CASUAL FRIDAYS #146: The Wood Halls Of Fame

Artifacts

A group game without artifacts is rare. Artifacts”fix” an awful lot of things – they can give abilities to colors that don’t normally have them (like a black deck playing Null Brooch or a green deck playing Masticore), and can alter entire games that looked unwinnable by modifying combat (like Crawlspace) or preventing damage (like Bubble Matrix).

It’s been a while since Wizards has emphasized artifacts in any expansion – they still seem a bit shy from Urza’s days – but for group players, there have been plenty of tasty colorless treats even in recent years. Here’s how the artifact portion of the Hall currently plays out:

Lifelong readers, of course, know why Lifeline isn’t up there!

Cockroach-Infested Machines

No artifacts rank higher than 3 for spider, due to their very nature. The sole exception is Coat of Arms, which is now essentially the best colorless sorcery in Onslaught. The cockroach element is where artifacts really shine – and this is a good place to point out the nuances of rankings between one card and another in that element.

Just about any permanent will get a three for cockroach – even a Grey Ogre can attack more than once, right? And an effect like Ensnaring Bridge’s is”always on” – so permanents deserve more than sorceries and instants, in this regard. Artifacts are no different.

To get a four, the artifact has to renew its effect under certain likely conditions – see Portcullis. Every time a new creature comes in, the Portcullis makes something happen. It will take time and resources for each activation, but it can certainly happen.

To get a five or six (and these artifacts slide toward six), the renewal has to be fairly repeatable, and/or at instant speed, and/or at small cost. So Masticore and Jinxed Idol, who need just a bit of mana or a small creature to work their magic, rate high. (Masticore would rate at least a seven if it didn’t also suck a resource from your hand every turn.)

In the lands of sevens and eights, the renewal usually has a certain effect on some other resource. Think of Genesis, continually bringing creatures back to your hand. Here, Howling Mine gets top honors – because you don’t have to activate a thing, multiple Mines are cumulative, and each one gives you another card every turn.

Artificial Attachments

Nowadays, common and uncommon artifacts are, well, um, rare. But there are still many that you should look up from elder times if you don’t have them already. Only two of these are rare:

• Bottle Gnomes, which lends itself to a million tricks but is solid enough without any of them,
• Patchwork Gnomes, which lends itself to fewer tricks but has to get attention with madness and threshold,
• Sol Ring, the original (and restricted) accelerator,
• Claws of Gix, as a terrific answer to control or other permenant-unfriendly tactics,
• Tormod’s Crypt, the most efficient card graveyard hosing will ever get,
• Fellwar Stone, which is as good as any of the Mirage diamonds in multiplayer,
• Urza’s Armor, not just for Pestilence but for general good health,
• Voltaic Key, restricted but still useful with everything from Colossus of Sardia to Mox Diamond,
• (one rare) Primal Clay, one of the most flexible creatures you’ll find, and
• (another rare) Icy Manipulator, the classic control card that can lock down that Iridescent Angel in group play.

Certain metagames also favor Cursed Totem (and you can build a deck around the Totem using”God” tech like Glittering Lynx). There are as many favorite artifacts as there are players – and with Mark Rosewater hinting at every chance he gets that”the pendulum” may swing back someday, my guess is that we’ll have many more to choose from, sometime in the next year or two.