One of my favorite aspects of commander is that it is largely a self-policing format. When a card doesn’t meet the official Banned List requirements, a friend group, local game store (LGS), or local meta can adjust and regulate, depending on the type of play experience they want to have. This can span from personal preferences to shop rules. All in all, if you don’t like a card, you don’t have to play it. And if you don’t like playing against a certain commander, you can choose to opt out.
This got me thinking. Rarely do I see people opt out of games based on one’s commander, but there must be some legends that draw ire from opponents. So, I thought it would be fun to compile a list of commanders that would make my friends hit me over the head with a chair.
Don’t believe me?
Sheoldred, the Apocalypse
Fun fact: Sheoldred, the Apocalypse was the commander that inspired this article. How? Well, my LGS hands out free packs to those who sign up for FNM. My pack was a Dominaria United pack. My rare? Sheoldred, the Apocalypse. I was excited about my luck, but then began to think. I could never really afford her unless I pulled her…and I did. So maybe I should make a deck around her? Right?
I ran the idea by my friends, and it quickly met with resistance. At first, I was a bit bummed, but then I realized why. Sheoldred takes a basic resource and punishes your opponents for it. Card draw is almost always at the heart of modern deck strategies. The more you draw, the more options you have. As someone who has a Wheel of Fortune effect deck, staring down a Sheoldred is genuinely my worst nightmare. Couple that with many of black’s forced draw effects and punishments, and you’re looking at a bad time for everyone except you.
Grand Arbiter Augustin IV
When I was at my old LGS, I saw a friend of mine purchasing an Arbiter. I was pretty confused, because I thought he hated the card. I walked up to him and asked him why he just bought it. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “It means there’s one less out in the wild.”
Let’s face it. We’ve all stared down the barrel of this Azorius nightmare and absolutely hated it. It’s just a hateful card. Sure, a one-mana increase on spells doesn’t seem like a great tax. Manageable even. But let me tell you, it weighs on you after a while. Suddenly your carefully cultivated hand crumbles, and you have to make a choice between two spells rather than casting them both. The cost reduction feels great for you, but your opponents quickly become resentful of that tax. Remember the last time taxes were too high in America? Yeah, tea ended up in Boston Harbor, and while I’d love to see a harbor full of Grand Arbiters, I don’t see it as being plausible.
Koma, Cosmos Serpent
Okay, this one is my number one hated commander of all time. I hate Koma with a fiery passion. In fact, this is one of the commanders that will make me opt out of a pod. It’s sad to say, but if Koma was on fire, I wouldn’t spit on him to put it out. But why?
Well, once Koma is out, he is basically unremovable. Sure, his mana value is rather steep, but since when has Simic ever struggled for anything ever? Once Koma hits the field, he demands removal immediately, because once the turn ends, you will literally never be able to get rid of him, thanks to all the counterspells and token doubling effects in the world. Shout-out to a player at my LGS who made me hate Koma after one game. They are a delight, but their deck was actually birthed by Satan himself. To whoever designed Koma: who hurt you?
Tergrid, God of Fright
You knew this was coming. While I have never played against a Tergrid, God of Fright in my entire Magic career, I constantly hear how hated this card is. When I asked a handful of friends my commander chair question, two-thirds of them said Tergrid. In fact, Matt from EDHREC hails this as his least favorite commander ever printed, and to be honest, I don’t fault him or any of my friends for thinking that.
Tergrid decks are mean and live right in the comfort zone of black’s color identity. Sacrifice and discard are black’s bread and butter. Tergrid decks are like those anxious thoughts you have at 3 AM. They’re all about lack and stealing your joy. Just as quickly as you gain your resources, they are quickly taken away by her. Not only do her decks make you sacrifice creatures and discard cards, but she also steals them! Come on! She’s basically rubbing it in your face at that point. Sure, I haven’t faced a Tergrid deck yet, but Lordy, am I glad I haven’t. Still not as bad as Koma, though.
Maarika, Brutal Gladiator
Lastly, we have Maarika, Brutal Gladiator, aka Zangief, the Red Cyclone. This one surprised me, but my friend EK swore to me that he has never had fun at a table that had this commander out. Maarika forces your opponent, and no one likes being forced. “Must be blocked”, coupled with indestructible and sacrifice upon excess damage, is abhorrent.
In fact, I have played against a Maarika deck, and I can confirm I was not feeling it, Mr. Krabs. Unless you’re playing a very specific theme, you will more than likely be sacrificing something every time this Warrior deals excess damage. I’m by no means saying that this card is unfair. In fact, I find the design to be incredibly fun and unique. Still, I know for a fact that if I bring this to a table, some of my friends will be leaving…or grabbing a chair.
The Hot Seat
What I love the most about Commander is that the creatures I listed could very well be some of your favorites. One could be a pet card or even a staple in your playgroup, and that’s the beauty of it. Being able to explore your likes/dislikes and comforts/discomforts is what makes a playgroup or meta healthy. Also, it can lead to some hilarious online discourse (which is never outrageous whatsoever). Let me know how you feel about the commanders I listed, and if you have any commanders that your friends would beat you with a chair over. Happy brewing, deckbuilders!
