Richly-deserved Comfort
Welcome, my moist and accommodating chirrups of the morning, to my new Letters pages. If you have any M:TG related questions, queries, concerns etc then I will attempt to answer them and bring you the comfort you so richly deserve. Just send me an e-mail (address in top, right-hand corner) with a subject of DEAR TONY. Think of me as a sort of Binding Agony Aunt, a Yotian Soldier to cry on…don’t be afraid to wear your heart on your protective sleeve…I’ll be gentle with you. Anyway, first out of my bulging sack this month is Itchy, from Basingstoke (UK):
Dear Tony. I have a rather embarassing medical condition that means I shed my skin whenever I play competitive Magic. Can you help ?
Tony Says: Well, itchy, this type of nervous reaction is not uncommon amongst players of any competitive sport, not least Magic: The Gathering ! I am sending you some leaflets – they won’t be of any use, but at least that clears out my living room. Alternatively, you could keep the shed skin and use it to proxy yourself (with the help of a friend), thereby avoiding the unpleasant Game Loss that ensues from late arrival at tourneys. Please note that attempting to proxy another player will probably result in a Judge being called.
Next up are some deck contruction questions from Binny McFlaps, Des Moines (USA):
Dear Tony. Seal of Strength or Giant Growth ?
Tony Says: Well, Seal of Strength has the G for 3 pts, the F and the H (4 pts each), while Giant Growth has the two G’s (at 3 pts each) and the W (at 4 pts), so it looks like Seal has it. Just go for those Triple Word Scores and you’ll be fine with either !
And…
Dear Tony. I have one Squee in my graveyard, two Masticores on the table, and no cards in hand. It is the beginning of my upkeep – is there any way I can use the one Squee to keep both ‘Cores alive ?
Tony says: I’m sorry – what did you say at the end ? My attention drifted somewhat after you mentioned the two Masticores ?
Dear Tony. I said…I have one Squee in my graveyard, two Masticores on the table, and no cards in hand. It is the beginning of my upkeep – is there any way I can use the one Squee to keep both ‘Cores alive ?
Tony says: Nope, didn’t catch the last bit – something to do with The Corrs playing live ?
Dear Tony. *sigh* I have one Squee in my graveyard, two Masticores on the table, and no cards in…oh, forget it – our match has just timed out and I’ve lost on life-totals.
Tony says: …I like the Corrs, especially the singing one…the bloke lets the side down a bit though, doesn’t he ? etc ad infinitum
Coincidentally, while we’re on the subject of music…a quick query from the UK:
Dear Tony. Who _did_ put the bomp in the bomp de bomp de bomp ?
Tony says: This probably needs confirmation from a higher source, but I believe it was the same person that put the Ram in the Ram-a-lamma-ding-dong.
On to more a intimate subject, from Uncomfortable of Dulwich:
Dear Tony. What’s the best card, or cards, to use as substitute toilet paper ?
Tony says: Uncomfortable – I have found that a great many cards prove totally unacceptable in the bottom-cleansing department and some of them, frankly, I wouldn’t bring in proximity to the Holey One if it were the last piece of paper on the Earth (ie. Buoyancy) – however, the choice is yours (as always), but I’d stay away from Foils as they lead to excessive ‘smearage’ – good luck !
Finally, a letter from Sad of Johannesburg (France):
Dear Tony. I am hopeless at Magic: The Gathering and would like to do crosswords instead – can you help ?
Tony says: Well, ‘Sad’, what a stroke of luck ! I just happen to have a crossword here ! So, without further ado…
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| ACROSS | DOWN |
| 1. Disney movie without vegetable gives life-gainer (6) 8. see 44. across 12. see 59. down 14. Fiddle about with a talent (13) 15. Collectively the Jet, Pearl, Sapphire, Emerald, and Ruby (5) 18. Rotate 90 degrees (3) 19. Lion and me with a pile is a bomb ! (9) 21. Man City ? (5) 22. Cry about (4) 23. Portent (4) 24. It’s electric (3) 25. Noise is my animal in precious vase, endlessly right (10) 27. They had a Pro-Tour here (1,1) 28. Direction of the draft ? (2) 29. Gather together (5) 31. Look twice at the card (6,4) 34. What an Arcanix does (3) 35. Sounds like "darn it!" (2) 36. Draw the deck-type (2) 37. Not available, shortly (2) 38. About an intercession – it’s jumpy ! (4) 40. About another age 41. Weepy shield ? (3) 43. To become dry (5) 44. and 8. and 51. across. What Magic is ! (11,4,4) 45. and 55. down Herman sounds like a spirit (6,5) 46. What boosters really need (3) 47. Unlimited, initially (2) 48. see 59. down 51. see 44. across 54. Ray’s beginning (5) 56. The Dark, initially (2) 57. Smell (1,1) 58. Around an edge (4) 60. They go around in gangs (3) 61. Musical warring brothers (5) 64. and 49. down Fe Sol (4,4) 65. What the gains are (3-6) 67. This is it (2) 68. see 75. across 69. In ink or pencil ? (3) 71. Shifted body of sand (4) 75. and 68. across Vein ? Shocking ! (7,5) 76. see 23. down |
2. It’s time for the end of the world ? (10,5) 3. Disease (3) 4. A powerful number (4) 5. It’s jovial (4) 6. Inside the big top, please ! (6) 7. Of Wood, Fire, and Water (4) 8. Ring clause (3) 9. Alliances, initially (2) 10. Mirage, initially (2) 11. A chart hit for The Bangles ! (7,5) 13. Declaring more or less than you actually made, in business terms (5, 7) 16. Titan (4) 17. Thin bread (9) 20. Gain 2 life when it goes to the graveyard (6) 21. French beauty without end (4) 23. and 76 across. Only one thing can kill him ! (4,8) 26. Ice Age, initially (2) 30. Laval weapon (3) 32. Hanker after removing the monarchy (4) 33. Rank alternative (4) 34. Visions, initially (2) 35. Small sacrifice (3) 39. Hesitation (2) 40. Cone-cleaver (6,2,3) 42. Hairy cow – badly needs a card ! (3) 43. No end to being weedy (3) 46. Backwards drinking vessel (4) 49. see 64. across 50. "Don’t move, abbreviated sibling!" (6) 52. and 57. down (elkin bottle) 53. Dance (4) 54. Manipulating the atom (4) 55. People who run competitions ? (1,2) 56. see 45. across 57. see 52. down 59. and 12. and 48. across Rent from house (6,2,5) 62. Between two paladins (1,1) 63. Essential part of a card (3) 66. Provoke without one (3) 70. Hard bird (3) 72. Urzas Saga, initially (2) 73. Arabian Nights, initially (2) 74. Return form without the man (2) |
| Gather all the highlighted letters and re-arrange them to get the name of a Magic: The Gathering card | |
Answers in the future (sometime) – oh…I wet ’em !
God Bless,