And now, here’s the AIM chat between one davey6561 and one Bea Arthur. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you may even achieve some form of deeper social understanding. I think I did a pretty good job of editing this to remove anything offensive. I wish Mr. Knutson the best of luck in confirming this. You’re in for a long night, Teddy. [How I hate thee, Tim Aten, let me count the ways… – Knut]
Now some of you may be thinking, isn’t this just some ploy to increase your article length without putting in any additional work?
In a word, duh.
In a few more words, I already explained myself at the beginning, and also, assuming I’m one of the characters in this dialogue, which may or may not be real, I put the initial work into this oh so many weeks ago. Bonus points if you can figure out which one’s me.
Without further ado, I present to thee…
“Satisfactory Anecdotes”
davey6561: mm
Bea Arthur: well
Bea Arthur: i walk into the hallway
Bea Arthur: looking for quality time
Bea Arthur: instead it’s my dad masquerading around in a pair of tighty whities, full of holes
Bea Arthur: and socks pulled to his knees
Bea Arthur: end of story
Bea Arthur: we chatted, hugged
Bea Arthur: very uncomfortable
davey6561: ew
davey6561: is your dad a… large man too?
davey6561: like your mom
Bea Arthur: no, he’s very fit
Bea Arthur: but i think he has a tumor
Bea Arthur: and like, he hasn’t been to a doctor in ages
davey6561: lucky guy
Bea Arthur: yeahhh… he wants to die ‘when it’s his time’
davey6561: lol. 🙁
Bea Arthur: right. he wont let things like modern medicine stand in his way
davey6561: i sure don’t
Bea Arthur: hahaha
davey6561: it’s sure hard to function when you’re busy making yourself crazy over stupid things
davey6561: case in point
davey6561: i should be reading now
davey6561: but what am i doing instead
Bea Arthur: are you
Bea Arthur: um
Bea Arthur: i want to say *censored*, but somehow i don’t think that’s the case
Bea Arthur: agonizing over larry’s chats or non chats?
davey6561: yes
Bea Arthur: y
davey6561: i am staring at the aim window
davey6561: my buddy list
Bea Arthur: yes
davey6561: in a war of attrition
Bea Arthur: hahahah
davey6561: vowing not to msg him first
Bea Arthur: well, don’t let me detract from that
davey6561: oh you won’t
Bea Arthur: good
Bea Arthur: how was your night?
davey6561: you can get a good idea of how much someone really wants to talk to you
davey6561: well since you left our intrepid hero
davey6561: he went to his bed to read for school
davey6561: hoping not to nod off
davey6561: upon which time he nodded off, waking up at 11:00
Bea Arthur: niice
Bea Arthur: Attackufor2: sup BRAH
Attackufor2: hows life?
davey6561: he msged you first?
Bea Arthur: …
davey6561: that does it
davey6561: seppuku
Bea Arthur: he didn’t, i’m just torturing you
Bea Arthur: i fabricated the quote
davey6561: AND THE DESCENT INTO MADNESS IS ALMOST COMPLETE
davey6561: NO YOU DIDNT
davey6561: IT’S TOO LATE TO TAKE IT BACK NOW
davey6561: THIS WAS A LONG TIME COMING
davey6561:”i take it”one thing” isnt meant to be 3 minutes of garbled noise
correct.”
“that’s an artistic statement that only radiohead could give justice to”
Bea Arthur: im sorry, what about what?
davey6561: I’D RATHER HAVE THE TRUTH DRIVE ME TO DEATH
davey6561: THAN LIVE A LIE
Bea Arthur: well please
Bea Arthur: here’s the truth
Bea Arthur: i said hi
Bea Arthur: he said sup brah
Bea Arthur: that’s how that went down
Bea Arthur: is there a song called ‘one thing’?
davey6561: I HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE YOU
Bea Arthur: by radiohead, of all things?
Bea Arthur: sure, sure you do
davey6561: YES IT’S A FINGER ELEVEN SONG
Bea Arthur: i actually never lie to you
Bea Arthur: oh
davey6561: I TOLD SOMEONE TO DL IT
Bea Arthur: well then of course i dont know the name of it. i hardly ever know anything
Bea Arthur: WELL RELAX
Bea Arthur: i will now
davey6561: AND HIS COPY WAS 3 MIN OF GARBLED NOISE
Bea Arthur: previous i just liked to ignore you
Bea Arthur: oh
Bea Arthur: i thought you meant myself
Bea Arthur:
Bea Arthur: and then you beat on thom
davey6561: NO IT WAS AN IRC CHAT
davey6561: FOR SOME REASON THE NAMES NO LONGER PASTE [That’s because AIM edits out arrow brackets, thinking they are html tags. – Knut, here for another twenty-six pages]
Bea Arthur: fair
Bea Arthur: well listen
Bea Arthur: i drank all this terrible coffee at this sh** diner
Bea Arthur: so now i have to pee
Bea Arthur: brb
davey6561: ENJOY IT
Bea Arthur: oh i will
davey6561: I’LL TRY NOT TO DO ANYTHING CRAZY WHILE YOU’RE GONE
chester6561: DLKJFLKDSJLFSDNF
chester6561: I HAD TOPICS TOO
Auto response from Bea Arthur: keep your pants on
davey6561: TOPICS THAT MAY NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY
davey6561: I MAY REMOVE MY SWEATPANTS NOW JUST TO SPITE YOU
davey6561: THAT’S RIGHT, I’M WEARING HOLEY SWEATPANTS
Bea Arthur: with holes?
davey6561: YES
Bea Arthur: surely a step up from the waaay too short adidas swishy pants
Bea Arthur: what the sh** are those?
Bea Arthur: were you planning on hitting the gym between rounds?
davey6561: IS IT MY FAULT I’VE OUTGROWN THEM
davey6561: AND AM TOO DEPRESSED TO PHYSICALLY GO TO THE STORE AND GET NEW ONES
Bea Arthur: hahaha
Bea Arthur: how can you be too depressed to shop?
Bea Arthur: shopping is insane
Bea Arthur: at least, when you’re a cute, shapely female
Bea Arthur: and everything looks GREAT on you
davey6561: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW
davey6561: OOH DISS
davey6561: TELL ME THE TRUTH O’BOOB
Bea Arthur: well la dee dah, someone knows how to sling a clever insult
davey6561: WHO MSGED WHO
davey6561: M;LKDSM;LAMDLKSAMD
Bea Arthur: i told you, i always tell you thet ruth, after some period of gratuitous lying
davey6561: okay okay
davey6561: fine fine
Bea Arthur: ]
davey6561: uma thurman is sooooo hot
davey6561: do you know who my favorite character in the movie is though?
Bea Arthur: hold, and let me think
davey6561: i think i may have said something about this to you
Bea Arthur: is it the little girl who just stands there expressionless?
davey6561: altho it may have been Sacks
Bea Arthur: i dotn think you did
davey6561: which one is that
Bea Arthur: or else i dont listen
Bea Arthur: the little girl whose mother dies
Bea Arthur: anyway, that was my favorite character
Bea Arthur: but who is it? let’s hear it
Bea Arthur: plus, is she really taht hot?
davey6561: lucy liu’s character?
Bea Arthur: oh yes
Bea Arthur: she’s pretty good
Bea Arthur: WAIT
davey6561: no i was asking YOU
Bea Arthur: i just remembered the speech on the table
Bea Arthur: NO
Bea Arthur: dear god, no
Bea Arthur: the little black child
Bea Arthur: nikki
davey6561: lol.
davey6561: the little black child was your favorite character?
davey6561: why the [heck] didnt you just say black
davey6561: being pc only hinders thought/understanding
Bea Arthur: sure, sure
Bea Arthur: i just forgot she was black until the right time
davey6561: hoo hoo
davey6561: *sip*
davey6561: *nibble*
Bea Arthur: hahahhaa
Bea Arthur: i’m going back to that life
Bea Arthur: who’s your favorite character? oh god you leave me hanging
davey6561: take a guess
davey6561: one guess then i’ll tell ya
Bea Arthur: is it obscure or not?
davey6561: can’t answer that
Bea Arthur: WHY?
Bea Arthur: you know what defines obscure
davey6561: if i do it would be too obvious
davey6561: just *censored* guess
Bea Arthur: guhg.
davey6561: who cares if you’re way off
davey6561: doesn’t make you any less of a man
Bea Arthur: is it that duder who says,”I’M NOT REALLY BALD, I JUST SHAVE MY HEAD”
davey6561: haha that line was v funny
Bea Arthur: true
Bea Arthur: ok, who?
davey6561: nono it was gogo, the little japanese schoolgirl
Bea Arthur: hahaha
Bea Arthur: ahhh yes
Bea Arthur: she’s really good
Bea Arthur: i plan to run the”do you want to screw me”
Bea Arthur: only when they say yes
davey6561: ew
davey6561: that was very mean
Bea Arthur: i’ll just say,”good, because i have very low self esteem”
Bea Arthur: and spread em
davey6561: haha
davey6561: ahalkjhdlkjsdhnkads
Bea Arthur: that blood bath
Bea Arthur: when she annihilated all the guys
Bea Arthur: was quite masterful. better, though, was the fight with gogo
Bea Arthur: jean buried her face in my shirt and snotted all over me
davey6561: lol
Bea Arthur: because she couldn’t look :-
davey6561: did you get some?
Bea Arthur: plenty
Bea Arthur: of mucous
Bea Arthur: mm mmm
Bea Arthur: so i’m hungry, but i’m wondering if i should eat, or just MASTER the urge
Bea Arthur: and lose some weight for once in my life
davey6561: how much do you weigh? feel free not to answer if that’s too prodding of a query
Bea Arthur: no, i couldnt care less
davey6561: how are your other chats?
Bea Arthur: 155
Bea Arthur: not good
Bea Arthur: i’ve got little nutlow online
Bea Arthur: and of course, esmerelda
davey6561: anything interesting going on
davey6561: lol esmerelda 🙂
Bea Arthur: sort of
Bea Arthur: nutlow and i are reminiscing
Bea Arthur: it’s gross
Bea Arthur: oh
Bea Arthur: you were indirectly asking about larry
Bea Arthur: i once weighed 130, after a good three months of eating nothing but water and the occasional pretzel
davey6561: you misspelled”rietzl”
Bea Arthur: always
Bea Arthur: i didn’t know how to spell it until two months ago
Bea Arthur: littlenutlow6 (2:51:03 AM): assault
Bea Arthur (2:51:16 AM): and battery
littlenutlow6 (2:52:12 AM): vomit
littlenutlow6 (2:52:15 AM): and suicide
Bea Arthur (2:52:35 AM): that’s a split card in an upcoming expansion
littledarwin6 (2:53:11 AM): vomit is BB target player skips next two draw steps
littledarwin6 (2:53:53 AM): suicide is BB skip your next two draw steps, lose 10 life, sacrifice all your creatures, create a 15/15 barn token that dies if its targeted
davey6561: my minimum in my adult life is 155
davey6561: i’m trying to get back there
davey6561: barn lol
davey6561: it’s funny b/c he said barn
Bea Arthur: sure, sure
Bea Arthur: i’m growing to hate that term
Bea Arthur: when did you weigh 155?
Bea Arthur: you must have been hiiideous
davey6561: it wasn’t too long ago
davey6561: february 2002
davey6561: with any luck i’ll be back there by christmas
Bea Arthur: that’s a pretty long time ago, buddy
Bea Arthur: you really do have a problem
Bea Arthur: it endears you to me somehow
davey6561: nothin says”hot hot hot” like”gaunt gaunt gaunt”
Bea Arthur: hahha
Bea Arthur: it’s true
Bea Arthur: nothing says sex appeal like a bag of bones
Bea Arthur: speaking of which, [goshdarn] it, i’m going to eat
Bea Arthur: brb
davey6561: (appropriate Clerks reference; *censored*)
Bea Arthur:
Bea Arthur: gee, thanks
Bea Arthur: i’m running a non fat yogurt
Bea Arthur: this reminds me
davey6561: what flavor
Bea Arthur: strawberry/banana
Bea Arthur: so we’re waiting for the movie to start, jean, guy, joe retro, myself
Bea Arthur: and jean’s going on and on
Bea Arthur: about how guy doesn’t treat her as a person
davey6561: joe retro?
Bea Arthur: yes
davey6561: esmerelda didn’t tag along?
Bea Arthur: this is in fact his name
Bea Arthur: no, esmerelda gets intimidated when i’m with my cooler friends
Bea Arthur: joe’s a dangerous character
Bea Arthur: just look at that last name
Bea Arthur: anyway, jean:”and he made me do the dishes, and i ironed his [darn] shirt, and”
Bea Arthur: myself, interjecting:”i *censored*”
Bea Arthur: jean, not noticing the
Bea Arthur: whoops
Bea Arthur: anyway, not noticing:”and i packed him a [darn] sandwich”
Bea Arthur: me: and I cried with a mouth full of *censored*
Bea Arthur: jean: …you WHAT
Bea Arthur: me: not me, you
Bea Arthur: jean: i never told you about that time
Bea Arthur: everyone: silence
davey6561: hahaha
davey6561: there’s no way retro is his last name
Bea Arthur: guy: it’s all true
Bea Arthur: except for the sandwich
Bea Arthur: well it is
Bea Arthur: i dont know what to tell you
Bea Arthur: a couple of years ago i went into a clothing store where there was a bunch of shirts by the brand”retroactive”
Bea Arthur: i started taking all the tags off of them
Bea Arthur: i had a huge fistful when i was approached by a sales person and escorted out
Bea Arthur he has them all over his car
Bea Arthur: fine times
davey6561: lol.
davey6561: there’s a kid who played at the local store whose name is Brian Six
davey6561: that can’t be real either
Bea Arthur: haah
Bea Arthur: what about jimbob sixkiller?
Bea Arthur: ever heard of him? great renowned
davey6561: I think that one’s made up
Bea Arthur: have you MET him?
Bea Arthur: i haven’t, but he was honestly at a tournament
Bea Arthur: he day 2’d some gp
Bea Arthur: and i could not believe my eyes
davey6561: did you tell him to msg me
Bea Arthur: who?
davey6561: i will gouge your eyes out so help me god
Bea Arthur: oh for [God]’s sake, chester
Bea Arthur: he hasnt’ spoken to me since i brb’d him to go pee
Bea Arthur: what has he got for you?
Bea Arthur: i see how it is.
Bea Arthur: i was getting very indignant, then i found i was booted
Bea Arthur: tell me you said something to me
Bea Arthur: i see how it is
davey6561: i said”one sec”
davey6561: lol
davey6561: i was answering a quesiton on irc
davey6561: about my top 5 albums
Bea Arthur: ah
Bea Arthur: they’er good really
Bea Arthur: wait
Bea Arthur: unless they’re not what i’m thinking they are
davey6561: wait what
Bea Arthur: nevermind, sorry
Bea Arthur: i’m a moron
davey6561: nevermind was one of them
davey6561: :B
Bea Arthur: 🙂
Bea Arthur: what else?
Bea Arthur: i thought i knew them but i was thinking of top 5 songs, your sarcastic list
davey6561: stone temple pilots – purple
linkin park – hybrid theory
nirvana – nevermind
umm
hole – live through this
afi – sing the sorrow
those are the first 5 i thought of
Bea Arthur: swell
davey6561: igby and i had a brief chat about interpol and radiohead in the car
davey6561: brb
Bea Arthur: ok
Bea Arthur: then you can tell me about your chat. there’s nothing i like to talk about more than interpol and radiohead, conjunctively
davey6561: i was arguing how they’re similar
davey6561: in that they’re both in the same genre
davey6561: namely, Pretentious College Music
Bea Arthur: they’re not REMOOOTELY similar
davey6561: lol
Bea Arthur: not at all
Bea Arthur: no
Bea Arthur: ughgh.
Bea Arthur: hey, my dog needs to walk
Bea Arthur: im’ giong out barefoot in boxers and a wifebeater
Bea Arthur: wish me lucky
davey6561: dude
davey6561: how cold is it there
Bea Arthur: not too cold
Bea Arthur: 55ish
Bea Arthur: i’m tough
davey6561: it’s frigid here
Bea Arthur: that was quick, it’s pouring out
Bea Arthur: yeah?
davey6561: sort of like yourself
Bea Arthur: woah, woah
Bea Arthur: if it doesn’t *censored* with a vengeance, it’s not like me
davey6561: lol
Bea Arthur: so did your brother argue that they’re vastly different?
davey6561: yea
Bea Arthur: of course
Bea Arthur: because he has some idea
davey6561: i guess in retrospect it wasn’t a convo
Bea Arthur: even though he’s a toad
davey6561: it was more gratuitous [trash]music bashing
Bea Arthur: :-
Bea Arthur: you’re trash
Bea Arthur: my hair is doing this preposterous thing, where the humidity has caused it to curl in little tendrils at my temples
Bea Arthur: and frankly, it’s nauseatingly cute here
davey6561: that sounds lovvvely
davey6561: yea lol
Bea Arthur: i need to be put in a dumpster asap
davey6561: the physical one or the theoretical one
Bea Arthur: ahhh, physical. i’m already way ahead of you on the theoretical
Bea Arthur: i was once thrown into a dumpster
Bea Arthur: it wasnt too bad :-
Bea Arthur: excuse me, are you still talking to larry?
davey6561: no.
davey6561: was i ever?
Bea Arthur: i thought you were, previous
davey6561: huh.
Bea Arthur: when you threatened my eyesight
davey6561: dude this chat just got way weird
Bea Arthur: nevermind!
davey6561: 🙂
Bea Arthur: THIS one?
Bea Arthur: no it didn’t
davey6561: that sucks to have to leave your dog 🙁
Bea Arthur: no [duh], no [duh]
Bea Arthur: it’s tearing me up
davey6561: almost makes me wish i had something/someone like that 🙁
Bea Arthur: well, it IS something to live for, makes every minute priceless
Bea Arthur: but really it’s overrated, unconditional love
davey6561: yea
davey6561: do niiice
Bea Arthur: why don’t you just get a dog? then spend every waking minute talking to it and loving it until it loves you so much it’s painful to behold. let 4 years of intense affection bond you together, then get some friends, start ignoring the dog, and watch it develop a deep complex over you
Bea Arthur: i did that, it was a good time
davey6561: haha
Bea Arthur: now i’ve given up on humans again
davey6561: 🙁
Bea Arthur: and we’re the best of friends once more
davey6561: i stopped reading the foot experiment thing since it was getting repetitive
davey6561: but it was hilarious as allgitout
Bea Arthur: it’s so good, its’ so good
Bea Arthur: toward the end, dear god
Bea Arthur: you HAVE to see the picture
Bea Arthur: where his skin starts oozing
Bea Arthur: and splitting between the toes
Bea Arthur: my lord
Bea Arthur: i vomited
Bea Arthur: [link omitted]
Bea Arthur: that one was really important to my life
davey6561: so what was this duder’s motive
davey6561: for doing this to himself
Bea Arthur: to infect himself?
Bea Arthur: i believe it was just absurdity
Bea Arthur: plus i’m sure they paid him
davey6561: just a lil something to entertain his loyal fan base
Bea Arthur: well, yes
Bea Arthur: i’m sure countless girls fell in love
Bea Arthur: my heart was his from the lemon test on
Bea Arthur: he lives in boston
Bea Arthur: i always think about lookign him up, doing a little stalking
davey6561: lol.
davey6561: you’re an odd one
davey6561: mister grinch
Bea Arthur: thanks
Bea Arthur: i’m not really odd, am i?
Bea Arthur: that reminds me of dudley,”i’m not colorblind, am i?”
Bea Arthur: you really should see that movie, it’s life changing
davey6561: is this tennenbaums again?
Bea Arthur: no [duh]
Bea Arthur: i think at least once a day
davey6561: That Royal Tennenbaums
davey6561: lol
Bea Arthur: about everything you haven’t seen
Bea Arthur: haha, yes
Bea Arthur: i told that story
Bea Arthur: tonight, and honestly the reaction was huge
Bea Arthur:”That Freddy Sacks” was the killer
davey6561: not a story, it’s an anecdote
davey6561: if you somehow made it into a story
Bea Arthur: YOU’RE an anecdote
davey6561: then you are wise beyond your years
Bea Arthur: 🙂
davey6561: hey, i need some help with something
davey6561: with THREAT
davey6561: S
Bea Arthur: oh?
davey6561: i have the first part down
davey6561:”If you don’t do such and such I’m going to ride my purple bicycle to (place name) and…”
davey6561: and then i have nothing
Bea Arthur: oh, hang on
Bea Arthur: let me think
Bea Arthur: well
Bea Arthur: what’s the situation?
Bea Arthur: i need to figure out the proper degree of savagery
davey6561: none in particular
Bea Arthur: are you READING this fat project?
Bea Arthur: oh
davey6561: skimming
Bea Arthur:”GIVE YOU THE FROWWWWWWNING OF A LIFETIME” is good there
Bea Arthur: did you read their bios?
davey6561: no
davey6561: i read day 0
davey6561: and skipped to day 29
davey6561: lol
Bea Arthur: [screw] it
Bea Arthur: read the bios
Bea Arthur: dear god.
Bea Arthur: i applied for this
Bea Arthur: i was too young, it was illegal
davey6561: haha
Bea Arthur: look at the fortunes on day 1
Bea Arthur: my god
davey6561: wait i DID read the bios
Bea Arthur: or that’s actually day 0, i dont know
Bea Arthur: it’s good though
Bea Arthur: but the important thing is, not so much reading, but going through the picture flipbook
davey6561: i don’t waaanna
davey6561: i hope i can fall asleep at a reasonable hour
Bea Arthur: eh, it’s sort of boring actually. it was better when i was 16, and impressionable
Bea Arthur: yeah? do you have school?
davey6561: obviously
Bea Arthur: well what the hell do i know
Bea Arthur: i dont
davey6561: it seems like other people never go
Bea Arthur: DON’T LET ME KEEP YOU
Bea Arthur: (i never go)
davey6561: so are you gonna support me or what
davey6561: one of the people who goes to ss
Bea Arthur: mmmm…
davey6561: (note how i don’t toss around the term”friend”)
Bea Arthur: (sure)
davey6561: has a mom who’s a vet
davey6561: and a dad who’s a househusband
Bea Arthur: really? how does that work out for them?
Bea Arthur: i honestly need a househusband
Bea Arthur: i can’t have one of these shmucks with ambition
Bea Arthur: i need no mucking around
Bea Arthur: are you going to grow bored and unfulfilled?
davey6561: hm
davey6561: i suppose that’s a distinct possibility 🙁
Bea Arthur: we’ll work through it
Bea Arthur: i’ll keep you in your place
Bea Arthur: the sham marraige is a go
Bea Arthur: you can even fantasize about larry while i’m doling out my hard earned money for your lottery tickets
davey6561: hahaha
Bea Arthur: sorry, the messages with no content are me trying to stop my [darn] computer from f2ing me to death
Bea Arthur:
Bea Arthur: if you smash the keyboard in the right way
Bea Arthur: it stops for a few seconds
Bea Arthur: so several times per minute
Bea Arthur: i need to reach up and smash the keyboard i dont use
davey6561: haha
Bea Arthur: so that i can see the messages again
Bea Arthur: if you win the lotto, davey, im really going to hold you to this buying me a haunted house thing
davey6561: 🙂
davey6561: you can make your own haunted house
davey6561: recruit hobos and such
Bea Arthur: hahaha
Bea Arthur: i said haunted, not”halfway”
Bea Arthur: i’d have to murder some people
Bea Arthur: and then watch for their vengeful spirits
Bea Arthur: but i guess i’m up for it
davey6561: lol
davey6561: do you believe in ghosts
Bea Arthur: meh
Bea Arthur: i’d have to think about it
Bea Arthur: i actually believe in lapses in space time
davey6561: …
Bea Arthur: which allow for the projection of what was or what will be (what IS always, if you listen to vonnegut, whose name i cant spell) to become manifested, barely perceptively
Bea Arthur: and stuff
Bea Arthur: i wish i coudl think in four or more dimensions
Bea Arthur: i’d really give a lot for that
davey6561: if vonnegut (whose name you CAN spell) could really do that, he’d be a richer man
Bea Arthur: meh
Bea Arthur: he does a good job of faking it then!
Bea Arthur: have you read much of him?
davey6561: no
Bea Arthur: oh come on
Bea Arthur: do you read?
davey6561: maybe one short story in 7th grade or something
davey6561: no i don’t
Bea Arthur: DO YOU READ
Bea Arthur: why not?
davey6561: As usual, red is particularly good at dealing with these problems with cards like Pyrite Spellbomb or Electrostatic Bolt. Smoke ’em if you’ve got ’em.
davey6561: robby dougherty
Bea Arthur: haha
davey6561: a pothead
Bea Arthur: sure he is
Bea Arthur: and i’m the queen of france
davey6561: of course i don’t READ
davey6561: i’m not literate
Bea Arthur: god, weed is so lame
Bea Arthur: hahahha
davey6561: the star trek wedding was a nicey
Bea Arthur: hahahahha oh i forgot
Bea Arthur: my lord
Bea Arthur: anyway, let’s not have a themed sham wedding
Bea Arthur: let’s go with a more traditional, low key sham wedding
davey6561: no arguments here
Bea Arthur: great.
Bea Arthur: i went to a wedding where the bride got scandalously drunk and groped a member of the wedding party on the dance floor
Bea Arthur: i went to a wedding where i got scandalously drunk and ran into the ocean
Bea Arthur: and i think…that’s all the weddings i’ve attended
davey6561: haha
davey6561: (and it was the same one)
Bea Arthur: i wish, i wish
davey6561: Bea Mauricio
davey6561: :B
davey6561: has a ring to it
Bea Arthur: what.
Bea Arthur: so does, drop dead, davey o’boob
davey6561: haha
Bea Arthur: and it’s BEATRICE, if i’m married
Bea Arthur: people are going to have to start showing me a little respect
davey6561: that’ll be the day
davey6561: honey
Bea Arthur: ‘can you do that thing where you cry and choke *censored*”
Bea Arthur: is that what you were going to ask?
davey6561: no.
davey6561: no madam
Bea Arthur: oh
Bea Arthur: carry on then
davey6561: have i mentioned recently
davey6561: that i have enough problems in life without having to write papers about the plight of the chinaman
davey6561: (yes i have)
Bea Arthur: :-
Bea Arthur: sympathies
Bea Arthur: oh!
Bea Arthur: i forgot to mention
Bea Arthur: not only is brian going to drop out of school because he can’t get an MQP together
Bea Arthur: but now i think i may not graduate
Bea Arthur: for that very same reason
Bea Arthur: despite the fact that i started networking for this half a year ago
Bea Arthur: some duder’s wife got cancer, and now i’m not going to graduate
Bea Arthur: p.s. are you graduating early, or late?
davey6561: early
Bea Arthur: god, you’re so MOTIVATED
Bea Arthur: wait
davey6561: you’re not graduating??
davey6561: how are you gonna support me??!!
Bea Arthur: i’ll work like a *censored* which is my plan in any case
Bea Arthur: you SAID you dont like anything
Bea Arthur: what do you need money for?
davey6561: well madam
davey6561: as much as i have a love/hate relationship with food
Bea Arthur: i might be able to work something out, i’m the apple of the biology department’s eye :-
Bea Arthur: hahaha
davey6561: i’ll sorta need it so that i have the energy to dust the credenza
Bea Arthur: hahahahahah
Bea Arthur: oh lord
Bea Arthur: this will help you toward your goal
Bea Arthur: ALSO, sophmore year brian lived out the big garbage thing behind the price chopper, procuring damaged goods and old bakery items
Bea Arthur: i mean, it wasn’t GOOD living
Bea Arthur: but i saw that it could be done
davey6561: lol!
davey6561: that’s unreal
Bea Arthur: sure sure
davey6561: this chat is making the urge to kill rise
davey6561: i never wanna be in that situation
davey6561: squalor isn’t for me
Bea Arthur: every thursday we would go”shopping” in the dead of night
Bea Arthur: you just haven’t tried it
Bea Arthur: it’s comfortable
Bea Arthur: and you feel industrious, at least I do
Bea Arthur: plus don’t worry, you can always turn tricks or something
Bea Arthur: with an [butt] like that, etc
davey6561: lol.
Bea Arthur: mm
davey6561: my [butt] looks like a bean bag chair
Bea Arthur: hahaha
Bea Arthur: sounds appealing
Bea Arthur: i never quite believe you
davey6561: well i’m telling the truth
Bea Arthur: i mean, i doubt you physically throw up at the sight
davey6561: but you’ll never be able to confirm w/ your own eyes
Bea Arthur: tough but fair
davey6561: even if i live to be 24 yrs old
Bea Arthur: hahahahahahah
Bea Arthur: you’re riDICulous
Bea Arthur: god help me, if i dont get into vet school
davey6561: i heard the same
Bea Arthur: you heard the what?
davey6561: it’s a saying of some sort
Bea Arthur: …ahah.
Bea Arthur: it’s not one of your best
davey6561: it means like”that’s what i’m told”
davey6561: it’s not one of my own either
davey6561: how about
davey6561:”don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”
Bea Arthur: i’ve heard that one, it makes no sense but i’ve heard it
Bea Arthur: i’m bored, and boring
Bea Arthur: or perhaps it’s you who are boring
Bea Arthur: is boring?
Bea Arthur: is.
davey6561: am
Bea Arthur: yeahh…
Bea Arthur: kittens tommorow
Bea Arthur: i may have mentioned
davey6561: )
davey6561: 🙂
Bea Arthur: true
davey6561: so are you sneaking them into your apt or what
Bea Arthur: no, they’re allowed
Bea Arthur: everything but my dog
davey6561: sounds pretty discriminatory
Bea Arthur: no [poop]
davey6561: how many cats are you getting?
Bea Arthur: as many as i dare adopt
Bea Arthur: probably 2
Bea Arthur: so that they won’t be lonely at any point
Bea Arthur: when i’m pursuing my demanding career in professional gaming
davey6561:”NO sodomy, NO loud music, NO dogs named after vegetables”
Bea Arthur: (harr)
davey6561: what i want to know is
davey6561: why DO you keep gaming
davey6561: if you hate it so much
Bea Arthur: that’s exactly what the lease says, and i had to sneak esmerelda in because of the first restriction
Bea Arthur: well honestly i don’t know
Bea Arthur: i enjoy it a good part of the time
Bea Arthur: the rest of the time i just feel the need in my brain
davey6561: dork princess
Bea Arthur: it’s repulsive and incomprehensible, but i miss it when i don’t. i love events, to some extent
davey6561: i used to like events
davey6561: but now…
davey6561: it may return some day
davey6561: who knows
Bea Arthur: when i can shut out all the various looks and things that are said that i pretend not to care about 🙂
Bea Arthur: yes, who knows
davey6561: like
Bea Arthur: i haaaated all aspects of gaming this winter
Bea Arthur: i quit after that gp in boston
Bea Arthur: and now i really do like it again
davey6561: the only reason i want to go to amsterdam is out of pride
Bea Arthur: hm
Bea Arthur: what’s to be proud of?
davey6561: that i’m a GOOD dork and not a failed dork
Bea Arthur: alright, but i don’t think anyone would notice either way
Bea Arthur: except of course for yourself
davey6561: true
Bea Arthur: and then honestly, who cares
davey6561: i want to win one of these things so i can get some street cred
Bea Arthur: ahahaa
Bea Arthur: oh yes, a slew of shallow attention and absurdly pathetic publicity
Bea Arthur: joshravitz will start trying to lend you cards
Bea Arthur: etc
Bea Arthur: if only that glory were yours
davey6561: haha
davey6561: the togit article
Bea Arthur: i’m kidding, really, i understand the appeal of winning
davey6561: with the pics
davey6561: lol
Bea Arthur: YES. MY WORD
Bea Arthur: I DIED ON THE SPOT
Bea Arthur: AND THIS WAS DURING MY VERY SENSITIVE TIME
Bea Arthur: hm
Bea Arthur: anyway i wish you’d win something also
Bea Arthur: so that you could feel better about yourself and i wouldnt have to hear so much unfounded misery
Bea Arthur: plus i like to think you’d buy me dinner
Bea Arthur: at a 24 hour mcdonalds or soemthing classy like such
davey6561: i like to think that you’d humbly decline such an offer
Bea Arthur: not a chance, friend
davey6561: it would be like the cautionary tale
davey6561: of The Two Polite People
davey6561: once upon a time there were two polite people
davey6561: they were going into a building, but neither wanted to NOT hold the door for the other
davey6561: it was winter in boston so they both died of hypothermia
davey6561: the end.
Bea Arthur: hahaha
Bea Arthur: yes, well, i don’t forsee our running into such a problem, i’m not very polite
Bea Arthur: or well bred
Bea Arthur: or any of those things that lead to death by hypothermia
Bea Arthur: i AM very tired
Bea Arthur: and you’re boring, dear god
davey6561: i’ve been more boring than this
davey6561: you’re just hypersensitive tonight
Bea Arthur: i wonder why
Bea Arthur: i’ll give that a good mulling over, tell you what i come up with
davey6561: k
davey6561: have a nice mull
Bea Arthur: also, i ahve a really intense story about bungee jumping
davey6561: i’ll take a sample draw from the sealed deck i won the ptq with that i still have around for no good reason
Bea Arthur: it made me think of you, because its not TERRRIBLY unlike skydiving
davey6561: ooh dude
Bea Arthur: hahahaha
Bea Arthur: you’re fun
davey6561: inTENSE
Bea Arthur: hahahahhaa
davey6561: tellmetellme
Bea Arthur: well i can’t
Bea Arthur: it has to be in person
Bea Arthur: you’re going to have to wait
davey6561: tease
Bea Arthur: not untrue
davey6561: isn’t it?
Bea Arthur: similarly, wasn’t there a freddysacks anecdote you weren’t up for sharing
Bea Arthur: i don’t know if i’d be considered a tease. probably, but then again when it really comes down to it i’ll do literally anything for a dollar and a pat on the head
Bea Arthur (no, but isn’t it fun to profess)
davey6561: siiiiiigh
davey6561: school 🙁
davey6561: sapping my will to live
Bea Arthur: yes
Bea Arthur: it’s almost over
Bea Arthur: stay tight
davey6561: i tried to log onto modo to sell stuff
davey6561: but no one’s buyin
Bea Arthur: you’ve got it rough all around 🙁
davey6561: word to your mother
Bea Arthur: which word?
davey6561: madam, i beseech you
Bea Arthur: is it”*censored*”? or”gums”?
davey6561: gums 🙁
davey6561: what a weirdo
Bea Arthur: hahaha
Bea Arthur: yep. i told you about dinner tonight, i’m sure
davey6561: no you didnt
Bea Arthur: but what were you beseeching me about?
Bea Arthur: oh
davey6561: you do know that”word to your mother” is a semi-old-school rap saying right?
Bea Arthur: well, it’s not too great a tale, but basically it involves my family sitting around, eating shake and bake chicken with a side of, no [lie], ham steak
Bea Arthur: yes, obviously. but can i get by without giving you a hard time at every turn? no
Bea Arthur: anyway, because i’m joining them tonight
Bea Arthur: mom cracks a can of peas [Bea is a vegetarian. – Knut]
Bea Arthur: nukes it in the microwave
davey6561: chicken with a side of hama slkjanlsknad
Bea Arthur: and i pick at these
Bea Arthur: the conversation is glowing, mostly we sit in silence while i try to talk up the peas, which are mediocre at best
Bea Arthur: dad offers me ham
davey6561: lol.
davey6561: does he literally do this at EVERY meal?
Bea Arthur: yep
Bea Arthur: and in between meals
Bea Arthur: here’s a nice one
Bea Arthur: i’m watcing tv with retro at 2 a.m. one day this summer
Bea Arthur: and my dad comes in with groceries
Bea Arthur: he goes on late night beer runs, i dont know
Bea Arthur:”hey big guy, you want a ham sandwhich”
Bea Arthur: Joe:”no thanks, it’s 2 a.m.”
Bea Arthur:”oh come on, i just bought the ham”
Bea Arthur:”IT’S 2 A.M.”
davey6561: lol.
Bea Arthur: dad makes him a sandwich
davey6561: haha
Bea Arthur: how embarrassing
davey6561: sandwiches are delicious
davey6561: they’re like one of my favorites ever
davey6561: did he eat it?
Bea Arthur: hahaha
Bea Arthur: no
davey6561: how big is he?
Bea Arthur: he just looked at it
Bea Arthur: ahhh, 6’3ish, maybe 160
davey6561: lol.
Bea Arthur: pretty lean, pretty muscley
Bea Arthur: in that malnourished way
davey6561: you’re drawn to sickly people
Bea Arthur: hahaha, i guess
Bea Arthur: i honestly do like them fat though
davey6561: [shucks], i’d eat a ham sandwich at 2 am
Bea Arthur: i want to be able to look at someone and think,”mmmm, gross”
davey6561: lol
Bea Arthur: then come over for [pete]’s sake
Bea Arthur: the fridge is literally overflowing with lunch meat
davey6561: i’m not hungry atm
davey6561: but”it’s 2am” is no excuse
Bea Arthur: ou will be by the time you get here :-
davey6561: lol!
Bea Arthur: indeed!
Bea Arthur: did you ever used to read?
davey6561: not especially no
Bea Arthur: like, in your painfully awkward adolescence
davey6561: i’m more of a”do-er”
Bea Arthur: pfft
davey6561: who said it was painfully awkward?
davey6561: it was awkward to be sure
Bea Arthur: haha, i was just guessing
davey6561: but i played video games
Bea Arthur: oh, i’m sorry. i hadn’t realized you played video games
Bea Arthur: no WONDER you’re so perfectly adjusted
Bea Arthur: and smart
davey6561: uhhh huhh
davey6561: well ya gotta do SOMEthing
Bea Arthur: hm
Bea Arthur: true
davey6561: or else you end up READing
Bea Arthur: reading is the ultimate in escapist pleasure
davey6561: school pretty much turned me off reading
Bea Arthur: sorry to hear
davey6561: i may read again one day
Bea Arthur: let me know so i can suggest some hitters
Bea Arthur: speaking of school, did i mention that my schedule is the nut nut nut high this term
davey6561: no
davey6561: go on
Bea Arthur: well it is
Bea Arthur: wednesday and friday, no class
Bea Arthur: the other three days, class 1-4
davey6561: msflkmnsdfl
Bea Arthur: work every now and then, only 10 hours
Bea Arthur: mostly in the 4-9 time slot
Bea Arthur: i’m going to modo so much, i may take up knitting
Bea Arthur: brian will move away and i’ll have nothing to do wtih myself
davey6561: knitting sounds relaxing
Bea Arthur: does it?
davey6561: i’d do it
davey6561: if i were A BIG *censored*
Bea Arthur: mmhmm, so what’s stopping you?
Bea Arthur: (oh burn)
davey6561: that wasn’t even a good one
davey6561: i’m a little disappointed
Bea Arthur: murr
davey6561: xzjgvcjhvbxjc
davey6561: hahah
Bea Arthur: why is that funny?
davey6561: you caught me midyawn
davey6561: when my face was right next to the screen
Bea Arthur: hahaha
Bea Arthur: that doesnt make any selse
Bea Arthur: who leans in to yawn?
davey6561: timing isn’t everything, but it’s crucial
Bea Arthur: 🙂
davey6561: it was coincidental that i was leaning in
Bea Arthur: i guess ic an allow that
Bea Arthur: i foresee our late night rendezvous drawing to an end
davey6561: why?
Bea Arthur: once vacation is over
davey6561: ohhh
davey6561: that’s fine
davey6561: i should do more work anyway
Bea Arthur: pfft
davey6561: had any good chats tonight
Bea Arthur: highly unlikely
Bea Arthur: just you
davey6561: other than with myself
Bea Arthur: little nutlow mentioend that he”misses my ugly face”
davey6561: 🙂
davey6561: my brother just used the term”ne’er-do-wells” on irc
Bea Arthur: hahahahah
Bea Arthur: what a failed science project
davey6561: lol.
davey6561: my parents didn’t get it right the second time either
davey6561: they’re QUITTERS
davey6561: or maybe they just cut their losses
Bea Arthur: hahah
davey6561: YOU’RE FALLING BACK TO MEEEEEEEEE
Bea Arthur: i think you were something of a success
davey6561: DEFYING GRAVITYYYYYYY
Bea Arthur: defying gravitttty
davey6561: I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE OUT THER JNLSFDNSF
davey6561: i”was” something of a success
davey6561: 🙁
davey6561: i think so too
davey6561: NOW LOOK AT ME
davey6561: WHO COULD LOVE ME
Bea Arthur: well, people who were in fires
Bea Arthur: probably need someone uglier than their deformed selves
Bea Arthur: i’m sorry in advance
davey6561: the truth hurts, madam
davey6561: but we must learn to accept it
Bea Arthur: pshaw
Bea Arthur: you’re stupid
davey6561: U R
davey6561: AND FAT
Bea Arthur: thanks, thanks
Bea Arthur: at least iv’e been wearing the pants i have on since 11th grade
Bea Arthur: i changed occasionally
davey6561: mmhmm
Bea Arthur: um
davey6561: i still have the same pants from 11th grade
davey6561: they fit now
davey6561: but they’re hella short
Bea Arthur: hahah
Bea Arthur: i didn’t mean what i said about fires and you. of course you know this
davey6561: yea
Bea Arthur: in the future i won’t run heartless beats, because i find i can’t follow through, and then i just feel bad
davey6561: well as long as they’re totally heartless and i can tell
davey6561: there’s not going to be a problem
Bea Arthur: would there ever be a problem?
Bea Arthur: frankly i think not
davey6561: there could be
davey6561: you could be inexplicably obsessed with another straight girl named mary and devote all your chats to complaints and AIM parlor tricks involving her
Bea Arthur: hahahhaa
Bea Arthur: i think even then you could not have it in you to be displeased with me, beatrice arthur
davey6561: probly not
Bea Arthur: …mise.
davey6561: yes
davey6561: mise indeed
Bea Arthur: i HATE that word, in other news
davey6561: mise <3 brah, mise <3
Bea Arthur: 🙁
Bea Arthur: the heart pains me
davey6561: since there’s nothing good to read
davey6561: i’m looking up my own articles
Bea Arthur: sigh.
Bea Arthur: time to try to cut and paste this into the browser
Bea Arthur: woe is me
Bea Arthur: dear god you have infinite hair
Bea Arthur: you should do that again
davey6561: that may have been the longest it’s ever been
Bea Arthur: only you shouldn’t wear such a big garbage bag in lieu of a shirt
Bea Arthur: and i didnt know buttman was on your team
davey6561: lol.
davey6561: what are you talking about
Bea Arthur: i dont know, that duder looks like buttman
Bea Arthur: alright, i dont know
Bea Arthur: link me to some pictures of yourself in fatter days
davey6561: there aren’t really any online
davey6561: there’s one from behind
davey6561: where i look like turian
davey6561: that’s about it
Bea Arthur: hahahah
Bea Arthur: turian
Bea Arthur: hm
Bea Arthur: unrelated aside:
Bea Arthur: the thing i’m best at on this earth isn’t science, english, cooking, *censored*
Bea Arthur: it’s being able to identify almost any card in odyssey block by its flavor text
Bea Arthur: deeeear god
Bea Arthur: turian has hair here
Bea Arthur: i mean long
Bea Arthur: and yes, you do look like turian
Bea Arthur: nice glasses
davey6561: thanks b
davey6561: stacy’s mom…has got it goin on…
Bea Arthur: oh dear god
Bea Arthur: i had to hear that song so many times in the car 🙁
Bea Arthur: my sister…
davey6561: yea
davey6561: god bless the fountains
davey6561: they’re so good, even if they’re now getting their money and fame b/c of this turdy song
davey6561: i mean it’s a good song, but the lyrics are unnecc
Bea Arthur: god bless the fountains..
Bea Arthur: i haven’t heard of them before this :-
Bea Arthur: they seem like trash [Fountains are great live as well. – Knut, still here]
davey6561: get”sink to the bottom” by them
davey6561: i think that’s what it’s called
[Please post in the forums if you read the whole chat log. – Knut]
Bea Arthur: well, in the future :-
Bea Arthur: you’ll have to tell me, again
Bea Arthur: all the things to get
Bea Arthur: and then i’ll want to do the same for you, but i’ll sit on the urge
davey6561: well gn
Bea Arthur: you’re out?
davey6561: very soon
Bea Arthur: fair
Bea Arthur: as always, it’s been real
davey6561: i wish i was working
davey6561: then i’d have money
Bea Arthur: for what?
davey6561: and more anecdotes
Bea Arthur: hahaa
Bea Arthur: your anecdotes are satisfactory
Bea Arthur: anyway, next time i talk to you will be from the frigid north, and i’ll be modoing and complaining about esmerelda, and most likely modo
Bea Arthur: gn
davey6561: gn
davey6561: profile lol
Looks like Kai couldn’t make it this week. That’s a shame. We’ll have to rebook him for the show in the near future.
Join me next week when I talk about why Trolls of Tel-Jilad is perhaps the best creature in the history of the game and Aaron Cutler shares his sister-in-law’s”pretty mean fondue” recipe.
No More a Disgrace to Humanity Than Any of You Ingrates But a Disgrace Nonetheless
icyhot, Ashkar, and AntonJ on Modo
[email protected] (real this time)
“You have my sympathy.” –Incubus,”Privilege”
*Not my usual brand of”humor,” but apparently my core audience members don’t have the most refined tastes.
**a subtle distinction to be sure
***Not an honor student, are ya?