate love/hate relationship.

“I have a Jitte with counters so that means – you lose! Ha ha ha, God, I love this card.”

“Damnit! I can’t get rid of that Jitte; that card is so unfair. Why doesn’t Wizards ban it? God, so
stupid.”

Chalice of the Void– Oh my sweet Chalice, how can I part with thee? How many opponents looked perplexed and wrinkled
their brow in thought when you hit play, wondering what was in their very specific, single-minded deck that would somehow allow them to win? How many times
did I smile with glee knowing fifty percent of my opponent’s deck was now useless?

I’ve almost always focused on Standard, and right now Extended is going to consist of, well, about nine sets
I have zero cards from. I wonder if any of these beloved cards I’m holding are worth anything to anyone but me. I wonder if their worth is
different in Spain than in the U.S. I wonder if I can part with all the memories contained within these little pieces of paper.

I pull out some other cards I don’t plan on ever using that might be worth something. Hymn to the mighty Tourach,
Demonic Tutor, Goblin Lackey, etc.

Let’s take a quick look at SCG and see what they sell for so I can know if I’m getting taken if I decide to
trade them for store credit. Jitte- 15, Scroll-5, Aether Vial -10, Chrome Mox– 15, etc. I make a list of all the cards that are worth something and
pull worthless cards out of my trade stock and holler down to Wendy, “I’m ready for the Magic shops when you are!”

I try to explain to her that you can’t make your first appearance in a store you plan on playing at dragging a
shopping bag. You have to identify yourself as a Magic player by carrying a backpack, (preferably one with a Hello Kitty or Spiderman theme) full of boxes
and binders. You have to dress a certain way. It’s like the ball; you can’t just show up in any old thing and expect to get any respect.

She rolls her eyes.

Wendy is along as my translator. My Spanish is adequate, but not sufficient. I could muddle through, but it’ll be
a lot easier with her along. I need questions answered like, “How much Magic is played here? Are there casual nights? How often and what type of
tournaments do run here? What is the most popular format? How many people do you usually get? What is your favorite color? And of course:
“What… is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?”

See, as King of the Fatties you have to know certain things. And I don’t know the Spanish word for
“unladen” or “swallow.”

The first place we stop at is called
Metropolis Center.
I bought the strategy game Carcassonne here a few
months ago and inspected the joint. There are very clean, black walls, every type of game you could imagine, a huge selection of Magic cards, a large play
area, and bathrooms. We approach the counter and a tall, well-groomed man of around twenty comes over wearing a black shirt with the stores name on it
and Magic: the Gathering.

“Hi, I’d like to get some information on Magic please.”

“Sure.”

“How often do you guys have…” I turn to Wendy. “What’s the word for
‘tournaments’ in Spanish?” She tells me.

“We run them every day.”

Every day! Holy God, that’s fantastic!

“Que tipo?”

He answers me in English that’s about as good as my Spanish. “We run a different kind every day.”

Between the three of us we get all the information I need, and a swelling of joy.

He speaks some English, which is a relief to me. They run tournaments every day but Sunday. The most popular format is Legacy.
No one wants to play
Estandard
or
Extendido
right now because everything is up in the air due to the
new set and the changes to Extended. (I kind of hate that, because that means people don’t want to build decks for themselves; they want a pro to do it and then copy
it.) He has a printed schedule that shows what’s going on this week. All the tournaments are sanctioned.

Monday – Booster Draft and Standard at 5:00.
Tuesday – Closed for Columbus Day.
Today – Legacy and Extended at 5:00.
Thursday – Booster Draft and Legacy at 4:30.
Friday – FNM Standard and a Legacy tourney.
Saturday – Granx Prix Florencia qualifier.

“What makes this place different from the place down in Opera?”

“We’re the oldest and largest Magic shop in Spain.”

Like most small businesses in Madrid, they close 2-4:30 for lunch.

I think I’ve found a new home.

“Didn’t you want to trade some cards?” Wendy asks me as we walk out.

“Not anymore, I need those cards!”

There’s chips that need to be eaten!

I am ecstatic. There’s no reason to sell my beloved cards, I was ready for a change from Standard, I have a whole
new format to explore, most of the cards I have here are perfect for Legacy, including Hymn to Tourach, Hypnotic Specter, Chrome Mox, Chalice, Strip
Mines, Mishra’s Factories, and other older cards. I have a great new place to play, can work on my Spanish but have English backup if I need it.

Some good.

We walk the three hundred yards it is to the other Magic store and meet two friendly, joking guys behind the counter who
don’t speak a lick of English. Wendy asks the same questions, and they respond in much the same way but with more jocularity.

“Do you run tournaments?”

“All the time! Tournaments every day!”

“Sundays?”

“We’re open all the time! Every day! Even Sunday! Even holidays! We’re always here!”

“Do you close at 2:00 in the afternoons?”

He gives a little shrug and a smile – “Hey, of course! A man’s got to eat sometime, right?”

“Is Legacy the most popular format?”

“We had a Legacy tournament Monday – eighteen people. We had a Standard tournament Saturday – four
people.”

They don’t have a printed schedule, but they have one on their website. He hand writes out what tournaments they
have and at what time this week.

Wendy is having a girls-only brunch in our apartment on Saturday, and we’ve been wondering where I would hide,
where I would go, or what I would do. Voila, this place is having a Legacy tournament Saturday morning.

As we leave the store, my head starts to swim. “Oh my God, do you know what this means? I can play Secret Force
this Saturday! Add in some Chrome Mox, Viridian Zealot, Primeval Titan, oh my God, what cards will I have access to, to make it even better? Oh my
God.” My mind starts to race thinking about Magic Online. Let’s see – Natural Order – check. Creeping Mold, check, Gaea’s
Cradle – I don’t think so. Feeders? Yeah. Weavers? Don’t think so… Strip Mines? Doubt it.

I need to watch some replays, buy some cards, and get to testing.

I get home, put dishes away, and then start writing. But soon I have to look online for prices and load up Magic Online
to see what I have, construct Secret Force, and buy the cards I need… if I can afford them. I’d sell my Gaea’s Cradles for a hundred
bucks. Maybe.

I don’t have any Spike Weavers, or Cradles, or Wastelands. I have everything else. Cradles are ten apiece. No
problem. I go buy some more tickets from the online store. I find three Wastelands on a bot and can’t really afford them at thirty dollars apiece. I
find one Weaver for a dollar seventy and three more on another bot for two dollars. I don’t have any Fyndhorn Elves, but I can use Arbor Elves
or Birds of Paradise and then it hits me – Noble Hierarch you donkey.

Now, what else can we throw in here?

Hmm, Pendelhaven, Primeval Titan, Mishra’s Factory, Viridian Zealot…
Dryad Arbor might be good as a combo with Gaea’s Cradle.
Ghost Quarter instead of Wasteland.
Acidic Slime instead of Creeping Mold perhaps?
Terastodon turn 3 seems good.
Maybe a Molder Slug or Indrik Stomphowler that I can fetch on turn 3 against certain decks.

I post to my blog that I’m going to be playing in a Legacy tournament this weekend, and Mister Fantastic gives me
some great advice and an overview of Legacy. It gives me some great ideas, but I can’t copy the deck he shows me. As usual, I’m
determined to follow my own path even if it leads to oblivion.

Based on his advice, after some deep thought while jogging with Wendy, I come up with the version below to try in the
tournament practice room.

Reasoning: The old Secret Force was about light land destruction, being prepared for everything, and the Best Fatty Ever
Printed. The land destruction was for those mana-screwed opponents, without the land destruction being useless if they had plenty of land. Wastelands
could still be used for mana, and Creeping Mold could be used on any non-creature.

This new version attempts to build on that with more powerful cards. The Acidic Slime only costs one more than Creeping
Mold, and it comes with a body attached. Viridian Zealot takes the place of both Uktabi Orangutan and Elvish Lyrist in one body. Natural Order now has
more large targets, each tailored to a specific need. Need a Gaea’s Cradle? Natural Order for a Titan. Need to destroy some non-creature
permanents that are bugging you? Fetch a Terastodon. Need a threat or an army of blockers? Go get Verdant Force. Already have an army but are sitting at
a creature stalemate? Go get Verdeloth.

Verdeloth is also in there for the times when you draw him and have a Cradle and so much mana you need something to dump
it all into. Vigor is in there in case someone wants to deck you.

Let’s see how my reasoning works out.

My first game was a single game, and I lost to Dredge. I think this is a winnable matchup but I didn’t see Cradle
or Natural Order. Things I learned:

1) I think Mister Fantastic is right in saying Ravenous Trap will be vastly superior to the Tormod’s Crypt I have
in there.
2) Play matches, not games. Some decks you’re not going to beat without sideboarding.
3) Ghost Quarter worked perfectly as a Wasteland substitute in this matchup.

My second match was against
Elf
Survival.

Game one is perfection. Forest, Elf, Forest, Elf, Natural Order, Gaea’s Cradle, Overrun.

Game two I get good cards but a slow start while he does not. I get Verdant Force on the board on the fourth turn, but
he untaps and has about 20 1/1s and Mirror Entity. He swings for sixty.

Game three is nice since I get a Spike Weaver, and Fog is pretty good in this matchup. I screw up the timing of my Fog
in my overconfidence, and the game ends with me looking like a lolcat with the caption being “invisbl butsechs!”

Things I learned:

1) Dryad Arbor can’t tap for mana the turn it comes into play. D’oh!
2) Some Umezawa’s Jittes might be good in the side for this type of matchup.
3) I should’ve sided in Chalice of the Void. Another D’oh!

While looking for my Jittes, which I’ve apparently sold, I find some Trinispheres and decide to take some more of
Mister Fantastic’s advice and add those in too. I go buy some Jittes and consider his advice to buy a Progenitus, but I can’t make myself do
it. While amazing, every time I’ve added in multicolored cards to go and get with Natural Order, I end up drawing them.

The deck now looks like this –

Once again into the breach, I face off against U/W Control consisting of Noble Hierarch, Jace, Swords to Plowshares,
Force of Will, Daze, Tarmogoyf, Umezawa’s Jitte, and Knight of the Reliquary.

There’s just too much control here for me. I need a really good draw or my important spells are countered. If
they’re not countered, whatever creature I Natural Order for is Swords-ed. The only thing I have in the side that might help is Jitte, and he
counters that.

Thoughts so far –

Terastodon hasn’t been that good in any of the games I’ve cast him.

I always need Gaea’s Cradle, so I add in another Primeval Titan, removing the Terastodon.

I like to be prepared for everything, but with Viridian Zealots and Acidic Slime, I’m finding it’s a little
overkill. I remove two Acidic Slimes and add in another Verdant Force and another Spike Weaver, both of which have been strong every time
they’ve seen play.

My last game of the day (and this article) is against Storm, using Tendrils or Empty the Warrens for the kill.

In the first game, he’s mana light, as such decks are wont to be, and a Ghost Quarter doesn’t help. I curve
out perfectly and kill him on turn 4 or 5. He never drops anything, so I side in nothing.

Game 2 he plays an Underground Sea. I play a Forest, pass the turn. He plays a Gemstone Mine. I Ghost Quarter his
Underground Sea. He plays another Gemstone, Dark Ritual, Lotus Petal, Lion’s Eye Diamond, Burning Wish, Empty the Warrens creating, well, a lot of
Goblins. He swings for three-quarters of my life. I Natural Order for a Spike Weaver, which would’ve allowed me to Fog until I could
recover, but I didn’t have the mana to Fog after the Natural Order.

Now that I know what he’s playing, I side in Trinispheres and Chalice of the Void.

Game 3 I get a Chalice and play it for zero on turn 1. He does nothing for a bit; I get a bunch of creatures on the
board, all weenies or walls but no Overrun or Natural Order, and reduce him to “dead next turn,” and at the end of my turn, he bounces the
Chalice and Tendrils me to minus four.

As Kyle says, “I think I learned something today.”

It’s been quite a learning curve but I’m getting back into it. Luckily I have Wastelands for the tournament
this Saturday. I think I have everything else except Vigor, Verdeloth the Ancient, Ravenous Trap, and Tornado Elemental.

Wish me luck.