AIM High: Part Two or The Rest of It

Welcome to Tim’s extended AIM conversation he recorded between Golden Girl Bea Arthur and somebody else. What, you think he’s joking this time? Guess you’ll have to read and find out.

And now, here’s the AIM chat between one davey6561 and one Bea Arthur. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you may even achieve some form of deeper social understanding. I think I did a pretty good job of editing this to remove anything offensive. I wish Mr. Knutson the best of luck in confirming this. You’re in for a long night, Teddy. [How I hate thee, Tim Aten, let me count the ways… – Knut]

Now some of you may be thinking, isn’t this just some ploy to increase your article length without putting in any additional work?

In a word, duh.

In a few more words, I already explained myself at the beginning, and also, assuming I’m one of the characters in this dialogue, which may or may not be real, I put the initial work into this oh so many weeks ago. Bonus points if you can figure out which one’s me.

Without further ado, I present to thee…

“Satisfactory Anecdotes”

davey6561: mm

Bea Arthur: well

Bea Arthur: i walk into the hallway

Bea Arthur: looking for quality time

Bea Arthur: instead it’s my dad masquerading around in a pair of tighty whities, full of holes

Bea Arthur: and socks pulled to his knees

Bea Arthur: end of story

Bea Arthur: we chatted, hugged

Bea Arthur: very uncomfortable

davey6561: ew

davey6561: is your dad a… large man too?

davey6561: like your mom

Bea Arthur: no, he’s very fit

Bea Arthur: but i think he has a tumor

Bea Arthur: and like, he hasn’t been to a doctor in ages

davey6561: lucky guy

Bea Arthur: yeahhh… he wants to die ‘when it’s his time’

davey6561: lol. ๐Ÿ™

Bea Arthur: right. he wont let things like modern medicine stand in his way

davey6561: i sure don’t

Bea Arthur: hahaha

davey6561: it’s sure hard to function when you’re busy making yourself crazy over stupid things

davey6561: case in point

davey6561: i should be reading now

davey6561: but what am i doing instead

Bea Arthur: are you

Bea Arthur: um

Bea Arthur: i want to say *censored*, but somehow i don’t think that’s the case

Bea Arthur: agonizing over larry’s chats or non chats?

davey6561: yes

Bea Arthur: y

davey6561: i am staring at the aim window

davey6561: my buddy list

Bea Arthur: yes

davey6561: in a war of attrition

Bea Arthur: hahahah

davey6561: vowing not to msg him first

Bea Arthur: well, don’t let me detract from that

davey6561: oh you won’t

Bea Arthur: good

Bea Arthur: how was your night?

davey6561: you can get a good idea of how much someone really wants to talk to you

davey6561: well since you left our intrepid hero

davey6561: he went to his bed to read for school

davey6561: hoping not to nod off

davey6561: upon which time he nodded off, waking up at 11:00

Bea Arthur: niice

Bea Arthur: Attackufor2: sup BRAH

Attackufor2: hows life?

davey6561: he msged you first?

Bea Arthur: …

davey6561: that does it

davey6561: seppuku

Bea Arthur: he didn’t, i’m just torturing you

Bea Arthur: i fabricated the quote


davey6561: NO YOU DIDNT



davey6561:”i take it”one thing” isnt meant to be 3 minutes of garbled noise


“that’s an artistic statement that only radiohead could give justice to”

Bea Arthur: im sorry, what about what?


davey6561: THAN LIVE A LIE

Bea Arthur: well please

Bea Arthur: here’s the truth

Bea Arthur: i said hi

Bea Arthur: he said sup brah

Bea Arthur: that’s how that went down

Bea Arthur: is there a song called ‘one thing’?


Bea Arthur: by radiohead, of all things?

Bea Arthur: sure, sure you do


Bea Arthur: i actually never lie to you

Bea Arthur: oh


Bea Arthur: well then of course i dont know the name of it. i hardly ever know anything

Bea Arthur: WELL RELAX

Bea Arthur: i will now


Bea Arthur: previous i just liked to ignore you

Bea Arthur: oh

Bea Arthur: i thought you meant myself

Bea Arthur:

Bea Arthur: and then you beat on thom

davey6561: NO IT WAS AN IRC CHAT

davey6561: FOR SOME REASON THE NAMES NO LONGER PASTE [That’s because AIM edits out arrow brackets, thinking they are html tags. – Knut, here for another twenty-six pages]

Bea Arthur: fair

Bea Arthur: well listen

Bea Arthur: i drank all this terrible coffee at this sh** diner

Bea Arthur: so now i have to pee

Bea Arthur: brb

davey6561: ENJOY IT

Bea Arthur: oh i will



chester6561: I HAD TOPICS TOO

Auto response from Bea Arthur: keep your pants on




Bea Arthur: with holes?

davey6561: YES

Bea Arthur: surely a step up from the waaay too short adidas swishy pants

Bea Arthur: what the sh** are those?

Bea Arthur: were you planning on hitting the gym between rounds?



Bea Arthur: hahaha

Bea Arthur: how can you be too depressed to shop?

Bea Arthur: shopping is insane

Bea Arthur: at least, when you’re a cute, shapely female

Bea Arthur: and everything looks GREAT on you


davey6561: OOH DISS


Bea Arthur: well la dee dah, someone knows how to sling a clever insult

davey6561: WHO MSGED WHO


Bea Arthur: i told you, i always tell you thet ruth, after some period of gratuitous lying

davey6561: okay okay

davey6561: fine fine

Bea Arthur: ]

davey6561: uma thurman is sooooo hot

davey6561: do you know who my favorite character in the movie is though?

Bea Arthur: hold, and let me think

davey6561: i think i may have said something about this to you

Bea Arthur: is it the little girl who just stands there expressionless?

davey6561: altho it may have been Sacks

Bea Arthur: i dotn think you did

davey6561: which one is that

Bea Arthur: or else i dont listen

Bea Arthur: the little girl whose mother dies

Bea Arthur: anyway, that was my favorite character

Bea Arthur: but who is it? let’s hear it

Bea Arthur: plus, is she really taht hot?

davey6561: lucy liu’s character?

Bea Arthur: oh yes

Bea Arthur: she’s pretty good

Bea Arthur: WAIT

davey6561: no i was asking YOU

Bea Arthur: i just remembered the speech on the table

Bea Arthur: NO

Bea Arthur: dear god, no

Bea Arthur: the little black child

Bea Arthur: nikki

davey6561: lol.

davey6561: the little black child was your favorite character?

davey6561: why the [heck] didnt you just say black

davey6561: being pc only hinders thought/understanding

Bea Arthur: sure, sure

Bea Arthur: i just forgot she was black until the right time

davey6561: hoo hoo

davey6561: *sip*

davey6561: *nibble*

Bea Arthur: hahahhaa

Bea Arthur: i’m going back to that life

Bea Arthur: who’s your favorite character? oh god you leave me hanging

davey6561: take a guess

davey6561: one guess then i’ll tell ya

Bea Arthur: is it obscure or not?

davey6561: can’t answer that

Bea Arthur: WHY?

Bea Arthur: you know what defines obscure

davey6561: if i do it would be too obvious

davey6561: just *censored* guess

Bea Arthur: guhg.

davey6561: who cares if you’re way off

davey6561: doesn’t make you any less of a man

Bea Arthur: is it that duder who says,”I’M NOT REALLY BALD, I JUST SHAVE MY HEAD”

davey6561: haha that line was v funny

Bea Arthur: true

Bea Arthur: ok, who?

davey6561: nono it was gogo, the little japanese schoolgirl

Bea Arthur: hahaha

Bea Arthur: ahhh yes

Bea Arthur: she’s really good

Bea Arthur: i plan to run the”do you want to screw me”

Bea Arthur: only when they say yes

davey6561: ew

davey6561: that was very mean

Bea Arthur: i’ll just say,”good, because i have very low self esteem”

Bea Arthur: and spread em

davey6561: haha

davey6561: ahalkjhdlkjsdhnkads

Bea Arthur: that blood bath

Bea Arthur: when she annihilated all the guys

Bea Arthur: was quite masterful. better, though, was the fight with gogo

Bea Arthur: jean buried her face in my shirt and snotted all over me

davey6561: lol

Bea Arthur: because she couldn’t look :-

davey6561: did you get some?

Bea Arthur: plenty

Bea Arthur: of mucous

Bea Arthur: mm mmm

Bea Arthur: so i’m hungry, but i’m wondering if i should eat, or just MASTER the urge

Bea Arthur: and lose some weight for once in my life

davey6561: how much do you weigh? feel free not to answer if that’s too prodding of a query

Bea Arthur: no, i couldnt care less

davey6561: how are your other chats?

Bea Arthur: 155

Bea Arthur: not good

Bea Arthur: i’ve got little nutlow online

Bea Arthur: and of course, esmerelda

davey6561: anything interesting going on

davey6561: lol esmerelda ๐Ÿ™‚

Bea Arthur: sort of

Bea Arthur: nutlow and i are reminiscing

Bea Arthur: it’s gross

Bea Arthur: oh

Bea Arthur: you were indirectly asking about larry

Bea Arthur: i once weighed 130, after a good three months of eating nothing but water and the occasional pretzel

davey6561: you misspelled”rietzl”

Bea Arthur: always

Bea Arthur: i didn’t know how to spell it until two months ago

Bea Arthur: littlenutlow6 (2:51:03 AM): assault

Bea Arthur (2:51:16 AM): and battery

littlenutlow6 (2:52:12 AM): vomit

littlenutlow6 (2:52:15 AM): and suicide

Bea Arthur (2:52:35 AM): that’s a split card in an upcoming expansion

littledarwin6 (2:53:11 AM): vomit is BB target player skips next two draw steps

littledarwin6 (2:53:53 AM): suicide is BB skip your next two draw steps, lose 10 life, sacrifice all your creatures, create a 15/15 barn token that dies if its targeted

davey6561: my minimum in my adult life is 155

davey6561: i’m trying to get back there

davey6561: barn lol

davey6561: it’s funny b/c he said barn

Bea Arthur: sure, sure

Bea Arthur: i’m growing to hate that term

Bea Arthur: when did you weigh 155?

Bea Arthur: you must have been hiiideous

davey6561: it wasn’t too long ago

davey6561: february 2002

davey6561: with any luck i’ll be back there by christmas

Bea Arthur: that’s a pretty long time ago, buddy

Bea Arthur: you really do have a problem

Bea Arthur: it endears you to me somehow

davey6561: nothin says”hot hot hot” like”gaunt gaunt gaunt”

Bea Arthur: hahha

Bea Arthur: it’s true

Bea Arthur: nothing says sex appeal like a bag of bones

Bea Arthur: speaking of which, [goshdarn] it, i’m going to eat

Bea Arthur: brb

davey6561: (appropriate Clerks reference; *censored*)

Bea Arthur:

Bea Arthur: gee, thanks

Bea Arthur: i’m running a non fat yogurt

Bea Arthur: this reminds me

davey6561: what flavor

Bea Arthur: strawberry/banana

Bea Arthur: so we’re waiting for the movie to start, jean, guy, joe retro, myself

Bea Arthur: and jean’s going on and on

Bea Arthur: about how guy doesn’t treat her as a person

davey6561: joe retro?

Bea Arthur: yes

davey6561: esmerelda didn’t tag along?

Bea Arthur: this is in fact his name

Bea Arthur: no, esmerelda gets intimidated when i’m with my cooler friends

Bea Arthur: joe’s a dangerous character

Bea Arthur: just look at that last name

Bea Arthur: anyway, jean:”and he made me do the dishes, and i ironed his [darn] shirt, and”

Bea Arthur: myself, interjecting:”i *censored*”

Bea Arthur: jean, not noticing the

Bea Arthur: whoops

Bea Arthur: anyway, not noticing:”and i packed him a [darn] sandwich”

Bea Arthur: me: and I cried with a mouth full of *censored*

Bea Arthur: jean: …you WHAT

Bea Arthur: me: not me, you

Bea Arthur: jean: i never told you about that time

Bea Arthur: everyone: silence

davey6561: hahaha

davey6561: there’s no way retro is his last name

Bea Arthur: guy: it’s all true

Bea Arthur: except for the sandwich

Bea Arthur: well it is

Bea Arthur: i dont know what to tell you

Bea Arthur: a couple of years ago i went into a clothing store where there was a bunch of shirts by the brand”retroactive”

Bea Arthur: i started taking all the tags off of them

Bea Arthur: i had a huge fistful when i was approached by a sales person and escorted out

Bea Arthur he has them all over his car

Bea Arthur: fine times

davey6561: lol.

davey6561: there’s a kid who played at the local store whose name is Brian Six

davey6561: that can’t be real either

Bea Arthur: haah

Bea Arthur: what about jimbob sixkiller?

Bea Arthur: ever heard of him? great renowned

davey6561: I think that one’s made up

Bea Arthur: have you MET him?

Bea Arthur: i haven’t, but he was honestly at a tournament

Bea Arthur: he day 2’d some gp

Bea Arthur: and i could not believe my eyes

davey6561: did you tell him to msg me

Bea Arthur: who?

davey6561: i will gouge your eyes out so help me god

Bea Arthur: oh for [God]’s sake, chester

Bea Arthur: he hasnt’ spoken to me since i brb’d him to go pee

Bea Arthur: what has he got for you?

Bea Arthur: i see how it is.

Bea Arthur: i was getting very indignant, then i found i was booted

Bea Arthur: tell me you said something to me

Bea Arthur: i see how it is

davey6561: i said”one sec”

davey6561: lol

davey6561: i was answering a quesiton on irc

davey6561: about my top 5 albums

Bea Arthur: ah

Bea Arthur: they’er good really

Bea Arthur: wait

Bea Arthur: unless they’re not what i’m thinking they are

davey6561: wait what

Bea Arthur: nevermind, sorry

Bea Arthur: i’m a moron

davey6561: nevermind was one of them

davey6561: :B

Bea Arthur: ๐Ÿ™‚

Bea Arthur: what else?

Bea Arthur: i thought i knew them but i was thinking of top 5 songs, your sarcastic list

davey6561: stone temple pilots – purple

linkin park – hybrid theory

nirvana – nevermind


hole – live through this

afi – sing the sorrow

those are the first 5 i thought of

Bea Arthur: swell

davey6561: igby and i had a brief chat about interpol and radiohead in the car

davey6561: brb

Bea Arthur: ok

Bea Arthur: then you can tell me about your chat. there’s nothing i like to talk about more than interpol and radiohead, conjunctively

davey6561: i was arguing how they’re similar

davey6561: in that they’re both in the same genre

davey6561: namely, Pretentious College Music

Bea Arthur: they’re not REMOOOTELY similar

davey6561: lol

Bea Arthur: not at all

Bea Arthur: no

Bea Arthur: ughgh.

Bea Arthur: hey, my dog needs to walk

Bea Arthur: im’ giong out barefoot in boxers and a wifebeater

Bea Arthur: wish me lucky

davey6561: dude

davey6561: how cold is it there

Bea Arthur: not too cold

Bea Arthur: 55ish

Bea Arthur: i’m tough

davey6561: it’s frigid here

Bea Arthur: that was quick, it’s pouring out

Bea Arthur: yeah?

davey6561: sort of like yourself

Bea Arthur: woah, woah

Bea Arthur: if it doesn’t *censored* with a vengeance, it’s not like me

davey6561: lol

Bea Arthur: so did your brother argue that they’re vastly different?

davey6561: yea

Bea Arthur: of course

Bea Arthur: because he has some idea

davey6561: i guess in retrospect it wasn’t a convo

Bea Arthur: even though he’s a toad

davey6561: it was more gratuitous [trash]music bashing

Bea Arthur: :-

Bea Arthur: you’re trash

Bea Arthur: my hair is doing this preposterous thing, where the humidity has caused it to curl in little tendrils at my temples

Bea Arthur: and frankly, it’s nauseatingly cute here

davey6561: that sounds lovvvely

davey6561: yea lol

Bea Arthur: i need to be put in a dumpster asap

davey6561: the physical one or the theoretical one

Bea Arthur: ahhh, physical. i’m already way ahead of you on the theoretical

Bea Arthur: i was once thrown into a dumpster

Bea Arthur: it wasnt too bad :-

Bea Arthur: excuse me, are you still talking to larry?

davey6561: no.

davey6561: was i ever?

Bea Arthur: i thought you were, previous

davey6561: huh.

Bea Arthur: when you threatened my eyesight

davey6561: dude this chat just got way weird

Bea Arthur: nevermind!

davey6561: ๐Ÿ™‚

Bea Arthur: THIS one?

Bea Arthur: no it didn’t

davey6561: that sucks to have to leave your dog ๐Ÿ™

Bea Arthur: no [duh], no [duh]

Bea Arthur: it’s tearing me up

davey6561: almost makes me wish i had something/someone like that ๐Ÿ™

Bea Arthur: well, it IS something to live for, makes every minute priceless

Bea Arthur: but really it’s overrated, unconditional love

davey6561: yea

davey6561: do niiice

Bea Arthur: why don’t you just get a dog? then spend every waking minute talking to it and loving it until it loves you so much it’s painful to behold. let 4 years of intense affection bond you together, then get some friends, start ignoring the dog, and watch it develop a deep complex over you

Bea Arthur: i did that, it was a good time

davey6561: haha

Bea Arthur: now i’ve given up on humans again

davey6561: ๐Ÿ™

Bea Arthur: and we’re the best of friends once more

davey6561: i stopped reading the foot experiment thing since it was getting repetitive

davey6561: but it was hilarious as allgitout

Bea Arthur: it’s so good, its’ so good

Bea Arthur: toward the end, dear god

Bea Arthur: you HAVE to see the picture

Bea Arthur: where his skin starts oozing

Bea Arthur: and splitting between the toes

Bea Arthur: my lord

Bea Arthur: i vomited

Bea Arthur: [link omitted]

Bea Arthur: that one was really important to my life

davey6561: so what was this duder’s motive

davey6561: for doing this to himself

Bea Arthur: to infect himself?

Bea Arthur: i believe it was just absurdity

Bea Arthur: plus i’m sure they paid him

davey6561: just a lil something to entertain his loyal fan base

Bea Arthur: well, yes

Bea Arthur: i’m sure countless girls fell in love

Bea Arthur: my heart was his from the lemon test on

Bea Arthur: he lives in boston

Bea Arthur: i always think about lookign him up, doing a little stalking

davey6561: lol.

davey6561: you’re an odd one

davey6561: mister grinch

Bea Arthur: thanks

Bea Arthur: i’m not really odd, am i?

Bea Arthur: that reminds me of dudley,”i’m not colorblind, am i?”

Bea Arthur: you really should see that movie, it’s life changing

davey6561: is this tennenbaums again?

Bea Arthur: no [duh]

Bea Arthur: i think at least once a day

davey6561: That Royal Tennenbaums

davey6561: lol

Bea Arthur: about everything you haven’t seen

Bea Arthur: haha, yes

Bea Arthur: i told that story

Bea Arthur: tonight, and honestly the reaction was huge

Bea Arthur:”That Freddy Sacks” was the killer

davey6561: not a story, it’s an anecdote

davey6561: if you somehow made it into a story

Bea Arthur: YOU’RE an anecdote

davey6561: then you are wise beyond your years

Bea Arthur: ๐Ÿ™‚

davey6561: hey, i need some help with something

davey6561: with THREAT

davey6561: S

Bea Arthur: oh?

davey6561: i have the first part down

davey6561:”If you don’t do such and such I’m going to ride my purple bicycle to (place name) and…”

davey6561: and then i have nothing

Bea Arthur: oh, hang on

Bea Arthur: let me think

Bea Arthur: well

Bea Arthur: what’s the situation?

Bea Arthur: i need to figure out the proper degree of savagery

davey6561: none in particular

Bea Arthur: are you READING this fat project?

Bea Arthur: oh

davey6561: skimming


Bea Arthur: did you read their bios?

davey6561: no

davey6561: i read day 0

davey6561: and skipped to day 29

davey6561: lol

Bea Arthur: [screw] it

Bea Arthur: read the bios

Bea Arthur: dear god.

Bea Arthur: i applied for this

Bea Arthur: i was too young, it was illegal

davey6561: haha

Bea Arthur: look at the fortunes on day 1

Bea Arthur: my god

davey6561: wait i DID read the bios

Bea Arthur: or that’s actually day 0, i dont know

Bea Arthur: it’s good though

Bea Arthur: but the important thing is, not so much reading, but going through the picture flipbook

davey6561: i don’t waaanna

davey6561: i hope i can fall asleep at a reasonable hour

Bea Arthur: eh, it’s sort of boring actually. it was better when i was 16, and impressionable

Bea Arthur: yeah? do you have school?

davey6561: obviously

Bea Arthur: well what the hell do i know

Bea Arthur: i dont

davey6561: it seems like other people never go


Bea Arthur: (i never go)

davey6561: so are you gonna support me or what

davey6561: one of the people who goes to ss

Bea Arthur: mmmm…

davey6561: (note how i don’t toss around the term”friend”)

Bea Arthur: (sure)

davey6561: has a mom who’s a vet

davey6561: and a dad who’s a househusband

Bea Arthur: really? how does that work out for them?

Bea Arthur: i honestly need a househusband

Bea Arthur: i can’t have one of these shmucks with ambition

Bea Arthur: i need no mucking around

Bea Arthur: are you going to grow bored and unfulfilled?

davey6561: hm

davey6561: i suppose that’s a distinct possibility ๐Ÿ™

Bea Arthur: we’ll work through it

Bea Arthur: i’ll keep you in your place

Bea Arthur: the sham marraige is a go

Bea Arthur: you can even fantasize about larry while i’m doling out my hard earned money for your lottery tickets

davey6561: hahaha

Bea Arthur: sorry, the messages with no content are me trying to stop my [darn] computer from f2ing me to death

Bea Arthur:

Bea Arthur: if you smash the keyboard in the right way

Bea Arthur: it stops for a few seconds

Bea Arthur: so several times per minute

Bea Arthur: i need to reach up and smash the keyboard i dont use

davey6561: haha

Bea Arthur: so that i can see the messages again

Bea Arthur: if you win the lotto, davey, im really going to hold you to this buying me a haunted house thing

davey6561: ๐Ÿ™‚

davey6561: you can make your own haunted house

davey6561: recruit hobos and such

Bea Arthur: hahaha

Bea Arthur: i said haunted, not”halfway”

Bea Arthur: i’d have to murder some people

Bea Arthur: and then watch for their vengeful spirits

Bea Arthur: but i guess i’m up for it

davey6561: lol

davey6561: do you believe in ghosts

Bea Arthur: meh

Bea Arthur: i’d have to think about it

Bea Arthur: i actually believe in lapses in space time

davey6561: …

Bea Arthur: which allow for the projection of what was or what will be (what IS always, if you listen to vonnegut, whose name i cant spell) to become manifested, barely perceptively

Bea Arthur: and stuff

Bea Arthur: i wish i coudl think in four or more dimensions

Bea Arthur: i’d really give a lot for that

davey6561: if vonnegut (whose name you CAN spell) could really do that, he’d be a richer man

Bea Arthur: meh

Bea Arthur: he does a good job of faking it then!

Bea Arthur: have you read much of him?

davey6561: no

Bea Arthur: oh come on

Bea Arthur: do you read?

davey6561: maybe one short story in 7th grade or something

davey6561: no i don’t

Bea Arthur: DO YOU READ

Bea Arthur: why not?

davey6561: As usual, red is particularly good at dealing with these problems with cards like Pyrite Spellbomb or Electrostatic Bolt. Smoke ’em if you’ve got ’em.

davey6561: robby dougherty

Bea Arthur: haha

davey6561: a pothead

Bea Arthur: sure he is

Bea Arthur: and i’m the queen of france

davey6561: of course i don’t READ

davey6561: i’m not literate

Bea Arthur: god, weed is so lame

Bea Arthur: hahahha

davey6561: the star trek wedding was a nicey

Bea Arthur: hahahahha oh i forgot

Bea Arthur: my lord

Bea Arthur: anyway, let’s not have a themed sham wedding

Bea Arthur: let’s go with a more traditional, low key sham wedding

davey6561: no arguments here

Bea Arthur: great.

Bea Arthur: i went to a wedding where the bride got scandalously drunk and groped a member of the wedding party on the dance floor

Bea Arthur: i went to a wedding where i got scandalously drunk and ran into the ocean

Bea Arthur: and i think…that’s all the weddings i’ve attended

davey6561: haha

davey6561: (and it was the same one)

Bea Arthur: i wish, i wish

davey6561: Bea Mauricio

davey6561: :B

davey6561: has a ring to it

Bea Arthur: what.

Bea Arthur: so does, drop dead, davey o’boob

davey6561: haha

Bea Arthur: and it’s BEATRICE, if i’m married

Bea Arthur: people are going to have to start showing me a little respect

davey6561: that’ll be the day

davey6561: honey

Bea Arthur: ‘can you do that thing where you cry and choke *censored*”

Bea Arthur: is that what you were going to ask?

davey6561: no.

davey6561: no madam

Bea Arthur: oh

Bea Arthur: carry on then

davey6561: have i mentioned recently

davey6561: that i have enough problems in life without having to write papers about the plight of the chinaman

davey6561: (yes i have)

Bea Arthur: :-

Bea Arthur: sympathies

Bea Arthur: oh!

Bea Arthur: i forgot to mention

Bea Arthur: not only is brian going to drop out of school because he can’t get an MQP together

Bea Arthur: but now i think i may not graduate

Bea Arthur: for that very same reason

Bea Arthur: despite the fact that i started networking for this half a year ago

Bea Arthur: some duder’s wife got cancer, and now i’m not going to graduate

Bea Arthur: p.s. are you graduating early, or late?

davey6561: early

Bea Arthur: god, you’re so MOTIVATED

Bea Arthur: wait

davey6561: you’re not graduating??

davey6561: how are you gonna support me??!!

Bea Arthur: i’ll work like a *censored* which is my plan in any case

Bea Arthur: you SAID you dont like anything

Bea Arthur: what do you need money for?

davey6561: well madam

davey6561: as much as i have a love/hate relationship with food

Bea Arthur: i might be able to work something out, i’m the apple of the biology department’s eye :-

Bea Arthur: hahaha

davey6561: i’ll sorta need it so that i have the energy to dust the credenza

Bea Arthur: hahahahahah

Bea Arthur: oh lord

Bea Arthur: this will help you toward your goal

Bea Arthur: ALSO, sophmore year brian lived out the big garbage thing behind the price chopper, procuring damaged goods and old bakery items

Bea Arthur: i mean, it wasn’t GOOD living

Bea Arthur: but i saw that it could be done

davey6561: lol!

davey6561: that’s unreal

Bea Arthur: sure sure

davey6561: this chat is making the urge to kill rise

davey6561: i never wanna be in that situation

davey6561: squalor isn’t for me

Bea Arthur: every thursday we would go”shopping” in the dead of night

Bea Arthur: you just haven’t tried it

Bea Arthur: it’s comfortable

Bea Arthur: and you feel industrious, at least I do

Bea Arthur: plus don’t worry, you can always turn tricks or something

Bea Arthur: with an [butt] like that, etc

davey6561: lol.

Bea Arthur: mm

davey6561: my [butt] looks like a bean bag chair

Bea Arthur: hahaha

Bea Arthur: sounds appealing

Bea Arthur: i never quite believe you

davey6561: well i’m telling the truth

Bea Arthur: i mean, i doubt you physically throw up at the sight

davey6561: but you’ll never be able to confirm w/ your own eyes

Bea Arthur: tough but fair

davey6561: even if i live to be 24 yrs old

Bea Arthur: hahahahahahah

Bea Arthur: you’re riDICulous

Bea Arthur: god help me, if i dont get into vet school

davey6561: i heard the same

Bea Arthur: you heard the what?

davey6561: it’s a saying of some sort

Bea Arthur: …ahah.

Bea Arthur: it’s not one of your best

davey6561: it means like”that’s what i’m told”

davey6561: it’s not one of my own either

davey6561: how about

davey6561:”don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”

Bea Arthur: i’ve heard that one, it makes no sense but i’ve heard it

Bea Arthur: i’m bored, and boring

Bea Arthur: or perhaps it’s you who are boring

Bea Arthur: is boring?

Bea Arthur: is.

davey6561: am

Bea Arthur: yeahh…

Bea Arthur: kittens tommorow

Bea Arthur: i may have mentioned

davey6561: )

davey6561: ๐Ÿ™‚

Bea Arthur: true

davey6561: so are you sneaking them into your apt or what

Bea Arthur: no, they’re allowed

Bea Arthur: everything but my dog

davey6561: sounds pretty discriminatory

Bea Arthur: no [poop]

davey6561: how many cats are you getting?

Bea Arthur: as many as i dare adopt

Bea Arthur: probably 2

Bea Arthur: so that they won’t be lonely at any point

Bea Arthur: when i’m pursuing my demanding career in professional gaming

davey6561:”NO sodomy, NO loud music, NO dogs named after vegetables”

Bea Arthur: (harr)

davey6561: what i want to know is

davey6561: why DO you keep gaming

davey6561: if you hate it so much

Bea Arthur: that’s exactly what the lease says, and i had to sneak esmerelda in because of the first restriction

Bea Arthur: well honestly i don’t know

Bea Arthur: i enjoy it a good part of the time

Bea Arthur: the rest of the time i just feel the need in my brain

davey6561: dork princess

Bea Arthur: it’s repulsive and incomprehensible, but i miss it when i don’t. i love events, to some extent

davey6561: i used to like events

davey6561: but now…

davey6561: it may return some day

davey6561: who knows

Bea Arthur: when i can shut out all the various looks and things that are said that i pretend not to care about ๐Ÿ™‚

Bea Arthur: yes, who knows

davey6561: like

Bea Arthur: i haaaated all aspects of gaming this winter

Bea Arthur: i quit after that gp in boston

Bea Arthur: and now i really do like it again

davey6561: the only reason i want to go to amsterdam is out of pride

Bea Arthur: hm

Bea Arthur: what’s to be proud of?

davey6561: that i’m a GOOD dork and not a failed dork

Bea Arthur: alright, but i don’t think anyone would notice either way

Bea Arthur: except of course for yourself

davey6561: true

Bea Arthur: and then honestly, who cares

davey6561: i want to win one of these things so i can get some street cred

Bea Arthur: ahahaa

Bea Arthur: oh yes, a slew of shallow attention and absurdly pathetic publicity

Bea Arthur: joshravitz will start trying to lend you cards

Bea Arthur: etc

Bea Arthur: if only that glory were yours

davey6561: haha

davey6561: the togit article

Bea Arthur: i’m kidding, really, i understand the appeal of winning

davey6561: with the pics

davey6561: lol

Bea Arthur: YES. MY WORD



Bea Arthur: hm

Bea Arthur: anyway i wish you’d win something also

Bea Arthur: so that you could feel better about yourself and i wouldnt have to hear so much unfounded misery

Bea Arthur: plus i like to think you’d buy me dinner

Bea Arthur: at a 24 hour mcdonalds or soemthing classy like such

davey6561: i like to think that you’d humbly decline such an offer

Bea Arthur: not a chance, friend

davey6561: it would be like the cautionary tale

davey6561: of The Two Polite People

davey6561: once upon a time there were two polite people

davey6561: they were going into a building, but neither wanted to NOT hold the door for the other

davey6561: it was winter in boston so they both died of hypothermia

davey6561: the end.

Bea Arthur: hahaha

Bea Arthur: yes, well, i don’t forsee our running into such a problem, i’m not very polite

Bea Arthur: or well bred

Bea Arthur: or any of those things that lead to death by hypothermia

Bea Arthur: i AM very tired

Bea Arthur: and you’re boring, dear god

davey6561: i’ve been more boring than this

davey6561: you’re just hypersensitive tonight

Bea Arthur: i wonder why

Bea Arthur: i’ll give that a good mulling over, tell you what i come up with

davey6561: k

davey6561: have a nice mull

Bea Arthur: also, i ahve a really intense story about bungee jumping

davey6561: i’ll take a sample draw from the sealed deck i won the ptq with that i still have around for no good reason

Bea Arthur: it made me think of you, because its not TERRRIBLY unlike skydiving

davey6561: ooh dude

Bea Arthur: hahahaha

Bea Arthur: you’re fun

davey6561: inTENSE

Bea Arthur: hahahahhaa

davey6561: tellmetellme

Bea Arthur: well i can’t

Bea Arthur: it has to be in person

Bea Arthur: you’re going to have to wait

davey6561: tease

Bea Arthur: not untrue

davey6561: isn’t it?

Bea Arthur: similarly, wasn’t there a freddysacks anecdote you weren’t up for sharing

Bea Arthur: i don’t know if i’d be considered a tease. probably, but then again when it really comes down to it i’ll do literally anything for a dollar and a pat on the head

Bea Arthur (no, but isn’t it fun to profess)

davey6561: siiiiiigh

davey6561: school ๐Ÿ™

davey6561: sapping my will to live

Bea Arthur: yes

Bea Arthur: it’s almost over

Bea Arthur: stay tight

davey6561: i tried to log onto modo to sell stuff

davey6561: but no one’s buyin

Bea Arthur: you’ve got it rough all around ๐Ÿ™

davey6561: word to your mother

Bea Arthur: which word?

davey6561: madam, i beseech you

Bea Arthur: is it”*censored*”? or”gums”?

davey6561: gums ๐Ÿ™

davey6561: what a weirdo

Bea Arthur: hahaha

Bea Arthur: yep. i told you about dinner tonight, i’m sure

davey6561: no you didnt

Bea Arthur: but what were you beseeching me about?

Bea Arthur: oh

davey6561: you do know that”word to your mother” is a semi-old-school rap saying right?

Bea Arthur: well, it’s not too great a tale, but basically it involves my family sitting around, eating shake and bake chicken with a side of, no [lie], ham steak

Bea Arthur: yes, obviously. but can i get by without giving you a hard time at every turn? no

Bea Arthur: anyway, because i’m joining them tonight

Bea Arthur: mom cracks a can of peas [Bea is a vegetarian. – Knut]

Bea Arthur: nukes it in the microwave

davey6561: chicken with a side of hama slkjanlsknad

Bea Arthur: and i pick at these

Bea Arthur: the conversation is glowing, mostly we sit in silence while i try to talk up the peas, which are mediocre at best

Bea Arthur: dad offers me ham

davey6561: lol.

davey6561: does he literally do this at EVERY meal?

Bea Arthur: yep

Bea Arthur: and in between meals

Bea Arthur: here’s a nice one

Bea Arthur: i’m watcing tv with retro at 2 a.m. one day this summer

Bea Arthur: and my dad comes in with groceries

Bea Arthur: he goes on late night beer runs, i dont know

Bea Arthur:”hey big guy, you want a ham sandwhich”

Bea Arthur: Joe:”no thanks, it’s 2 a.m.”

Bea Arthur:”oh come on, i just bought the ham”

Bea Arthur:”IT’S 2 A.M.”

davey6561: lol.

Bea Arthur: dad makes him a sandwich

davey6561: haha

Bea Arthur: how embarrassing

davey6561: sandwiches are delicious

davey6561: they’re like one of my favorites ever

davey6561: did he eat it?

Bea Arthur: hahaha

Bea Arthur: no

davey6561: how big is he?

Bea Arthur: he just looked at it

Bea Arthur: ahhh, 6’3ish, maybe 160

davey6561: lol.

Bea Arthur: pretty lean, pretty muscley

Bea Arthur: in that malnourished way

davey6561: you’re drawn to sickly people

Bea Arthur: hahaha, i guess

Bea Arthur: i honestly do like them fat though

davey6561: [shucks], i’d eat a ham sandwich at 2 am

Bea Arthur: i want to be able to look at someone and think,”mmmm, gross”

davey6561: lol

Bea Arthur: then come over for [pete]’s sake

Bea Arthur: the fridge is literally overflowing with lunch meat

davey6561: i’m not hungry atm

davey6561: but”it’s 2am” is no excuse

Bea Arthur: ou will be by the time you get here :-

davey6561: lol!

Bea Arthur: indeed!

Bea Arthur: did you ever used to read?

davey6561: not especially no

Bea Arthur: like, in your painfully awkward adolescence

davey6561: i’m more of a”do-er”

Bea Arthur: pfft

davey6561: who said it was painfully awkward?

davey6561: it was awkward to be sure

Bea Arthur: haha, i was just guessing

davey6561: but i played video games

Bea Arthur: oh, i’m sorry. i hadn’t realized you played video games

Bea Arthur: no WONDER you’re so perfectly adjusted

Bea Arthur: and smart

davey6561: uhhh huhh

davey6561: well ya gotta do SOMEthing

Bea Arthur: hm

Bea Arthur: true

davey6561: or else you end up READing

Bea Arthur: reading is the ultimate in escapist pleasure

davey6561: school pretty much turned me off reading

Bea Arthur: sorry to hear

davey6561: i may read again one day

Bea Arthur: let me know so i can suggest some hitters

Bea Arthur: speaking of school, did i mention that my schedule is the nut nut nut high this term

davey6561: no

davey6561: go on

Bea Arthur: well it is

Bea Arthur: wednesday and friday, no class

Bea Arthur: the other three days, class 1-4

davey6561: msflkmnsdfl

Bea Arthur: work every now and then, only 10 hours

Bea Arthur: mostly in the 4-9 time slot

Bea Arthur: i’m going to modo so much, i may take up knitting

Bea Arthur: brian will move away and i’ll have nothing to do wtih myself

davey6561: knitting sounds relaxing

Bea Arthur: does it?

davey6561: i’d do it

davey6561: if i were A BIG *censored*

Bea Arthur: mmhmm, so what’s stopping you?

Bea Arthur: (oh burn)

davey6561: that wasn’t even a good one

davey6561: i’m a little disappointed

Bea Arthur: murr

davey6561: xzjgvcjhvbxjc

davey6561: hahah

Bea Arthur: why is that funny?

davey6561: you caught me midyawn

davey6561: when my face was right next to the screen

Bea Arthur: hahaha

Bea Arthur: that doesnt make any selse

Bea Arthur: who leans in to yawn?

davey6561: timing isn’t everything, but it’s crucial

Bea Arthur: ๐Ÿ™‚

davey6561: it was coincidental that i was leaning in

Bea Arthur: i guess ic an allow that

Bea Arthur: i foresee our late night rendezvous drawing to an end

davey6561: why?

Bea Arthur: once vacation is over

davey6561: ohhh

davey6561: that’s fine

davey6561: i should do more work anyway

Bea Arthur: pfft

davey6561: had any good chats tonight

Bea Arthur: highly unlikely

Bea Arthur: just you

davey6561: other than with myself

Bea Arthur: little nutlow mentioend that he”misses my ugly face”

davey6561: ๐Ÿ™‚

davey6561: my brother just used the term”ne’er-do-wells” on irc

Bea Arthur: hahahahah

Bea Arthur: what a failed science project

davey6561: lol.

davey6561: my parents didn’t get it right the second time either

davey6561: they’re QUITTERS

davey6561: or maybe they just cut their losses

Bea Arthur: hahah


Bea Arthur: i think you were something of a success


Bea Arthur: defying gravitttty


davey6561: i”was” something of a success

davey6561: ๐Ÿ™

davey6561: i think so too

davey6561: NOW LOOK AT ME

davey6561: WHO COULD LOVE ME

Bea Arthur: well, people who were in fires

Bea Arthur: probably need someone uglier than their deformed selves

Bea Arthur: i’m sorry in advance

davey6561: the truth hurts, madam

davey6561: but we must learn to accept it

Bea Arthur: pshaw

Bea Arthur: you’re stupid

davey6561: U R

davey6561: AND FAT

Bea Arthur: thanks, thanks

Bea Arthur: at least iv’e been wearing the pants i have on since 11th grade

Bea Arthur: i changed occasionally

davey6561: mmhmm

Bea Arthur: um

davey6561: i still have the same pants from 11th grade

davey6561: they fit now

davey6561: but they’re hella short

Bea Arthur: hahah

Bea Arthur: i didn’t mean what i said about fires and you. of course you know this

davey6561: yea

Bea Arthur: in the future i won’t run heartless beats, because i find i can’t follow through, and then i just feel bad

davey6561: well as long as they’re totally heartless and i can tell

davey6561: there’s not going to be a problem

Bea Arthur: would there ever be a problem?

Bea Arthur: frankly i think not

davey6561: there could be

davey6561: you could be inexplicably obsessed with another straight girl named mary and devote all your chats to complaints and AIM parlor tricks involving her

Bea Arthur: hahahhaa

Bea Arthur: i think even then you could not have it in you to be displeased with me, beatrice arthur

davey6561: probly not

Bea Arthur: …mise.

davey6561: yes

davey6561: mise indeed

Bea Arthur: i HATE that word, in other news

davey6561: mise <3 brah, mise <3

Bea Arthur: ๐Ÿ™

Bea Arthur: the heart pains me

davey6561: since there’s nothing good to read

davey6561: i’m looking up my own articles

Bea Arthur: sigh.

Bea Arthur: time to try to cut and paste this into the browser

Bea Arthur: woe is me

Bea Arthur: dear god you have infinite hair

Bea Arthur: you should do that again

davey6561: that may have been the longest it’s ever been

Bea Arthur: only you shouldn’t wear such a big garbage bag in lieu of a shirt

Bea Arthur: and i didnt know buttman was on your team

davey6561: lol.

davey6561: what are you talking about

Bea Arthur: i dont know, that duder looks like buttman

Bea Arthur: alright, i dont know

Bea Arthur: link me to some pictures of yourself in fatter days

davey6561: there aren’t really any online

davey6561: there’s one from behind

davey6561: where i look like turian

davey6561: that’s about it

Bea Arthur: hahahah

Bea Arthur: turian

Bea Arthur: hm

Bea Arthur: unrelated aside:

Bea Arthur: the thing i’m best at on this earth isn’t science, english, cooking, *censored*

Bea Arthur: it’s being able to identify almost any card in odyssey block by its flavor text

Bea Arthur: deeeear god

Bea Arthur: turian has hair here

Bea Arthur: i mean long

Bea Arthur: and yes, you do look like turian

Bea Arthur: nice glasses

davey6561: thanks b

davey6561: stacy’s mom…has got it goin on…

Bea Arthur: oh dear god

Bea Arthur: i had to hear that song so many times in the car ๐Ÿ™

Bea Arthur: my sister…

davey6561: yea

davey6561: god bless the fountains

davey6561: they’re so good, even if they’re now getting their money and fame b/c of this turdy song

davey6561: i mean it’s a good song, but the lyrics are unnecc

Bea Arthur: god bless the fountains..

Bea Arthur: i haven’t heard of them before this :-

Bea Arthur: they seem like trash [Fountains are great live as well. – Knut, still here]

davey6561: get”sink to the bottom” by them

davey6561: i think that’s what it’s called

[Please post in the forums if you read the whole chat log. – Knut]

Bea Arthur: well, in the future :-

Bea Arthur: you’ll have to tell me, again

Bea Arthur: all the things to get

Bea Arthur: and then i’ll want to do the same for you, but i’ll sit on the urge

davey6561: well gn

Bea Arthur: you’re out?

davey6561: very soon

Bea Arthur: fair

Bea Arthur: as always, it’s been real

davey6561: i wish i was working

davey6561: then i’d have money

Bea Arthur: for what?

davey6561: and more anecdotes

Bea Arthur: hahaa

Bea Arthur: your anecdotes are satisfactory

Bea Arthur: anyway, next time i talk to you will be from the frigid north, and i’ll be modoing and complaining about esmerelda, and most likely modo

Bea Arthur: gn

davey6561: gn

davey6561: profile lol

Looks like Kai couldn’t make it this week. That’s a shame. We’ll have to rebook him for the show in the near future.

Join me next week when I talk about why Trolls of Tel-Jilad is perhaps the best creature in the history of the game and Aaron Cutler shares his sister-in-law’s”pretty mean fondue” recipe.

Tim Aten

No More a Disgrace to Humanity Than Any of You Ingrates But a Disgrace Nonetheless

icyhot, Ashkar, and AntonJ on Modo

[email protected] (real this time)

“You have my sympathy.” –Incubus,”Privilege”

*Not my usual brand of”humor,” but apparently my core audience members don’t have the most refined tastes.

**a subtle distinction to be sure

***Not an honor student, are ya?