I was gonna write about mono black control, but nearly everybody else in the world has beaten me to it. Instead, I’ll sum up my points here:
- Visara is a brick.
- If, after sideboarding, you have four Visaras in your deck, creature decks will be hard pressed to beat you.
(I then go on to explain how having two more Visaras in your hand while you already have one in play is not a bad thing! Due to her doing that owning the board type stuff.)
Now, onward to something that forever irks me about Magic – what I consider to be poorly designed cards.
*Ducks solid object hurled by Rosewater*
Don’t get me wrong here… I love Magic with an almost unhealthy zest, and the cards in question are probably never actually badly designed from R&D’s point of view. It’s just when I see some cards, and how they fit into either a Limited or Constructed metagame, it makes me want to fly directly to Renton and shove a square peg in their round hole, if you know what I mean!
(I don’t, really, but it sounded too good not to type…)
To date, there are nearly a million and two cards that I’ve contemplated while sitting on the porcelain pedestal, weighing up the ifs and whys, the pros and cons, the ups and downs, the ins and outs, the Itchys and Scratchys, the Simons and Garfunkels – and, most importantly, the Joneses. But today’s card is one I have also discussed and lamented with countless friends – and by countless, I mean two. We all agree:
“Contracting facial syphilis is far better than opening a Dream Chisel.”
In fact, we’ve been known to do the”Dream Chisel-ward dance” prior to opening any pack of Onslaught, it’s that bad.”But!” You cry,”I thought it was a good card!?”
Pardon?
What?
You mean this card here?
Dream Chisel. Go ahead, click the link.
Well lets us have a looksee at this here Dream Chisel. In Limited, a turn 2 Dream Chisel lets you play a turn 3 morph with one mana left over! Not especially frightening unless you’re playing second and you have a Shock for their morph – and even then all that does is stop you from losing a card somehow by blocking or not blocking that morph. But of course, heh, you just lost a card playing the Chisel, and if you didn’t tap your mana on turn 2 for the Chisel, you could have Shocked the morph all kinds of EOT.
A turn 2 Chisel does let you play two morphs on turn 4, though… But then you had to also have something to play on turn 3 or it’s almost pointless. This involves having four lands, three morphs, and the Chisel in your first ten or eleven cards.
(I say”almost pointless” because their morph could be a Skirk Commando and you don’t want to be not blocking it because you thought it was a Battering Craghorn/Snarling Undorak/Daru Lancer. A second- or third-turn Chisel here would let you play nothing turn 3, and then”catch up” by playing two morphs on turn 4, ready for leaping into combat with their Craghorn, Undorak, or Lancer.)
(It’s still bad if that”Commando” turns out to be a Haunted Cadaver…)
After turn 4, Dream Chisel does nothing.
What does the Chisel do in Constructed? In standard, seeing as there’s no way to get a first-turn Chisel, it does the same thing as it does in Limited – but with more Goblins, Wild Mongrels, counters, and Mutilates on the other side, of course…
(In other words: A lot less.)
In Extended, where you can get a first-turn Chisel, you can now do kooky things like playing a morph on turn 2 and then making it totally flip out into an Exalted Angel or a Grinning Demon! But with more Jackal Pups, Verdant Forces, and third-turn kills on the other side of course…
(And you can do second-turn morphs in standard with Birds and Elves anyway.)
So it’s basically unplayable, but what would a playable version look like? How about taking a leaf out of Tsabo’s Web’s book:
My Dream Dream Chisel
2
Artifact
When Dream Chisel comes into play, draw a card.
Face down creature spells you play cost 1 less to play.
I’d be much happier playing it in Limited now, because while it would still be doing next to nothing, it wouldn’t be costing me a card. But not all 2cc artifacts can look like Tsabo’s Web; that would appear unoriginal. Speaking of unoriginal, what about basing it on Catalyst Stone?
My Catalystic Dream Dream Chisel
2
Artifact
Face down creature spells you play cost 1 less to play.
Face down creature spells your opponents play cost 1 more to play.
This is also useable in Limited, but I’m not sure which I prefer. From a design point of view, the”Catalyst Stone” one can create situations where a new player could get disgruntled at not being able to play spells while their opponent beats them like”Ike versus Tina! Tonight! Only on Fox.” Both are pretty unusable in Constructed still however, for the simple reason of costing two mana and therefore being too slow.
So faster then.
Low-Budget Dream Dream Chisel
1
Artifact
Face down creature spells you play cost 1 less to play.
I could see this getting some use in standard outside green based decks trying abuse morph… But it would still only be tier 2 at best.
So why wasn’t it printed like this? Because of it’s negative impact on limited. The card is clearly good on turn 1, and could be worse a few turns later because if you follow it with a morph, it’s essentially free. The late game is where it truly shines as something not even worth using to scrape kitten poo of your shoe. Why is this bad for Magic in general? When the game progresses at it’s natural pace, it plays out with some degree of fairness… And I include Silvos/Visara in that. But if things move too quickly, it leaves more room for luck-based game loses… Something I assume R&D strives to avoid. How about making it worse?
My Manariffic Dream Dream Chisel
1
Artifact
Tap: Add 1 mana to your mana pool, this mana may only be used to play morphs.
Still does the same thing as the other 1cc Chisel in standard, but doesn’t quite fix it in Limited. What if…
My Thrannish Dream Dream Chisel
2
Artifact
Tap: Add 1 mana to your mana pool. This mana may only be used to play morphs, or pay morph costs.
This is a new twist, but one that still renders it unplayable in Standard – and quite in probably Block, too. It becomes a little more interesting in Limited, but still costs you a card, and is that worth the potential tempo gains you may receive around turn 4 or 5 by flipping out some fatty? Probably not.
My Dream Dreamy Dreamy Dream Chisel
2
Artifact
Face down creature spells you play cost 1 less to play.
You may play morph costs for 1 less.
Better – but how much better? It still doesn’t seem worth the card if it does nothing else. So without adding the words”draw a card”, how else can we add”oomph” to the card? We can increase the effects:
My Ridiculous Dream Dream Chisel
2
Artifact
Face down creature spells you play cost 2 less to play.
No, playing three morph creatures on turn 3 isn’t wrong at all…
(Hint: Yes it is.)
My Fixed Ridiculous Dream Dream Chisel
2
Artifact
Face down creature spells you play cost 1 less to play.
You may play morph costs for 2 less.
It’s interesting, but ask yourself: would you play it in a sealed deck? And by the way, there is a wrong answer to that question.
To make it attractive, it’s really needs to pack a lot more punch than your average wet noodle, so why not up the mana cost and the power levels with it? Hold onto your toy horses, Timmy, we’re sticking some batteries up this thing’s butt!
My Battery-Butted Dream Dream Chisel
3
Artifact
Face down creature spells you play cost 2 less to play.
You may play morph costs for 2 less.
This lets you play a Spitting Gourna face down, and then reveal it on turn 4. It lets you do the same with a Treespring Lorian on turn 5, too, but that’s still not that great in Limited, and not even remotely interesting in Constructed.
(“I need more power, cap’n!”)
(“Shut up, dorkus, and pass me another battery.”)
My Dual-Battery-Assed Dream Dream Chisel
4
Artifact
Face down creature spells you play cost 2 less to play.
You may play morph costs for 3 less.
This is obviously skating near thin ice – and that ice is not quite the ice of broke-ded-ness. The temptation here is to reduce the cost of playing morphs to nothing… But that brings with it the ability to play the Chisel, and then recoup the mana lost that turn playing it by dropping some free guys. It’s still not interesting to look at, but something like this:
My Now-Too-Expensive-Batterific Dream Dream Chisel
5
Artifact
Face down creature spells you play cost 3 less to play.
You may play morph costs for 3 less.
Is just one mana too expensive. If you increase the number which the cost to play morph costs is reduced by, it starts to look like a two-card combo for those great big dumb morphs.
And more importantly, if you say”If you increase the number which the cost to play morph costs is reduced by…” out loud, it comes out:”If you increase the number which the cost to morph cost play mopth strudel cost coth thpatsth…” ! Not something to be attempted after a formal dinner over drinks, that’s for sure!
There are many ways it can be made more attractive:
Dream Chisel, the Ultimate in Mage Hardware
5
Artifact
Face down creature spells you play cost 3 less to play.
You may play morph costs for 3 less.
Cycling costs you up to 3 less to play.
“Does it have a corkscrew?”
“Yup.”
“A fork?”
“Yup.”
“A multi-use mana filterer thingy?”
“…”
“Yup.”
But then good design is often simple – and this just isn’t simple. Or even good design, for that matter.
Maybe it’s time to explore other avenues? What if Dream Chisel was actually an artifact creature?
My Dream Dream Chisel Onna Stick
2
Artifact Creature
Face down creature spells you play cost 1 less to play.
1/2
It’s cute – but it’s not dissimilar to Wirewood Elf, and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. It kinda beats down, but part of me seems to ignore things with a power of one that”beats down.” Unfortunately, in order to give it two power, it needs to cost 3.
My Morphogenic Dream Dream Chisel
3
Artifact Creature
Face down creature spells you play cost 1 less to play.
2/2
Doesn’t it hurt your eyes? It would be good in any block but this one – but, arrrghhh, no it wouldn’t! As a 1/2, it can attack into opposing 1/1s but who really cares? If it was 1/1, we could dredge up an idea from a few paragraphs back.
My Mini-Me Dream Dream Chisel
2
Artifact Creature
Face down creature spells you play cost 1 less to play.
You may play morph costs for 1 less.
1/1
But quick! Thematically, it can’t really be a”Dream Chisel” any more, can it? So it needs a new name.
*Ducks head out of room and paying the reduced morph cost, flips over the hastily drawn sign that hangs on the door from:”arrr en deee” to”kon tin you itty dept”*
Now it would have to be some kind of familiar or vehicular device. How aboot…
(Because all continuity department people are Canadian, obviously.)
Ixidor’s Dream Tricycle
2
Artifact Creature – Three Wheeled Child’s Toy
Face down creature spells you play cost 1 less to play.
You may play morph costs for 1 less.
1/1
“Ixidor peddled and peddled and peddled and everyone else just laughed.”
Hmmm. No.
But along the lines of a creature, we can try something similar to another idea from several pages ago:
My Elronidish Dream Dream Chisel
1
Artifact Creature – Mock Elf
Tap: Add 1 to your mana pool. This mana can only be used to play morphs.
1/1
But even that may be too good, because while it’s now on a creature and therefore vulnerable to all of well, Shock, it can beat down, too! And that’s too good.
My Paradisic Dream Dream Chisel
1
Artifact Creature – Mock Bird
Flying
Tap: Add 1 to your mana pool, this can only be used to play morphs.
0/1
Cute… But is it pushing it too far? I don’t think it is, but it would mean that the set would need one or two more ways of killing creatures on turn one, like perhaps reprinting Sicken.
Actually, how much of good idea would that have been? A nice, easy answer to Sparksmith and the like. But it was not to be, it seems.
If there are all these interesting ideas around this card, then why did Dream Chisel turn out to be something that people are prepared to do a dance to ward off? It comes down to that one most crucial constraint in design: Time.
(“Cheesy quote” alert! No wait, too late…)
The Dream Chisel as you open it in your packs is not dangerous, it is simple, and it works. Not every card can be a winner, and Dream Chisel is happy to make us feel better about not opening it and instead opening an Animal Magnetism, or Strongarm Tactics, or even a Standardize.
Actually, no it doesn’t…
Until next time:
*flips sign on door back to”Modoin’ yo”*
Ray
blisterguy on Modo
blisterguy in Netdraft
blisterguy in Apprentice
blistrguy or blsterguy on irc
blisterguy on everything but AIM, really…
(beep)