This week on SCG Daily we are featuring a series of special interviews, covering the various types of Magic cards and issues related to Magic: the Gathering. We had intended to schedule an interview with the Oracle en-Vec, and a were trying to decide on a guest interviewer, when we received the following letter:
SCG Daily folks:
I foresee that you are planning an interview series, and want to interview me for the Friday slot. I also foresee some problems in scheduling the actual interview, your interviewer having severe halitosis and so forth, all of which would result in a missed deadline. However, I think we can work around those problems.
I have enclosed the answers to the questions you will be asking.
Yes, I foresee that this will confuse you a bit, but I also foresee that you will solve the problem.
Sincerely;
~signed Oracle en-Vec~
[Since I didn’t even know if Pete had written any questions, I thought that it could be dicey. Thankfully, I found some in a drawer that Knut hadn’t emptied. He left some other stuff, too — you’d be surprised at the weird sh** in there. Or maybe not.
These appear in the order received: answer first, then the question. Pete Jahn wanted to have the question be hidden until you click on the answer, but since 1) when he tried to program that, everything ended up linked to a site called Naked&Ugly.com and you really don’t want to go there, and 2) he missed his deadline, leaving no time for us to save his butt. You’ll have to imagine that the page does what he wanted. Scouseboy out. — Craig]
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The answer is: Yes. Fortunately, Magic Players can reproduce asexually.
Q: Let’s begin with a big one. Magic has had a great run. We all want it to go on forever. Do you see anything to indicate whether Magic can continue long into the future?
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The answer is: Continuing stagnation, spiraling decline and complete confusion over the meaning of Scouse.
Q: What can we expect of the pro player community in the United States in the next year?
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The answer is: Rosewater’s Chicken, Knuts’ Bear and the Armani worn by Hasbro’s CFO.
Q: What are the three strongest suits in Magic?
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The answer is: Holy Spoiler, Batman! By the time this sees print, that will hardly be a secret, and two days later it will be official.
Q: Can you give us the skinny on the whole Rizzo/Romeo thing?
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The answer is: Like Smeagol, they will remember the Sun and say “It burns! It burns!”
Q: What will be the pros discover when they gather in Honolulu for the Standard Format Pro Tour?
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The answer is: Conceding.
Q: Wizards has found ways of making bad things good. Odyssey rewarded you for discarding cards, and Dredge rewarded you for milling yourself. What other traditionally weak strategy will WotC make advantageous in the future?
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The answer is: No. I have signed several non-disclosure contracts. I have to, prior to revealing each new set to Wizards of the Coast. I also foresee problems if I break those contracts.
Q: Could you tell us about a few of the cards that will be released with the next big set, in the fall? Or even some Dissention cards?
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The answer is: Yes, and that was a lesson to them. They make a ton of transcription errors, and I decided not to correct that one. It was harsh, but they needed to learn.
Q: Wait, do you mean you just foresee all the cards and dictate them to the Wizards folks? What about Umezawa’s Jitte, couldn’t you foresee the problems?
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The answer is: The first does commentary for the Pro Tour, and the second is busy scripting the Roseanne Twentieth Reunion Show.
Q: But if you just foresee and dictate the new sets, what do WotC folks like Randy Buehler and Mark Rosewater do?
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The answer is: Yes, but I don’t watch that stuff.
Q: Couldn’t you just tell Rosewater the plot for the Roseanne Twentieth Reunion Show?
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The answer is: Okay, I think I can spill one without violating the agreement, but I foresee that you won’t be satisfied. Here goes: Forest. Land, {tap} add G to your mana pool. It will be reprinted next fall, with new artwork.
Q: Please, can’t you tell us about just one card that will be printed in any future set? Just one card?
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The answer is: StarCityGoners.com, MagictheGatheringAllYourTalent.com and NoBrainsJustBurst.com.
Q: Once the new “Truth in Webite Naming” bill becomes law, what will the popular Magic websites be known as?
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The answer is: It will be like the third wave of last year’s Tsunami – the first waves were powerful, then the water receded and came back more devastating than ever before. So will it be.
Q: Can you tell us about the future of Islands? Has WotC finished neutering Blue?
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The answer is: You don’t need a Seer for this one. They learned their lesson. They will not make that same mistake in Ravnica block. It will happen next November instead.
Q: Wizards has made a habit of printing overpowered equipment, such as Skullclamp and Umezawa’s Jitte, in the recent past. Will we see another broken artifact in Guildpact or Dissension?
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The answer is: I’m sorry, I don’t know. My powers only extend to events that will occur within the next few decades.
Q: When will Wizards release MODO Version 3.0?
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The answer is: I will give you a hint. Science tells us that super cold things become brittle. If you warp a frozen world, it will break.
Q: What effect will Cold Snap have on Standard? What kind of decks will the interaction of the Ice Ages and Ravnica block mechanics create?
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The answer is: It’s power isn’t apparent yet, but One with Nothing.
Q: In the past, WotC has occasionally printed broken cards and had to ban them, then attempted to “fix” them by reissuing them with higher mana costs, only to have the new card be just as broken. The classic example is Yawgmoth’s Bargain, the “fixed” Necropotence. Will WotC make this mistake again, and, if so, what utterly broken card will they have to restrict or ban, and later reissue only to ban the new version?
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The answer is: Again, One with Nothing.
Q: What are the chances that the Yawgmoth’s Whimsy column writer can create a format defining deck, a la Friggorid?
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The answer is: Yet again, One with Nothing.
Q: What are the odds that this reader will win Pro Tour Cleveland?
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The answer is: Not entirely.
Q: Is that because there will never be a Pro Tour in Cleveland?
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I foresee that we will end on there. To some of you, I say that you will fulfill the old Vulcan greeting: “Live Long and Prosper.” To the rest I can only say “The way you hold up under such pain, suffering and humiliation will be an inspiration to us all.”