How To Get Ready For The Coming Onslaught, Part 5

The cost for Wall of Mulch’s activated ability should just be”G, Sacrifice Wall of Mulch” – unless you plan on playing with eight or twelve or sixteen walls. If you do, let me know where you’re playing; I need a bye in round one.

Green is the color of money. Green is the color of Spring and growth. Green is the color of emeralds and jade. Breath deep. Do you smell that? That’s the perfumed scent of the forest . . . and Magic’s least subtle color. Remember, green is also the color of The Incredible Hulk, a none-too-subtle guy himself. As he is wont to remind us,”Hulk smash!” We like things that smash other things. With apologies to Wall Street’s Gordon Gecko, green is good.

Animal Magnetism

BOOM! Right off the bat, like a first-pitch, belt-high fastball right down the middle of the plate to Barry Bonds, we have a home run. Load up on lotsa mana acceleration, tricks, and big ol’ honkin’ critters – you know, the kind that green is so good at making – and four of these to make for wicked bad choices for your opponent.

Barkhide Mauler

If this were just a 4/4 for five mana, it would be okay… But cycling gives it a bit more of a chance. You won’t mind seeing this in your opening hand simply because it cycles.


Yes, this is expensive… But Holy Soul Feast, Batman! Look at that effect! You can simply destroy an opponent with this. And don’t even get me and Alongi started on the uses in multiplayer.

Birchlore Rangers

I’ll bet your first reaction was,”Well, it’s not Birds of Paradise.” No, it’s not: That puts you on par with Adrian Monk (played by Tony Shaloub on USA’s Monk) in the Keen Observation Department. But, what if you don’t need your mana accelerated for a three-casting cost spell on turn two? Then, these guys can be very nice, especially for the vast population of players who don’t want to spend $10 to $15 on Birds of Paradise.

Bloodline Shaman

I think green is getting better elves than red got goblins. I can imagine several very nasty and huge decks utilizing this.

Then again, I can also imagine Nicole Kidman stopping by my place for a game of naked Twister. I have a very active and fertile imagination.

Broodhatch Nantuko

This is a tiny Saber Ants; I loved Saber Ants. I also love Druid’s Call. And I love the thought of Nicole Kidman playing naked Twister.

Centaur Glade

Say it with me: Uncounterable creatures are A Good Thing.

Chain of Acid

I’ll bet your opponent shoots for that Centaur Glade with this puppy. At worst, they will pick off one of your lands… And that’s why this Chain blows bubbles. Your opponent can always get something of yours at no cost to them.

Crown of Vigor

Oh, I think my elves are gonna like this. Come to think of it, so will the goblins in my red/green deck and the clerics in my white/green deck.

Elven Riders

Yeah! The Elven Riders are back! I’ve always been a big fan of these guys. There’s not much that can block them. And unblocked elves are a real pain in the beast, if you know what I mean, Clem.

Elvish Guidance

They shoulda called this Graceland. (Elvis puns are just way too easy in green.)

Elvish Pathcutter

I liked this better when it was Elvish Herder and it gave trample to anything. Still, it makes my elves unblockable . . . If my opponent has a forest in play.

Like I said, I liked Elvish Herder better.

Elvish Pioneer

I truly can see this guy as better than Birds of Paradise. Hey, wait a second before you page down there, Vince – follow me here.

(1) You can have three mana on turn two with this guy, but the third mana source is a land – so it can’t be Shocked or Firebolted out of existence.

(2) This creature can attack for damage unaided. It’s not much damage, but it’s more than Birds.

(3) It’s a common, so kids can actually afford them.

Elvish Scrapper

They could have just reprinted Scavenger Folk… But then we wouldn’t be able to play with eight of these in a deck!

Oh yeah, and it’s an elf.

Elvish Vanguard

People sorely underestimated the Quirion Dryad until it was too late and Miracle Gro was everywhere; I think this is going to be like that. This can get absolutely huge very quickly.

Elvish Warrior

Here we have a 2/3 elf for two mana. Why don’t you tell me if it’s good?

Enchantress’s Presence

In case you can’t figure out from this card, an Enchantress deck should be quite easy to build now. Remember, Yavimaya Enchantress and Verduran Enchantress are both in 7th Edition… Also, imagine this with Words of Wilding .

Everglove Courier

I thought the goblin in this cycle would be my favorite… But I think this is now. Oh, I hate tough decisions.

Explosive Vegetation

Normally, a green deck doesn’t want to spend turn 3 fetching mana. (Yes, turn 3; I am assuming some sort of mana acceleration.) But, remember, spells like this also thin out the deck. Plus, it can give you a potential six or seven mana on turn four (again, with mana bugs).

Now, what could green do with that much mana? (HINT: The answer is not Stream of Life.)


This is Deadly Insect’s rowdy frat brother. Same stats (an untargetable 6/1) but with a great return ability. Huge, untargetable honkers like this must be in green/red decks. Since you can’t target them with growth effects, you have to be able to destroy the blockers. Gigapede has a tiny backside that’s just begging for a 1/1 to kill it. You wouldn’t want a squirrel token to kill this thing, would you?

Heedless One

Okay, I give. I like all of the avatars.

And this one has trample! Yummy.


I really hope that you don’t need me to tell you how good a green Shadowmage Infiltrator is.

Invigorating Boon

**gulp** I think I really wanna make a cycling deck.

Kamahl, Fist of Krosa

A living Overrun? You gotta be kidding me! Please, tell me that his ability can only be triggered once per turn. If not, I’ll have to cry tears of joy… You know, like the ones you do when your girlfriend’s EPT test shows the little blue minus sign.

Kamahl’s Summons

I feel sorry for the colors like blue and red that won’t be running very many creature cards in their decks. This is gonna blow them up sometimes.

Krosan Colossus

People are already moaning that this doesn’t have trample… But given this guy’s size, adding trample just wouldn’t be fair. Sure, I’d like to see it, but I’ll find another way to get that damage through to my opponent. Like, oh, I don’t know… Flying, maybe?

Krosan Groundshaker

Can you feel that? That’s the environment shifting on November 1st to creature-type based decks. You can have your wizards and clerics; I’m gonna make a beast deck.

Krosan Tusker

I may put in four of these simply for the library thinning potential. And if I ever get to cast one, well, goody for me.

Leery Fogbeast

Utilized properly (i.e., you take out any and all potential blockers), this guy is a beatstick with big ol’ knots and thorns on it. It is, after all, a 4/2 for three mana. Who wants to see this on turn 2?

Mythic Proportions

“Gee,” said Wally.”That’s a lot to pay for a creature enchantment!”

“But what if you kill your opponent that turn, Wally?” asked Coach Feldman.

“Golly, I guess that’s pretty darn good, then.”


Green no longer needs to splash white for Disenchant? Say goodbye to white.

Overwhelming Instinct

If you’re attacking with three or more creatures, you should be ahead of the game already. With this in play, you’ll be even more ahead.

Primal Boost

I love the +4/+4, but the cost is too high. Give me Muscle Burst instead.

Ravenous Baloth

As a 4/4 for four mana, it’s already very good… But that ability will allow beast decks to stay in the game while making big honkers. Grrrrr!

Run Wild

I can take it or leave it.

On second thought, I like the regeneration; I’ll take it.

Serpentine Basilisk

As cool as basilisks are, that ability is actually very defensive. In other words, not very green.

Silklash Spider

Sure; it’s a living Hurricane. But why is it a rare?

Silvos, Rogue Elemental

My spoiler has got to be wrong. An 8/5 trampler for 6 mana? And it doesn’t have a drawback?

In fact, instead of a drawback, it has regeneration. That’s way too efficient. However, if it’s true, I want a bunch of these. Yes, even though they’re legends.

Snarling Undorak

A Hill Giant that can pump itself and its brothers up. Not a bad beast.

Spitting Gourna

I like spiders. They eat flying creatures.

Stag Beetle

It’s like Beast of Burden, but it’s sooooo much better because it won’t get smaller when those other creatures go away.

Steely Resolve

Thank you, Wizards R&D – thank you! I’ve been waiting for a card like this almost since I started playing Magic.

Symbiotic Beast

It has a pseudo-Saber Ants ability. This will be very good when Chainer’s Edict goes off.

Symbiotic Elf

Like the guy above, but with all the attendant props that go to elves.

Symbiotic Wurm

You know that you’ll never play this in Constructed. So why don’t you send whatever you get to me, and I’ll play them in Constructed?

Taunting Elf

I’ve got a real soft spot in my heart for this little guy. I didn’t start playing until right before Urza’s Legacy was released. I didn’t try building a truly focused deck until after Urza’s Destiny came out.

This guy was in my version of a Stompy deck. Why? He allows for an alpha strike. Just protect him until the turn he can attack and all of your guys can get through unhindered. I’m glad he’s back.

Tempting Wurm

Against a control deck, this is going to be nasty; they won’t have many permanents (other than lands, of course) in their hand, so you could get away with this. Against other decks, you lose.

Towering Baloth

Isn’t it funny that you could call a 7/6 beast a vanilla creature?

Treespring Lorian

Ditto for a 5/4.

Tribal Unity

This may be the best creature-type trick of the lot; it’s splashable, and so it can be used with clerics or angels or zombies. Nasty, nasty, nasty.

Venomspout Brackus

I like this guy, but I thought this ability was going to be a white ability. The more you give to other colors from white, the less white will be played.

Vitality Charm

You can have ’em all.

Voice of the Woods

Anthony Alongi has pretty much exhausted this in his column. Needless to say (but I’m going to anyway), this can make some serious problems bloom for your opponent.

Wall of Mulch

The cost for this activated ability should just be”G, Sacrifice Wall of Mulch,” unless you plan on playing with eight or twelve or sixteen walls. If you do, let me know where you’re playing; I need a bye in round one.

Weird Harvest

I don’t like that name. I feel like I should be looking for land cards, not creatures.


You know how They say that”lifegain sucks”? That statement is usually true, since it doesn’t change your board position. But, it needs to be qualified with”unless the amount is huge.” This can be huge.

Wirewood Elf

Since we know that Llanowar Elves are going bye-bye in 8th Edition, I guess we should have realized that the time of the one-casting-cost mana elf was over. Llanowar Elves are dead! Long Live Llanowar Elves!

Wirewood Herald

It’s Welkin Hawk without flying. And it’s an elf.

Wirewood Pride

Another piece of the puzzle for an elf deck. This is also for the alpha strike. Find the unblocked elf and give it +7/+7 or whatever. The end.

Wirewood Savage

This is a common? Good.

Words of Wilding

It just isn’t fair that green gets this while the other colors (especially white) get what they got. But, us green mages are sure glad we did get this.

My final verdict for green: The elves and beasts win. Hands down.

As usual, you’ve been a great audience. Now, excuse my while I take a nap. I gotta get ready for the final leg of the Tour de Onslaught: artifacts and lands.

Chris Romeo

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