{From Right Field is a column for Magic players on a budget or players who don’t want to play netdecks. The decks are designed to let the budget-conscious player be competitive in local, Saturday tournaments. They are not decks that will qualify a player for The Pro Tour. As such, the decks written about in this column are, almost by necessity, rogue decks. The author tries to limit the number of non-land rares as a way to limit the cost of the decks. When they do contain rares, those cards will either be cheap rares or staples of which new players should be trying to collect a set of four, such as Dark Confidant, Birds of Paradise, or Wrath of God. The decks are also tested by the author, who isn’t very good at playing Magic. He will never claim that a deck has an 85% winning percentage against the entire field. He will also let you know when the decks are just plain lousy. Readers should never consider these decks "set in stone" or "done." If you think you can change some cards to make them better, well, you probably can, and the author encourages you to do so.}
If you don’t know me in person, as opposed to “in computer,” I guess, you may not know that I love trivia. The more trivial, the better. I have no idea who our new Secretary of Defense is or if he’s even started his new job yet, but I do know that Green Eggs & Ham contains only one word that is more than one syllable long. (Hint: In the original versions, it’s the last one.) Please, don’t misinterpret me. I’m not saying that I’m a jenius or anything. You probably know a lot more stuff than I ever will, and I’m sure that you’re smarter than me. In other words, I’m no Dave Meddish. Trivial information, though, excites me beyond reason.
As you’ve probably gathered from this, since you are so smart, when Trivial Pursuit was released, I was all over it like frat boys on a drunk chick. (Yes, I’m old enough that I played the game the first Christmas season that it was released.) I loved that I could finally win something with my vast knowledge of formerly-useless information. The game itself was fun for me to play because, in order to win, it was important to know a little about a lot of different subjects. Finally, a game that was right up my alley.
You know what wasn’t important in Trivial Pursuit? The color of your game piece. Oh, sure, some people have a preference. My sister always wanted to be pink, of course. Men always fought over red. I resigned myself to being green, saying that it was both my high school and college colors. As far as actual game went, though, the color you played didn’t matter.
In Magic, the color(s) you play should matter. I know that in the beginning the color pie was not well-defined. Then again, the game itself wasn’t well-defined, either. Now, both are. Color matters, and that’s as it should be. If all colors do things equally well, there’s not need to worry about what color to play. It becomes like Trivial Pursuit. Just hand me a game piece, color doesn’t matter, and let’s play.
For Trivial Pursuit, that’s fine. The point of that game is to answer more silly questions than the next guy. For Magic, that’s awful. The point of Magic is to find a deck with interesting cards based on what each color does well and what it does badly and hopefully win with it. If color doesn’t matter, why bother with color at all?
I’m not screaming that the sky is falling or crying “Wolf!” I know that this mixing about of the color pie into a color cobbler won’t last. Right? It won’t, will it? Blue won’t keep getting great, Instant-timed, direct damage along with wonderful card drawing, will it? Will it?
In fact, I kind of like a bit of color cobbler. Certain mechanics or styles of cards should never be exclusive to one color. For example, countermagic should never have been seen as exclusively Blue. Countermagic feels like an inherent part of magic as well as Magic. You cast a spell; I should be able to have a chance to stop it. I can, however, get behind Blue being the color of non-conditional, non-specific countermagic. Like I’ve said hundreds of times before, each color should do something better than the others. Each color should get some sort of countermagic, though. For example, when I first started playing, I was introduced to a card called Withering Boon. What a great idea! Black likes to actively kill creatures. Why not a Black creature counter? And it stops creatures with Protection from Black. Cool. White should get countermagic that protects its permanents and its mage. Think Bathe in Light and Gilded Light. Also, check out the elegant Illumination.
Red is the color of direct damage. That’s one thing that has never changed. Other colors get to sample that ability, but with restrictions that are good for a healthy game. White gets a bit of it with the ability to damage attacking or blocking creatures. Again, makes sense in the color pie. Damage is an essential and inherent part of the game. Red does it with gusto; White does it in the context of combat because it’s the color of Soldiers and Knights.
In other words, I have no problem with stretching abilities into different colors, as long as the stretching is done in a way that’s color-appropriate.
I just don’t want it to be done too well for a color that doesn’t have that ability as one of its “core” abilities. Why? Because then colors don’t matter.
Look, the tournament scene is about finding the best combinations of cards. Remember Meloku the Clouded Mirror? It generated tokens, a stupid ability to give to Blue if that ability is done well. It was. So much so that decks would splash Blue just to get Meloku in there. If you do that too much, every deck will “splash” for the same cards. If every deck “splashes” for the same cards, well, you have the same deck, don’t you?
Here’s another example. We all know how good card drawing is. Draw more cards than your opponent, and you have more options. More options mean more chances to win. Blue is the color that gets the lion’s share of card drawing. Black is probably the next closest color, and it doesn’t get much at all. In fact, Blue has more than three times the number of cards that draw cards as Black does. Moreover, most of Black’s card drawing is locked up in spells like Brain Pry and Execute while Blue gets a slew of efficient card drawing like Think Twice, Telling Time, Tidings, and Compulsive Research. Black’s really only has two good card drawing spells: Phyrexian Arena and Dark Confidant. So, of course, every Black deck does its best to fit in one or the other, if not both.
See what I mean? Give a color even a taste of another color’s ability, and, if it’s done well, people will jump all over it. It doesn’t matter if it’s one or two cards out of all of them. We will find those one or two. Do this enough, and all of the decks look the same.
It is through this lens that I will be looking at Planar Chaos. I hope the set is good. I just hope that it doesn’t break the colors down so badly that we’re looking at Fall of 2008 before things get back to normal. I’m getting too old to be looking forward that far into the future for a mere game.
White
Aven Riftwatcher: I don’t care if it’s going away in three turns, a 2/3 flier for three mana is very good. The fact that it will gain you four life is just a bonus, but it’s a fairly big bonus. Faith’s Fetters is often cast on a basic land just so that the Fetters’ controller can gain four life.
Benalish Commander: I like having another decent Soldier, especially one that can crank out more Soldiers. I’m not sure how I feel about how it’s done with this guy, though. He is going to be a real skill tester. Do I make X really large (which means it must be late in the game), or do I cast him? Or maybe I just make X equal to one and let the other Soldiers that I cast pump him up? I don’t know yet.
Calciderm: You shouldn’t need me to tell you how good this guy is. In case you do, though, a 5/5 creature that your opponents can’t target is excellent when it only costs four mana. Too bad it goes away so quickly. Or does it…? (See, other White creatures, below.)
Crovax, Ascendant Hero: Screw you, you non-White X/1 creatures! Empty the Warrens decks had better make sure that they can double Sudden Shock this guy out before they “go off,” or they’ll be doing a whole lot of nothing. Black had better pack Sudden Death because, if not, I will pay two life to save him.
Dawn Charm: Best. Charm. Ever. Except for a couple of the others. Really, though, this is quite the Charm. When I first see a Charm, I look to see how relevant the abilities are. If there’s only one relevant ability, the question becomes whether the Charm does it better or cheaper than another spell. When there are two abilities that I might regularly use, like Funeral Charm, the third can be good, bad, or neutral. Who cares? You now have options. Dawn Charm has three useful abilities that are relevant in today’s Standard environment. It’s a Fog. It can save your creature, presumably your best one. Finally, it can save your game. We’ve all been there. You’re at four against Boros. You have lethal damage ready to swing at your opponent. Your opponent draws Char and throws it at you. Dawn Charm saves the day in this scenario.
Dust Elemental: “But I need three other creatures in play for this guy to be any good!” *Bzzzzzt* Wrong. You’re being blinded by the fact that this thing is a 6/6 flier for four mana. Yeah, that’s (pardon the pun) flashy, but don’t get stuck on it. Instead, think of it this way. For four mana, you can save up to three of your creatures (Dust Elemental included) from Wrath of God, Damnation, combat damage, and a host of other non-Split Second spells and abilities.
Ghost Tactician: This is the good version of what I was talking about in my introduction. White is not normally associated with pumping its creatures up except in combat. Given something or everything on one side of the board +1/+0 is Red and maybe a little Green (though Green usually gives +1/+1). So, they gave it to White, but it’s not in a format-warping or even format-defining package. Outside of Limited, this guy probably won’t be seen in any tourney-winning decks because of the fact that the basic package is a 2/5 for four mana. Therefore, I don’t mind what they did here. I probably won’t be trying to use it, but I don’t mind.
Malach of the Dawn: Feh. It regenerates. Big whoop. Too much mana for not enough card. I’m not impressed.
Mana Tithe: This is the bad side of what my intro was about. Mark Rosewater can rationalize anything he wants with the color pie. To be honest, you probably can. White, however, should not be getting an unadulterated Force Spike. If it read something like “Counter target spell that targets you or a permanent you control unless its controller pays 1,” I might be on board with it. White’s about protecting itself and its allies. But just to counter any old spell? I don’t like it.
Mantle of Leadership: This card is why good players will make sweeping generalizations like “creature enchantments suck.” This card gives you no benefit unless (a) you’re casting many creatures or (b) your opponent is casting creatures before combat. The benefit that is provided is fleeting, but the card disadvantage is huge if the Enchanted creature dies. I hate this card.
Mesa Enchantress: Here’s another spot that I feel the color pie has gypped other colors: card drawing. In a game of resource management, the ability to gain resources is highly valued. In this game, the benchmark for that is card drawing. Until recently, though, only Blue had any significant card drawing. In fact, that’s still true, but other colors are getting more. As with countermagic, though, Blue should never have gotten so much more card drawing than other colors. This is a good start in the direction of giving White flavor-appropriate card drawing.
Mycologist: Gaining life is clearly a White ability. But Spores and Saprolings? Please, stop the madness.
Pallid Mycoderm: Nope. Still don’t like White playing with Spores and Saprolings.
Porphyry Nodes: As a way to pick off weenies and untargetable guys, I like this. I don’t think flavor plays much of a role in that because the other versions of this were all (I’m pretty sure) artifacts. At worst, this will be a very good sideboard card.
Poultice Sliver: A way to regenerate Slivers that doesn’t require tapping a Sliver? Nice.
Rebuff the Wicked: Boo and yah. This is the kind of color-appropriate countermagic that I’m talking about. Of course, we already have Avoid Fate, but that only handled Instants and Auras. This handles all spells that target a permanent you control. I love it.
Retether: I’m torn on this card. The creative side of me says “You can make some funky decks around this.” The side that hates boring games against combo decks says “Uh oh. Someone’s gonna break this.” I wish this had never been printed.
Revered Dead: I’ve always thought that White should get Regenerating creatures and reanimation effects. Come on, it’s White, the color of healing. Well, now it’s getting them, with cards like this and Resurrection. While Resurrection is fantastic, this guy is not. In Limited, he might be huge, but I’m talking about Standard.
Riftmarked Knight: There are already people pooh-poohing this card. Don’t get caught in that trap. If this guy is brought into play via suspend, you get four power worth of hasty flanking Knights. The Protection makes them that much better. One of the best cards in the set.
Saltblast: So, White gets Desert Twister for one less mana because it can’t hit White permanents? Hmm… okay. I’ll take it. Kill your Karoo land much?
Saltfield Recluse: Boring. Oh, wait. It’s a Rebel! Still boring.
Serra’s Boon: This is an interesting little Aura. I loved and used Clutch of Undeath when it was Standard legal, and that was quite an expensive Aura. It did a great job of killing bigger creatures, though. Serra’s Boon will do a great job of picking off weenies. I like it for some cheap decks and definitely in Limited.
Shade of Trokair: Whoa. White getting the Shade ability? How wrong. Having said that, I like this guy, especially since you can Suspend it on the first turn. Really, I’m trying to convince myself that this guy will be good. I just can’t do it.
Sinew Sliver: Yeah! Muscle Sliver’s back! With Might Sliver, well, let’s just say that your Slivers are going to be really huge right before they all die to Wrath of God and Damnation.
Stonecloaker: Mark my words. This is one of the best non-rares in the set. Don’t misquote me. I’m not saying that it will show up in Pro-Tour-winning decks. A lot of great cards never make it into a deck that wins a Pro Tour. That doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Come on, look at this guy. If it was just a 3/2 flier for three mana and splashable at that, it would be good-to-great. The fact that it has Flash definitely pushes it into the great category. Now, look at those two comes-into-play abilities. The first can save another of your creatures from certain doom. The second can wreck decks relying on their graveyards. Since he can bounce himself, you can use him as reusable graveyard hosing. On a scale from one to ten, this one goes to eleven.
Stormfront Riders: This card looks a lot like Stonecloaker’s bigger brother, but it’s not quite as good. A 4/3 flier for five mana is good. It’s splashable, but it doesn’t have Flash. Those two triggered abilities, though, are pretty good. For budget deckbuilders, this card will be one to look at more than once. In Limited, it will be huge.
Sunlance: I don’t care if it’s a Sorcery. I don’t care that it can only hit creatures, and I don’t care that it can only hit non-White creatures. This is a big tool in White’s utility belt. I hate it. White should not be able to deal damage to a creature just because it wants to. In combat, sure. Redirecting damage from one of its creatures? Of course. Just not outside of that.
Voidstone Gargoyle: You know why Pithing Needle is so expensive to purchase? It can be played in any deck and costs one mana. This is no Pithing Needle. Maybe it will be good, but with Wrath and Damnation, I don’t see this as much of an answer to anything. I guess you play one naming Wrath and then a second naming Damnation. Then, the third one you can actually stop the spell you want to stop. Ugh.
Whitemane Lion: You know, you can go overboard with the whole “return a creature to your hand when this comes into play” thing. At some point, you need creatures to stay in play. I’d put this guy just below the Stonecloaker, though. He’s cheap and efficient. At some point, I will build a deck around these guys.
Blue
Aeon Chronicler: Oh. My. Gawd. This guy is stupid good. Who cares if he ever comes into play? He will give you nigh-uncounterable late-game card drawing. It’s like Honden of Seeing Winds without worrying about Naturalize or Mortify or Ronom Unicorn. Wow.
Aquamorph Entity: Not very exciting but pretty solid. Blue getting a 5/1 for four mana is a nice deal. Even a 1/5 will be quite useful in a lot of cases. Still, there will be better things to do with 2UU.
Auramancer’s Guise: This just isn’t it.
Body Double: Don’t think of this as a Blue creature for 4U. Think of it, instead, as a Zombify in Blue. On turn 2, play a Signet. On turn 3, dump a huge monster or two into the graveyard on the back of Compulsive Research. Then, on turn 4, cast this guy. FYI, Akroma’s a good one to dump into your ‘yard. Either version.
Braids, Conjurer Adept: *sigh* I remember when Braids was good. And hot.
Chronozoa: This guy is deceptively awesome. It makes two copies of itself if it dies with no time counters on it. Copy means just that. The two that come into play will have the same ability. In other words, one could become two could become four could become eight ad nauseam.
Dichotomancy: This is too expensive to be useful at the point in the game when you might have nine mana to cast it. If you play this via Suspend, they just won’t let anything be tapped on that turn. I guess you could try to Gigadrowse or something, but that seems to be a lot of slots to dedicate to a strategy that relies on your opponent having in play something that you want to cop from his deck. Or I’m completely wrong.
Dismal Failure: In this history of four-mana counterspells, this is one of them.
Dreamscape Artist: This is the sort of bad color cobbler that I’m talking about. Blue never should have gotten Meloku, and I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t have gotten this.
Erratic Mutation: More Instant-timed Blue creature kill. Oh, sure, it says that it’s “erratic,” but I’ll bet you can find ways to check what cards are on top of your library and make sure that they can get the job done.
Frozen Aether: While this used to be a White ability, it always felt more Blue to me, what with the tapping down of stuff and being generally annoying. This could be quite the bomb in a control deck.
Gossamer Phantasm: Good. I thought only Black got undercosted creatures that never survived.
Jodah’s Avenger: I dunno. He’s too expensive with those base stats, but that ability… Oh, I’ll go with “thanks, but no.”
Ovinize: Sweet! Humble’s back, and it has a sheep on it. This is one baaaaad card. (Sorry. I truly couldn’t help myself.)
Piracy Charm: As we all know, Blue has card drawing and countermagic as well as some bounce to give it serious card advantage. Now, it gets discard, too? That’s just wrong.
Pongify: Oh, and it gets ultra-cheap Instant-timed removal?!? This is ludicrous. I don’t care that it leaves behind a 3/3 Ape. That’s a lot better than a 6/6 flier, no? The only thing sillier than this card’s existence is its name.
Primal Plasma: Look! Options! Too bad none of them are good.
Reality Acid: “The first Magic card you lick!”
Riptide Pilferer: Another Merfolk! My cup runneth over.
Serendib Sorcerer: Look closely at this. The creature doesn’t “lose all abilities.” It just becomes a 0/2. Some people are reading an extra phrase in there and making this a lot better than it is. Still, it’s pretty good.
Serra Sphinx: Will get played just as much as Serra Angel does.
Spellshift: My first question is what if the person doesn’t want to play the card? Does it get shuffled back into the library, too? Probably. But since I can’t ever remember seeing an ability like this, I’ll need clarification.
Tidewalker: I got tired of reading this card. Tell me if it’s any good.
Timebender: Clockspinning on a stick. How can you say no?
Veiling Oddity: A Blue finisher. If Blue can end the game on turn 5
Venarian Glimmer: Geez, this is so wrong. “I envision a sea of Blue because you won’t need any other colors. Oooooooooooh … *swoon*”
Wistful Thinking: More discard for Blue. Might as well build that Mono-Blue Rack deck. Let’s see. Rack makes me think of billiards. Billiards is played with balls. So, I’d call a mono-Blue discard deck with The Rack “Blue Balls” because it hurts but there’s nothing you can do about it unless no one’s looking.
Black
Big Game Hunter: As one of my friends said “This guy has a hole in him. What if there aren’t any creatures with power four or greater on board that you want to kill?” Um, that either means that you’re in tip-top shape or you need to hold onto him. One of my favorite cards in the set, I’m so glad this is uncommon.
Blightspeaker: Too bad he’s not also an Elf Bird Soldier Beast Demon Horror Illusion Goblin. Then, he’d be really good.
Bog Serpent: “When you control no Swamps, Wildfire has already beat you to a pulp.” I’d be higher on this card if it was a 6/6 for that six mana or if the 5/5 body cost only five mana. We don’t get to choose that, though, do we?
Brain Gorgers: So, I can sacrifice a Saproling token to counter this? Okay, I will. “… stupid monkey…”
Damnation: We must call this “Shaft” for two reasons. First, it will be giving the shaft to many players. Second, it’s a big, bad Black muthashut your mouth!
Dash Hopes: This card I like a lot. If you’re going to let the color pie turn into color cobbler, do it this way. Every color should get countermagic… in flavor. I have no problem with Blue being the color of unconditional countermagic. Moreover, this is the kind of countermagic that Black should be getting. Do you want your spell to resolve, or do you want that five life? Your choice. The fact that it’s a common puts it over the top for us budget players.
Deadly Grub: I’ve always liked the Penumbra ability. Two creatures from one card in that manner (see Penumbra Wurm) is just so hard to handle. Even Shaft – I told you that we will use that as often as we can until it sticks – can’t deal with it. Deadly Grub is even better than the Penumbras. The normal Penumbra ability leaves behind a creature with the same power and toughness but a different color. This one leaves behind a creature with twice the power, and it can’t be targeted. Boo-ya! Yes, the ability is conditional, and the creature is fragile. So what? This guy is awfully good in Constructed. Take him when you can in drafts.
Dunerider Outlaw: Whirling Dervish hasn’t gotten much press since it was reprinted, and I feel that that’s partly my fault. That guy is a budget deckbuilder’s dream. However, he also has a color problem; he’s Green. You drop him on turn 2, and he’s a 1/1 facing down a 3/3 Watchwolf or even a 2/2 Soldier or Grizzly Bear. The end. I expect Dunerider Outlaw to be better. With Black at his disposal, he comes down on turn 2 and gets through thanks to Last Gasp. Much better. Reminds me, I need to build a deck with Whirling Dervish.
Enslave: Nice. It’s Confiscate that only hits a creature, but that creature keeps hurting its owner. Not the controller (i.e. you), but its owner. Heh.
Extirpate: My friend Joe thinks that this and Shaft will be the two Black cards that define the format until they rotate out of Standard. I’m not sure that I can argue against that. Extirpate is an Instant-timed, Split Second, mini-Cranial Extraction. At worst, your opponent won’t be able to Zombify or Resurrect any Akromas or Angels of Despair. At best, you can completely ruin their strategy.
Imp’s Mischief: “Char you for four.” “Instead, how about you Char yourself for six, and I’ll just take three.” Get four of these now.
Kor Dirge: Sure, why not. White redirects damage to protect its creatures and itself. Black does it to kill something. Of course, this is one of the slippery slopes that could give the ability to any color. For example, Blue should redirect damage because it’s the color of trickery. Red wants to do it because it likes damaging things. Green would do it because it likes life, especially its own. Oh, well. It’s here now. Black mages, enjoy this while you can.
Magus of the Coffers: I’ve already argued with several people about this guy. “He’s too slow.” Ehhh, shaddup. How long did it take for Cabal Coffers to gain you a mana advantage? Turn 5. How long will it take before this gives you a mana advantage? Well, if you use a Signet or Phyrexian Totem to get this guy out on turn 4, your mana advantage starts on turn 5. I must concede that he’s a creature and dies more easily than the Coffers. You know what? You can’t use the Coffers in Standard. Use this, or don’t. I don’t care.
Melancholy: This card makes me kinda sad.
Midnight Charm: Another good Charm with two good abilities and one that is conditionally good. If you pass this in draft, be ready for the person to your left to think that Black is open.
Muck Drubb: I changed my mind on this guy as I was writing about another card. At worst, this guy is a tad expensive for a Flash creature. Except that you can play him for 2B if you cast him via Madness. On the flip side, he could be a three-mana way to save your best creature. So, I like him.
Null Profusion: I do believe that playing a land counts as playing a card. If so, ohmygoshisthisthingawesome! If not, it’s still extremely good.
Phantasmagorian: Haakon, meet Phantasmagorian. Phantasmagorian, Haakon.
Rathi Trapper: Man, if only he were a Goblin Shaman Elf Bird Soldier Merfolk Rogue, he’d be soooo good.
Ridged Kusite: I can’t wait until someone does an SCG Daily on new words in Magic so that I know what this guy is. I’m talking about the Kusite part. I know the Ridged part. That’s for her pleasure.
Roiling Horror: I don’t like this guy at all. It’s what my friend Karl would call a “win more” card. It’s only a big creature if your life total is significantly higher than that of your opponent. Moreover, a quick burn spell could simply kill it. For example, let’s say that your opponent is at ten and you’re at fifteen. Hooray, you just paid five mana for a 5/5. Not bad. Then, your opponent hits you with Lightning Helix. Now, she’s at thirteen, you’re at twelve, and Roiling Horror is at dead. Yuck.
Shrouded Lore: This is a nice skill-testing card. It’s not as good late in the game as it is early in the game because of the options that your opponent will most likely have (i.e. it will cost you more to get the card you want). Carefully done, though, this is a Black Regrowth. I lika the juice.
Temporal Extortion: You’re either getting a big chunk of what life your opponent has left or an extra turn, one that will probably take a big chunk of whatever life your opponent has left. Worth both the mana and the bucks.
Treacherous Urge: This card has so much going for it that it has to be good, even at five mana. At its heart, it’s Ostracize. It’s also a kill spell, possibly a two for one, if you can use the creature you take to block and kill an attacker. I wouldn’t run four in a deck, but I’d run two or three. Remember, as an Instant, it can be played during the other guy’s draw step. Sweet.
Waning Wurm: You’d better give this guy Haste and Trample. If not, the one time he attacks, I guarantee that he will be chump blocked. Vanishing 2? How silly. Of course, you’ve probably already found a way to break that, haven’t you?
Red
Akroma, Angel of Fury: Finally, an Akroma that I can kill with Dark Banishing.
Blood Knight: This will be one of the top five best and most-used non-rare creatures from this set. He can’t be Condemned, Mortified, Temporally Isolated, Pilloried Sleeplessly, Helixed by Lightning, or Fettered by Faith. Grrrrrr.
Brute Force: Yet another spell that bothers me in terms of turning the color pie into a cobbler. This one probably shouldn’t because it’s not going to significantly alter the metagame landscape, but it bothers me nonetheless. Red shouldn’t be able to simply pump power and toughness with no drawback there. That’s Green’s forte. Oh, well. I’ll use it anyway.
Detritivore: This card will make an impact if for no other reason than the triggered ability that destroys nonbasic lands. “[I]f for no other reason…” Like that’s a “tiny” ability or something. I feel that I should quote my man Joey Lawrence on this one: “Whoa…”
Fatal Frenzy: I’ve never liked the cards that pump up a creature based on its power. If it’s already big enough to matter, I’d rather have something else. This I’ll use as proxy fodder for Akroma the Red.
Firefright Mage: If they hadn’t reprinted Fiery Temper, this guy would be horrendous. Since they did reprint Fiery Temper, he’s merely awful.
Fury Charm: I will reiterate: I think they did a great job with the Charms. Even though this only has one ability that will be useful most of the time (the second one), destroying an artifact or getting a Greater Gargadon into play two turns faster is not a bad thing.
Hammerheim Deadeye: Somewhere in all of this stuff, there’s a Thick-Skinned Goblin deck. Maybe even a G/R one. Timbermare, anyone?
Keldon Marauders: Waning Wurm was too much for not enough. This guy seems to be just about right, although I’d still like to see him stick around longer. It’s not up to me, though. Or is it…?
Lavacore Elemental: The only thing that I don’t like about this one is that it encourages bad play habits. One of the best clichés that I’ve learned about this game is “If it doesn’t help you in combat, don’t do it before combat.” That usually means that you don’t cast creatures in your first main phase. Usually. This guy requires that he be cast before combat. If not, he’s going away on your next upkeep. For that drawback, you get a 5/3 for three mana. Give me four.
Magus of the Arena: At least it’s better than Arena itself. This guy doesn’t take up mana slots.
Molten Firebird: I’m usually a fan of Phoenixes. I’m not, however, when they require me to skip my next draw step. If it just said “you may” … Then again, as my father-in-law says, “if frogs had wings, they would bump their asses on the ground when the hopped, would they?”
Needlepeak Spider: Efficient, but not overly so. Take them in draft. Use them in Constructed if fliers start getting out of hand.
Prodigal Pyromancer: Tim as he always should have been. I think he looks a bit like Chris Millar. So, let’s call this version “Chris.”
Pyrohemia: I’ve always been too fond of Pestilence, so I’m sure I’ll be too fond of this.
Reckless Wurm: “Because Arrogant Wurm wasn’t good enough the first time around.”
Shivan Meteor: “When you really, really, really want that Goblin dead.” Plays quite well with Stuffy Doll, though.
Shivan Wumpus: I hated facing Shivan Wurm. I won’t like facing this any better. If they continue to stay cheap, get four now.
Simian Spirit Guide: Now, this is just absolutely “put my nuts on the coffee table and smack them with a flyswatter” ridiculous. Yeah, ‘cause what we need now is even more Red mana acceleration.
Skirk Shaman: Luckily, no one’s running any Red creatures right now, or this guy would be bad.
Stingscourger: Thick-Skinned Goblin, where are you?!?
Sulfur Elemental: And White Weenie curls up and dies. Soltari Priest, it was nice to play with you again for three months. So long. Farewell. Adieu.
Timecrafting: Woo hoo! Red Clockspinning! But not as good!
Torchling: Anything with that much writing on it can’t be any good. (See, also, Morphling.)
Volcano Hellion: Essentially, this is four mana to kill anything of any size that doesn’t have Protection from Red because you won’t be paying that Echo cost. Unless… Think-Skinned Goblin, where are you?!?
Green
Ana Battlemage: It’s like Thornscape Battlemage, but different! In all seriousness, I like those two Kickers. I just don’t like that Blue is getting discard. Is that clear yet?
Deadwood Treefolk: There’s gonna be a problem with this guy at tourney’s because you’ll be required to call “Deadwood %$#*-ing Treefolk” when you cast him. Yet, cussing isn’t allowed at most tourneys. What to do…?
Essence Warden: Because what Green needed was its own Soul Warden.
Evolution Charm: No, wait, this the best of the Charms. Or is it? I dunno anymore.
Fa’adiyah Seer: This will see as much play as Sindbad is seeing. Good thing they reprinted him, huh?
Fungal Behemoth: Okay, this guy is gonna get very silly very quickly. I think I should order four right now.
Gaea’s Anthem: This, on the other hand, sucks. In fact, I don’t want it to burden your collection. For each one that you send me, I will send you an uncommon from a non-Standard-legal set autographed by either Gisele Bundchen or me.
Giant Dustwasp: Green already has evasion in the form of Trample and nonbasic-landwalk. Why does it need flying, even if it’s bad flying?
Groundbreaker: Please, see the full-length articles that sixteen other writers have done dedicated to nothing but this one card. I agree with whatever they said.
Harmonize: At least it’s a Sorcery.
Healing Leaves: Oh, I get it. It’s like Healing Salve. You can even rearrange the letters in Leaves to make the word Salve with an extra e. So, you could do like a medieval of Healing Salve and call it Healinge Salve.
Hedge Troll: Yeah, like Sedge Sliver but it’s a common and only affects this guy. In fact, while that was supposed to sound sarcastic, I just convinced myself that I like it better. Go figure.
Hunting Wilds: Someone will break this card. It just won’t be me.
Jedit Ojanen of Efrava: So, all I have to do is attack with this 5/5 creature, and I get a free 2/2 creature? Gosh, if only Green wanted its creatures to attack…
Kavu Predator: My friend Joe has been complaining about lifegain decks being the death knell for aggro decks in Standard. Well, here you go, Joe.
Keen Sense: It’s like Ophidian Eye but worse!
Life and Limb: Huh?
Magus of the Library: Is this another “win more” card? You have to have seven cards in hand to draw any, and Green wants to play spells. Then again, it also adds mana to your mana pool.
Pouncing Wurm: Not bad, not great, and a bit boring. (See, also, Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones.)
Psychotrope Thallid: Wow. No, wait, double wow. I get to turn Saprolings into cards? Triple-dog wow!
Timbermare: I don’t think I need to go over this one again. If you didn’t read Jamie Wakefield official preview of this card, read it now. A great card in memory of an obviously great lady. I never even met Mare Wakefield, but she must have been something special. All you have to do is read Jamie’s writings to know that. He was so open about his love for her that it sometimes made even me blush. When I read that she had died, I cried. And then I kissed Luanne and told her that I loved her.
Uktabi Drake: Too bad Thick-Skinned Goblin can’t save a first-turn Uktabi Drake.
Utopia Vow: This may be better as a defensive card (i.e. playing it on an opponent’s creature) than as a way to accelerate your own mana. Either way, it’s not great and won’t be showing up in any tourney-winning Constructed decks any time soon. I guess the vow you take in Utopia is “I will not help my controller win.”
Vitaspore Thallid: This one is so close that I can smell it. Before I pass final snap judgment, I’ll need to work on another Fungus deck.
Wild Pair: I am very intrigued by the possibilities that this one creates. Normally, you get that Green Llanowar–Sentinel ability where you have to get the same creature. This one opens up the door to getting, well, almost anything. However, this will not work with cards like Hypergenesis that put cards into play from your hand or somewhere else. Wizards was smart enough to make people have to work to break this card. You actually have to cast the creature to trigger Wild Pair. Moreover, the creature that you grab has to have the exact total of power and toughness, not up to. In other words, you can’t drop an Ornithopter to get a Body Double to copy Akroma in your ‘yard. However, you could cast a 0/0 creature, not like a Graft creature that comes into play with a certain number of +1/+1 counters, but an actual 0/0 creature that stays 0/0. It will, of course, die, but it will let you get a Body Double. Clone will be good for this. Just have it Clone itself. Heh. Clone as a Tutor. Sweet.
Multi-Colored
Cautery Sliver: I will call this one Endgame Sliver since he will be best when coming down late so that you can sacrifice all of your remaining Slivers to go directly at your opponent’s head.
Dormant Sliver: Here’s a nice sideboard card against Slivers. Geez, is that the best I can say about this card? Yikes.
Frenetic Sliver: You know what, why not? I mean, if the Sliver’s going to die anyway, you have a 50-50 chance of it living. Presuming you’re playing U/R/x Slivers, of course.
Intet, the Dreamer: Dragon Legends that are 6/6 and cost six mana are usually pretty good. This guy is no exception. Free cards played for free makes me giddy.
Necrotic Sliver: Vindicate Sliver?!? Really?!? Stupdendous. Okay, so Stonecloaker is the second-best non-rare creature in the set. This is the best.
Numot, the Devastator: Gah! Recurring land destruction on a stick! Get four ASAP.
Oros, the Avenger: You have got to be kidding me. Man, I loved the Dragon Legend cycle from Invasion. I think this one is just as good.
Teneb, the Harvester: Remember what I said two cards ago? Yep, just as good as Invasion’s. Teneb is my favorite. I love using the graveyard as a resource, especially when it means getting creatures into play for free.
Vorosh, the Hunter: Even without this guy. But he is in the cycle. So, yup just as good.
Split Cards
Boom / Bust: Don’t tell me about card disadvantage. I used Raze to great effect during Urza’s Block – Masques Block Standard. Sometimes, it’s okay to lose a land and a card if the land you kill is worth it. As for Bust, well, we all know how good Armageddon was.
Dead / Gone: I don’t like Red being able to bounce creatures, but that’s not much worse than just killing them outright. Normally, you’d expect the Gone side to deal a creature four damage. That will kill most of what’s out there now. So, in essence, you get a little more versatility (i.e. it can temporarily remove critters with toughness of five or more) in exchange for not being a permanent solution. Since it’s a common, I like this a lot.
Rough / Tumble: The fact that I can now run eight Pyroclasms gives me wood like it was a lazy Saturday morning.
Land
Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth: Can’t afford Blood Crypts for your Black/Red deck? Pick up a set of these, and turn all of your Mountains into Mountain–Swamps and all of your Swamps into Swamp–Swamps. (Seriously, get four of these now.)
…
Okay, that’s it. Craig’s gonna kill me, but, hey, he’s the editor. That’s why he gets the big bucks. He can always turn this into a two-day thing if he wants. Maybe Tuesday and Wednesday. Or not. How about just one, nice, long, Tuesday column for the non-Premium-buying folks? Yeah, I like that.
In case you’re wondering, this week’s title is from a great exchange in the film Rosemary’s Baby. Given how I feel about the turning of the color pie into color cobbler, I thought quoting that film was appropriate. The exchange goes like this:
Rosemary: (screaming) What have you done to [my baby]?!? What have you done to his eyes?!? You maniacs!!!
Roman: (very calmly) He has his father’s eyes.
I get goose bumps just thinking about it.
Chris Romeo
FromRightField-at-Comcast-dot-net