Planar Chaos looms upon the horizon, soon to be legal and leading the masses into Damnation. Alright, I could have resisted, but it was so much more fun not to. As the saying goes, “Lead me not into temptation… I can find it just fine on my own.” I figured I’d start today off by mentioning a few interesting cards beyond the blatantly obvious ones (Groundbreaker is Some Good? O RLY?).
Aven Riftwatcher looks really cute. It’s a Rebel and a Soldier (on top of being a Bird, relevant mostly outside of Standard), and a rare flier for either tribe, not to mention being decent in general without tribal pumps. Even as is, it’s 2W to deal four in the air and gain four, let alone any sort of comes-into-play abuse, say via Cloudstone Curio and the like, or the “rescue” creatures White got this time around. Yeah, that’s a pretty neat package.
Stonecloaker seems like “the card you play at end of turn if they don’t Wrath / Damnation you so you didn’t sit there holding Ghostway for nothing.” It’s costed just so, bounces something like Icatian Javelineers or the aforementioned Aven Riftwatcher, or else puts something back in hand for when they Wrath twice to get around the Ghostway, and then swings in for a mostly-hasty three in the air. What’s not to like? I mean, other than maybe that Ghostway still might not get played. Damn.
Shouldn’t Auramancer’s Guise be Wombat Guise? You know, like Rabid Wombat? I guess that’s a little too corny, even for Wizards. Wombat’s Guise with Foglio art sounds like an interesting concept, though.
Braids, Conjurer Adept scares me. Braids with Paradox Haze makes me wet myself. There’s got to be something to that. Other than the stain, that is. I’m thinking maybe even a deck. She kind of likes Teferi, too. I hear they’re seeing each other on side, something do with “end of turn Braids into giant hasty thing (or two) on upkeep, you lose”. Not quite as elegant as “EOTFOFYL,” I must admit, but it’ll have to do.
Reality Acid is like the poster child for why Cloudstone Curio was printed. Should be really, uh, “fun” with Mark of Eviction. Yes, this means that the Snake tribal deck I did not long ago just got a lot dumber than it already was, let alone become an actual good deck. I expect this card will personally annoy everyone at some point, especially being in… bah, I’m not even going to say it.
Primal Plasma tickles a personal funny bone. I always liked the versatility of Primal Clay and discussed not long ago that I thought Wizards would never reprint it as previously worded, due to memory issues. Guess what? I’m not always right. Like that’s news to anyone.
Serra Sphinx just hurts my brain. I have a hard time thinking of Sphinxes having equivalent stats to Angels, though I’m not sure why or who I think should be the “winner,” it just feels like they shouldn’t be the same. I like Sphinxes, and I hope they thrive as a creature type, but don’t go dressing them up like other things, please. Especially when the creature type is still struggling to gain its own identity. Am I the only person who considers this an actual issue?
I will probably never get Deadly Grub to evolve, but I’m going to try a lot. The lure of the Deadly Insect is just too great. Man, what a fun creature that was the first time around.
Imp’s Mischief is amusing. I will one day just have to do that to an Ancestral Vision and snort like a pig the entire time. Luckily for my opponent at the time, I’ll be on the other side of a monitor probably hundreds of miles away and they won’t have to listen to an impromptu porker impression. Although they will still have to suffer the kick in the junk that is having their draw three point in the wrong direction, which will probably be about equally painful.
Muck Drubb is fun to say. Muck Drubb, Muck Drubb, Muck Drubb!! Hundrooooooog! Sorry, Ferrett. Do I owe you royalties now or something?
Treacherous Urge feels like a coin flip card for some reason. “Flip a coin. If it’s heads, your opponent has a giant beatstick with which you will smack him and then dump in his bin. If it’s tails, you whiff or get some worthless weenie and probably wasted your turn.” Yeah, that seems about right.
They ruined a good chance with Firefright Mage. How cool would it have been to have Pyrophobiamancer? Oh, well, I suppose they can do that for his older brother in twenty years when Creative is desperate for names.
Keldon Marauders will sometimes be Lava Axe, and sometimes it’ll be Lava Dart. Either way, it will involve lava and be a pretty good deal for two mana, I am thinking. Warrior tribe too, so he’s buddies with Lovisa Coldeyes, who in an ideal world turns him into twelve damage for two mana. Yeah, this is alright in my book. You’re damned right there will be a deck involving those two in a future article of mine. Behold the power of cheese! (Sorry, not cheesecake, that shtick belongs to other writers.)
Needlepeak Spider is going to make a few people angry. It’s like the opposite of Timbermare; instead of a poignant tribute, it’s urinating on the grave of Spider purists. Someone will devote an article to this, or at least a very time consuming forum post, mark my words.
Volcano Hellion + Stuffy Doll = dumb. Please do not add any cards to that equation to make it any dumber, I beg of you.
Mono-Red split cards: Please do these instead of coin flip cards for all representations of chaos in the future, thank you. Oh, and thank you, thank you, thank you. Yes, I know you still have to do coin flip cards, but keep doing these.
Blood Knight is something I wish I’d thought of myself. The name is simple, the concept is simple, and it’s really good. Free cookie to whomever was behind this. (Disclaimer: You will have to bake the cookie yourself and it won’t be free if you don’t have the ingredients readily available.)
Speaking of cards I never thought we’d see again, hello Pyrohemia / Pestilence. Oddly, it makes as much if not more sense in Red; massive fire burns everything and if there’s nothing left to burn it neatly puts itself out. Reprint this card in the future, the flavor is sweet. Pun not quite intended, but almost.
I wish Deadwood Treefolk were a slightly more aggressive 4/5. I’d still feel guilty paying six for it, but at least a little less so. Still, in Limited…
Giant Dustwasp would be awful in any other color, but I love it, even if I may only ever play it in Limited. Which is probably the case.
The first time I read Sophic Centaur, I read it as Sapphic Centaur. Needless to say, I was quite disappointed and didn’t understand the ability, either. Although… nah. That way madness lay. And probably a lawsuit, so on second though, let’s not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.
How does one pronounce Fa’adiyah Seer? I suppose it doesn’t matter since there’s no really good reason to ever speak of it again. Good call, Wizards. At least it’s awful in the right color this time. Sure, it might do something with Dredge, but due to color pie shagging gone wild, B/G is hardly lacking for good draw right now.
Healing Leaves is a message to me. It says, from Wizards, “Don’t worry, even though we gave Green awesome stuff this set to make up for Thallids, we’re still going to give it total cack from time to time.” That’s a good thing, too. I’d be worried Wizards went too far with the alternate reality theme if they didn’t print at least one Green card that sucked rancid avocados.
What? Oh, yes. Deck, right. There’s a funny story about that…well, no, there isn’t. Here it is:
Creatures (24)
- 4 Birds of Paradise
- 4 Bramble Elemental
- 4 Rumbling Slum
- 4 Flaring Flame-Kin
- 4 Lightning Serpent
- 4 Spectral Force
Lands (24)
Spells (12)
Yep, Tribal Standard, so this is kind of sort of also maybe a Tribal Bible article in disguise. It’s like Ninjitsu, you see. Except with less pizza and turtles.
What the deck does: The premise here is pretty simplistic; it’s like a trashy talk show. “Elementals and the Auras that love them on the next… Jerry Springer!” Your game involves making dudes, putting pants on them, and sending them in. And boy does that sound a lot worse reading it the second time through, but I’m keeping it anyhow! (Although Craig might not, so if there’s a blank space here, picture a cute, fluffy bunny and smile to yourself.) I struggled for awhile between eight mana bugs and eight Auras and the four / twelve split, but found I wasn’t getting enough versatility from my Auras when I wasn’t devoting the greater slots to them. Lightning Serpent is a little against the flow of the deck, but I wanted something cheap and my other option was Wilderness Elemental which ended up 0/3 or 1/3 depressingly often. True, it can also stick around to wear pants, but since pretty much every other creature in the deck would be a better target for any Aura (except maybe the Birds) than Wilderness Elemental would be, I don’t see it as often making much of a difference. Most of your creatures wear any of the included Auras well, although there are special incentives to putting things on Bramble Elemental or Flaring Flame-Kin, or perhaps more importantly, putting Treetop Bracers on Rumbling Slum or Bramble Elemental, who are otherwise lacking for any means of evasion.
On the other hand, you’ve got a pretty good evasion package otherwise. Any time you’re swinging with Flaring Flame-Kin, it should have Trample and Firebreathing, and probably be very large as well. Birds fly, and do fine with Undying Rage or Moldervine Cloak, while Spectral Force and Lightning Serpent have Trample built in.
Who this deck is for: This deck is for both the budget-minded (only the four duals are really expensive – and worth the investment, since they can be used in actual good decks, believe it or not), and those who want a simple deck to play while distracted or just killing time. It’s not very difficult to pilot, beyond deciding exactly when you want to let a Lightning Serpent loose. Arc is your only out if you can’t keep creatures on the board, and I hardly need to mention what removal looks like these days, so this is definitely more of a fun deck than a killer. This deck is not for people looking for a quick win; your better plays don’t open up until five or six mana in, and you’re not running a whole lot of acceleration to get there quickly. In normal Standard, it would probably be crushed by most other casual decks without a good hand early. It does better in Tribal due to the minimum creature requirements of the format, and thus the implied reliance on creature combat. Of course, you’re going to have problems with any heavily flying tribes.
What to watch out for: Basically any creature removal. There’s not a lot you can do about it, but be particularly wary of instant-speed removal when deciding where to place an Aura. If you’re worried, try Moldervine before any other Aura if possible since at least if it does draw the removal, you can get it back. Undying Rage does a fine job of getting itself back once it actually makes it to play, which is another benefit. If you can get an Aura onto Bramble Elemental, you at least have tokens to survive it if it later gets spot-removed. Of course, mass removal is also horrible for this deck. Don’t play out more than one or two men with one or two Auras on them unless the opponent absolutely forces you to (Fetters, Pillory, et cetera). Your only recovery is your draw step, so use your resources carefully.
Also, tap Green mana unless otherwise required, since you’ll typically want to leave Red for pumping any enchanted Flame-Kin you may have. It’s the only relevant thing you can do at instant speed, so get used to the idea. Consequently, feel free to add more Red to the manabase if you have the duals available to you to do so.
And now we go to commercial…
Signing off,
Rivien Swanson
flawedparadigm a(aye Carumba!)t gmaSPAMSUCKSil d(.)ot co[Yo quiero Taco Bell.]m
Flawed Paradigm on MTGO (when I actually log in)
GodOfAtheism just about everywhere else.