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CASUAL FRIDAYS #146: The Wood Halls Of Fame

Casual Fridays closes with a bang today in three separate articles today as Anthony gives his take on the finest artifacts for multiplayer!

Artifacts

A group game without artifacts is rare. Artifacts”fix” an awful lot of things – they can give abilities to colors that don’t normally have them (like a black deck playing Null Brooch or a green deck playing Masticore), and can alter entire games that looked unwinnable by modifying combat (like Crawlspace) or preventing damage (like Bubble Matrix).

It’s been a while since Wizards has emphasized artifacts in any expansion – they still seem a bit shy from Urza’s days – but for group players, there have been plenty of tasty colorless treats even in recent years. Here’s how the artifact portion of the Hall currently plays out:



ARTIFACTS


RS


GO


SP


PG


PL


CK


COM


30


Worry Beads


2


3


2


3


3


3


2.65


29


Chimeric Staff


4


2


2


2


2


4


2.70


28


Slate of Ancestry


4


2


2


2


2


4


2.70


27


Teferi’s Puzzle Box


2


4


3


2


3


3


2.83


26


Angel’s Trumpet


2


4


2


2


4


3


2.84


25


Viseling


3


3


2


4


2


3


2.87


24


Riptide Replicator


4


3


2


2


2


4


2.90


23


Bubble Matrix


3


4


2


2


4


3


3.05


22


Powerstone Matrix


4


3


2


2


3


4


3.05


21


Caltrops


4


3


2


2


4


3


3.06


20


Predator, Flagship


5


3


2


2


2


4


3.11


19


Storm Cauldron


4


4


2


2


4


3


3.26


18


Winter Orb


4


7


2


2


0


3


3.26


17


Smokestack


4


4


2


4


2


3


3.28


16


Barbed Wire


4


3


2


4


3


4


3.37


15


Thran Weaponry


3


3


2


4


5


4


3.46


14


Dragon Arch


6


3


3


2


2


4


3.46


13


Mirari


4


4


3


2


2


7


3.66


12


Horn of Greed


3


3


2


2


7


6


3.72


11


Helm of Awakening


3


3


2


2


7


6


3.72


10


Legacy Weapon


7


4


2


2


2


4


3.73


9


Ensnaring Bridge


7


4


2


2


3


3


3.74


8


Phyrexian Splicer


4


3


3


6


3


4


3.83


7


Jinxed Idol


3


2


2


7


4


6


3.87


6


Masticore


5


5


3


2


2


6


3.93


5


Beast of Burden


4


5


2


8


2


3


4.12


4


Portcullis


4


5


3


7


2


4


4.24


3


Howling Mine


3


3


2


3


8


8


4.31


2


Coat of Arms


2


5


4


7


6


3


4.42


1


Nevinyrral’s Disk


8


8


2


2


2


3


4.60


avg.


4.0


3.7


2.3


3.2


3.2


4.1


3.46



ARTIFACTS


30


Worry Beads


Sim: Whetstone, Grindstone, etc.


29


Chimeric Staff


Sim: Chimeric Idol, Chimeric Sphere


28


Slate of Ancestry


Overextension is…good?


27


Teferi’s Puzzle Box


Instants and board abilities rule.


26


Angel’s Trumpet


Play with haste, trampling things.


25


Viseling


Sim: Rackling, The Vise, Iron Maiden, etc.


24


Riptide Replicator


Sim: Volrath’s Laboratory, Snake Basket


23


Bubble Matrix


When your plan is”over the top.”


22


Powerstone Matrix


Makes Mons’s Goblin Raiders good.


21


Caltrops


Most players enjoy defensive boost.


20


Predator, Flagship


Sim: Pit Trap


19


Storm Cauldron


Acts oddly like Teferi’s Puzzle Box!


18


Winter Orb


Sim: Tangle Wire, Stasis Orb


17


Smokestack


Use Braids, Innocent Blood, etc.


16


Barbed Wire


Sim: Copper Tablet, Time Bomb


15


Thran Weaponry


Sim: Infinite Hourglass, Tawnos’s Weaponry


14


Dragon Arch


Sim: Belbe’s Portal, Quicksilver Amulet


13


Mirari


Best in team, quite decent in chaos.


12


Horn of Greed


Try Burgeoning, Exploration, etc.


11


Helm of Awakening


Great in multi-color splash decks.


10


Legacy Weapon


When it absolutely has to go.


9


Ensnaring Bridge


Slowdown without much pain.


8


Phyrexian Splicer


Four abilities at your disposal.


7


Jinxed Idol


Sim: Jinxed Ring


6


Masticore


Machine guns are made for multiple targets.


5


Beast of Burden


How about that Symbiotic Wurm?


4


Portcullis


Comes-into-play effects still happen…Twice.


3


Howling Mine


Nothing more beloved than this classic.


2


Coat of Arms


Onslaught’s most favored old card.


1


Nevinyrral’s Disk


Sim: Powder Keg

Lifelong readers, of course, know why Lifeline isn’t up there!

Cockroach-Infested Machines

No artifacts rank higher than 3 for spider, due to their very nature. The sole exception is Coat of Arms, which is now essentially the best colorless sorcery in Onslaught. The cockroach element is where artifacts really shine – and this is a good place to point out the nuances of rankings between one card and another in that element.

Just about any permanent will get a three for cockroach – even a Grey Ogre can attack more than once, right? And an effect like Ensnaring Bridge’s is”always on” – so permanents deserve more than sorceries and instants, in this regard. Artifacts are no different.

To get a four, the artifact has to renew its effect under certain likely conditions – see Portcullis. Every time a new creature comes in, the Portcullis makes something happen. It will take time and resources for each activation, but it can certainly happen.

To get a five or six (and these artifacts slide toward six), the renewal has to be fairly repeatable, and/or at instant speed, and/or at small cost. So Masticore and Jinxed Idol, who need just a bit of mana or a small creature to work their magic, rate high. (Masticore would rate at least a seven if it didn’t also suck a resource from your hand every turn.)

In the lands of sevens and eights, the renewal usually has a certain effect on some other resource. Think of Genesis, continually bringing creatures back to your hand. Here, Howling Mine gets top honors – because you don’t have to activate a thing, multiple Mines are cumulative, and each one gives you another card every turn.

Artificial Attachments

Nowadays, common and uncommon artifacts are, well, um, rare. But there are still many that you should look up from elder times if you don’t have them already. Only two of these are rare:

Certain metagames also favor Cursed Totem (and you can build a deck around the Totem using”God” tech like Glittering Lynx). There are as many favorite artifacts as there are players – and with Mark Rosewater hinting at every chance he gets that”the pendulum” may swing back someday, my guess is that we’ll have many more to choose from, sometime in the next year or two.