Magic is seven-and-a-half years old. It hardly seems like it’s been around that long – but on the other hand, there are those that can hardly remember what life was like before Magic. When it started out, Magic was a”fad” of sorts – it swept the nation so quickly that the first three releases of cards were sold out practically once they hit the shelves. But, unlike most fads, Magic stayed around. Expansions like Arabian Nights and Legends only made the game more popular. Eventually, Magic was no longer a fad; it had established its permanent place in the world.
But, of course, there are still many fads floating around. Upon enjoying a rather new one recently, I decided to share it with the public – but, with this being a Magic website and all, I guess I have to tie it into Magic. No prob! In addition to learning about the”All Your Base are Belong to Us” fad sweeping the nation, we’ll take a look at what some other common fads might look like if they had a Magical twist on them. So, shall we away?
In 1989, a terrible arcade/Genesis game was released called Zero Wing. It was, of course, originally in Japanese before it was”translated” into English. This”English” version caught the proverbial eye. Why? Because it was done so poorly that Frank Provo (who’s done an excellent”biography” of the game here: http://www.gamefaqs.com/console/genesis/game/31239.html (just click on FAQ in the upper left hand corner)) says: “In fact, by all indications, the person who localized Zero Wing was a lone Japanese guy who was taking English classes at night.”
Some people who thought that it was particularly funny put together a Shockwave presentation that has stormed the nation. If you’ve never seen it, you should check it out here at http://www.people.fas.harvard.edu/~pyang/base/allyourbase.swf before continuing.
So, what are they saying? Here’s a rundown (as appears on Frank Provo’s site):
In A.D. 2101
War was beginning
Outside Ship – An explosion occurs.
Ship’s Bridge Captain:”What happen ?”
Mechanic:”Somebody set up us the bomb.”
Close-Up of Excited Communications Officer
Operator:”We get signal.”
Captain:”What !”
Ship’s Bridge Operator:”Main screen turn on.”
(CATS appears)
Captain:”It’s you !!”
Close up of CATS
CATS:”How are you gentlemen !!”
CATS:”All your base are belong to us.”
CATS:”You are on the way to destruction.”
Close up of Captain & CATS
Captain:”What you say !!”
CATS:”You have no chance to survive make your time.”
Ship’s Bridge
CATS:”Ha ha ha ha ….”
Close up of Forlorn Captain
Operator:”Captain !!”
Ship’s Bridge (ZIGs on Monitors)
Captain:”Take off every ‘ZIG’!!”
Shows a ZIG pilot powering up
Captain:”You know what you doing.”
Shows a ZIG moving into launch position
Captain:”Move ‘ZIG’.”
ZIGs on Monitors, Bridge Explodes
Captain:”For great justice.”
The ship explodes.
A lone ZIG zooms into view!
So, the question is … what would this look like in Magic terms? The answer follows.
In Dominaria
War was beginning
Phyrexian Portal opens in the air.
Urza:”What happen ?”
Xantcha:”Somebody open them up a portal.”
Close-Up of One of Urza’s Little Golems
Golem:”We get signal.”
Urza:”What !”
Xantcha:”Scrying Glass turn on.”
(YAWGMOTH appears)
Urza:”It’s you !!”
Close up of YAWGMOTH
YAWGMOTH:”How are you gentlemen !!”
YAWGMOTH:”All your plane are belong to us.”
YAWGMOTH:”You are on the way to compleation.”
Close up of Urza & YAWGMOTH
Urza:”What you say !!”
YAWGMOTH:”You have no chance to survive make your time.”
YAWGMOTH:”Ha ha ha ha ….”
Close up of Forlorn Urza
Golem:”Master !!”
Scrying Glass shows Weatherlight
Urza:”Take off Skyship Weatherlight !!”
Shows Karn powering up Weatherlight
Urza:”You know what you doing.”
Shows Weatherlight lifting into air.
Urza:”Move Skyship.”
Weatherlight flies away as Urza’s room explodes
Urza:”For great justice.”
The hut explodes
Weatherlight zooms into view!
Now, that would be just fantastic, don’t you think? Well, I do, at least. But, if you’re not into that whole space thing, then there’s always another fad for you. And, what fad has had the most impact on Magic recently? Why, Pokemon of course!
Naturally, there’s a television show about the cute little beasties. So I searched online for the theme song in order to bring it to you Magic style! I hope you’re enjoying this as much as I am.
Ode to Blastoderm
I know that you’re the very best,
Like no deck ever was.
To win tourneys is my real test.
To smash decks is my cause.
I will travel across the land,
Searching here and there
For another tournament
To show them Fires isn’t fair!
Blastoderm!
(Gotta beat ’em all!)
It’s you and me.
I know it’s my destiny.
Blastoderm!
You always win the race
To beat opponents in the face!
Blastoderm!
(Gotta beat ’em all!)
A power so true –
Your untargetableness will pull us through.
You beat for me, and I’ll cast you.
Blastoderm!
(Gotta beat ’em all!)
Gotta beat ’em all!
Blastoderm!
All right, I guess that’s enough space invaders and pocket monsters. Let’s move on to a REAL fad, shall we?
Oops, I Lost it Again
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
I think I lost it again.
I made you believe I was gonna win the game.
Oh baby.
It might look like a good deck,
But it doesn’t mean that on me you should bet.
‘Cause to lose all my matches,
That is just so typically me.
Oh baby, baby.
Oops!…I lost it again.
I Terrored your Bird, got killed by your Wurm.
Oh baby, baby.
Oops!…You think I’m all right,
That I playtest all night.
I’m just not good at this.
You see my problem is thus:
I don’t like creatures.
Wishing that Wizards would take them from us.
I cry, watching attacks.
Can’t you see I’m a fool to avoid all combat?
But to lose all my matches –
That is just so typically me.
Baby, oh.
Oops!…I lost it again
I Terrored your Bird, got killed by your Wurm.
Oh baby, baby
Oops!…You think I’m all right,
That I playtest all night.
I’m just not good at this.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
“Is everyone signed up?”
“Britney, before you register, there’s something I want you to have.”
“Oh, it’s beautiful, but wait a minute, isn’t this…?”
“Yeah, yes it is.”
“But I thought foil Shivan Dragons weren’t out yet.”
“Well baby, I broke into Wizards and got it for you.”
“Oh, you shouldn’t have.”
Oops!…I did it again to your tiebreakers.
I lost this Magic game, oh baby.
Oops!…You think that I’m a topdecking god.
I’m just not good at this.
Oops!…I lost it again
I Terrored your Bird, got killed by your Wurm.
Oh baby, baby
Oops!…You think I’m all right,
That I playtest all night.
I’m just not good at this.
Oops!…I lost it again
I Terrored your Bird, got killed by your Wurm.
Oh baby, baby
Oops!…You think I’m all right,
That I playtest all night.
I’m just not good at this.
Well, there it is. Now aren’t we all glad that Magic isn’t a fad anymore?