Wow, selecting 9th Edition certainly has been every bit as fun and thrilling as selecting 8th Edition! I know that I just about shot my load when I saw the first vote of Jade Leech versus Emperor Croc-of-you-know-what. That made me think back to the days when I was a writer for MTG.com and we were posting choices like Birds of Paradise vs. Llanowar Elves.
I can just imagine the Wizards meeting that led to the exciting choices of Persuasion vs. Confiscate/Rewind, Temporal Adept vs. Time Elemental, and Havoc Demon vs. Yawgmoth Demon.
Randy Buehler: “Hey guys, that selecting 8th Edition promotion went over pretty well. How about we try it again for selecting 9th Edition?”
Aaron Forsythe:”It was popular.”
Scott Johns:”I don’t see why not. Anything Aaron can do, I can do better.”
Aaron:”No you can’t”
Scott:”Yes I can”
Aaron:”No you can’t”
Scott:”Yes I can”
Aaron:”No you can’t”
Scott:”Yes I can, yes I can!”
Mark Rosewater:”Are you guys stealing the dialogue I wrote for Becky and Roseanne for episode 3ED04?”
Randy:”Ok, selecting 9th Edition it is. Who has time to make up the choices this time around?”
Worth Wollpert:”Sorry I’m late guys. My pre-morning basketball game ran over.”
Aaron:”Well, I don’t think we can quite get to the same level of Birds/Elves this time around.”
Mark:”Can we order a pizza now?”
Randy:”I know what you mean. I’m too busy to really concentrate on 9th right now, since I am lord and master of all I survey. Worth, can you do it?”
Worth:”Oops, gotta go – time for my morning basketball game.”
Randy:”Dammit!”
Richard Garfield:”I can do it. I still have a lot of good ideas left.”
Randy:”Richard, we know you have a lot of good ideas. (To Aaron): Call security, he got into the building again.”
Mike Elliott:”I don’t have time right now for 9th Edition.”
Aaron:”I’m kind of busy as well Randy.”
Mark:”Is the pizza here yet?”
Scott:”I have an idea. Let’s rename the promotion selecting Zvi Edition, and we’ll have Zvi pick the cards that are in 9th Edition?”
Randy:”No, we can’t have good cards in the base set.”
Scott:”I give up.”
Worth:”Hey, sorry about that. Had to get a little one-on-one going against Skaff before lunch.”
Mark:”Speaking of lunch, did we get pepperoni or sausage?”
Richard:”Does Skaff even work here anymore?”
Randy: (to Aaron)”Does he?”
Worth:”What are we talking about?”
Bill Rose:”Selecting 9th Edition.”
Worth:”Whoops, gotta get to my lunchtime court reservation. Be back in a few!”
Pizzaboy:”I’m here to deliver the pizza!”
Mark:”Oh boy oh boy oh boy!”
Aaron (Stripping seductively):”I didn’t order any pizza….”
Randy:”Knock that off! We have serious decisions to make!”
Pizzaboy:”That’ll be $25.06″
Scott:”Hey Pizzaboy…”
Pizzaboy:”I have a name you know. It’s Mark.”
Aaron (squinting):”Mark… Justice?”
Mark Justice:”Yeah, let’s keep this on the downlow.”
Randy:”I always wondered what happened to you.”
Mark Justice:”Well, you know – business after Magic didn’t go so well.”
Scott:”Would you like to select the choices for the readers to select for our selecting 9th Edition promotion on my website?”
Mark Justice:”Oh boy oh boy oh boy!”
Worth:”Hey guys. Did I miss anything?”
And so we are blessed with Viashino Cutthroat versus Viashino Sandstalker. Ted will try to tell you that the Sandstalker is better. He’ll tell you that the Standstalker has seen play in bad Red decks from 1997, and that a couple of people did badly with Sandstalker at States this year. I’ll tell you this: 100% of the decks that have lost in the past three years of Type Two have lacked one crucial ingredient. This ingredient is Viashino Cutthroat. Plenty of decks with the Sandstalker have taken game loss after game loss, but not a single Cutthroat can be attributed to a losing deck in Standard for a long, long time! Sign me up as a winner!
On top of this, reprinting cards spurs sales of older versions of the card. We’ve already unloaded all of our Visions Viashino Sandstalkers when that card was reprinted in 8th Edition. We have oodles and oodles of Urza’s Legacy Viashino Cutthroats sitting on our shelves, gathering dust. Reprinting Viashino Cutthroat, which is an obvious winner, would stimulate the economic growth of StarCityGames.com. In return, this would have a trickle down effect that would eventually aid the City of Roanoke, Wizards of the Coast, the State of Virginia, the United States Federal Deficit, you, me, and Mark Justice. A vote for the Cutthroat is a vote for pizza!
Mark Rosewater:”And I like Pizza! Vote Cutthroat!*”
* – This message was brought to you by the Friends of the Cutthroat foundation. A paid actor was used in place of the real Mark Rosewater. Any similarities to the likenesses of any persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Copyright MMIV. Soundtrack now available on Arista records. This story is about Truth, Beauty, Freedom, but above all, Love.