Woke up this morning and it seemed to me,
That every night turns out to be,
A little bit more like Bukowski.
And yeah, I know he’s a pretty good read.
But God who’d wanna be, God who’d wanna be such an *sshole?
God who’d wanna be, God who’d wanna be such an *sshole?
Saturday, May 15. 6:40 a.m.
The alarm begins ringing, or crowing, as it were. The fact that Droids have a rooster sound effect option for the alarm only makes them all the better. I quickly hit the dismiss button. I’ve been up for over 20 minutes already, sitting on the edge of the bed contemplating the day to come.
Jund.
Can I really be that guy, the one who’s playing Jund?
I recognize a desire to be different, to want someone to come look at my new Brew and laud me for my creativity, my creation. I want that.
But I want to win more.
Screw it.
I jump online and review some of the Standard articles. Houk has been telling me to run U/W Control or Super Friends. As I’m not quite independently wealthy yet, Super Friends is out. I’m sure I’ll have a play set of Gideon’s eventually, but today is not eventually. Today is Saturday.
The problem is, I’m not quite comfortable with U/W Control yet. I make even more mistakes with it than I do Jund, and its far less forgiving.
I build it anyway, and take it with me. My new Naya brew looks like a lot of fun, but it’s untested and untuned.
I drive to the Gas station. Kurt (Gepedo) and Thayne are waiting for me there. One Red Bull four-pack purchase later, and we’re on the road.
Gepedo sleeps. Thayne asks for advice about Vampires. In the background, the Pool of Radiance soundtrack subtly acts as my muse, inspiring me with its dulcet tones.
Well we sat on the edge of the river,
The crowd screamed ‘Sacrifice the liver!’
If God takes life he’s an Indian giver.
So tell me now why you’ll tell me never.
Who would wanna be, who would wanna be such a control freak?
Well who would wanna be, who would wanna be such a control freak?
I grab the last few cards I need for U/W Control, and begin playing some games against Lurch. 0-5. This doesn’t bode well. I fill out two different deck registration sheets, deciding to make it a literal last second call.
Seating goes up, players go down. Announcements are made, and the judge gets to me, asking for my deck list, hand outstretched, impatient to get started.
Time stops.
I look at my hands, seeing two deck lists. They’re face down. I have been shuffling them back and forth, flicking them like a nervous Top-8 player.
Decision time.
I hand a list to the judge, not even sure which one it is. The die is cast.
Time resumes, and sound returns to my ears. I look at the sheet still in front of me. It has Jace, the Mind Sculptor written on it. I’m playing Jund.
Max McCall already stole this thunder, but I’m happy to be playing a deck I already made my mistakes with.
Besides, who would want to be such a control freak?
Well see what you wanna see. You should see it all.
Round 1, Thayne Thompson
Vampires. Thayne rode down, so this is kind of a bummer, but I know his deck list exactly. I take him down in two quick games. We go get Toasted Subs and fruit, while I walk him through the mistakes I saw him make. I tell him to slow down and just breathe for a second. He’s missing things he shouldn’t, and he needs to relax and double check. He needs a mental trigger. Every time you do something, check to see if there’s something else that needs to be done with it. Later, in round 5, he’s misses a Bloodghast trigger, but catches it the second time. (It was a fetchland.) Baby steps.
Well take what you want from me. You deserve it all.
Round 2, Jacob Smith
U/W Control. I say a silent prayer of thanks to Patrick Chapin [Feel free to insert your own deity here], glad I don’t have to try the U/W Control Mirror here. Game 1 is Leech into Bloodbraid. He judges some days at 6 life, and my Anima-Lands finish it off. Game 2, he Mulls, keeps a two -lander, and never gets to four. I go Turn 2 Leech into Turn 4 Bloodbraid + Bolt + Leech to hit him to 6. There is no help on the top of the deck.
Round 3, Adam Westwood
Adam is playing Mythic Conscription, and Lurch claims the matchup is unwinnable, having lost to him the last round. I don’t want to sound mean, but I’m not Lurch, and this matchup is definitely winnable. I lose game 1 to a Conscripted Cobra, but board in a metric ton of removal. Game 2, he takes incremental beats here and there, top decking chump blockers like it was his job. Then, he plays a Baneslayer Angel while at 1 life. I have ripped four straight lands now, and have no removal. I have a Bloodbraid Elf and 10 lands, 1 of which is a once-activated Ravine, and one a Lavaclaw Reaches. I activate them both, and send the team. He gains five from Baneslayer during First-Strike, but loses six once I pump the Lavaclaw. Game 3 is never close, as I keep 3 removal spells, 3 lands and a Thrinax. The turns go Cobra, Deathmark. Cobra, Deathmark + Leech. Baneslayer, Terminate. Baneslayer, Maelstrom Pulse. Siege-Gang, Die.
Nine times out of ten, our hearts just get dissolved.
Round 4, Brandon Nelson
Jund mirror. I get blown out quickly by Ruinblaster main, and then a Mull and Ruinblaster my Green source in game 2. Spectators comment that he lucksacked the matchup, but the main deck Blasters are very good in this room today, and he played well. I should have mulled game 1, but I didn’t figure on main deck Blasters. I am now 0-3 lifetime against Brandon. He goes on to 6-0-1 the tournament.
Well I want a better place or just a better way to fall.
Round 5, Kyer Folsom
Jund again, good times. He wins a game 1 where I keep a slow hand of 4 lands, Blightning, Siege-Gang, Double Dragon. H rolls out quickly. Game 2, I fight back and kill him with my Commander before he can do the same to me. Game 3, I punt like I’m in the NFL, giving away a match I would have lost, but let’s not be results oriented here. I’m at 11, he’s at 9. I have both halves of Double Dragon, a Leech, and a BBE. He has a Thrinax plus a saproling Token and a Siege-Gang with full boat of Gobby Tokens. I swing with the team, when I should have just swung with the Dragons. He kills me on the return swing. Turns out, I had 6 straight lands coming, and would have lost no matter what, but that doesn’t change the bad play.
But one time out of ten, everything is perfect for us all,
Well I want a better place or just a better way to fall.
We have 79 players, and 7 rounds. There should be a 5-2 who makes it, barring any strange draws in the early rounds. I check the standings, and see the following:
19 – Phillips, Jeff L. — 9 – 73.3333 – 58.3333 – 65.3979
Turns out, I have the highest tiebreakers in the entire tournament, regardless of points. I resolve to win the last two rounds and make Top 8.
Here we go.
If God controls the land and disease,
And keeps a watchful eye on me,
If he’s really so damn mighty,
Well my problem is that I can’t see.
Well who’d wanna be, who’d wanna be such a control freak?
Well who would wanna be, who would wanna be such a control freak?
Round 6, Eric Griego
Another Jund Mirror, Yay! I roll out Turn 2 Explore, Turn 3 Bloodbraid, Turn 4 Siege-Gang Commander. Game 2, I don’t Mull a hand with no Red mana, never find it, and he Flawless Victory’s me. Game 3, he mulls, and I Turn 3 Blightning him to rub a little NaCl in it. It’s never close after that.
Standings now:
11 – Phillips, Jeff L. – 70.7304 – 60.00 – 63.7803
Round 7, Stetson Black
There are a bunch of 4-2s, and I’m the highest, while Stetson is the lowest. I ask for the concession, pointing out that he can’t possibly make Top 8, while I am very likely to. He waffles a bit, then declines, choosing just to play it out.
While shuffling, he flashes me a Savage Lands. Jund on Jund action. Hot. I dispatch him in two quick games. he mulls into no Black, and never gets there when I roll Leech, Bloodbraid into Bolt. Game 2, I draw DI lands, but he dies to Lavaclaw and my nice sideboard tech, Ana, who is in fact The Man, Sir. (Anathemancer, for those of you playing the home version of the game.)
Evil home stereo, what good songs do you know?
Evil me, oh yeah I know, what good curves can you throw?
After the round, I go to check the standings again, and realize that, thanks to a bevy of draws in the early rounds, I’m actually locked out of Top 8. Standings after round 6 were:
18
16
15
15
15
15
13
13
13
13
12 (Me)
Top 6 draw in, and the winner of each of the 13 point matchups makes 7 and 8. Bollocks.
Well all that icing and all that cake,
I can’t make it to your wedding, but I’m sure that I’ll be at your wake.
You were talk, talk, talk, talkin’ in circles that day,
when you get to the point make sure that I’m still awake, okay?
The HJ makes mention that, since prizes are based on swiss standings, if you don’t want to play Top 8, you may take your prizes and let the 9th place finisher move up. I grin like a re-re, hoping beyond hope that it’ll happen, but knowing it won’t. Mr. Carter (Our illustrious HJ) catches on that I’m the 9th place finisher, and makes mention that I may be willing to have the potential dropper’s baby in gratitude, but alas, it was not to be.
The afterparty isn’t bad. I bought a Worldwake fat pack, as my dear Grandmother threw away the little reference book that came with my first one, and I use those books frequently when brewing. Pack one: Jace, the Mind Sculptor. Thayne and Gepedo mention it’s karma for missing Top 8, but I take this moment to educate them on one quick point – You can’t lose two matches and expect to make the Top 8 in tournaments like this. It does happen, but you can’t expect it.
Kurt went 4-3 with the Naya deck I made, losing one match to a nut draw plus game-loss for sleeves, which I thought was crap until I saw the sleeves. To be fair, his opponent had a game-loss for Failure to Desideboard, so it was a one-game match. Fun times. I’ll list the deck here, but honestly, just play GerryT’s, as it’s infinitely more tuned.
Creatures (26)
- 2 Birds of Paradise
- 3 Ranger of Eos
- 4 Wild Nacatl
- 4 Noble Hierarch
- 4 Knight of the Reliquary
- 4 Bloodbraid Elf
- 1 Goblin Bushwhacker
- 1 Dragonmaster Outcast
- 3 Vengevine
Lands (24)
Spells (10)
I’d give more of a write-up on the deck, but
a) GerryT has a better one up already, and…
b) I’m past deadline, as I wrecked my ankle in our weekly basketball game, and have been medicated out of my mind after the outpatient surgery.
Went to bed and didn’t see,
Why every day turns out to be,
A little bit more like Bukowski.
And yeah, I know he’s a pretty good read.
But God who’d wanna be? God who’d wanna be such an *sshole?
Until next time, this is Jeff Phillips, reminding you: Don’t make the Loser Choice
Teflon_Jeff @ hotmail.com
Teflon_Jeff on twitter