Begin pre-article notice
I got so excited last time writing about Les Miserables characters that I left stats off of Monsieur Thernardier and Cosette. So, here I will make them cast-able: Thernardier should be a 1/3 and Cosette should be a 0/1. A thousand apologies to both of you who care.
End pre-article notice
Okay, everyone, this article is for history buffs. When deciding my topic of the week, my glance happened upon my”historic events” calendar. That’s when it hit me – why hasn’t anyone made (non-current) presidents (and some significant aspects of their political climates) into Magic cards? I couldn’t think of a good reason.* So if you want to be entertained (i.e., catch the inside political jokes), read on. And, if you want to get a more casual feel for the country’s past leaders, read on. Everybody’s satisfied!
(Note: In order to try to avoid offending anyone,** I won’t portray any presidents after the year 1945.)
So, where do we begin? At the beginning, of course.
George Washington
3GR
Creature – President Legend
George Washington has summoning sickness for two turns.
If George Washington would be go to the graveyard from play, if there is not an Adoration counter on George Washington, put an Adoration counter on George Washington instead.
4/4
John Adams
2U
Creature – President Legend
John Adams counts as a Federalist.
All Federalists get +1/+1.
T: Target non-Republican creature becomes a Federalist until end of turn.
1/1
Thomas Jefferson
2G
Creature – President Legend
Thomas Jefferson counts as a Republican.
All Republicans get +1/+1.
T: Put a +1/+1 counter on target non-Federalist creature.
1/1
Era of Good Feelings
2UW
Enchant World***
If all creatures you control are Republicans, creature spells cannot be played.
0: Put Era of Good Feelings into play. Use this ability only if Era of Good Feelings is in your library and only if you control any two of Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, and John Quincy Adams.
Andrew Jackson
RBB
Creature – President Legend
If Andrew Jackson would come into play, destroy Era of Good Feelings if it is in play.
When Andrew Jackson comes into play, destroy all Republicans and all creatures of a type of which there are less than three copies in play.
Andrew Jackson cannot be blocked.
2/1
Millard Fillmore
1
Artifact Creature
Millard Fillmore counts as a President Legend
0/1
Famous campaign slogan:”Vote for Millard Fillmore.”
Abraham Lincoln
3WW
Creature – President Legend
When Abraham Lincoln comes into play, shuffle all other creatures in play and deal them randomly to each player, who is now the controller of those creatures.
When Abraham Lincoln leaves play, gain control of all creatures.
5/2
Civil War and Reconstruction
1WB
Enchant World
Put 16 Year tokens into play.
During your upkeep, if there are 16 Year tokens in play, remove five Year tokens from play and gain control of X creatures where X is half the number of creatures in play that you do not control. These creatures have haste.
During your upkeep, if there are 11 Year tokens in play, remove 3 Year tokens from play.
During your upkeep, if there are 8 Year tokens in play, remove 4 Year tokens from play.
During your upkeep, if there are 4 Year tokens in play, remove 4 Year tokens from play, and give control of all of your non-legendary creatures to target opponent.
Andrew Johnson
3UU
Creature – President Legend
If Andrew Johnson would go to the graveyard from play, if there is not an Impeachment counter on Andrew Johnson, put an Impeachment counter on Andrew Johnson instead.
T: Counter target spell and put a Warning counter on Andrew Johnson. Use this ability only if there are no Impeachment counters on Andrew Johnson.
If there are three Warning counters on Andrew Johnson, put an Impeachment counter on Andrew Johnson.
1/1
Ulysses Grant
B
Creature – President Legend
During your upkeep, lose one life.
0/1
Grover Cleveland
2UW
Creature – President Legend
Phasing.
4/4
Industrial Revolution
4UB
Sorcery
All players search their libraries for all Artifact cards and put those cards into play.
Theodore Roosevelt
3GR
Creature – President Legend
T: Target land cannot be targeted by spells or abilities as long as Theodore Roosevelt is in play.
3RR, T: Gain control of target nonbasic land.
3GG, T: Put a +1/+1 counter on all creatures.
3/3
William Howard Taft
1UB
Creature – President Legend
When William Howard Taft comes into play, remove all effects caused by Theodore Roosevelt.
U, T: Target land must be the target of all spells that can target it.
B, T: Target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn.
1/1
Woodrow Wilson
1UWGR
Creature – President Legend
During your upkeep, put a Senility counter on Woodrow Wilson. When there are eight Senility counters on Woodrow Wilson, remove Woodrow Wilson from the game.
All creatures you control get +*/+* where * is equal to 5 minus the number of Senility counters on Woodrow Wilson. * cannot be less than 0.
T: Gain control of target creature with converted mana cost less than or equal to X, where X is equal to the number of Senility counters on Woodrow Wilson. Use this ability only when X is less than or equal to 4.
2/2
World War I
2BB
Enchant World
When World War I comes into play, each player chooses one creature he or she controls. Then, each player sacrifices all creatures he or she controls except for legends and the creature he or she picked.
Creatures cannot attack.
Franklin Roosevelt
4BUW
Creature – President Legend
All creatures you control with power and toughness less than 4 get +2/+2. All creatures you control with power and toughness greater than 5 get -1/-1.
0: Put Franklin Roosevelt into play. Use this ability only if Franklin Roosevelt is in your library and only if you have at least ten creatures in play.
6/4
Harry Truman
1UR
Creature – President Legend
Sacrifice Harry Truman: Remove all creatures your opponents control from the game. Use this ability only if you have five or less life.
2/2
World War II
4B
Enchant World
When World War II comes into play, chose a creature type. Destroy all creatures of the chosen type except for one. That creature can’t be the target of spells or abilities. Creatures of the chosen type can’t be played.
During each player’s upkeep, that player sacrifices a creature. If he or she cannot, he or she loses three life.
Al Gore
2UW
Creature – Legend
When Al Gore comes into play, if your opponent does not have more at least five more life than you, put an Election counter on Al Gore (note that this does not involve a tally of creatures). If there is an Election counter on Al Gore, Al Gore counts as a President.
3/3
Dick Cheney
2UB
Creature – Legend
Dick Cheney counts a President.
4/1
There you have it: The most important people in past lives intermingled with one of the most important aspects of our lives today (that’s Magic). Just remember this when your kids start asking you about their history homework – it’s sure to give you an edge!
Daniel Crane
[email protected]
* – Well, I have at least to pretend that I didn’t in order to justify this article.
** – Sorry, Rizzo!
*** – Remember that only one Enchant World can be in play at a time, and that playing an Enchant World removes from the game any Enchant World that is already in play.