We have to face the facts; this is a Magic Online column. Some of you out there may have very little interest in Magic Online, so you’d think that I’ve lost you lot right there. But I’m no quitter. I’m not going to give up on you beautiful people so easily! There’s no better time to do this, so I’m staging an internet intervention. Like removing a bandage from a scabby knee, we need to get this out of the way right now. The longer we leave this, the more of you will be lost to the realm of the uninformed, the city of the blind, the suburb of suck, the trailer park of Tier 3 decks and non-Rats Nest Precons. What follows are the Top 10 reasons why you need to have Magic Online installed on your personal computer.
Reason 1
You get to play Magic at home. You know how at a tournament you’re not allowed to have food or drink at the table? And how, like, you can’t have whatever music you usually use to get in The Zone blaring away next to you? Yeah, you can at home. You can get up from the game and pace around the room if you must, if that’s what it takes to get your brain in gear. By the way, walking is an incredibly effective way of getting your brain revved up. It’s the whole left-foot, right-foot thing; it exercises both sides of your brain, or something like that. Whatever it is, when your opponent flops out a particularly beastly Fact or Fiction at end of turn, get up and go to the fridge for another slice of leftover pizza. Come back and munch on it while you ponder the split. God knows we’re probably all in dire need of exercise anyway.
Err, I guess maybe grab a carrot instead of some pizza then. Yes, especially you there at the back. *shudder*
Reason 2
It doesn’t matter what time of day it is, as you can always get a game. Tournaments (called Premier Events because they are listed in the Premier Events room) start every three to six hours, and 8 Man queues fire two minutes after the eighth man gets in line. If organized play isn’t your thing, and you want to try your hand at some casual games (where you may even run into Legendary Deck Designer Mike Flores), you can run up a game in any of the many casual rooms available. Whatever time zone you’re in, there’s bound to be someone else on the same schedule as you, or just plain suffering from insomnia and waiting to duel with you at Magic Cards.
Reason 3
Have you ever had one of those nasty rules disputes that neither of you could adequately explain? Had a Head Judge make a ruling that didn’t quite sit right with you? That’s not exactly a problem with Magic Online. The rules are built into the interface, so it won’t let your opponent try anything shady. If your opponent can’t try anything shady, then there won’t be much room for a judge to tell you something you don’t want to hear. The added bonus is that when the game handles the rules itself, it also handles the game mechanics all by its lonesome too. When your opponent plays a Wrath of God, Magic Online carefully gives you priority to play spells or abilities. When you pass, it quietly and thoroughly destroys all creatures and doesn’t even allow them to regenerate. If you or your opponent plays a Battle of Wits, Magic Online will even do all of the counting for you.
(No more “One hundred and ninety one, one hundred and ninety two, one hundred and ninety… err… hang on, I’ll start again.”)
Reason 4
You can’t see your opponent’s face while you’re playing them. That means that it is remotely possible that you could be playing against an Actual Hot Chyx! All of this without the added disadvantage of physically sitting across from and Actual Hot Chyx, because they can’t distract you with their wily womanly ways! Strike that up as another victory for the masculinists movement!
Reason 5
Not only could it be Actual Hot Chyx on the other end of your interwebatron, it could be cool Foreign Hot Chyx. I guess it’s more likely that it’s just someone who isn’t a Hot Chyx, but they could still be someone for far away lands in relation to your own. That’s not something you get to do at Friday Night Magic every week, now is it? The increased variety of Magic players can help prevent you from getting into the “playing the same guys over and over” rut.
Reason 6
Quite an important one, I believe. If you play on Magic Online, you can keep reading my column. I mean, there will still be content for people who don’t play online. For instance, I’ll be reporting back what has been winning in the Premier Events, and what cards are trading well and what ones are suddenly not, but you won’t truly appreciate the work I’ll be doing unless you too are an addicted User like the rest of us. Just think about all of those (admittedly terrible) inside jokes you could be missing out on?
Reason 7
It’s relatively affordable, and I don’t mean just by “going infinite”. When you enter a Draft at your local store, you probably have to drop at least a ten-dollar note on that guy behind the counter, right? Not so on Magic Online. To Draft online, you bring two tickets (two dollars) and your three booster packs. The trick is, you don’t have to buy those packs at the online store, they can be the packs you won in your last draft, or playing Constructed, or even in a league. I’m pretty sure most stores are going to frown at you somewhat if you tried to pull that trick at one of their Draft Tournaments in real life.
Reason 8
The obligatory Reason 8 don’t need no reason section, yo.
Reason 9
There is tech to be found on Magic Online, point in case being the Green/White deck many of the Japanese Professionals played at the World Champs last year, including eventual World Champion Katsuhiro Mori. If you read the coverage from that event, you’d think that the Ghazi-Glare deck was the breakout deck of the tournament, and that nobody but the Japanese saw it coming. However, regulars of the Standard 8-Man queues will tell you that the Ghazi-Glare deck had been showing up as early as two weeks prior the Big Event. Looking back as far as the time when Mirrodin was the most recent set, people on Magic Online could be seen playing early versions of Ravager Affinity (without the Ravagers and Skullclamps, of course) featuring Atog, Disciple of the Vault, Somber Hoverguard, and even Tooth of Chiss-Goria.
Reason 10
It will make you a betterer player. Having played on Magic Online somewhat (working full time means I can’t play all of the time) over the last few years, I feel I can safely say it has made me a betterer player. I have now played in my first Pro Tour level event, and even managed to finish above half way *pumps fist*. I can also see it in the guys in my clan. We all started out as just cool guys from the internet (no really, we’re all way cool) who played Magic, but through some serious testing and team work within the clan, we now have four of the guys traveling to Hawaii in four weeks to play in the Pro Tour. I’ll be going as well, but mostly as a chaperone for the young lads, and not at all because it’s you know, freakin’ Hawaii! It remains to be seen just how we end up doing in Hawaii as a clan, but I’m quietly hopeful that these chaps will do us proud.
So there’s ten reasons why you should be on Magic Online right now! There are other reasons too, such as the great community that’s grown there. The friendly competition between clans, the casual formats that people keep dreaming up in the casual rooms, and who could forget the chance to bump into Legendary Deck Designer Mike Flores?
Mind you, I tried not to bring up the possibility that your opponent might not be wearing pants while playing. Sure, you don’t get to see it first hand, but man, surely the mental image alone is enough to send you outside for fresh air? I’ll say this though, if you suspect that your opponent is maliciously not wearing pants, you should to get an Adept to make them put their pants back on or something. I’m sure the Adept will be just as sympathetic to your cause once you help them picture it in their head.
Anyhoo, once again it’s time for my bed, so I’ll catch you all next week.
Good luck, have fun!
(obv)