Bless You

You doh, subber id a wudderfuh tibe of the year. Boo skies, lazy (*snort*) avdanoods id the sudshide with a glass of cool Pibbs nubber wud (strawberry ad cucubber essential, of course). Unfortudately, I ab wud of those poor subs-of-bidges who suffers frob Hay Fever (*aaatchooo*) – so I have to spedd Bay, Jude, and…

You doh, subber id a wudderfuh tibe of the year. Boo skies, lazy (*snort*) avdanoods id the sudshide with a glass of cool Pibbs nubber wud (strawberry ad cucubber essential, of course). Unfortudately, I ab wud of those poor subs-of-bidges who suffers frob Hay Fever (*aaatchooo*) – so I have to spedd Bay, Jude, and July id a herbetically-sealed bio-sphere id low earth orbit (this was focus-beabed frob my coblex satellite cobbudicashuds array straight id-to Odeed’s braid). Eddyway – this weeks article is dedicated to thebe decks – those wodrous bodstrosities that surface after ad eve-dig of heavy ale-consubshun…frob codcept to reality id about four secods…

ROAR-GO (after Disney’s The Lion King)


1 x Mtenda Lion (G) (Scar)
1 x Birds Of Paradise (G) (Zazu)
2 x Savannah Lion (W) (Simba and Nala)
1 x Karoo Meerkats (1G) (Timon)
1 x Osai Vultures (1W) (Vultures in the Desert)
1 x Jamuraan Lion (2W) (Mufasa)
3 x Gibbering Hyenas (2G) (Banzai, Shenzi, and Ed)
1 x Warthog (1GG) (Pumbaa)
1 x Ravenous Baboons (3R) (Rafiki)
1 x Stampeding Wildebeest (2GG)
1 x Wild Elephant (3G)
1 x Zebra Unicorn (2GW)
1 x Pouncing Jaguar (G)
1 x Wild Dogs (G)
1 x Charging Rhino (3GG)
1 x Market Beetles (1GG) (Bugs!)
1 x Deadly Insect (4G) (Bugs!)
1 x Pincher Beetles (2G) (Bugs!)
1 x Giant Caterpillar (3G) (Bugs!)
1 x Wall of Blossoms (1G) (Flora)


1 x Briar Patch (1GG) (Between the Kingdom and the Desert)
1 x Barbed Foliage (2GG) (Between the Kingdom and the Desert)
1 x Elephant Grass (G)
1 x Story Circle (1WW) (It’s the circle of life!)
1 x Regrowth (1G)
1 x Exile (2W)
1 x Blessing (WW) (The Presentation of Simba)
1 x Refreshing Rain (3G) (The downpour at the film’s end)
1 x Giant Growth (G) (Simba growing up)
1 x Predatory Hunger (G) (Food in short supply)
1 x Enlightened Tutor (W) (Rafiki’s wisdom)
1 x Worldy Tutor (G) (More of Rafiki’s wisdom)
1 x Congregate (3W) (The crowd at Simba’s presentation)
1 x Survival of The Fittest (1G) (Natural Law)
1 x Collective Unconscious 4GG (Kings of the past)
1 x Crop Rotation (G)


1 x Elephant Graveyard (er… the Elephant Graveyard)
3 x Undiscovered Paradise (Timon & Pumbaa’s Home)
1 x Desert
4 x Savannah
1 x Plateau
1 x Taiga
1 x Dustbowl
1 x Oasis
5 x Forest
5 x Plains

(Mini-) Sideboard:

2 x Jamuraan Lion (2W) (Kira)
2 x Savannah Lions (W)
3 x Mtenda Lions (G)
1 x Emperor Crocodile (3G)
1 x Peace Talks (1W)
2 x Dustbowl


C’mon ! What sort of notes do you need ? I mean – you’ve either seen the movie or not. Aside from some of the arse cards that have been included to keep up the flavour, this deck is a fairly-reliable beats machine.


Game Two is always the sequel ! The Savannah Lions become Kiara and Kovu (for the Sequel), the existing Jamuraan Lion is now Simba, with the extra Jamuraans representing Kira (boo! hiss!) and a grown-up Nala ! The extra Savannahs and Mtendas are for the various ‘Prides’ (Mtendas are Kiras pride etc). Also added are the Emperor Crocodile (the crocs sequence), a Peace Talks (the truce at the end of the film. Regardless of who you are playing, take out the following cards and replace with the contents of the sideboard: 3 x Gibbering Hyenas, 1 x Stampeding Wildebeest, 1 x Briar Patch, 2 x Undiscovered Paradise, 1 x Osai Vultures, and 1 x Predatory Hunger

Give Peace A Chance.dec

Could include Rushwood Herbalist, Sandals of Abdallah, Elven Lyre (someone always brings an Acoustic along), Citanul Flute, Smoke (mellow!), Aladdins Lamp (also his bong and his pot pipe), Titanias Song ("All we are say-ing…"), Festival, Pacifism, Didgeridoo (hoinga-hoinga-hoinga), Praedesh Gypsies, Treetop Village, Undiscovered Paradise, Hickory Woodstock (Woodlot, I mean), Carpet of Flowers etc

Double Entendre.dec

Could include Trumpet Blast, The Cheese Stands Alone (for which you’ll need to "splash some white"*), Lightning Blow, Twiddle, Safe Haven, Ambush, Workhorse (say it carefully), "Staff of Zegon," and any ‘Goblin’ or ‘pumpable’ creature etc ACK! SILLY-RATED BLUE (or Life’s a Beach.DEC)


1 x Wall of Kelp (UU) (Generates blockers and Opposition fodder)
1 x Walking Sponge (1U) (Creature loses flying, 1st strike, or trample ! Yowsa!)
1 x Horseshoe Crab (2U) (Great with Opposition)
3 x Spiny Starfish (2U) (Generates more 0/1 token guys)
1 x Sandbar Crocodile (4U) (Phases, but phat)
1 x Sand Squid (3U) (Tap a creature of your choice, and keep it tapped)
1 x Hammerhead Shark (1U) (Mystic Compass allows this 2/3 to attack)
1 x Electric Eel (U) (Zzzzzzzzapp! Suicide blue !)
3 x Stinging Barrier (2UU) (Ping! Wall of Tim)
1 x Island Fish Jasconius (4UUU) (6/8 Islandhome monstrosity)
1 x Tidal Kraken (5UUU) (6/6 unblockable nonsense)
1 x Brine Seer (3U) (Power sink reveal guy)
1 x Giant Albatross (1U) (Strawberry Petrel on-a-stick)


1 x Tangle Kelp (U) (Keep it tapped)
1 x Parallax Tide (2UU)
1 x Coral Reef (UU) (Polyps-R-us)
1 x Opposition (2UU) (THE lock)
1 x High Tide (More mana from this little-known Instant)
1 x Tidal Bore (1U) (Twiddle)
1 x Tidal Surge (1U) (Tap up to 3 non-flyers)
1 x Tidal Wave (2U) (5/5 blocker at instant speed)
1 x Tidal Flats (U) (Give your ground force first-strike – great for those 0/1’s)
1 x Flooded Shoreline (UU) (A sort of bounce lock – almost)
1 x Flood (U) (Tap target non-flyer)
1 x Mystic Compass (2) (Opponent gets an Island)
1 x Sunken City (UU) (+1/+1 for those lumps of Seaweed)
1 x Tidal Control (1UU) (Counters a Red or Green spell for 2 life)
1 x Quash (sounds like the waves)
1 x Conch Horn (2) (Get the horn in friendly play!)
1 x Coral Helm (3) (erm…it had the word ‘Coral’ in it)
1 x Castle (3W) (build one in the sand)
1 x Island Sanctuary (1W) (safe and cozy)
1 x Mercadian Map (5) (alternative way to draw)


2 x Coral Atoll
2 x Sand Silos
1 x Tropical Island (It had the word Island in the name)
1 x Volcanic Island (So did this…)
14 x Island
6 x Plains


Sit behind the walls and the Island Sanctuary, drawing extra cards with the Mercadian Map until you have the forces to go! go! go! Get an Opposition lock and come in with Mr. Jasconius ? Hold up until the 6/6 unblockable Kraken makes his appearance (aided and abetted by the Coral Atoll). But mainly tap everything because you can.


Don’t bother – this is just such a stupid deck…

"Anyone Got A Tissue ?"

Finally, in the first of a short (and desperate) series, I present unto you…"If People Were Magic Cards":

Bill Clinton 3WB Creature – Bureaucrat Legend
Tap target Bureaucrat you control: You cannot be the target of spells or abilities until end of turn. Bill Clinton gains +1/+2 for each other Bureaucrat in play.

"Clinton is famous for getting casual sex from aides"

Notes: Vicious with Aysen Bureaucrats, or Conspiracy, or…Volrath’s Laboratory !

David Bowie
WW (with a R streak across one cheek)
Creature – Rebel Rebel Legend
3, Tap David Bowie: Put a Glass Spider token into play; treat this token as a 3/3 artifact creature with "If Glass Spider is the target of a spell or ability, destroy it". If David Bowie is in play at the same time as Brian Eno, then bury them both and put a 6/6 Excellent Album artifact creature token into play under your control at the end of turn.

Ciao babies,

Tony Boydell