Do you remember when Affinity had cards that said the word affinity on them? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
I remember too. It was a glorious time. Well, maybe not so glorious. It was the fall of 2003. I was busy building my Goblin Bidding deck because it was super-sweet and not at all straight off the Internet. Then Wizards of the Coast released an entire set themed around artifacts, but it didn’t seem ridiculously broken like Urza block. What a ripoff!
As it turns out, free 2/2s and one mana 4/4s was broken, although it took until that winter for Arcbound Ravager and Skullclamp to really show it to everyone. That fall was a blissful time where Goblins, U/W Control, and Broodstar existed in perfect harmony. Yeah, you heard me. Broodstar. It was a thing. Honest! If you don’t believe me, just look at this. Yep. It’s on the Internet, so it has to be right.
Ten years later and here you kids are with your fancy robots, trying to pass it off as Affinity. You may think you’re fancy with your Tweeters and your Face Books, but we know the truth. That’s not Affinity, and it never will be. And that hippity-hoppity music you listen to will never be better than Led Zeppelin and The Beatles.
Where are the Frogmites and the Myr Enforcers? You have plenty of zero-mana artifacts to power them out early, even though you only have access to a single artifact land. And Signal Pest makes those swarms of early creatures very threatening. If only there were some other card that has a similar effect, maybe even tacked onto a utility land. I bet something like that exists because of power creep. You kids have everything these days. When I was a kid, we had to attack with Ernham Djinn uphill in the snow both ways and we liked it.
I even hear that they printed a cheap artifact creature that draws cards! Do they not even remember Skullclamp? Now you get to draw a card for free every time you attack. What more do you want? A trophy just for participating? A flying car? A creature that says “I win the game” on it?
It’s time we get back to the good old days, when Affinity actually had Affinity cards in it and attacking with small creatures was tough because everyone’s spells were overpowered. Adversity builds character, after all.
- 4 Arcbound Ravager
- 4 Myr Enforcer
- 4 Frogmite
- 4 Ornithopter
- 4 Memnite
- 4 Signal Pest
- 4 Vault Skirge
- 3 Bomat Courier