This set review started out as one totally huge document. Not because I went on a huge articular rant about every last card in the fashion that, well, sucks, but because I opted to open with an introduction on what Future Sight meant, what people were expecting, and then on what issues Future Sight — and Time Spiral Block at large — raised.
Then I realized I would be doing a set review in between those two subjects, and then I realized that this set review was going to cover a bunch of cards for their flavor, a bunch of other cards for their mechanics, and a bunch of other cards for their art.
That’s when I realized that if I split this into digestible chunks, I’d have articles until Future Sight rotated out.
I mean, there’s even the little puppet play I have in mind with Devin Low…
(A reasonable moment flits across the author’s mind. He restrains himself. He sets aside the bile and the sarcasm and takes a deep breath. Devin Low is a man. He is working on the game that the author loves so much, the game that the author writes for because he wishes to contribute; he is just a man, and he is doing what he can do. He is not necessarily involved in everything that can be done. But Devin put his head above the trenches. Devin attached his name to The Article, it was his name that is appended to the pledge made on the shores of the Red Sea. Played for comedic vitriol or vitriolic comedy, Devin is not the man to blame. For this time, Devin does not mean the human being Devin Low; it means the voice, the sockpuppet that popped up, said foolish things, and vanished again without a trace…)
… which was of course, totally deserved, given the man is the spawn of Satan himself, and solely responsible for everything bad in Magic. Yet, I had to scrap it, because YouTube does limit you to 100 megabytes, and I’m not sure I could manage to get all the voice actors together. Plus, lighting looked pretty expensive. Summarized, however, it involved a cast of thousands of Green cards (casting was going to be tricky, but I think Orlando Bloom as Wild Mongrel would really draw in the female viewers) coming in and quietly asking Devin Low why he thought they were good enough given their historical failings. Think like Noel Coward meets Sigmund Freud meets Jerry Bruckheimer.
Oh, and there’d be a strip club scene. There always is.
With that in mind, here’s our rough schedule. This week, I’m going to attempt to do a fat-free set review. No card will be mentioned for No Damn Good Reason. No card text will be presented; if you’re interested in the set’s card visually, you can just go to gatherer and look up the cards, or click the handy links on StarCityGames.com own database. The beauty of tabbed browsing (which everyone does, it seems, these days) makes it easier to do so without losing your place. No need to produce obvious references that I’m reasonably sure everyone else is making. I’m not going to present a card that I’m going to um-and-ahh over. It’s just stuff that I’m clear on, things I know.
Your fat-free cards-I-wanna-talk-about-mechanically review begins… now.
Chronomantic Escape
This card protects you from any number of players on the way around to your turn again. There are ways to remove two time counters in a reasonably cost-effective fashion in multiplayer, such as Clockspinning, Rift Elemental, Timebender / Vesuvan Shapeshifter, Jhoira’s Timebug in stereo, and Paradox Haze in stereo. Blue, king of manipulating the new mechanic of this block, can use this to make a multiplayer, creature-free moat effect that doesn’t rely on permanents to be disrupted.
Judge Unworthy
It’s very possible to build a deck where the only values this can hit for are 2, 0, and Much, Much More. In an aggressive deck, this is just another card that inexperienced players will slot in, in lieu of focused offensive strategies, but when Red and White aren’t actually sleeping with one another (once Ravnica rotates), White might need to actually think about removal instead of automatically including four Char and four Lightning Helix again. The Judge is a nice package that gives you options, and I love flexible cards like that. I expect it’ll see a little play in Block. In mid-range Green/White or White/Black, this is a fantastic card. two mana to put a Skeletal Vampire or Blind Hunter on the top of your library, then smash your opponent’s creature for 4-6 damage? I dream of cards like this.
They’re, uh, not very entertaining dreams.
Scout’s Warning
This is a cheap, White cantrip, and I am therefore interested in it. Operating on the basis of Turbo-Xerox managing to win the game with a six-mana creature despite a mere eighteen land as a manabase, I looked at the high-cantrip engine to fuel play. Between Scout’s Warning, and another entry below, I can give Kjeldoran War Cry.dec another shot. For the curious:
4 Kjeldoran War Cry
20 Bears
16 Land
20 Cantrips that cost 1-2 mana at the most.
That final list is, at this point, Carom, Swift Maneuvers, To Arms, Festival of the Guildpact, Scout’s Warning, and Marshalling Cry. This thing could work as a casual, more thinking man’s White Weenie. I don’t expect Mr Hill is going to be, in the article above, complaining about White Weenie having too many slots where you’d rather just have no cards at all.
Spirit En-Dal
Potentially a way to give Loxodon Hierarchs, Gleancrawlers, Jedit Ojanen, and the rest a way through to the face in mid-range aggro, and a way to let Riptide Pilferer, Dimir Cutpurse, and Dune-Brood Nephilim (pffftt) through in their own archetypes. Pilferer looks like the best option at this point, as it is the only cheap, mono-colored creature on a long list of things with to-the-face abilities that doesn’t also come with evasion built in.
Aven Mindcensor
Wizards? Do this. Do this more. I don’t care if the tournament results don’t back this guy up. Do not make him a one-of. Use this kind of ability; set the rules in White, and put those rules on men who can do something in the mean time. My only wish is that he’d said players, and therefore used that as a pretense to a drawback. Then he could be even better, I suppose. Like, WW for a 2/1 who, you know, penalized your searching as well.
Daybreak Coronet
I will lose to this card. It won’t make me think it’s any good. They could print Chord of Calling that also got an aura and stapled it onto the creature and I’d still not think this is any good. Also, Retethering two of these onto a creature makes me kinda giggle.
Delay
This card isn’t all that special compared to Remand, because you don’t get to make your opponent pay twice, nor do you get to draw a card off it. It is nonetheless, a nice and simple way to handle Ertai’s Meddling, a card that I thought could have merited some re-attention in this block as a Timeshifted card. Specifically, I think it should have been printed alongside Mana Tithe, in White.
Linessa, Zephyr Mage
I was a fan of her grandmother on an entirely visual level, and Linessa is more card-conscious in her activities. Because she needs to pay more than your opponent did, Linessa is going to be unable to support a tempo-based strategy. No, Linessa’s a control vehicle, and a robust enough one to block once or twice, and she even comes in with a built-in “Oh sh**” button. She has a high standard to hurdle compared to her predecessor, however, and it’s no surprise that she falls short, nor is it a shame.
Narcomoeba
Some cards are designed because someone has a cool idea for a mechanic, but no idea what to do with the mechanic that would actually make it exciting and interesting. So they slap it in Blue and crappy up the creature, hoping that the native inclination of Blue cards to be more powerful than R&D expects will push the card for them.
If Blue’s the best color for milling your library into your graveyard, Wizards, why is this card, which is basically a completely rubbish Ichorid, in Blue? Why not in Black? Why not in Red? Why not in Green? You could make a better case for any of them. But no; you chose to make this interesting idea weak and unimpressive, with the air that you could revisit it again later. Of course… when you did it the first time, you put it in Blue. And no matter how stupid an idea that it be in Blue, it’s in Blue now, so when you revisit it with Ukolem, Narcomoebic Master, who makes copies of Narcomoeba for every card put into the graveyard from anyone’s library, it’s because of Narcomoeba setting the precedent, right?
Spin into Myth
Destroy target creature. It can’t be regenerated. Put that creature on the bottom of its owner’s library. If that creature would be exceptionally annoying to draw a second time, such as a creature that was reanimated into play and therefore now uncastable to its owner, you may put it on top of that player’s library instead. Since this is in the second-worse color for creature removal, that already in this block has a Swords-to-Plowshares parody and a Last Gasp parody, this card will instead cost you the excruciating cost of five instead of three.
Put. This. In. White. Seriously. That color needs removal. That color has been hurting for cool removal. Blue already has enough mechanics. It doesn’t matter if it’s costed too highly to be any good; this card is a solid removal spell that fakes being a bounce spell. Giving it to Blue, even if it’s not good enough to be played competitively, is just boneheaded. It’s tossing a canteen of water to the gentleman on his camel with all of his sherpas while neglecting to notice the gentleman on the other side of you who’s barely alive thanks to thirst.
Magus of the Abyss
+ Kher Keep or Vitu Ghazi. No real mystery there.
Shimian Specter
The chase rare that isn’t.
Stronghold Rats
My favorite card so far. A decent man to start off a dredge chain, a supporter of madness, and an evasive creature. I’ve found I really like 2/1s for two mana, since that’s where Wizards seem intent to staple all the good abilities onto creatures. The other thing is, unlike Trespasser il-Vec, he’s not an awkward 3/1 when you’re out of cards in the grip.
Bitter Ordeal
Shimian Specter 2.0
Bridge From Below
tl,dr
Deepcavern Imp
It’s a rebel. It’ll come out on my end step. Therefore, haste means precisely d*ck. Oh well. Limited filler, I imagine.
Frenzy Sliver
As the block is fleshed out more, we’re given more meat to the metaphorical sliver deck. Right now, Necrotic Sliver has been baiting people to find a deck to build around it, and Walking Anthems — a totally awesome deck — might be able to find a spot for this guy, if it weren’t for the fact that that deck doesn’t need more creatures to speed up its clock; it needs instead more ways to disrupt the opponent.
Korlash, Heir to Blackblade
Half Nightmare, Half Mortivore, with the ability to swell-mid combat? This card is really, very, very good, as a control finisher. He shouldn’t be coming out on turn 4, but he can come out while you have other mana open, in order to cast control cards. When building optimally to make him large, he’ll never be shy of a 4/4 coming out the gates, and when you’re talking about a creature that can regenerate, it fits well in the same area that Nantuko Shade used to. While the Shade had to come out on turn 2 to meet a Wild Mongrel on turn 3, Korlash has to wait until turn 4 — perhaps 5 — to block whatever threats your opponent’s sending in the other direction. I’ll have to look up the aggro decks, since chances are there aren’t any White or Red ones who are going to be bothered by Korlash stepping in front of your face, but it seems he will be a fine control card if any such aggro decks rise up once we lose the Ravnica Boros tools.
Street Wraith
Remember that White Weenie deck with Kjeldoran War Cries? This goes in there too.
Yixlid Jailer
A Chordable dredge hoser. A Chordable flashback hoser. Heck, a Chordable hoser for a lot of stuff. Of course, my current thought on the matter is, given that Black is the leading color for manipulating and faddling around with its graveyard, why, exactly, when they already had Withered Wretch (who leaves your graveyard intact), did they opt to put Yixlid Jailer in Black, instead of in White or Green? You know, the colors that are Black’s enemies?
Haze of Rage
The math, for those who are curious: One Rage = +1/+0 for two. Two Rages is +3/+0 for six. Three Rages is +6 for ten. So, in summary, it’s not very good when you’re paying retail, or using it itself to build the storm. Also, before anyone in the forums goes to correct me, it’s a sorcery, and buyback puts it in your hand after the storm trigger resolves. So bear those two facts in mind when you do your own math on the matter.
Gathan Raiders
More reasons to avoid Red in Prismatic.
Magus Of The Moon
Chord Target.
Ghostfire
Yamabushi’s Flame saw some block play purely because it was More Burn. This is better than More Burn; it’s a narrow, but nonetheless potential answer to Red’s hated protected creatures, like Soltari Priest and Silver Knight. While Red has had ways to deal with those threats in the past — anyone remember Nate Heiss‘ orgasmic whooping over Pyrite Spellbomb as an answer to Silver Knight in, of all things, Goblin Bidding? – this is one of the simplest, even the most elegant available.
Strange that Red gets to do this kind of thing; it feels like a purely mechanical effect, something that gets crammed into the color pie and not extensively considered in its flavor, hoping its rarity will keep people from looking at it too sharply.
Steamflogger Boss
Seriously, Wizards, what the hell do you think you’re doing? More on this guy later.
Storm Entity
Another Chord target.
Tarox Bladewing
Phwwooooooaaaar. Now that’s a fatty. Hits hard, closes the game quickly, and is in a color that can back him up by throwing more fire at the face. That’s without Grandeur. With Grandeur, you will have some games where he randomly deals sixteen to the face. Given the cost of Grandeur is a discard, I’m going to be trying to fit Tarox and Korlash into decks with Oversold Cemetery (online) or Genesis (in real life).
Force Of Savagery
Words fail me.
Heartwood Storyteller
A cycling card.
Llanowar Empath
Four mana to maybe get a card and a 2/2, or four mana to definitely get a card and the potential for spiritcraft tricks and a 2/1. When you’re comparing badly to a Saviors of Kamigawa card, you need to end it all.
Riftsweeper
See, now, this is the kind of utility creature I like. He’s useful at getting your own stuff back in a long-term sense, he’s good at stuffing a suspended card back into its owner’s library, and he can even recur a flashback card. Since I’ve been humping Chord of Calling’s leg the whole article, I might as well mention that he’s another Chord target and Chord enabler I’d proudly play.
Baru, Fist of Krosa
Why do people say “he pumps your team”? We’re in a format with eight Wraths and more removal than you can shake a stick at. The fact that people are already gunning for Teferi’s ass means he’ll die just as well, and in fact, will die more often — Baru doesn’t even have the good grace to hose four major mechanics of the set, destroy an archetype, protect combo, and punish Blue, all with one line of text, while enabling creatures.
Baru is going to die a lot. So are the creatures that he “pumps.” He’s very cool, yes, but he’s not good. Not in a format which already has Teferi as the king bullseye wearer.
Edge of Autumn
Edge of Autumn is the idiot cousin of the Rampant Growth family, who’s visiting. They can’t be mean to him, because, well, it’s not his fault his mother smoked weed, drank booze, and had a pogo-stick accident while she was pregnant.
Imperiosaur
I like. Perhaps the block he’s from will come around one day. Perhaps dinosaurs will be pushed more as an iconic creature type. Maybe we’ll see Dire Tyrannosaurus Rex sometime. He inspires deck ideas, and I’m generally in favor of those.
Nacatl War-Pride
Dies to Last Gasp.
Quagnoth
If they hadn’t printed Damnation in the previous set, I’d have been impressed. If they hadn’t printed him in a format where Blue can’t block him all day long, I’d have been impressed. If I could work to overcome those problems through Skarrg, Predator’s Strike – hell, anything – I’d be impressed. If he wasn’t one Green creature with Split Second, I’d have been impressed. If Quagnoth were anything other than an idiotic high water mark, set out by developers who think that players aren’t going to be happy without it, and simply threw together a handful of abilities, assuming they’d be good enough. Seriously, this feels like they let a little kid design it.
What’s wrong with him being evasive? He might win the game six turns after you play him? As opposed to the three Akroma does?
Sporoloth Ancient
“Huh,” said Aaron Forsythe.. “We printed all these cool Thallids, but I’m not seeing anyone playing them.”
“Well,” said Randy Buehler, the Fat Controller, “What if we made them faster? We could call it Thallid Enabler”
“Brilliant!” Said Aaron Forsythe.. “Oh, Fat Controller, you make development so easy!”
“Haha!” said the Fat Controller, as he made the Thallid Enabler cost more than all the other Thallids in the block.
Epochrasite
Why isn’t this Green? He’s hard to solve, he grows, and he’s a creature. I’ll play these, but every time I do it, I’ll spit on someone for putting him as an artifact and not as a Green card.
Soultether Golem
“You know,” Devin Low said. “It’s a shame that the creatures in Green don’t get to have creative drawbacks. That way we could undercost them some more and make them more tournament-competitive as fatties.”
“Yeah,” said Aaron Forsythe. “Meanwhile, I’ve designed a creature that’s undercosted for its size but you need to play other creatures to keep it hanging around. I think it’d work well in a strategy that wanted to make lots of tokens, and perhaps a strategy that relied heavily on paying little mana for what turned into big angry ground forces of creatures.”
“Hmm,” said Devin Low. “Best make it an artifact, then.”
Llanowar Reborn
Following hot on the heels of Pendelhaven making a splash in Constructed Green.
Dryad Arbor
I’m going to play this in dredge and just hope I never draw it. I keep wishing I had more dudes in the deck so I’d have more dudes in the yard when I wound up Svogthosing my opponent’s face.
Tolaria West
I’d say this costs one mana more than Sylvan Scrying for a better card, but it’s not even really one mana more. After all — you have to spend Blue mana.
…
So here’s the future. An insight into wasted potential and a time when we have to determine if Devin Low was stupid, ignorant, or just lying. What a wonderful time in which to live; a better time yet in which to die; and better yet to avoid it entirely, to set aside this game ‘fore the heartache becomes real; O, Brave new world, that has such people working on it.
Talen Lee
talen at dodo dot com dot au