I want you to be good at Magic, just like me. While I understand you can never be as fantastic at this game as I am, this week is all about helping you to achieve those dreams, if they involve being tremendously awesome at Magic, but still nowhere at ridiculously broken as me. Each day, a lesson will be imparted in which you will learn to break things. I am your Aesop, so prick up your ears, pay strict attention, and you shall be delivered.
Today I will break the art of deckbuilding wide open, just like Mike Flores, though I won’t be so egotistical… I’ll be worse. Let the ideas contained within be your guide to understanding…everything.
Now that I have firmly ensconced myself in the upper echelon of advanced and highly-respected format-breaking Magic theorists, I thought it time to give something back to the little people.
Yes, you, the ones who hang on every word I type as it drips utter technology, seeps groundbreaking ideas, and oozes potential so boundless that your wittle minds can barely handle, let alone comprehend the sheer depths of my advanced analytical brain… I stopped that sentence before its logical conclusion because I had to. For your safety.
Alas, I wasn’t always this ingenious. Once upon a time I was just like you. Let me rephrase: I was just like you, but like, super-good-at-deckbuilding and amazing at sex. To show you that it is indeed possible to become as advanced as I am today (though not likely), I decided to take a trip down memory lane and scrutinize some of my previous creations.
Hopefully, this exercise will inspire you to become as accomplished at metaphysical Magic skills as yours truly.
Deck One, played at Pro Tour Qualifier — NY
Pittsburgh, PA
January, 2000
4 Grim Monolith
4 Mana Vault
4 Thran Dynamo
4 Metalworker
4 Voltaic Key
4 Phyrexian Colossus
2 Colossus of Sardia
2 Monkey Cage
4 Prosperity
4 Tinker
2 Stroke of Genius
3 Blaze
4 Ancient Tomb
4 City of Traitors
4 Volcanic Island
5 Island
3 Mountain
Before I list the contents of the sideboard, allow me to discuss some of the deck’s technological flairs that may not be so apparent at first glance.
While the artifact mana combination of Grim Monolith, Mana Vault and Thran Dynamo seems self-explanatory, even to the uninitiated (like all y’all for example), it does bring into question the lack of Worn Powerstone. Feel free to debate the validity of Powerstone versus Dynamo, but, at the risk of being overly-simple, one produced two and comes into play tapped, while the other produces three and doesn’t. See Stasis.
The next stroke of genius (pun) was my inclusion of six Colossi. Popular builds of the time may have included two or three of the monstrosities; I decided to destroy the commonly held wisdom by doubling the amount of game-ending fatties. As we all know, fatties are the one true path to victory; doubling the gateway to victory is nothing short of stellar.
Four Prosperity is obvious: when you generate vast amounts of mana, and can cast this for ten to fifteen new cards, why not allow both players to carve up the wealth that your labors provide? Of course, the fact that your opponent gets to make the more immediate use of said cards, since Prosperity if a sorcery, merely aids in the conquest: when you refill their hand, and then some, they are very likely to keep you in the game, anticipating further “cooperation.” I imagine this mentality could apply to multiplayer games as well.
Stroke of Genius (no pun), on the other hand, exists in this build as a type of “selfish” refueling station, with the added bonus of also allowing me to target my opponent, if the need for an ally arises.
Tinker was often used to retrieve an artifact from my deck for the cost three mana and the sacrifice of an artifact in play. This is a rather interesting situation, as it effectively allows you to circumvent the large mana costs ordinarily associated with the Colossi.
Three copies of Blaze ensured that I would have one when I needed, and would not have to dig too deeply into my deck, ten to fifteen cards per Prosperity notwithstanding.
The most impressive element of this deck is clearly Monkey Cage, for the synergy with the six Colossi is paramount to an out-of-body experience. With Cage on the table, casting either Colossi, or better yet: using Tinker — paying three mana and sacrificing an artifact as an additional cost to search your library for an artifact card and put it into play then shuffle your library – begets a rash of tokens so abundant that they often extend into the playing area of nearby competitors. This, of course, creates further good-will among future opponents.
The mana base is also fairly straightforward: nine sources of Blue for ten Blue spells and seven sources of Red for three Red spells. This is an advanced mana calculation that cannot be satisfactory conveyed (in a way you could possibly fathom) on this web site. For further study, I suggest delving into chaos math.
Onto the sideboard:
4 Urza’s Armor
1 Thran Foundry
4 Masticore
1 Jester’s Cap
2 Nevinyrral’s Disk
3 Iron Maiden
There is no better card for preventing Pestilence or Goblin Bombardment damage than Urza’s Armor, thus four were a natural inclusion.
As extrapolated above in the Prosperity extrapolation, Thran Foundry can allow for a second chance of sorts: an opponent approaching the end of his library — with or without your generous assistance — may imagine someone coming to his or her rescue. With this card, you can be that someone.
Masticore is an impressive component to various beatdown decks, but he doesn’t actually do much against decks that lack creatures of their own. However, if I were to face decks that contained creatures, I would be ready in game 2.
Sometimes you meet an opponent who, despite your generous sharing of Prosperity, is just an ill-willed and cantankerous type. This is not the opponent you want to use Jester’s Cap upon. Rather, use it on your own deck— this sympathetic gesture will often win you respect; respect that you can potentially exploit if need be.
Since targeted removal is ineffective and cumbersome, Nev’s Disk acts as a reset, taking care of creatures, artifacts and enchantments, and allows for the complete elimination of those “protection from Blue” creatures that have long been the bane of the Blue mage (fits!), not to mention destroying all of your permanents, which allows you and your opponent to “start over” on equal footing, which, again, is simply the right thing to do.
Lastly, Iron Maiden, while lacking synergy with Prosperity — at least to the intended effect of “making friends” — is a complement to Jester’s Cap in that these only come in against “certain” types of opponents with the intention of winning them over.
Now that you understand the inner-workings of such a highly developed deck, let’s view the results.
Round 1: I lost 0-2
Round 2: I lost 0-2
Round 3: vs. Necro-Pebbles
This was a legendary match, therefore, a play-by-play of each game follows:
Game 1:
Him: Peat Bog, done
Me: Something, go.
Him: Badlands, a very bad Demonic Consultation. Scoop.
Game 2:
Him: Swamp, Ritual, Necro, suck up fifteen cards.
Me: Something, go.
Him: A very bad Demonic Consultation. Scoop.
This is a perfect example of how my deck is designed to simply overwhelm an unprepared opponent with sophisticated plays, such as “Something, go.”
After my vindication, I immediately dropped to get some Burger King, feeling my point regarding cooperation, as well as the technology of six Colossi-slash-Monkey Cage needed no further justification. There was nothing left to prove; all had been accomplished.
Deck Two, played at Pro Tour Qualifier — Chicago
Columbus, Ohio
August, 2000
3 Cave-In
3 Parallax Wave
3 Disenchant
4 Chimeric Idol
3 Lesser Gargadon
4 Veteran Brawlers
4 Scoria Cat
3 Tectonic Break
3 Citadel of Pain
4 Mana Cache
3 Tooth of Ramos
17 Mountain
6 Plains
This deck is rather obvious to the initiated and total newbs as well. However, since I can’t have said newbs clicking links of the numerous cards they have never heard of and being diverted from this valuable lesson, allow me:
Cave-In
3RR
Sorcery
You may remove a Red card in your hand from the game rather than pay Cave-In’s mana cost. Cave-In deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.
Most excellent in a format with wall-to-wall Blastoderms.
Citadel of Pain
2R
Enchantment
At the end of each player’s turn, Citadel of Pain deals X damage to each player, where X is the number of untapped lands he or she controls.
Mana Cache
1RR
Enchantment
At the end of each player’s turn, put a charge counter on Mana Cache for each untapped land that player controls.
Remove a charge counter from Mana Cache: Add 1 to you mana pool. Any player may play this ability, but only during his or her turn before the end phase.
Read those two cards again, and then once more. If you can tell me what I was thinking, you may be on your way to spiritual enlightenment-slash-self-actualization, which may or may not be the exact same thing.
How did this deck fare?
Round 1: I think I lost.
Round 2: I think I lost.
Round 3: I think I lost.
Round 4: I think my opponent didn’t show.
Regardless of the petty details, in which I was brutally mana screwed, and most likely savagely cheated, the deck managed a tidy 1-3 record.
Read those two cards again…and understand things like you never thought possible.
Deck Three, played at PA States
Harrisburg, PA
November, 2000
4 Counterspell
4 Undermine
4 Thwart
4 Fact or Fiction
4 Opt
2 Vampiric Tutor
3 Recoil
3 Chilling Apparition
1 Desertion
1 Wash Out
1 Greel, Mind Raker
1 Cateran Slaver
1 Yawgmoth’s Agenda
1 Tsabo’s Web
1 Abduction
1 Bribery
13 Island
5 Swamp
4 Salt Marsh
2 Underground River
Sideboard
3 Misdirection
2 Stromgald Cabal
3 Wash Out
3 Perish
1 Lobotomy
1 Blind Seer
1 Stalking Assassin
1 Dry Spell
Notice the two Vampiric Tutor and lots of one-ofs, which gives the deck a Napster toolbox feel, and the total of five creatures maindeck. This allows the flexibility to fill slots with counters and search cards, rather than cumbersome ways to win the game.
The mana base is where this deck really shows its oats: four Salt Marsh and only two Underground River, which allows for double pain-free options. Additionally, Vampiric Tutor + Underground River = not a combo.
The opening gambit would often run like so:
Turn 1: Watch opponent play Ramosian Sergeant, Opt at end-of-turn.
Turn 2: Counterspell nothing.
Turn 3: Undermine nothing while he recruits.
Turn 4: Thwart nothing, while he recruits. Fact or Fiction at end-of-turn.
Turn 5: Try to look cool as I cast more card drawing spells.
I did look cool, as I posted a spiffy 3-4 record. To be fair, this was the tournament where I first started with the camera antics, and, as luck would have it, Eugene Harvey’s first Top 8 at anything.
There is little doubt that the camera was a major distraction, which prevented me not only from making optimal plays, but catching my opponents in the act of savagely cheating their asses off. It didn’t help that I was mana screwed all day, and the fact that every single one of my opponents was a top-decking luck-sack only added to my misfortune.
If I had to play the deck again, I’d replace one Island with a Swamp. I didn’t realize then, though I strongly suspected, that a tiny adjustment in the mana base was what was preventing the deck from dominating the metagame.
See, I wasn’t always perfect; the above deck was included to give the rest of you who suck at Magic a glimmer of hope. Some of us on Mt. Olympus do care about you insignificant losers who are mere ants as we gaze down upon you from the heavens of greatness.
Group hug before we move on.
((bad Magic players))
Deck Four, played at Pro Tour Qualifier — New Orleans
Harrisburg, PA
September, 2001
// Drinkable Ass.dec, version whatever
4 Fire/Ice
4 Scorching Lava
4 Urza’s Rage
4 Prophetic Bolt
4 Fact or Fiction
4 Ghitu Fire
3 Repulse
3 Exclude
3 Mages’ Contest
3 Evasive Action
10 Mountain
10 Island
4 Shivan Reef
A quick note on the mana base: when playing a two-color deck, the easiest way to compute your mana needs is to take the number of available lands slots, subtract four for painlands, then divide by two. While I don’t wish to bog you down in hardcore abstract theory, I will give you an example:
24 mana slots — 4 painlands = 20 basic lands
20 basic lands/2 colors = 10 of each basic land type
If, however, you own no painlands, simply take the total number of available lands slots and divide by two. I understand this may seem counterintuitive, but here’s an example:
24 mana slots/2 colors = 12 of each basic land type
If you remember these formulas, it will ensure that your future mana bases will always be fully optimized, not to mention ready for bear.
Sideboard:
4 Dodecapod
4 Planar Overlay
3 Gainsay
4 Breath of Darigaaz
Q. What did this deck did to a turn 2 Blurred Mongoose?
A. Looked forward to the next game and Breath in the side.
I cannot emphasize the importance of a sturdy sideboard, for the majority of games you play will permit the prepared player to stack his or her deck, so to speak.
Yes, a sideboard full of answers; “I’ll breath your singleton Mongoose while you untap and cast another,” was a common refrain on the day, though this is to be expected from an opponent who has not properly prepared for game 2.
Dodecapod annoys discard decks to no end, especially those that play turn 2 Gerrard’s Verdict, turn 3 “Vindicate your Dodecapod.” Again, the unprepared opponent will walk right into your card advantage trap.
Much like they would with Planar Overlay. It simply shut down Domain decks, and Gainsay assists in making sure it goes through. Luckily, for the Domain players, they managed to avoid such a hate-filled sideboard, not to mention an opponent of my caliber.
The maindeck Mages’ Contest is sure to turn heads: a Red counter that does damage? Too good to be true? This is the same response many of my opponents had.
Like most pure burn decks, the results spoke for themselves: 2-5. While I don’t wish to sound like a victim, I assure you I was mana screwed in multiple matches, and the few games where my mana was nearly sufficient were the occasions my opponents savagely cheated their asses off.
Additionally, I found the lighting in the venue to be a tad “harsh,” which no doubt affected my play. The drive was long and arduous, the restroom was substandard, and, now I don’t mean to nit-pick, the tables were spaced at a geometric shape that I found to be trite and pedestrian. I cannot overemphasize the importance of feng shui! You can build the world’s most devastating deck (like I often do), but if the tournament organizers are not dedicated, or, at a bare minimum, practicing Taoists, you are in for a long day.
And there you have it.
I believe you all appreciate what a tremendous service I have just provided: key insight to the genesis of my obscene format-breaking, environment-altering deckbuilding skills. I also believe this exercise inspired you to become as good at metaphysical Magic skills as yours truly.
I understand that not everyday a well-known format-destroyer and upper-echelon advanced deckbuilder and all-around highly-respected Magic theorist offers such insight into the inner workings of his fearless mind, but please, when you write your letters of gratitude in the forum, do not gush, and attempt to retain a modicum of dignity.
For those who crave even more technology, be sure to click onto eBay, where you can purchase my patent-pending advice in convenient book form, cleverly entitled:
Advanced and
Sophisticated
System that
Helps
Out
Losers
Everyday
It can’t hurt.
John Friggin’ Rizzo