It was night shift, the humidity was thick, and customers a plenty in the centrally located McDonalds. Dugan was in the back, doing some maintenance work, when all of a sudden he heard a ruckus! Being the off duty Manager, he rushed to the front and witnessed a man trying to crawl in through the to-go window! McDonalds messed up his order! He wanted revenge and was threatening every employee under Jacob’s enlistment.
Dugan did the only thing he could do; he reached toward the fryer, pulled out the fry basket, and hurled boiling grease onto the culprit’s face, dripping his melted nose and cheeks onto the ground in a puddle of burned flesh!
Nah, I’m just kidding…
Dugan did the only thing he could do; he picked the mammoth cash register up, hurling it down on the intruder’s head producing a cringing bone-crushing crunch, brain matter scattered about the pristine floors!
Nah, I’m just joshing…
Dugan did the only thing he could do; he let the dastardly assailant get through the window, then offered him a frosty, on the house. The grizzled man fell to his knees and broke out in tears, finally realizing the error of his life’s path. He arose, humbly accepted the cold desert, and calmly crawled back out the to-go window and back into his 87′ Pontiac.
Nah, that’s not how it went down…
Dugan did the only thing he could do; he ran up to the window, punched the inebriated infiltrator square in the temple, and left him hanging there like a dead piece of meat at the slaughterhouse!
That actually happened! Go Dugan (my round 4 opponent)!
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Standard is in an amazing spot right now; people are ACTUALLY playing Magic! Games are interactive, lots of critter combat, lots of fatty boom boom’s to finish games out, lots of different angles in an open metagame where even something like Phyrexian Obliterator can dominate if supported properly…
Creatures (9)
Planeswalkers (6)
Lands (25)
Spells (20)
- 4 Distress
- 2 Doom Blade
- 2 Tumble Magnet
- 2 Ratchet Bomb
- 2 Black Sun's Zenith
- 2 Batterskull
- 4 Tezzeret's Gambit
- 2 Victim of Night
Sideboard
I finally found an Obliterator deck that made sense. The premise of the deck is that Obliterator is the best creature in Standard. When you play it, ground pounders can’t attack into it, and it’s an unstoppable five damage that will end the game one way or another. It will take quarter chunks of damage from them until they are forced to block, at which point he’ll create lots of card advantage by taking out chunks of the opponent’s permanents at a time.
You protect him with Spellskite to preempt spells like Go for the Throat, Beast Within, and Oblivion Ring, which are on a short list of cards that actually take PO to the post office. You protect him with Distress to take any of the aforementioned removal, along with cards that Spellskite doesn’t cover, such as Gideon Jura, Mana Leak, and Day of Judgment. You protect him with Liliana of the Veil, which causes headaches and distracts the opponent from enabling their game plan. You clear the way by using instant-speed removal and sweeper effects that keep Obliterator alive in Ratchet Bomb and Black Sun’s Zenith.
That’s the core of the deck; the rest is part of the Tezzeret package. Sure, 11 is pretty skimpy, but you can usually get the 1/5 ratio you need unless you’ve had an artifact heavy draw, in which case you’ll probably be using the 5/5 creating ability.
4 Spellskite
1 Wurmcoil Engine
2 Ratchet Bomb
2 Batterskull
2 Tumble Magnet
3 Nihil Spellbomb out of the sideboard
Tumble Magnet isn’t that great, but it’s a universal form of removal that can handle large infect attacks, provide enough reach to get there with various 5/5s, and is colorless so it can be used on growingly popular Mirran Crusader (who I’ll point out isn’t that great at holding off an Obliterator).
Ratchet Bomb is integral to taking out Oblivion Rings, keeping G/W tokens in check, nukes Liliana before I drop mine, while also being a card that can handle stupid permanents that black usually isn’t able to.
Batterskull is the secondary kill condition in the deck but is also quite a nut punch when Obliterator picks it up. Wurmcoil is there to be a better Batterskull #3, but it’s actually been far inferior to Batterskull. With all the removal this deck has, a Batterskull can win most games; especially because you can rebuy on it for every removal spell they burn. I’d also like to have a higher opportunity to equip Batterskull to Obliterator, since it’s literally impossible to lose when you’re connecting unhindered. Looking toward the future, I’d definitely cut the Wurm for the Germ! Of course, there’s always the Batterskull + Inkmoth Nexus interaction, which can end those grinding games in a hurry.
Spellskite is also great at picking up a Batterskull and is the best card in Standard to curve into Liliana and PO. Put simply, Liliana and PO can both put you in very favorable positions, and with Distress and Spellskite, you can provide a security net that allows both of them to donkey kick the opponent’s face in.
Those U/W/B Alchemy decks are pretty tough to contend with in the late game, primarily because I’m doing work to discard their hand, which actually helps them out! Snapcaster’s efficiency is brutal, Nihil Spellbomb is needed to keep all those decks in check, and since the Germ is coming out of the board, it makes room for a case Spellbomb!
Round 1 – Marcus Carty playing G/R Wellspring Wolf Run
Marcus was playing quite a peculiar deck; it used Mycosynth Wellspring and Ichor Wellspring, along with Ancient Grudge, to generate card advantage. He also had burn to handle quick critters and defaulted to a Primeval Titan + Wolf Run + Inkmoth Nexus endgame like every other schmuck in Standard.
In truth, he should have crushed me, probably all three games if played properly; however since he had SO many “search your library cards”—Wellspring, Titan, Emissary, Satchel—he took up quite a bit of time shuffling his library…
Game 1 he drew all four Ancient Grudges, along with two of each Wellspring, which made Liliana’s mutual discard extremely unfavorable, especially considering all of my artifacts like Batterskull and Ratchet Bombs were blanked. He cast a couple of Primeval Titans, retrieving several Kessig Wolf Run and Ghost Quarter, but after two Titans I was puzzled whether or not he had Inkmoth Nexus in his deck.
After playing a bit of Magic, I used Tezzeret and Inkmoth Nexus to kill him in two turns.
Game 2 was pretty epic. Liliana wrecked his hand early game; I sideboarded my artifacts out to negate any advantage he’d have from Ancient Grudge and ripped his hand apart before landing an Obliterator. He had zero cards in hand, ripped Beast Within. I left Wurmcoil Engine in as the only artifact but wasn’t worried because he only had one Ancient Grudge in the graveyard, until of course he ripped an Ancient Grudge on the turn following the Beast Within rip. Turn after? Ripped Primeval Titan, searching for Kessig and the only copy of Inkmoth Nexus in his deck! Then, I lost.
Game 3 was painful. He mulliganed, but we were short on time because homeboy shuffles like a grandma doing the Cha-Cha Slide. Despite having two PO’s on the table, I couldn’t win with only two attack phases, and we drew because this every-other-turn-shuffling-pixie-stick was playing like a slow roasted piece of brisket.
0-0-1
Round 2 – Colin Dowdy with RUG!
Colin is one of the cooler kids who doesn’t take Magic too seriously at the shop; he was playing a Brimstone Volley centric Snapcaster Mage deck. Mana Leak, Swords, Frost Titan, and Garruk graced his 60.
Game one Obliterator came down, and he confessed he had zero ways to deal with it aside from Mana Leak! I mean, sure he had Brimstone Volley, but that obviously was atrocious. He did a pretty good job of locking down my two Obliterators with his Frost Titan; however my Ratchet Bomb had been preparing for a Frosty dilemma and wiped his Titan out shortly after, clearing the way for my Obliterators to dominate.
Game two was much of the same. Obliterator was impossible for him to deal with. His Thrun looked to cause some problems, but after putting him to one life, I used Black Sun’s Zenith to kill everything, leaving a 1/1 PO to close the game out.
1-0-1
Round 3 – James Torres with UWB Snapcaster
James is an FNM vet, showing his distinct mug around the shop every Friday, consistent like my Metamucil.
Game 1 I got super greedy with a Liliana. I used Distress to show me his hand of Day, Snap, Dismember, Phantasmal Image, and I started to sweat with the Obliterator in my hand. Rather than run it out there for an easy play on James’ side, I sat back and used Liliana to clear a path. I got her up to six; then seeing Obliterator as my only other nonland spell, I felt like I needed to be greedy and run her up to 7.
HUGE mistake; he used Forbidden Alchemy to put a Liliana in the yard, then casually used Sun Titan to get it back! AGH! What a stupid mistake! Lost shortly after, since I didn’t draw any other spells, but I definitely should have just made him sac half his permanents and hoped to draw spells.
Game 2 I landed Liliana early, kept his graveyard in check with Nihil Spellbomb, then used Liliana to ultimate him! From there Tezzeret + Inkmoth Nexus wrapped him up and shipped it FedEx.
Game 3 was super close. Mind Rot + Nihil Spellbomb did work, but we went to time! I had to run both my Obliterators out; they survived, and I swung for lethal on turn 5!
2-0-1
Round 4 – Jacob Dugan with U/W/B Snapcaster
Jacob and James play the same decks every week, so I knew what to expect. Dirty Dugan is one of my favorite people at FNM, primarily because I can mess around with him and get some jabs back in return. Everyone else just sits there, turns red, and crumbles.
But Dugan? No way! To prove it, I’d like to tell a story from the McDonald’s drive thru that JD recently told me…
[scroll up to the intro for the story!]
Game 1 Distress nailed his Oblivion Ring, and Liliana got up to six with ease. Then after making him sacrifice bunches of permanents, another Liliana came down, disassembling the heroic McDonalds savior!
Game 2 Sun Titan’s and Phantasmal Image’s went crazy, I didn’t draw Nihil Spellbomb, and despite being at 41 life from having Batterskull go nuts, he finished me pretty quickly with like four 6/6’s! I really messed this game up in hindsight. I had an Obliterator with Batterskull, and I attacked into some Titans and made a bad trade since he could literally rebuild his creature presence just by attacking once.
Game 3 Mind Rot + Liliana kept him out of the game while Nihil Spellbomb countered his Snapcaster Mage and stopped Unburial Rites from doing much. An Obliterator was followed by another Obliterator, and he got obliterated!
This is a really scary matchup; the discard is great, but at the same time they’ve got so much removal and fluidity because of Snapcaster they can really just sit back and remain calm. The Spellbombs and Mind Rot out of the board are key to disrupt them.
3-0-1
Round 5 – Josh Schladetzky with G/W Empire Tron
Josh was the most exciting match of the night; he was playing a G/W control deck, featuring four copies of each of the Empire cards. In case you didn’t know they existed, here yah go…
I can safely say that there is some real power in having those three in play, but of course, all great empires take time to build.
Game 1 I had him in top deck mode with Throne and Scepter in play, and of course, he ripped Crown to take my Obliterators, overrun me with 1/1s, and shot down Tezzeret & Liliana with the Scepter.
OUCH!
Game 2 I had more Ratchet Bombs, Mind Rot to put some pressure on his hand, and landed two Obliterators early to get my beatdown going. Until he played DAY OF JUDGMENT!
Man, I suck, but at least I was able to blow up his Crown of Empires with Ratchet Bomb. Until he played SUN TITAN!
Blowout! The games really weren’t even close. I was completely humbled by a deck I’d expect to see on a high school cafeteria table. This loss really left me scratching my head; could this deck have something going for it?!? More on this after the tournament report!
3-1-1
Top 8 – Ben Henkes with G/W Tokens!
Game 1 was awesome. I had Distress for his Oblivion Ring; Spellskite and Ratchet Bomb kept him from being too aggressive; then I turned them into 5/5s with Tezzy and shipped it to papa!
Game 2 was a little closer; he had some token beatings going on, but my Spellskite stopped his Oblivion Ring from doing any damage while Obliterator picked up a Batterskull to batter his skull.
4-1-1
Top 4 – Travis Pillow with G/W Tokens
Travis beat me last time we played, but this time I’d have some more umph for his generated minions.
Game one he did some stuff, then I got Obliterator down, Batterskull the following turn, and went for the most imposing two-card combo in Standard. That might be an overzealous statement, but it’s insanely crippling to sit across from. Pray I never have to see my opponent with that kind of raw unadulterated power.
Game two, he did some stuff, then I got Obliterator down, Batterskull the following turn, and proceeded to trample over his puny 1/1s while my life total reached the heavens.
That win felt good; I hate losing to this guy.
5-1-1
Finals – Adrian Villalobos with ??
I offered him the split + a pack if I could have the win, easy enough!
6-1-1 (66 planeswalker points!)
POTC was crowned, my ego rightfully bloated from my sheer dominance of Magic at its eighth highest level, and I finally have some bragging rights to talk to the boys at the barbershop about! If you want an autographed play mat, trophy card, or picture of your mom’s cleavage, I’m accepting $50 donations to the Sanchez Needs Conditioner fund. In return, I’ll do a piece of customized art work on any of the aforementioned canvases.
The real thrill of the night was Schladetzky’s Empire Tron deck. It got me thinking about several different potential routes…
G/W Control Empire Tron
This was Jason’s version, and the mix of Timely Reinforcements, Day of Judgment, Gideon Jura, Sun Titan, along with Avacyn’s Pilgrim, Oblivion Ring, Rampant Growth, and Beast Within looks pretty attractive. You’ve got a host of different spells that can prolong the game to give you time to draw into the Tron, Sun Titan can get back non-Throne broken pieces. A rough list would probably look something like this, basically a G/W Ramp deck!
Creatures (8)
Planeswalkers (3)
Lands (25)
Spells (24)
It’s rough, but when I started drawing it up, I kept asking myself: why doesn’t this deck just play Primeval Titan and some Kessig action??
Grand Architect Empire Tron
This seems pretty exciting: early blue creatures, Spellskite for protection that complements Architect the turn you play it. Trinket & Treasure can search for them, but their packages wouldn’t need to be too heavy and would allow design space for supporting spells along with the Tron 12. I have no clue what a list would look like at this point, but it can’t be that hard to throw some Islands, Architects, and artifacts into a list and shuffle ‘em up.
U/B Tezzeret Empire Tron
This version can use Tezzeret to dig for the combo, potentially Forbidden Alchemy, along with all the other U/B Control cards to make the game go long. The one issue I have here is that running the heavy hitters that you’re accustomed to in U/B like Sphinx or Grave Titan just won’t work here.
Empire Tron, unlike Urza Tron, takes up 12 SPELLS in the deck. This is a huge design constraint, one I need to mess around with more before I can just vomit up some badass lists. One thing’s for sure; once it’s in play your opponent better have some burn because the Empire Tron completely dominates any sort of board pressure you might muster up, lots of chump blockers, direct damage to handle planeswalkers, and even Control Magic on a reusable stick!
Thanks for reading,
Sanchez
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Top 5 Picks
1) Ed Harcourt – Visit From The Dead Dog
2) Going Nowhere – Elliott Smith
3) Little Weapons – Lupe Fiasco
4) Protect Ya Neck – Wu Tang Clan
5) You Raise Me Up – Josh Groban