It’s time to unveil the worst, most evil, most vicious and most unfair deck in Magic history. This time out, however, it is not a deck that dominated tournament Magic for season after season. This deck was too mean to last more than a few weeks….
It’s the Daily, and this week I’m counting down the five most evil, twisted, and most of all hated decks in Magic history. The decks that made you seriously consider taking up a (comparatively) less painful hobby, like chewing your own arms off, or caber catching, or maybe polka. Today’s deck is second on the list; I’ll name it in a minute.
Before I do, you need to do one thing for me: Here’s an asterisk. Stare at it for 15 minutes.
It’s mid-week. We are halfway through a list of the worst, most reprehensible Magic decks of all time. These aren’t just the decks that had Wizards R&D folks crying, “What have we done?” and stepping in front of busses – these are the decks that had the bus drivers stomping on their brakes because “getting creamed by a bus was way too nice a death for people like that.”
Here’s a fact for the history buffs – the phrase “You lucky son of a b*tch!” only dates back to late June, 1998. That’s it – it was never heard before that date. The phrase was coined in that month, apparently in many places simultaneously. In all cases, though, the phrase was first uttered by a Magic player. A losing Magic player.
This week’s daily series counts down the five most evil decks in Magic history. These are not necessarily the best decks ever, just the ones that made playing Magic the equivalent of having a root canal – and having one every other round all day. These are the decks people really, really hated.
I have judged at Worlds and the Pro Tour; I hope to do so again. But what the heck do I do if Wizards of the Coast puts Mike Long in the Pro Tour Hall of Fame, and not only invites him to the next event, but pays him an appearance fee to ensure he shows up? Do I watch him like a hawk? Do I ignore him, and let him get away with cheating? If I catch him, do I really want to get caught between a jerk like Mike Long and an organization that wants him to keep playing? If Wizards of the Coast pays Mike Long to attend, how can I give anyone else penalties for minor infractions – or even major infractions?
Wildebeests now come in all flavors, and I’ll look at all the tricks that can be done with them. I’ll concentrate on Standard right now, since U.S. Regionals is the next big tourney. Block has nothing worth considering, but I will do one multiplayer deck, just to show how tricky the deck can be if the format has the right cards.
In January, I was working on a series of articles on the history of Extended, but I kept veering off and writing about my favorite Extended decks. To force myself back on topic in those articles, I started a separate article about my all-time favorite decks. These are my choices for my all-time favorite decks – with the caveat that the newest weirdness I am working on always qualifies, right up until I have it done and working.
Saviors is here, and it brings a lot of potential to redefine the metagame. The set contains some cards that could force some changes. It’s too soon to know how strong their impact will be – we won’t actually know that until after Regionals, but it’s not too early to speculate. It’s also worth considering whether some old cards might be reinvigorated by the changes.
Enduring Ideal is very expensive – but anything that lets you put cards directly into play, without regard to mana cost, is very powerful. Wizards obviously thinks so – the card costs seven mana, and prevents you from casting anything for the rest of the game. Those are some serious drawbacks. This deck is just food for thought now, but before you dismiss the whole idea, consider two things. First, it costs 5WW, but at least one Tier One deck also relies on a seven-mana sorcery. Second – Enduring Ideal says, “put into play.” That means I can Confiscate your North Tree.
This week, I have been taking 8th Edition precons, adding enough lands and commons to make them Constructed legal, then turning them into turbocharged racing machines. It’s like NASCAR… if NASCAR started with lawn tractors. Little lawn tractors. It’s Friday, and the only deck I haven’t powered up is Speed Scorch, the goblin thing, so fire up the torches and let’s start cutting.
I’m spending my week turning the horrible 40-card 8th Edition precons into amazing Constructed decks. I tuned Expulsion for Standard, turned Lifeboost into a killer Peasant Magic deck and converted Heavy Hitters into a smashing Vanguard deck. Today I tackle Sky Slam, which is destined to become a new Type Two archetype.
I’m busily turning the 8th Edition precons into well-oiled machines, one per day. On Monday I turned Lifeboost into a steam-powered chicken plucker soaked in rancid olive oil. Yesterday I turned Expulsion into an electric pencil sharpener, dripping with the SAE 30 I drained from my tractor. Well-oiled machines indeed. Today it’s time to tackle Heavy Hitters.
I’m following in the footsteps of JMS and Chris Romeo and turning precons into powerhouse decks, at the rate of one per day. I’m also doing it on the cheap: using the precon plus whatever I get from five drafts. Given that, I’m aiming for winning half my games in some competitive format – in other words, I want the decks to have a reasonable chance.
This week, I’m ripping off JMS and Chris Romeo for the tuning precons idea. Since those worthies have taken the good precons, I’m stuck with those from Eight Edition. On the plus side, I can do one per day for a whole week.
