I’ve got to tell you folks, Modern is hurting and it’s hurting bad. It has bad leadership with no great decks, yet no one wants to upset the status quo and play something new. It’s stuck in a rut and falling behind. We need a visionary to take the helm and return Modern to its former glory. We need to make Modern Rumpf again.
The first thing we need to do to make Modern Rumpf again is to build towers. I’m talking Pillars and Ziggurats that are going to be so high and so beautiful, that you can see all the land types from them and make any color of mana you want. They’re going to be yuge folks, trust me. Big, tall, gorgeous towers that everyone is going to be jealous of, and that’s going to create jobs.
I’ve built so many towers in my life no one knows more about tower building than me, folks. Nobody. I’m the best and everyone knows I’m the best. So first get ready for some beautiful towers. I’m also going to build great mines and gorgeous pools like I have at my Mar-a-Lago estate. It’s going to be gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous, folks. You’re going to love it.
Second, we need to have creatures. And not just any creatures, I have the best creatures. I’m a businessman and I’ve spent my entire life making friends with creatures of every color because that was my job. They all love me and I can get them all to come together to make Modern Rumpf again.
You’ll have tiny creatures like Noble Hierarch and Voice of Resurgence and also yuge creatures like Falkenrath Aristocrat and Siege Rhino. Siege Rhino, folks! In your Modern deck! But not in some PC Abzan Midrange deck that has been around forever and gotten us into this mess, in a beautiful five-color aggro deck so the enters-the-battlefield trigger is more devastating. I even have the new best creature, Spell Queller, who is an all-star type creature, a real winner.
And the last part of my plan is the removal spells. I have the best removal spells, folks: Path to Exile and Abrupt Decay. They kill everything for basically nothing and Abrupt Decay can’t even be countered! Path to Exile may give them a land but so what, we’re going to have beautiful Pillars and Ziggurats. I have the best lands.
This deck is like nothing Modern has ever seen before folks, and it’s going to be yuge. I have the best lands, the best creatures, and the best removal spells. No one knows more about building decks than me. I’m the best, and everyone knows I’m the best. Next week is another Modern Classic in Baltimore and we’re going to do great things in Baltimore. Baltimore loves me and I love it. We’re going to do great great things. It’s going to be yuge folks, I’m telling you. Make Modern Rumpf again.
Creatures (32)
- 4 Birds of Paradise
- 2 Kitchen Finks
- 1 Tidehollow Sculler
- 4 Noble Hierarch
- 2 Qasali Pridemage
- 3 Falkenrath Aristocrat
- 4 Voice of Resurgence
- 2 Anafenza, the Foremost
- 3 Mantis Rider
- 4 Siege Rhino
- 3 Spell Queller
Lands (22)
Spells (6)
