Un
How gratifying it is to see the pages of StarCity – and numerous other sites – brimming (and in some cases overflowing) with writing talent. Much of it, I am sure, seems to have been inspired by the clarion call that was Mr. JFR’s departure (and the offer of some free boxes of product). So many articles, so many issues, and so much information to share with our fellows! This must, surely, be applauded – and don’t get me wrong, I do applaud it…
But with a slight frown on my face.
In the great quest for Internet fame, the current writing metagame is heavily weighted towards angst; with the mantle of ‘Issue Boy’ now vacated, it seems that all and sundry have picked up their angry pens and let themselves go (like some kind of ventriloquist with their arms up a Rizzo doll).
Come along now, try and be just a teensy bit more original; you wanna be the next legend? Find your own voice.
Deux
Still on the subject of the bald, be-bearded, possibly-nude, essayist; am I the only one who finds the Rizzo backlash hilariously funny? I mean,”respected” writers and”respected” players getting their kniCKers in a twist because a no-win scrub with a foul (and probably fowl) mouth, raw talent, and a kickered tag-line has decided to resume normal service and gets Canonised for it! Don’t worry, dearest hearts – now he’s gone, we can all pay more attention to you (but only if you respond to our e-mails, you sanctimonious prigs).
Tony Boydell <—- Booked in for a”Buttopsy” to reattach a ‘slipped arse’ following excessive mirth
Trois
So StarCity is getting a new webmaster? Wowsa, like haven’t you got enough to do already, O furry one? Here’s to keeping it a little simpler, eh? Get rid of those adverts, those card searches and lists, those external links, the graphics, and all articles apart from a link to my Featured Writer section. The other option is too awful to contemplate: Kill all internet writers, everywhere, so that sites publish only my material.
Just a thought – the burden of responsibility lies with you.
Quattre
How pleased, nay overjoyed, I am to see (at last) a Magic: The Gathering cartoon strip that’s actually funny appearing on the scene. Oh, I remember Mr Foglio’s distinctly UN-humorous Duellist page-wasters, but tootle your good selves along to www.anythingbutthat.com/mtcs and enjoy the naked wit. Anyone know if I can have some of the original artwork for those strips?
Five
I have three Call of the Herd for sale – two of them are foils! Any offers?
Six
Has anyone seen the”on-line demo” of the new Wizard’s Star Wars CCG? If so, then you most feel the same way as me:”What a pile!” If not, then you have too much money and not enough brains.”Ooh, I beat you in space and you beat me on the ground and (I can hardly contain my bladder, I’m THAT excited) I think I’m gonna beat you on the one-to-one.” And that’s it? There’s not enough there to keep a shell-shocked Afghan goat interested, let alone a supposedly discerning gaming market – call me an old cynic, but this is just marketing wank!
Here’s an idea:
- Buy a roll of Attack of the Clones stickers;
- Collect dog crap from your neighbourhood and put it, in portions, into used Big Mac plastic boxes;
- Adhere one of the aforementioned stickers to the top of each box;
- Attend next craft fair and sell as ‘Authentic Bantha Poo-Doo’ ;
- Retire to Maldives on hideous profits.
Alternatively, you could bake the dung until it’s hard and crusty and market as Jedi Augury Stones with the tag-line:”Toss ’em, trade ’em, a small dog made ’em!”, or maybe:”What does the future hold? With Jedi Augury Stones, the outlook is always crap!”
Come on, you air-brained fun-wits! Refuse to buy this rubbish – proof, indeed, that Richard Garfield only had the one good idea inside him.
Sept
It might as well rain until then.
Ciao babies,
Tony Boydell
[email protected]
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