{From Right Field is a column for Magic players on a budget or players who don’t want to play netdecks. The decks are designed to let the budget-conscious player be competitive in local, Saturday tournaments. They are not decks that will qualify a player for The Pro Tour. As such, the decks written about in this column are, almost by necessity, rogue decks. They contain, at most, eight to twelve rares. When they do contain rares, those cards will either be cheap rares or staples of which new players should be trying to collect a set of four, such as Wildfire, Llanowar Wastes, or Birds of Paradise. The decks are also tested by the author, who isn’t very good at playing Magic. His playtest partners, however, are excellent. He will never claim that a deck has an 85% winning percentage against the entire field. He will also let you know when the decks are just plain lousy. Readers should never consider these decks “set in stone” or “done.” If you think you can change some cards to make them better, well, you probably can, and the author encourages you to do so.}
This is the time of the year when Americans – or United Statesians, if you’re offended by the good ole U.S.A. taking credit for the entire continent – get to indulge in two of our favorite non-contact pastimes: making lists and making predications. In the realm of Magic: The Bankrupting, writers tend toward the “look what happened this year” style of writing.
Booooooring!
Yeah! Rizzo started writing again!
Yeah! Affinity was neutered like the annoying, leg-humping Pomeranian it was!
Yeah! Ravnica’s c00l!
Everyone’s going to be doing that stuff. As you have come to expect from From Right Field, I’m not. If you’re reading this and you didn’t know these things already, then, well, gosh, I can’t even come up with a proper condescending analogy or metaphor. I guess I’ll just scream the MTGO epithet “N00b!”
No, I’m going to take my own skewed glance at things. Instead of talking about what happened, I’ll talk about what didn’t happen. Then, I’ll have with some predictions.
First off, I didn’t get to see Janet Jackson’s nipple. Yes, I watched the Super Bowl. It’s the freakin’ Super Bowl, numb nuts. Of course, I watched it. I never miss those cool commercials, although, this year’s offerings were less than stellar. To the point (heh), though, I was off doing something more fun during the half-time show. Oh, well. Thank goodness for the internet.
When Betrayers of Kamigawa came out, I didn’t get completely hosed on the hot card from that set, Umezawa’s Jitte. I pulled two from packs and bought two of the Rats’ Nest pre-con decks to bring my total to a nice round four. Okay, four’s not as round as eight or zero, but, as far as Magic decks are concerned, four is short-round like Doctor Jones’ three-foot-seven-inch sidekick.
As for the Jitte, this was also the year that it wasn’t banned. Lots of “format-warping” artifacts did get banned. Like Disciple of the Vault.
Speaking of high-priced artifacts, I still didn’t have four Chrome Moxes by the time Mirrodin rotated out of Standard. Two years, and I couldn’t find the extra cash to buy or extra good cards to trade for a fourth copy. Some other things that I deserve but didn’t get in 2005 include:
- A new car
- A new car stereo
- Winning Power Ball numbers
- A sixty-four-inch, high-definition, plasma television
- Herpes
- Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith on DVD
- A regular column in Esquire
- Any sort of high-speed internet connection.
That’s right. The original Star Wars Kid didn’t get EPIII on DVD. In fact, I didn’t even see it in the theater. It was a bad year for me at the movies. I didn’t see in the theater:
Batman Begins (but Luanne got it for me for Christmas);
The 40-Year-Old Virgin;
Wedding Crashers;
Anything with Naomi Watts;
Sin City (again, though, got it on DVD);
Madagascar;
Mr. & Mrs. Smith;
Any p0rn;
The Island;
Cinderella Man;
March of the Penguins.
I’ll also remember 2005 as the year that I finally asked, “Where the heck is Kai?” Seriously. I didn’t see any writing, and he sure as heck didn’t win a bunch of Pro Tour events. [Check Molten Core. -Knut] Looking up his 2005 score, he was tied with Mark Dictus. There’s no significance in that except that I giggled out loud when I thought about the phrase “tied with Mark Dictus.”
As far as Pro Tour points go, I didn’t get any again this year. Are you as shocked as I was to realize that I was on a seven-year drought for Pro Tour points? How can that be?
Something else I didn’t do in 2005 was buy any cards from the Core set. Ever since I started in this game, the Core set held enough really good cards that I didn’t already own that it was cool and useful for me to buy some packs. Not with Ninth Edition. 9E, as its friends call it, was chock full o’goodness. However, I’ve finally been playing the game long enough that I didn’t need that many good cards from 9E. I had to dig down to get four Blinking Spirits and four Verdant Forces, neither of which I’ve used in a tournament yet, but I got ’em.
Okay, so I bought a ton of 9E cards online. Yes, 2005 was the year that I gave into The Dark Side ™ and threw myself heavily into MTGO. I’m like the guy who kept writing about how awful SUVs and pickup trucks are for the environment and then had to buy one himself because he was building his own house. I became the thing I hate. And since I dislike myself so much, I really, really want to go out with me, but I won’t give me the time of day. I’m such a d*ck.
This was the first year I didn’t have to ask, “Do people really play my decks?” because I actually played against several both online and in real life or, as the c00l g33ks say, “IRL.” Man, you know the world is headed for a crack-up when there’s an acronym for “in real life,” like the “fake life” is the standard against which the real one is measured. Facing my own decks was both energizing and disconcerting, like seeing your mom’s good-looking friend in her lingerie. On the one hand, yeah, that’s cool. On the other hand, whoa, what do I do with that?
Something else great that didn’t happen was that The Boston Red Sox did not win the World Series for the second year in a row. Luckily, we BoSox fans aren’t like the greedy, entitled Yankees fans who think that World Series rings are a birthright. In fact, I was mighty happy for The White Sox. Heck, they’d gone longer than The Red Sox had between WS victories. In 2006, I’ll be rooting for The Cubs.
Which leads me to the scandal that did not rock the Magic Pro Tour this year. No one was kicked off of The Tour for steroid use, and, frankly, I’m stunned. I don’t understand why I’m the only one who thinks that this drug is ruining the game. Records are meaningless anymore. People can just buy a championship. Players used to have to think and design decks well. Now, they just power through their opponents. Old records become meaningless. The kids end up thinking it’s okay to do because their heroes do it. Man, I hope Jim Bunning is as disgusted by this as I am.
I didn’t create a Pro Tour-winning deck this year like John Friggin’ Rizzo did. I played my Ichorids in an Extended tournament, but it wasn’t the same thing. On second thought, I did create a PT-winning deck: Hondens. Oh, sure, they kinda build themselves, but I seemed to be the only one pimping them to the masses. So, I’ll take credit for them. If you won anything with a Hondens deck in the last fourteen or so months, give me a dollar.
I’m tired of 2005 now. On to 2006.
Dr. Romeo’s Fearless Predictions for 2006
1) Mike Flores will write an article that blows monkey chunks – Come on, folks. No one bats a thousand their entire careers. Even The Colts aren’t going to go undefeated. At some point, Flores has to write an unentertaining article with bad strategy advice. I figure 2006 is as good a year for that as any.
2) John F. Rizzo will not create a Pro Tour-winning deck – I love Rizzo. And, when I say I love him, I don’t mean, I love his stuff. I mean, if we weren’t both married, I’d stalk him and tie him up in a dingy basement with an old, soiled mattress. But he’s been playing the game and writing about it for years and years and never done what he did this year. Maybe the time away done him some good as far as deck design goes. Or maybe he just got lucky. I like to think that it’s more about knowing a good idea when he sees it. Still, I don’t think he can do it again this year. I’d be the second-happiest guy in the world if he proves me wrong, though.
3) The Patriots won’t win The Super Bowl – No one’s ever won three Super Bowls in a row. Calling this one is like saying you’re against illiteracy. It’s easy. I mean, who’s for illiteracy?
4) The rest of Ravnica Block will be totally awesome – We’re getting six more of the new dual lands in the next few months. Even if every other cards is a Grey Ogre, Hill Giant, Aven Trooper, or Nomad Stadium, people are going to say that the sets r00lz.
5) I will get hosed on all of the expensive cards from the rest of Ravnica Block – Why stop now?
As usual, you’ve been a great audience. I hope you had a Happy and Safe New Year.
Chris Romeo
CBRomeo-at-Travelers-dot-com