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Insert Column Name Here – The Most Annoying Card In Time Spiral Limited

Read The Ferrett every Monday... at StarCityGames.com!You know them by heart. Some of them have been plaguing you for almost a year. They pop up with an aggravating regularity to steal games from you that you should have won, or to turn happy-fun games into irritating crawls. But now that we’ve all had our fill of the format, what is the single most annoying card in Time Spiral Limited? Witness as the worst offenders are hauled up before the court!

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You know them by heart. Some of them have been plaguing you for almost a year. They pop up with an aggravating regularity to steal games from you that you should have won, or to turn happy-fun games into irritating crawls.

They are The Most Annoying Cards In Time Spiral Limited.

Mind you, the most annoying cards aren’t the most powerful cards. I mean, Errant Ephemeron is certainly a darned good card, but generally there are enough tools to handle it that it won’t kill you by itself. It’s a 4/4 flier; trouble, certainly, but if you’re consistently going, “I would have won if not for that Ephemeron!” then perhaps you should consider retooling your decks a tad.

No, I’m talking about the annoying cards — the ones where there aren’t enough answers in the format, or they win games so thoroughly you didn’t have a chance, or they just plain vex you.

But because we’re Magic players, which means we must always pick our favorites, it’s time to narrow it down. And so I ask you:

What Is The Most Annoying Card In Time Spiral?

Can we have a list of nominees, please? How about….

…Sprout Swarm?
Hi. I think I’ll go nuts at the end of every one of your turns, spending two minutes in your end phase to make three tokens while I agonizingly decide which guys to tap for convoke. I’m not actually that good a player, so I’ll take forever to decide to finally attack you even though I outnumber your guys three to one… Instead, I’ll just keep making glacially-slow tokens while you hope to hell to draw some global removal.

Crime:

  • As a buyback spell with no target, the only way to fizzle it is with a Counterspell of some sort. You can’t stop the signal. (EDIT: Though, as Eli Kaplan has noted, a timely Augur of Skulls or Mindstab can sometimes do the trick as well.)
  • The only consistent, non-rare ways to get rid of all the tokens at once are Subterranean Shambler (a common), Sulfurous Blast (an uncommon), Festering March (an uncommon), Pyrohemia (uncommon), and Rough / Tumble (an uncommon).* In other words, if you’re not playing Red, you’re probably going to be here for a while.
  • A common, so you’ll run into it. A lot.
  • Takes forever to run on MODO.

Mitigating Circumstances:
Has made Deathspore Thallid and Thallid Germinator feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Wait, they were plants, they probably were warm and fuzzy inside.

…Akroma, Angel of Wrath?
You know the situation: You’re playing a B/R deck. The game’s stalled for a bit, but you’ve got it in the bag because you’ve got a mitt full of good removal and a couple of evasion guys on the table. Then, suddenly, there she is, a letter in each hand:

GG.

Crime:

  • Potentially having protection from half (or all) of your deck in Sealed play.
  • Being immune to removal; oh, you can Utopia Vow her or get lucky with a Judge Unworthy, or slap a Temporal Isolation on her, but that’s about it. (You can bounce her, but she’ll be back the next turn and attacking unless you either a) have a Counterspell or b) win the game that turn.)
  • Completely dominating the skies against almost everything, including most Dragons.

Mitigating Circumstances:
She does cost eight mana, three of it white, so it’s not like you can’t see her coming. And it’s not unreasonable to seal the game before your opponent hits eight mana. Plus, you know, a super-rare doesn’t turn up all that much.

…Essence Warden?
She’s in ur board, gaining u life.

Crime:

  • As a 1/1, you shouldn’t have to waste removal on her.
  • …but if you don’t, she’s going to gain your opponent anywhere between five and twelve life during the course of the game, buying him time to possibly kill you.
  • …but if you do, then maybe he’ll have some even better guy later in the game that you’ll need the removal for, and you’ve just wasted it on a damn 1/1.

Mitigating Circumstances:
She’s just a wafer-thin 1/1. No, wait! That’s why she’s so annoying! There are no mitigating circumstances!

…Might Sliver?
You know why it’s called Might Sliver? Because you might have pulled out this game if it hadn’t arrived just when it did. You had the removal in hand and the mana to cast it the next turn, and you could have picked off the good slivers one by one… But nooo, that damn Might Sliver came down and yoinked all the Slivers out of burn range, and made them impossible to pick off in combat. Gah.

Crime:
Turning little wussy weenie guys into actual combat monsters.

Mitigating Circumstances:
You have to both play Green and get five mana out to make this work. That’s not always feasible. Plus, there’s an argument to be made that the actual annoying cards are Telekinetic Sliver and Venomous Sliver… But who can pick a single Sliver out of a lineup when they all look exactly alike once you get them in the same room?

…Tromp the Domains?
Oh, you know he has it. You saw it last game. And you’re trying to race him, trying desperately to use all of your combat tricks to keep his board down so that Tromp won’t destroy you in a single shot, and it’s just not working. And then he casts it, and everything he has now has seven million toughness, and you’re dead.

Dammit.

Crime:

  • Being an overpowered source of lucksackery in Sealed games.
  • Being way too overt, since you see three types of land and six mana and you can watch it slow-rolling off the top of the deck with a sickness that makes you want to vomit rice.

Mitigating Circumstances:
Not that useful if they don’t have a lot of creatures on board. Then there’s he supreme satisfaction you feel when they Tromp and you Dawn Charm or Sulfurous Blast in response can make you burst into spontaneous happy-dances for months afterwards.

…Kaervek the Merciless?
Hi. You’re at five life and in a board position that could be a winning position with a spell or two…But you lose.

No, there’s nothing you can do it about it. Thanks for playing.

Crime:
Locking you out of games that you had cold, but casting a single spell will now mean your demise.

Mitigating Circumstances:
It’s a rare, so you won’t see it that often. Also, it’s two colors and seven mana, so you see it even less. But man, when it shows up, all you have is what you had when you started playing.

…Temporal Isolation?
Like a stone in a postman’s shoe, you’ve encountered this so damn often that it’s ceased to register any more. You’re beaten down like Connie Corleone, sadly used to the regularity with which this stupid, stupid spell gets played on you.

“Temporal Isolation your huge fattie?”

“Sure. Whatever. I guess.”

Watch helplessly as your Prodigal Sorcerors get nerfed! Stare glumly as that Kavu Primarch becomes wallpaper! Curse as the even trade you had in combat turns into a massacre, thanks to one stupid enchantment!

Crime:

  • Being a common in a set where you get the most cards.
  • Turning off your biggest, baddest creatures with a regularity that puts stopwatches to envy.
  • Costing very little, so you can almost always see it coming.

Mitigating Circumstances:
It’s pretty easy to take care of; any bounce or enchantment removal will do. And it can be used to your advantage; oh, I’ll attack with shadow, and then remove the enchantment after you can declare no blockers. Plus, the surprise factor against novices who swing for the kill and then forget that yes, you can block their Infiltrator il-Kor with your Isolated 5/5 is worth the price.

…Empty the Warrens?
I’ll unsuspend this Errant Ephemeron, then unsuspend this Durkwood Baloth, then attack. Oh? You have a trick? Well, so do I! And now I’ll get a bunch of tokens.

Crime:

  • Providing a bunch of really annoying tokens.
  • Getting particularly egregious with multiple Empty the Warrens.
  • Making already difficult-to-survive suspendfests into slaughters.

Mitigating circumstances:
Not nearly as much of a problem in Sealed, where you can’t reliably pick up multiple Empties, and the Draft issue has been lessened now that we have two other packs. And they’re Goblin tokens, which aren’t used for much, unlike the crunch-all-you-want-we’ll-make-more Saproling tokens.

…Dreamscape Artist?
Gosh, my punishment for drawing no removal in the first five turns is that you scoop four land out of your deck and wind up two lands on top of me. Seems fair. Not.

Crime:

  • Makes W/G decks weep with pity if they don’t get an aggressive start.
  • Makes their late game a bombtastic parade of your heaviest-hitters, with the mana to cast them.

Mitigating Circumstances:
It’s so pleasant to cap one on turn 1 with, say, a Midnight Charm, and then cast your own on turn 2.

…Force of Savagery?
This could be an awesome card, if only you had Muraganda Petroglyphs. No, wait; that won’t work either.

Why the hell is this in my booster? I’m trying to win a damn PTQ here! I need bombs, crazy bombs, WMD bombs, megadocious bombs! And I get frickin’ Force of Savagery?

Look, I know Squire is a joke — I can take a joke. But Force is… Well, it’s almost like they thought someone would use it! You know who’ll use it? Some eight-year-old dorf who doesn’t know any better! Nobody could play this card!

I’m going to go 0-4 with this damn pile! How can I win if I get cards like this? It’s so unfair! I can’t — I won’t —

Crime:
Causing you not only to go 0-4 at the PTQ, but to get disbarred from all future events when you shoved the Force up another opponent, shrieking, “This loss isn’t my fault! It’s the Force! It’s the dang Force!”

Mitigating Circumstances:
Cracking that Akroma wouldn’t be anywhere near as sweet if we didn’t occasionally whiff.

…or so they tell us.

…Home on the Strange?
That stupid plug comes when you’re least expecting it. Oh, God, how many times do you have to see The Ferrett plug his unfunny webcomic before you break down and start going on your own? This has been going on for over a year, for Gosh’ sakes!

Crime:

  • A running gag that is never funny
  • Blatant shilling
  • Unlike the rest of Time Spiral, will not rotate out.

Mitigating Circumstances:
Unless you’re playing Ferrett, you’re unlikely to run into it at a PTQ.

Potential Other Candidates:

So. Sound off in the forums. What is the most annoying card? Vote, people, vote!

Sincerely,
The Ferrett
[email protected]
The Here Edits This Site Here Guy

* – I have the unpleasant feeling that I probably missed a non-rare way to get rid of ten Saproling tokens; if I did, lemme know in the forums.