I’m not gonna be subtle today. I was gonna hold back on this one, saving it for when I really wanted to get even with an aggressive multiplayer group – but to heck with it. I’m gonna share it with you.
Excuse me a second…I feel a testosterone surge coming on! GGGRRRR…!@#$%^& FREAKING GURGLING BLOODY MESS!!! BBOOODDDIIIIIEEEEESSSSS!!!*…
Calm down, take a deep breath… Stay in control…
Warn ’em, my conscience tells me. Warn these people about my deck…
Excuse me while I notify the national terrorism risk evaluation center…”WARNING: A STAGE RED ALERT IS NOW IN EFFECT ACROSS THE NATION. A THREAT TO NATIONAL SECURITY EXISTS AND IMPENDING DOOM IS IMMINENT.”
Ummm, that’s overstated just a tad – but if you’re like that peon in MacBeth who lets a little bit of blood addle their brains, then stay away. This deck is best in the hands of homicidal maniacs. (Careful with that axe, Eugene…)
All right, no more stalling – stand BACK! Move aside! Get out of the way!
Blunt Trauma
Spells (36):
4 Colossus of Sardia
2 Phyrexian Colossus
3 Clone
2 Dance of Many
2 Vesuvan Doppelganger
1 Unstable Shapeshifter
1 Volrath’s Shapeshifter
4 Power Artifact
4 Grim Monolith
1 Skull of Orm
1 Reins of Power
1 Copy Artifact
1 Drafna’s Restoration
1 Time Spiral
1 Mists of Stagnation
1 Tinker
1 Mind Over Matter
2 Intruder Alarm
3 Chain Stasis
Land (24):
4 Urza’s Tower
4 Urza’s Power Plant
4 Urza’s Mine
1 Tolarian Academy
1 Mishra’s Workshop (more if you got ’em!)
10 Island
There’s nothing subtle about this deck.
The basic formula:
1. Cast a Grim Monolith (or complete the Urza land set).
2. Enchant with Power Artifact.
3. Cast a Colossus. Or two. Or three.
4. Copy it with Clone/Shapeshifters/Doppelgangers/Dance of Many.
5. SMASH FACE!!!
6. Untap with Chain Stasis, Intruder Alarm, Mind Over Matter, or Mists of Stagnation.
7. Repeat. (Don’t rinse; the gore is good for your complexion.)
(Side note: notice how I play blue with no counterspells? Try it! You’ll like it!)
Now, some groups frown on the Grim Monolith/Power Artifact combination – and for good reason, as it can produce infinite mana! If they whine, then take out the Power Artifacts and replace them with Basalt Monoliths, Mana Vaults, Sol Ring, and the like- the form doesn’t matter, but the mana DOES. Without Power Artifact, you need a minimum of eight artifact mana sources to keep from discarding stuff early.
If you do use Power Artifact, though, you can put them on Colossus of Sardia or Skull of Orm if you have no other targets. Tricks: don’t forget Chain of Stasis is an instant! If you have attacked with your hardware, you can untap them to use as blockers. Nine mana to untap Colossus of Sardia or eight life to untap Phyrexian Colossus can be a total pain – so why not do it for a lot less? Nothing like a surprise 9/9 blocker (or two or three), ready and willing to impart more pain!
Reins of Power: With this spell, you can take an opponent’s army and attack someone else with it (not the one you stole it from, though, as he has your critters all untapped and ready to block!). The real benefit of this is that you should get all your metal back untapped!
Tinker: Sometimes you just can’t get yourself untapped. Some idiot might have cast Armageddon or has Winter Orb out or something. Well, get rid of your useless hunk of junk and replace it with a shiny new one – and kill him!!!
Clone/Doppelgangers/Dance of Many: Early on you might have these in hand, but no Colossi (Hey – Word didn’t underline”Colossi” – I got my plurality down!) to copy. No biggie – use them to copy the biggest non-legend badass on the table! The Vesuvans and Unstable Shapeshifter you can reset to mirror your big dudes later, and for the Dance of Many you can skip the upkeep cost and pick them up with the Skull of Orm to recast as Colossi!
Mist of Stagnation: Sure, everyone gets to untap their stuff, and you might have to untap some of theirs as well if you have a lot of cards in your graveyard. Well, big deal – literally! Your stuff is so very huge it doesn’t matter what stuff they untap! Just make sure you untap their creatures first before lands (lord knows what nasty spells they might have!). You will run them over!!!
(Well, okay… When you have Phyrexian Colossi on the table, you can be generous and untap just two of each opponent’s critters.)
That’s it for this deck – hope you enjoy it, but not too much. We have enough homicidal maniacs in this country…