Oops, All Treasures: Building the Most Controversial Commander Deck of 2022

In a recent game, an opponent had Kumena’s Awakening (and the City’s Blessing) and a Tithe on the battlefield. My buddy looks at me and goes, “We need to get rid of that Tithe, right?” I’m staring at the Enchantment that’s actively drawing him cards to use the jillion Treasures he had just sitting there. “I don’t like that Awakening,” I replied. He ended up destroying the Tithe.

I can’t tell you how many Smothering Tithes I passed back when Ravnica Allegiance was a draft format, other than to say all of them. I wasn’t playing Commander yet and couldn’t fathom how it would be even passable in constructed play. My wallet hates me for those last two sentences. Now, “Are you paying for Tithe?” is a meme itself. It creates situations where people put on blinders. Treasures as both ramp and fixing are incredibly powerful.

Then Streets of New Capenna (SNC) came along and poured fuel on the fire. Throughout spoiler season, we’re staring down cards like Bootleggers’ Stash and wondering “Who thought that Dockside Extortionist would come out looking tame?” At the end of the day, we wound up with 21 new Treasure cards, ignoring Treasures-matter cards like Security Rhox or cards that give them to our opponents like Buy Your Silence. In response, the price of anti-Treasure tech like Viridian Revel tripled in price. 

You can’t be neutral in the Treasure Wars. So I picked a side.

Would it be possible to build a deck that only included cards with the word “Treasure token” on them? The answer, sadly, is yes. By a mile.

Oops, All Treasures

Jake Browne

Test deck on 05-06-2022

Commander

Creatures (34)

• 1 Captain Lannery Storm
• 1 Ruthless Knave
• 1 Pitiless Plunderer
• 1 Dockside Extortionist
• 1 Gadrak, the Crown-Scourge
• 1 Impulsive Pilferer
• 1 Magda, Brazen Outlaw
• 1 Goldspan Dragon
• 1 Storm-Kiln Artist
• 1 Fain, the Broker
• 1 Prosperous Innkeeper
• 1 Ragavan, Nimble Pilferer
• 1 Academy Manufactor
• 1 Tireless Provisioner
• 1 Skullport Merchant
• 1 Kalain, Reclusive Painter
• 1 Old Gnawbone
• 1 Xorn
• 1 Prosper, Tome-Bound
• 1 Forsworn Paladin
• 1 Grim Hireling
• 1 Old Rutstein
• 1 Scion of Opulence
• 1 Atsushi, the Blazing Sky
• 1 Ruthless Technomancer
• 1 Undercity Scrounger
• 1 Ziatora, the Incinerator
• 1 Gala Greeters
• 1 Professional Face-Breaker
• 1 Black Market Tycoon
• 1 Ognis, the Dragon's Lash
• 1 Mari, the Killing Quill
• 1 Rose Room Treasurer
• 1 Jolene, the Plunder Queen

Planeswalkers (1)

• 1 Vraska, Relic Seeker

Lands (36)

• 2 Forest
• 1 Wooded Foothills
• 3 Swamp
• 4 Mountain
• 1 Bloodstained Mire
• 1 Overgrown Tomb
• 1 Stomping Ground
• 1 Blood Crypt
• 1 Savage Lands
• 1 Exotic Orchard
• 1 Dragonskull Summit
• 1 Rootbound Crag
• 1 Verdant Catacombs
• 1 Command Tower
• 1 Woodland Cemetery
• 1 Smoldering Marsh
• 1 Cinder Glade
• 1 Luxury Suite
• 1 Spire Garden
• 1 Prismatic Vista
• 1 Fabled Passage
• 1 Undergrowth Stadium
• 1 Cragcrown Pathway
• 1 Blightstep Pathway
• 1 Darkbore Pathway
• 1 Treasure Vault
• 1 Rockfall Vale
• 1 Haunted Ridge
• 1 Deathcap Glade
• 1 Riveteers Overlook

Spells (29)

• 1 Revel in Riches
• 1 Treasure Map
• 1 Contract Killing
• 1 Brass's Bounty
• 1 Pirate's Pillage
• 1 Shiny Impetus
• 1 Seize the Spoils
• 1 Fae Offering
• 1 Crack Open
• 1 Improvised Weaponry
• 1 Instrument of the Bards
• 1 Unexpected Windfall
• 1 Deadly Dispute
• 1 Grim Bounty
• 1 Thieves' Tools
• 1 Bucknard's Everfull Purse
• 1 Reckless Endeavor
• 1 Visions of Ruin
• 1 Fable of the Mirror-Breaker
• 1 Reckoner Bankbuster
• 1 Stimulus Package
• 1 Big Score
• 1 Prizefight
• 1 Boxing Ring
• 1 Spiteful Repossession
• 1 Bootleggers' Stash
• 1 Currency Converter
• 1 Indulge
• 1 Rain of Riches

Who’s The Boss?

When looking at the totality of Treasure, 106 of the 138 legal cards fall in Jund according to Scryfall. SNC provides us a couple of pretty neat options at the helm of our non-Amazon-affiliated Treasure Truck. Ognis, the Dragon’s Lash generates our precious tokens any time a creature with haste attacks. Sadly, since I’ve given myself this weird stipulation, we won’t be able to take advantage of that keyword. It’s a no Goro-Goro.

That leaves us with Ziatora, the Incinerator. A 6/6 flyer for six mana is a bit spendy for me, but fortunately, we’re going to be generating plenty of mana to sneak it in ahead of schedule. It’s also a huge plus that ‘tora is going to turn our mediocre early plays into a boatload of Treasures to help recast it. Trust me, referring to the quality of our creatures here as “mediocre” is a compliment to them.

The Usual Suspects

I will say that they’re not so bad. Turn 1 Ragavan, Nimble Pilferer isn’t a bad play in any game it’s legal in and the fact that I opened one this week in no way influenced this article. We’re happy to run out a Goldspan Dragon to make all of our Treasures spend for extra mana while occasionally (and sadly) generating some when it gets plucked from the sky. Tireless Provisioner and Academy Manufactor give us other, non-Treasure artifacts that bum me out a little bit, but we’ll take what we can get. Dockside is an auto-include because this deck will be in a game of Commander. 

The New Additions

Of all the SNC cards we have to work with, I’m most excited to cast Professional Face-Breaker, which relegated Scion of Opulence to “at home” status, even if the latter is still included. Being able to cash in our tokens for cards when we’re running low on steam is a powerful effect, but it’s no slouch when it comes to making them, either. Bootleggers’ Stash seemed like the big dog, but when Commander luminary Dan Sheehan tells me he hasn’t liked it early on, I pay attention. Apparently spending a lot of mana to do nothing with the promise of doing even less later it’s as great as it sounds. Go figure.

Jolene, the Plunder Queen is pretty freaking sweet and would easily be our Commander if we weren’t so committed to black. Doubling tokens is always an effect these decks would kill for and giving our opponent’s creatures quasi-goad helps us buy time until we can actually do something. I promise, the deck does things.

Stimulus Package gives us another free and efficient way to convert our troves into bodies, which we can in turn chump block with if we have Gala Greeters on the battlefield. Create a token, make a 1/1, triggering Greeters every turn to make another tapped Treasure seems cool. Less cool? Black Market Tycoon, which begs us to stop saving and live in the now. Prizefight seems a little weak but the deck is hurting for instant-speed interaction, so it makes the cut.

In It To Win It

Sure, this deck could deal lethal damage. I could see a pissed off Captain Lannery Storm (or Storm-Kiln Artist) getting there. Also, who decided someone with the last name “Storm” should be the captain? Regardless, we’re also fine winning by virtue of making this meme a dream with Revel in Riches. Ten Treasures feels like a fairly pedestrian task given our cards alone, but add to the fact that Riches also make their own when our opponent’s creatures die and it feels pretty easy. Is this how generational wealth works?

The problem is that we lack those tasty tutors to root through our library. We’re going to have to rummage the old fashioned way with a frankly aggressive number of card draw spells in Big Score, Deadly Dispute, Pirate’s Pillage, Seize the Spoils, and Unexpected Windfall. While casting these, I recommend not moving much, as some opponents operate by Jurassic Park rules and may not notice you.

Clear Eyes, Smooth Brains, Can’t Lose

In terms of pure jank, this may be my Magma Opus. We’re playing to almost none of the strengths of Ziatora, aren’t getting any bonuses from the Treasures from a Reckless Fireweaver-type, yet it still feels cost-prohibitive to play unless you’ve got a Monke, Extortionist, and Jund lands laying around. There isn’t even a Sol Ring listed here, people. I can’t wait to play it at CommandFest Richmond.